Amadeus Emanon On The Day of The Queen’s Funeral
Grandchildren of Her Majesty standing vigil for The Queen this past Saturday night
Professional concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and his two friends Angelique Dumont and Dulcinea Lucia had spent the day standing along the streets of central London watching the Queen’s funeral procession from Westminster Hall to Westminster Abbey and then her burial procession from Westminster Abbey to Windsor Castle.
When the processions were over, the trio retreated to a pub The George and Dragon to discuss the day’s events.
“Where was your friend the MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Dulcinea Lucia asked Amadeus, “I thought he would have joined us at both processions.”
“He was present in person at both the funeral and burial services for Her Majesty,” Amadeus answered.
“What?” Dulcinea was incredulous, “How does the leader of a party that has only two seats in the Westminster House of Commons end up getting invited to both those services?”.
“He once saved one of the Queen’s Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool,” Amadeus replied.
“That would do it all right,” Dulcinea had to admit.
“One final toast,” Amadeus raised his glass of ale, “To Her late Majesty The Queen.”
“To Her late Majesty The Queen,” Angelique Dumont and Dulcinea Lucia likewise raised their glasses of ale.
Outside the pub, a lone kilted bagpiper walked by playing a Scottish Regiment’s Final Farewell Post.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 19th
2022.
Remembering Meat Loaf: Amadeus’ Tribute
Singer Meat Loaf (September 27th 1947 – January 20th 2022) Known for his album Bat Out of Hell and his hit song I’d Do Anything For Love
Amadeus Emanon had just heard the news that one of his music idols Meat Loaf had just died at the age of 74.
He decided to do a tribute in his memory.
Amadeus who was a musician, a singer and an actor contacted some of his friends on social media about it this Friday night.
They went down to St. James’s Park and acted out Amadeus’ improvisationally written play.
The play began with a High Priest (who practiced satanism in private but was a respected ecclesiastical figure in public) who was plotting the death of a man who was a threat to him.
The high priest said to one of his subordinates, “We’ll track him down. We’ll get him through his weakest link. His youngest follower.”
The Apostle John (played by Amadeus) was approached by a girl (played by Angelique Dumont) he once knew.
The girl kissed him and asked him to love her.
As John slowly succumbed to the girl, the girl then made a request.
And Amadeus replied, “I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.”
Amadeus then began singing the song lyrics,
“And I would do anything for love but I won’t do that…”
He sang the lyrics up until the lines
“Some nights you’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before
or will again…”
Amadeus as the young Apostle John turns away from the girl played by Angelique.
John (Amadeus) then turns to a fellow actor who’s playing Jesus,
“And maybe I’m crazy
Oh it’s crazy and it’s true
I know you can save me
No one else can save me now but you…
That I would do anything for love
I’ll be there till the final act.”
John (Amadeus) bows to Jesus and then turned back to the girl he had known,
“I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.”
The scene then turns back to the satanic High Priest, “So much for the theory about who I thought was the weakest link…”
The High Priest is then approached by Judas Iscariot who sells out Christ for thirty pieces of silver.
The Apostle Paul had it right when he said, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 21st
2022.
Amadeus and Angelique In The Sherlock Holmes Pub
Concert pianist/singer/musician Amadeus Emanon was having dinner with his girlfriend New Orleans singer/songstress Angelique Dumont in The Sherlock Holmes Pub.
They watched a Renfield R. Renfield podcast which was often shown in the pub when it was on.
“A pathology report prepared by Sucharit Bhakdi MD and Arne Burkhardt MD in the U.S. shows that 93% of people who died after being vaccinated were killed by the vaccine,” Renfield started out.
“Hah,” a “fact checker” for Reuters news agency started laughing, “I just got my third booster shot today.”
He then keeled over.
A paramedic team brought in to save him couldn’t revive him after his major cardiac arrest.
He would never write another lying and inaccurate “fact check” again.
“And in other news,” Renfield carried on, “The Canadian province of Alberta’s Chief Medical Officer Dr. Deena Hinshaw admitted that Alberta Health Services have manipulated the numbers during this pandemic. Hinshaw admitted that AHS reported non-ICU patients as ICU patients throughout the pandemic.”
Putting aside the triple AAA Alberta steak he had been eating, Renfield then started eating poutine.
“Moving from Alberta eastwards to Quebec,” Renfield went on, “Quebec Premier Francois Legault announced that he would impose a health care tax on the unvaccinated.”
Renfield then called for the assassination of Quebec’s Premier.
“If Renfield gets his way, there won’t be many politicians left on the Earth,” Angelique Dumont remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 11th
2021.
Renfield’s Skating Party
Renfield’s Skating Party
After having spent the previous night on the Norwegian island of Spitsbergen, British MP Renfield R. Renfield returned to his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds to begin his last week of campaigning before next week’s UK General Election.
Tonight he would be hosting a skating party with hot chocolate and marshmallows on a skating pond not far from the town of Tewkesbury.
“It will be nice to see you on skates,” Angelique Dumont remarked to Renfield.
“Actually I won’t be skating,” Renfield said, “I’ll be standing at the back of a one horse open sleigh and handing out cups of hot chocolate and marshmallows to constituents.”
“But we told the local papers you’ll be skating to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake when it is played on the pond’s speakers,” Amadeus noted.
“Why the heck did you do that?” Asked Renfield as he turned pale.
“You had once told a Russian ballerina back in the summer of 2016 when you were reading Hillary Clinton’s emails with her at the Russian Underground Spy Academy in Kiev that you had once skated to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake,” Amadeus pointed out.
“But I just said that to impress her,” Renfield protested, “I don’t know how to skate.”
“Well, this should prove interesting,” Angelique commented.
Later down at the frozen pond, Amadeus and Angelique pushed Renfield on his skates to get him started.
Renfield went screaming and flying and skated straight into a bunch of American CIA agents sent to assassinate him.
He took all the assassins out with one blow as he sent them flying into the snow bank.
Angelique and Amadeus then got Renfield back up and sent him skating again.
Likewise the ineptly skating Renfield skated straight into a bunch of Russian FSB agents sent to assassinate him taking them all out with one blow as he sent them flying into another snow bank.
Angelique and Amadeus once again got Renfield back up on his skates and pushed him on to the ice again.
This time the ineptly skating Renfield skated straight into a group of Vatican based Jesuit assassins and likewise took them all out with one blow sending them flying straight into a snow bank.
“Bravo! Bravo! Great performance!” The spectators applauded thinking that Renfield’s botched skating attempt of Swan Lake and the botched assassination attempts were all a pre-planned part of the show.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 7th
2019.
Michelangelo and Plaisir D’amour
Michelangelo and Plaisir D’amourÂ
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was contentedly sitting in a very large wading pool of salt water on the living room floor of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west end London mansion.
He had been brought to the mansion for the weekend so he could enjoy a little time away from his aquarium at Set Enterprises Laboratories.
On a nearby sofa sat Amadeus Emanon (who was the vampire Set’s personal concert pianist) and Amadeus’ girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress, songstress and stage actress Angelique Dumont.
Athelstan the valet and butler to Set was dropping some food into Michelangelo’s salt water wading pool.
“What do lobsters eat?” Angelique asked Athelstan.
“Well in Michelangelo’s case,” Athelstan answered, “everything but lobster.”
“A bit like Amadeus then,” Angelique smiled, “although in Amadeus’ case, he does eat lobster.”
Michelangelo gave Amadeus a nasty glare with his right lobster eye from the corner of the salt water wading pool.
When Michelangelo had finished eating, he happily went back to typing on his waterproof Toshiba laptop (a rare item that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had picked up for him in the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada) with his lobster claws.
The lobster was busy communicating with the Polynesian beauty who was known as Plaisir D’amour.
