Pan Goatee Meets Zeus

March 7, 2016 at 8:44 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Meets Zeus

Pan Goatee was walking down the street enjoying a spring like day when suddenly a facially aesthetically challenged woman breezed by him.

“Ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee said to himself, “The 24-hour laundromat will still be open when this loser with no social life gets there.”

Pan Goatee removed his machete from his belt and hoofing along on his hooved feet he quickly caught up with the ugly looking creature and beheaded her.

A gentleman with silver curly hair and silver beard applauded him.

“Thanks for the standing ovation,” Pan Goatee bowed, “and may I add, you look very familiar?”.

“You’ve probably seen my picture in the encyclopedia and on TV shows on those rare nights when they actually show interesting programs on The History Channel,” the bearded man replied, “I’m the Greek god Zeus also known as Jove to some and also known as Jupiter to the Romans.”

“That’s where I’ve seen you,” Pan grinned.

“And you look like the god Pan the god of the fields, groves and wooded glens whose death is recorded in Plutarch,” Zeus answered.

“How did he die?” Pan Goatee asked.

“It was drinking some wine that killed him,” Zeus noted sadly.

“It must have been bad wine,” Pan Goatee decided not to enter the wine store he had been headed to.

“Surprisingly it was good wine,” Zeus replied, “the best wine he had tasted in his life were the last words he spoke before croaking.”

“Interesting,” Pan Goatee was enjoying the first handed historical account.

“It happened at a wedding in Cana of Galilee back in the reign of the Emperor Tiberius,” Zeus recalled.

“I must make a note not to attend any weddings,” Pan Goatee made a notation in his iPhone reminders.

“I really appreciate the way you’ve been killing off ugly women,” Zeus complimented the satyr, “these days it’s so hard for me to find a beautiful mortal woman to sleep with and beget some more demi-gods. For supposed progress in evolution like the Darwinists and Marxists assure us is happening, humanity has certainly gone down hill in terms of feminine beauty particularly in English-speaking North America where the application of sharia law and women wearing veils should really be applied.”

“And to think that idiot Donald Trump wants to deport the Mexicans,” Pan said in disgust.

“What fools these mortals be,” Zeus invited him to come with him to visit his son Dionysus’ bar where wine non-lethal to satyrs was being served.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 7th
2016.

Permalink 20 Comments

Cardinal JM and The Heart of Atum-Ra

March 7, 2014 at 11:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM and The Heart of Atum-Ra

Cardinal JM although a member of the College of Cardinals and the Vatican Curia was a worshipper of the ancient pagan gods.

Last night one of the two ancient deities that he devotedly worshipped Zeus ( the other deity was Apollo) appeared to him at his bedside and told him, “My most devoted servant I want you to consecrate Italy to the sacred heart of my good friend Atum-Ra tomorrow at noon.”

So Cardinal JM got up the next morning and awakened his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

Although Father Wardenclyffe was already awake. He was busy sodomizing a young man he kept in his Vatican office that he called Hyacinth.

When Father Wardenclyffe heard Cardinal JM’s instructions, they went to Cardinal JM’s personal private chapel together.

Inside Cardinal JM’s private chapel there was ne’er a Cross nor Crucifix to be found.

So demons and most vampires and American megachurch Pastor Rick Warren would have felt right at home there.

Father Wardenclyffe put on top of the altar an ancient Egyptian statue of the god Atum-Ra.

Cardinal JM then went up to the altar and spoke in Latin (since his ancient Egyptian was a little rusty although much better than that of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith) the words of consecration consecrating Italy to the sacred heart of Atum-Ra.

Father Wardenclyffe then put on top of the altar a globe of the world below the statue of Atum-Ra.

He had pencilled in a huge X on top of the Italian peninsula.

Then he had pencilled in a huge arrow on the Adriatic Sea pointing to the left and had pencilled above it the words X Marks The Spot so as to be sure that the god Atum-Ra wouldn’t miss it.

Some 666 seconds after the words of consecration were spoken, a huge giant beating heart appeared above the altar- the Heart of Atum-Ra.

Above the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica the cry of a cock crowing twice could be heard.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 7th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment