A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

November 22, 2017 at 8:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Grey Wolf Walks The Streets of Berlin

A grey wolf walked the streets of Berlin.

The wolf seemed to be grinning as its tongue hung out.

It was also wagging its tail in vigorous fashion.

The grey wolf was possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler.

It was happy because German Chancellor Angela Merkel was unable to form a coalition government and did not want to preside over a minority government.

So she was thinking of calling another national election in Germany 🇩🇪.

The grey wolf Adolf was happy because this potential new election might bring forth new political forces that were more akin to the ideas he envisioned for Germany back in the 1930s and early 1940s.

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office at Westminster in London, MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again sipping a glass he had poured from his Churchillian bottle of brandy.

The image of Churchill from the painting of Churchill that hung on the wall in Renfield’s office once again left its frame and sat across from Renfield.

“Rennie,” Churchill smoked an ectoplasmic cigar, “I am very concerned with what is currently happening in Germany 🇩🇪.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 22nd
2017.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency

June 1, 2016 at 6:13 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of A Donald Trump Presidency
German Chancellor Angela Merkel was anxious to discover who would win the U.S. Presidential election.
So she had paid Set Enterprises’ €1 million to find out.
But Set Enterprises’ genetically created Psychic Lobster refused to reveal that information.
The German Chancellor was anxious to know what would be the results of a Donald Trump Presidency.
So Set Enterprises’ chief resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher posed the question hypothetically to the psychic lobster, “What would a Donald Trump Presidency be like?”.
Michelangelo replied with a series of visions that he sent telepathically from his lobster antennae to the screen of the computer he was hooked up to.
All the visions were of Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office:
1st Vision:
Trump (barking orders to his underlings) : What? How dare the Mexicans reject my final offer to get them to pay for the wall I’m building? This makes me look like I’m breaking my campaign promise to my supporters.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Mexico City. This will show them who’s boss.
2nd vision:
Trump (still barking orders): What? How dare Pope Francis condemn me as unChristian for nuking Mexico City?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the Vatican.
This will show that godless atheistic communist in a cassock who’s truly doing God’s work.
3rd Vision:
Trump (still barking) : I didn’t like that story CNN’s Anderson Cooper did on me last night.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke CNN Headquarters in Atlanta.
This will make what General Sherman did look like a Sunday School barbeque.
4th Vision:
Trump (continuously barking): How dare the New York Times condemn me for nuking Atlanta? It’s not my fault the entire city happens to surround CNN.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the New York Times Building in New York City. But phone my financial so-called Blind Trust first and get them to sell all my investments and disperse all my assets in the Big Apple first.

100th Vision:
Trump (the neverending bark): How dare the Republican governor of New Mexico condemn me for making a radioactive wasteland of most of the country and most of the planet?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke the state of New Mexico. But pull any investments I might have in the Santa Fe Railway first.

665th Vision:
Trump (still hot under his dog collar and barking wildly): How dare the State of Hawaii vote to secede from the Union saying that it’s now governed by a lunatic tyrant worse than Nero and Caligula put together?
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to nuke Honolulu. But sell any real estate and property I might hold in Hawaii first.
666th Vision: How dare the Pentagon refuse my orders to nuke Hawaii saying that there’s not much left of the U.S.A. ? Is it my fault that there’s so many damned traitors to the Commander-In-Chief living in this country? I’m trying to be Presidential about this.
Get on the phone to the Pentagon and tell them to go nuke themselves. And that’s an order. If they refuse to go nuke themselves, they’re loosing their Armed Forces pensions.

(The resulting atomic mushroom cloud appearing over the Pentagon expands and falls all over Washington D.C. taking the entire city including the White House and Oval Office with its barking and raging occupant Donald Trump with it)
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 1st
2016.

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Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

May 21, 2016 at 6:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News) (, , , , , , )

Limerick About Recep Tayyip Erdogan

A man called Recep had sex with a goat
And did it on an ermine skin coat
so say German comics
on modern electronics
as Merkel leaps for their throat

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The Frog and Angela Merkel

March 14, 2015 at 8:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Frog and Angela Merkel

German Chancellor Angela Merkel told her secretary that she’d be spending the day at a spa to get herself rejuvenated.

After spending a pleasant time at the spa, she went to a quiet Berlin restaurant to have dinner.

She ordered the soup and salad.

The waiter brought her the potato soup.

Just then, Mrs. Merkel received a call on her mobile.

She noticed it was from Barack Obama.

She stepped outside on to the patio balcony to take the call undisturbed.

“Yes, Mr. President,” the Chancellor spoke into the phone.

“Hi Madame Chancellor, I’m just phoning you for some advice,” President Obama said, “I was wondering if you’d think Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would take it as a personal insult if I sent him as a gift some Bavarian smoked sausages made with pork instead of beef?”.

“Well yes,” Mrs. Merkel replied, “I would think Mr. Netanyahu would very much take it as a personal insult.”

“Thanks, Madame Chancellor,” President Obama then got on the other line to his U.S.Secretary of State John Kerry, “By all means, send the Bavarian smoked sausages made with pork as a pre-election gift to Prime Minister Netanyahu this coming Israeli election night eve.”

German Chancellor Angela Merkel then went back to her soup.

A little green frog leapt out of her soup.

“Waiter, there was a frog in my soup,” Mrs. Merkel called out to the waiter.

“A frog?” The waiter was surprised, “Don’t you mean a fly?”.

“Ribbit, ribbit,” the frog said as he sat on the table.

. . .