Every so often (quite often in fact!), Michelangelo would make a huge splash that would douse Amadeus, Angelique and the nearby sofa.
“Where’s Renfield?” Angelique asked as she raised her umbrella above her head.
“He’s at Whitehall,” Amadeus answered, “attending a meeting of the government’s Cobra emergency committee on which he sits. I imagine he’s been getting into several heated arguments with Foreign Secretary and possible future Prime Minister Jeremy Hunt.”
“Would that be over the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard’s seizure of the British oil tanker Stena Impero earlier today?” Angelique inquired.
“It would,” Amadeus answered, “Renfield never really approved of the British Royal Marines’ seizure of the Iranian oil tanker Grace-1 down at Gibraltar a couple of weeks ago. He wondered why Britain should try to enforce EU sanctions against exporting oil to Syria when Britain will shortly be leaving the EU. It just didn’t make sense to Renfield.”
“It doesn’t make much sense to me either,” Angelique remarked as she and Amadeus and the sofa were hit by another tidal wave from Michelangelo’s salt water wading pool.
“Renfield also found out that the Iranian government yesterday agreed to Trump’s demands for more intense inspections of Iranian nuclear facilities in exchange for economic sanctions being lifted,” Amadeus stated, “but when confronted by this way to break the impasse, the war hawks in the Trump Administration immediately slapped Iran with a bunch more demands like no uranium enhancement whatsoever (which would drastically affect Iran’s electricity system that uses nuclear powered plants to produce electricity) and Iran must get out of both Syria and Yemen.”
“Wow,” Angelique remarked as she was doused with yet another of Michelangelo’s Poseidon adventures, “Trump said he was just concerned about Iran developing nuclear weapons.”
“Well like everything else that comes out of Trump’s mouth,” Amadeus bit into a baloney sandwich, “it was a total lie.”
“What does Renfield think?” Angelique inquired.
“That Trump under orders from his Israeli dominatrix Benjamin Netanyahu,” Amadeus ate a non-kosher dill pickle, “wants nothing less than total war against Iran.”
“And Renfield feels that the United Kingdom is going to be dragged into this war against Iran?” Angelique queried.
“That is the case,” Amadeus started to eat some leftover haggis from the night before.
Renfield came crashing through the front door at that moment slamming the door behind him as he entered.
“I take it things are not going well?” Amadeus asked.
“No,” Renfield stood in the center of the living room where he was hit by a tidal wave from Michelangelo.
The MP whirled around and asked, “What is Michelangelo doing?”.
“He’s spent the day on his laptop communicating with the Polynesian beauty they call Plaisir D’amour,” Amadeus answered.
Renfield looked at the image of the woman that Michelangelo was video conferencing with:
“I wish I had spent the day doing the same,” Renfield remarked wistfully.
“Who left the faucets running?” The vampire Set asked as he walked through the door.
-A vampire novel chapterÂ
written by Christopher
Friday July 19th
2019.
Renfield Discusses Day of Fires
Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”
“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.
“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.
“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”
“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”
“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.
. . .
The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”
“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.
“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”
. . .
Today’s date.
Holy Saturday.
The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.
April 20th.
Der Fuhrer’s birthday.
It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.
Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.
Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.
This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.
Kohler’s cigarette went out.
He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.
And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.
Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon
Panty Goatee Slays ISI Bigshot While Sherrielock Holmes and Fenrir Meet King Edward VII
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was enjoying a High Tea of Chai tea and cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches with his friend the concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and the concert pianist’s girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.
They were sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London Mansion.
“So what did the Indian and Iranian governments contact you about yesterday?” Amadeus asked as he helped himself to a dozen cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches.
Renfield thought he was wise to ask Athelstan the butler to make 200 of those sandwiches.