The German Chancellor’s personal secretary entered her office that night and was surprised to see the very young looking and very beautiful ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith sitting in the Chancellor’s chair at her desk.

She wore a very low-cut beige evening dress that showed off her cleavage quite well.

“Well fuck me wild and senseless, Madame Chancellor, ” Mrs. Merkel’s male personal secretary exclaimed, “but that day at the spa really did you a world of good.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 14th
2015.

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Greek Election Results

January 26, 2015 at 6:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Greek Election Results

“European Union bureaucrats in Brussels and German Chancellor Angela Merkel have no doubt had to change their underpants after hearing the news that Alexis Tsipras’ anti-austerity Syriza Party have won yesterday’s national elections in Greece…” The BBC radio news announcer intoned.

“The thought of Angela Merkel’s underwear. Now there’s a mental image that really discombobulates the mind,” Renfield R. Renfield put down his copy of the unabridged edition of Machiavelli’s The Prince.

“Do you suppose Greece will leave the Eurozone?” Amadeus Emanon asked Renfield.

“They might,” Renfield replied as he imagined finding a piggy bank stuffed with old Greek drachma coins.

“All this talk of Greece is making me feel hungry for feta cheese, black olives and roast lamb,” Amadeus licked his lips.

“I suppose you feel like eating out at a Greek restaurant tonight,” Renfield checked a restaurant app on his iPhone.

“I do,” Amadeus nodded.

“That’s good,” Renfield smiled, “it will give me a chance to look at the menu and repeat that old line from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, ‘It’s all Greek to me’. ”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 26th
2015.

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Magog’s New Mission Impossible

November 4, 2013 at 8:24 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in his House of Commons office drinking from a bottle of brandy.

 

 

The phone rang.

 

 

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

 

“Madame Chancellor,” Magog was shocked, “I hope you’re not calling from your mobile phone.”

 

 

“No, Herr Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “I’m calling from a secure line.”

 

“That’s good,” Magog wiped his brow.

 

“Have you checked your mail today?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

 

“Not yet,” Magog replied.

 

“Check and see if you’ve got something from a company called Odin Insurance in Munich,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Magog sifted through his mail.

 

“I do in fact,” Magog stated.

 

“Open it,” the Chancellor directed.

 

Inside was a handwritten note to U.S. President Barack Obama from the German Chancellor.

 

Magog read it and gulped.

 

“I take it being the curious snoop you are, you’ve read the message,” the Chancellor laughed.

 

Looking out the window of his office, Magog could see a curious cat touch a live electrical wire and then fall to the ground dead from electrocution.

 

“Well… um… ” Magog stammered.

 

“It’s all right, Magog,” the Chancellor laughed, “now I want you to go to Washington D. C.  and deliver that message in person to President Obama.”

 

“But why me?” Magog protested, “Why not one of your diplomats or a member of the Bundestag?”.

 

 

“Because they’re all under surveillance by the CIA,” the Chancellor explained, “but no one would bother to pay much attention to a drunken backbench Opposition politician who’s failed abysmally on 3 different peace missions to the Middle East.”

 

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chancellor,” Magog took a sip from his bottle of brandy.

 

 

“You’re welcome, Magog,” the Chancellor replied, “will you do it?”.

 

 

“Call me crazy,” Magog noted the werewolf hairs starting to emerge on his human skin, “but I’ll do it.”

 

 

“That’s great,” the Chancellor sounded pleased, “now if you excuse me, I see I’ve got a call from Sarah Palin coming in on my mobile.”

 

 

“Sarah Palin?” Magog asked the

now empty receiver.

 

 

 

 

                        .           .           .

 

 

 

 

The NSA official doing the surveillance spilled tea and canned Alaskan salmon all over himself when he noticed the name coming up on the mobile.

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Monday November 4th

  2013

 

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Is The U.S. Spying On German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Mobile Phone?

October 23, 2013 at 8:11 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Is The U. S. Spying On German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s Mobile Phone?

“The United States is not monitoring and will not monitor the communications of the Chancellor,” White House spokesman Jay Carney told the media assembled in the White House briefing room.

. . .

“That’s very true,” Renfield R. Renfield said as he looked at the TV screen.

The shapeshifting hamster/human chief of security for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set suddenly noticed a red button light up in the computer monitoring room he was in at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

“Ah, another call coming in,” Renfield smiled.

Renfield put on his headphones.

It was Russian President Vladimir Putin phoning the German Chancellor asking on behalf of the Kremlin chef if he could have Mrs. Merkel’s personal recipe for homemade German sausages and sauerkraut.

Mrs. Merkel gave the Russian President the recipe.

When the conversation ended, Renfield stopped the recording.

Since he could not speak German himself, Renfield phoned a lusty, sexy and voluptuous blonde German dominatrix he often visited whenever he was in Berlin.

Renfield played the recording for Helga.

Helga translated.

Renfield wrote everything down.

He then phoned the NSA (U.S. National Security Agency) in Washington D.C. and passed on the pertinent information.

“It’s fun being a freelancer now and again,” Renfield smiled as he looked at his cheque from the U.S. government.

He better hurry out and cash it down at the bank just on the off-chance that the U.S. Congress might do something extraordinarily stupid in the next 24 hours and send the American economy into a tailspin and dry up U.S. government revenues.

. . .

America’s First Lady Michelle Obama was on the phone talking to the White House chef making final arrangements for a special upcoming dinner at the White House.

“Oh and one more thing,” Mrs. Obama looked at the piece of paper in front of her, “I just got this new recipe for homemade German sausages and sauerkraut…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 23rd
2013

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