“Well, the Indian government suspects the Pakistani ISI was behind the suicide bomb attack that killed 44 Indian paramilitary policemen in Kashmir this past Thursday and Iran blames the ISI for the deaths of 27 Revolutionary Guards earlier this week,” Renfield explained as he sipped his tea, “so they asked me to use my contacts to do something about it.”
Meanwhile over in Pakistan, the assistant deputy head of the ISI was off on his morning jog.
Suddenly this vision greeted him:
DARPA cotract assassiness Panty Goatee
“Excuse me, Miss,” the ISI bigshot jogged over to her with a very tiny little miniscule bulge in his jogging pants, “but that t-shirt mini dress you’re wearing is very blasphemous not to mention that your attire in general is very un-Islamic. So I’m going to have to take you in for questioning and (ahem!) other things as well.”
Panty pulled a gun out from underneath her dress and shot the man.
“Ah shit,” the man said as he fell backwards on to the ground.
“I thought you people were supposed to say Allah akbar before you die,” Panty smiled as she slit the man’s throat with a knife she pulled out from under her dress.
. . .
Serena the time traveller and magician’s assistant to Thoth the Egyptian god of time and recordkeeping looked down at Dracul Van Helsing from her wall of clocks.
“What are you looking at?” Serena asked.
“Well,” said Dracul, “it was 100 years ago today on February 17th 1919 that former Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier died. It’s hard to believe that there was ever an honest Federal Liberal politician from Quebec but they still made them as late as Sir Wilfred Laurier.”
. . .
The year was 1907.
And England’s King Edward VII was walking down the street looking for a piece of tail to satisfy his lecherous royal appetite.
Suddenly he spotted Miss Sherrielock Holmes.
“Ah, there’s the delightful twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes,” Edward VII stroked his beard.
He walked in her direction.
When suddenly there emerged from behind her dress the Norse wolf Fenrir.
“Good Lord, look at the size of that hound,” Edward VII clutched on to his silver wolf’s head walking stick and turned the other direction, “I’ll have to talk to Sherrielock some other day.”
. . .
“Who was that who text messaged you?” Amadeus asked as he was on his 99th cucumber and creamed cheese sandwich.
“Countess Draculina,” Renfield answered, “She fears that her father Count Dracula has been kidnapped by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith for some nefarious purpose so she’s coming over to talk to me.”
The doorbell rang.
Renfield went to answer it.
There at the door stood Countess Draculina.
“Good God!” Renfield exclaimed.
“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.
“I’ve got an enormous erection,” Renfield answered.
“You always were one to boast about that,” Angelique remarked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 17th
2019.
Baphomet, Baal and Santa Muerte In The Congressional Cafeteria
Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to see if he could enhance the psychic powers of his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo by getting him to stare at a marble bust of the Greek nature satyr god Pan.
Michelangelo was only able to stare at Pan’s bust for 10 seconds before he brought up his dinner of a seaweed burger.
“He’s able to stare at the busts and other assets of the leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes a lot longer,” remarked Miss Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to Set Enterprises’ owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
“Yes, but we don’t want any more lobster tank explosions,” Dr. Rocher didn’t want any more lab floodings that happened whenever his immortal and eternally young looking great-grandmother the professional dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) entered the lab.
Sherrielock Holmes playing Cathy in a stage production of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights back in the 1930s.
However just the sight of looking at the marble bust of Pan was enough to send Michelangelo into a terrifying vision of the present.
. . .
The demon Baphomet was walking through the Congressional cafeteria on Capitol Hill with his good friend and devilish godfather/godmother Santa Muerte (who was worshipped by drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico as their patron saint – he/she had originally been the fallen Archangel Samael but 85 years ago had become transgendered while living in Mexico and had undergone an extremely long transitioning process ever since- it was much longer for fallen angels like Samael than it was for mortal humans like Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner).
The two walked by House speaker Nancy Pelosi who was sitting there drinking Samuel Adams GOAT Beer (supposedly named after Tom Brady but really named after the Baphomet) and eating the cafeteria special of barbecued baby fingers and barbecued baby toes alongside the demon Baal.
“Well, the good thing is,” Santa Muerte/Samael slapped the Baphomet on the back, “is Pope Francis has now said that all religions are part of God’s plan in the joint statement that he signed on Human Fraternity with Sheikh Ahmad al-Tayyib the Grand Imam of Cairo’s al-Azhar University. So I guess that includes religions that worship us as well. This Pope Francis is certainly a lot more open minded than that Jesus Christ fellow ever was.”
They passed by a TV set in the cafeteria showing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo doing a TV commercial for new Buffalo New York style Buffalo Baby Fingers and Buffalo Baby Toes.
. . .
German Cardinal Walter Kasper was thinking about the dreams he had been having every night since the start of this year.
He dreamt that he was visited each night by the Baphomet appearing to him as a combined incubus/succubus who had sexual relations with him.
He stopped to rub the fur of Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (a regular fixture around the Vatican since October 13th of 2017) as he pondered his dreams.
And in one of the Vatican greenhouses, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal performed a ceremony using Pope Francis’s Baphomet stang that he carried at the Vatican Synod On Youth last autumn.
. . .
After having had these frightening visions of the Congressional Cafeteria on Capitol Hill and of the Vatican, Michelangelo had a more pleasant vision.
A vision of the billionaire vampire Set’s personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon being married to the New Orleans vampiress/songstress Angelique Dumont in a beachside wedding on a tropical island a few years hence.
Wearing an extremely extremely powerful sunblock in addition to her wedding dress, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont is married to Amadeus Emanon in a beachside ceremony on a tropical island.
Tom Brady and The Baphomet
Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
Renfield was having his favourite item on the menu- the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead sized tuna fish sandwich.
“So anyways,” Renfield went on between huge mouthfuls of tuna fish, “it turns out that the aide to Rep. Nancy Pelosi spoke to stakeholders in both Blue Cross and Blue Shield insurance companies and assured them that there was no way Rep. Pelosi would allow for a national publicly funded single payer health care system. Hence I was right to advise my favourite American politian Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to give Rep. Nancy Pelosi the raspberry she so richly deserved when the former arrived in Washington DC. Establishment Democrats are just as bad as Trump neo-Establishment Republicans in defending the interests of ordinary working class and middle class Americans but the pseudointellectuals who make up the editorial content and opinion of The New York Times and Washington Post haven’t figured that out yet. They’re still busy blaming the poor Russians for Trump’s victory in 2016. Have you noticed the Robert Mueller probe which has been going on and on have charged Trump’s cronies with all manner of felonies except collusion with the Russians? Trump and Pelosi may be divided when it comes to walls but when it comes to denying poor and sick Americans access to first rate quality health care, the Donald and Nancy are united as one. Egads that sickening imagery I just used in my last sentence I won’t be able to get out of my mind now.”
Renfield pushed aside his remaining half plate of the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead Tuna Sandwich.
Amadeus (whose large appetite overcame any aversion he might have had towards Renfieldian imagery of Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi engaged in conjugal relations even though both were excellent at screwing the country) promptly started to eat the sandwich.
“And then of course the New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady who may or may not have inflatable and deflatable balls,” Renfield added, “is now promoting Baphomet worship through the beer named in his honour.”
“Baphomet the trans-species and transgendered hybrid goat-human demon worshiped by the Knights-Templar, Eliphas Levi, Aleister Crowley and all those groups who object to public displays of the 10 Commandments?” Amadeus stopped eating (albeit momentarily).
“The very same,” Renfield nodded.
“I’d heard about that,” said Angelique Dumont who was an American vampiress from New Orleans (and therefore most definitely not a Tom Brady fan), “The Samuel Adams Brewing Company based in Boston is brewing a limited edition beer that celebrates Tom Brady as the GOAT (Greatest of All Time except in those moments when his balls start deflating). But the goat they use in the image is the Baphomet goat head.”
“Wow,” Amadeus managed to say between mouthfuls of the tuna.
“And of course the quarterback holding the ball on the beer can who happens to have the head of the Baphomet bears the #12 on his jersey which of course is Tom Brady’s number but 2012 is also the year that the famous French Lovecraftian inspired artist and painter P.H. Felinedamour mysteriously disappeared on the night of December 21st just as the Baphomet was seen standing outside his art studios,” Renfield remarked as he sipped his Chai tea.
“Wow,” Amadeus repeated his mantra for the evening the same way that Fox news commentators mindlessly and stupidly repeat the mantra word of Venezuela whenever they were confronted with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposals for a publicly funded national healthcare system.
. . .
“Who are you?” New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady asked the ghostly white figure wearing the black mask who approached him.
“I am the ghost of Dr. Faustus,” the spectre replied, “the one who foolishly sold his soul to the demon Mephistopheles. I was recently granted temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld to come warn you as Hades just happens to be a New England Patriots fan.”
“Warn me of what?” Brady spilled GOAT Beer all over himself.
“The Baphomet (whom you stupidly sold your soul to) will soon be coming for your soul,” Faustus sneezed an ectoplasmic sneeze all over the inside of his mask.
“But I was promised 7 Super Bowl titles in exchange for my soul,” Brady protested, “Just like Oliver Cromwell was promised 7 years of power as absolute ruler of Britain when he sold his soul to Lucifer the Devil himself. I only have 6 Super Bowl titles.”
“Yes, but the Antichrist might be coming soon,” Faustus took off his mask showing a heavily burnt and disfigured face, “and the Baphomet is afraid that in the confusion of the Apocalypse, your soul might somehow get away from him.”
“How the Hell is the Antichrist coming soon?” Brady asked.
“Well, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Pope Francis, Talpiot (which is the Israeli equivalent of DARPA) and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman are currently working on a strict timetable,” Faustus answered.
“Shit,” said Brady.
Faustus continued to walk down the street where he passed filmmaker Michael Moore in a pizzeria drinking GOAT Beer alongside the demon Baal and eating the pizzeria’s John Podesta pizza special.
-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 6th
2019.
The Baphomet and Tom Brady merged in one on a GOAT Beer can.
Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out
Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out
Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont were spending a romantic getaway in Paris France 🇫🇷.
The vampiress had stocked up on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s special sunblock which prevented vampiresses from being fried to a crisp in the daylight sun.
They boated along the Seine River and lunched in elegant Parisienne street cafes as artists painted their portraits.
They watched someone wearing a Donald Trump mask dive into the river and announce to the world, “It’s official. I’m in Seine.”
They visited Notre Dame Cathedral and kissed under one of the gargoyles.
Not since the Hunchback of Notre Dame had lit up the night with Esmeralda the gypsy had the gargoyle seen such action.
Amadeus and Angelique then went to a spot with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and made out there.
Moments before, Amadeus had received a text message from his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield pointing out that today was the 79th Anniversary of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact.
Renfield said he had just posted a message on the timeline of Vladimir Putin’s Facebook page to that effect and got a bunch of Russian 🇷🇺 expletives hurled at him in return.
And speaking of Nazis, Hitler’s Ghost had temporarily left the body of the grey wolf he was possessing and was walking in astral spirit form through the streets of Paris recounting memories of his glorious triumphal trip to Paris on June 28th 1940 after he had conquered the French nation.
He stood alongside Amadeus and Angelique as they looked at their tourist maps (fearing that Trump’s NSA would monitor the GPS on their smart phones) and stood looking out at the city before he then turned and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.
He then looked at Amadeus and Angelique who had dropped their tourist maps and were now kissing.
“Oh,” Der Fuhrer mused aloud to himself, “to be alive and young and in Paris.”
Coincidentally at that very same moment, Donald Trump was saying the exact same thing as he was watching an old reality TV show with Paris Hilton on Netflix.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 23rd
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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