Michelangelo and Plaisir D’amour

July 19, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo and Plaisir D’amour 

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was contentedly sitting in a very large wading pool of salt water on the living room floor of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west end London mansion.

He had been brought to the mansion for the weekend so he could enjoy a little time away from his aquarium at Set Enterprises Laboratories.

On a nearby sofa sat Amadeus Emanon (who was the vampire Set’s personal concert pianist) and Amadeus’ girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress, songstress and stage actress Angelique Dumont.

Athelstan the valet and butler to Set was dropping some food into Michelangelo’s salt water wading pool.

“What do lobsters eat?” Angelique asked Athelstan.

“Well in Michelangelo’s case,” Athelstan answered, “everything but lobster.”

“A bit like Amadeus then,” Angelique smiled, “although in Amadeus’ case, he does eat lobster.”

Michelangelo gave Amadeus a nasty glare with his right lobster eye from the corner of the salt water wading pool.

When Michelangelo had finished eating, he happily went back to typing on his waterproof Toshiba laptop (a rare item that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had picked up for him in the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada) with his lobster claws.

The lobster was busy communicating with the Polynesian beauty who was known as Plaisir D’amour.

Every so often (quite often in fact!), Michelangelo would make a huge splash that would douse Amadeus, Angelique and the nearby sofa.

“Where’s Renfield?” Angelique asked as she raised her umbrella above her head.

“He’s at Whitehall,” Amadeus answered, “attending a meeting of the government’s Cobra emergency committee on which he sits. I imagine he’s been getting into several heated arguments with Foreign Secretary and possible future Prime Minister Jeremy Hunt.”

“Would that be over the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard’s seizure of the British oil tanker Stena Impero earlier today?” Angelique inquired.

“It would,” Amadeus answered, “Renfield never really approved of the British Royal Marines’ seizure of the Iranian oil tanker Grace-1 down at Gibraltar a couple of weeks ago. He wondered why Britain should try to enforce EU sanctions against exporting oil to Syria when Britain will shortly be leaving the EU. It just didn’t make sense to Renfield.”

“It doesn’t make much sense to me either,” Angelique remarked as she and Amadeus and the sofa were hit by another tidal wave from Michelangelo’s salt water wading pool.

“Renfield also found out that the Iranian government yesterday agreed to Trump’s demands for more intense inspections of Iranian nuclear facilities in exchange for economic sanctions being lifted,” Amadeus stated, “but when confronted by this way to break the impasse, the war hawks in the Trump Administration immediately slapped Iran with a bunch more demands like no uranium enhancement whatsoever (which would drastically affect Iran’s electricity system that uses nuclear powered plants to produce electricity) and Iran must get out of both Syria and Yemen.”

“Wow,” Angelique remarked as she was doused with yet another of Michelangelo’s Poseidon adventures, “Trump said he was just concerned about Iran developing nuclear weapons.”

“Well like everything else that comes out of Trump’s mouth,” Amadeus bit into a baloney sandwich, “it was a total lie.”

“What does Renfield think?” Angelique inquired.

“That Trump under orders from his Israeli dominatrix Benjamin Netanyahu,” Amadeus ate a non-kosher dill pickle, “wants nothing less than total war against Iran.”

“And Renfield feels that the United Kingdom is going to be dragged into this war against Iran?” Angelique queried.

“That is the case,” Amadeus started to eat some leftover haggis from the night before.

Renfield came crashing through the front door at that moment slamming the door behind him as he entered.

“I take it things are not going well?” Amadeus asked.

“No,” Renfield stood in the center of the living room where he was hit by a tidal wave from Michelangelo.

The MP whirled around and asked, “What is Michelangelo doing?”.

“He’s spent the day on his laptop communicating with the Polynesian beauty they call Plaisir D’amour,” Amadeus answered.

Renfield looked at the image of the woman that Michelangelo was video conferencing with:

“I wish I had spent the day doing the same,” Renfield remarked wistfully.

“Who left the faucets running?” The vampire Set asked as he walked through the door.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday July 19th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Day of Fires

April 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”

“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.

“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.

“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”

“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”

“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.

. . .

The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”

“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.

“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”

. . .

Today’s date.

Holy Saturday.

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.

April 20th.

Der Fuhrer’s birthday.

It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.

Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.

Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.

This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.

Kohler’s cigarette went out.

He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.

And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.


Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon

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Panty Goatee Slays ISI Bigshot While Sherrielock Holmes and Fenrir Meet King Edward VII

February 17, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was enjoying a High Tea of Chai tea and cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches with his friend the concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and the concert pianist’s girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.

They were sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London Mansion.

“So what did the Indian and Iranian governments contact you about yesterday?” Amadeus asked as he helped himself to a dozen cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches.

Renfield thought he was wise to ask Athelstan the butler to make 200 of those sandwiches.

“Well, the Indian government suspects the Pakistani ISI was behind the suicide bomb attack that killed 44 Indian paramilitary policemen in Kashmir this past Thursday and Iran blames the ISI for the deaths of 27 Revolutionary Guards earlier this week,” Renfield explained as he sipped his tea, “so they asked me to use my contacts to do something about it.”

Meanwhile over in Pakistan, the assistant deputy head of the ISI was off on his morning jog.

Suddenly this vision greeted him:

DARPA cotract assassiness Panty Goatee

“Excuse me, Miss,” the ISI bigshot jogged over to her with a very tiny little miniscule bulge in his jogging pants, “but that t-shirt mini dress you’re wearing is very blasphemous not to mention that your attire in general is very un-Islamic. So I’m going to have to take you in for questioning and (ahem!) other things as well.”

Panty pulled a gun out from underneath her dress and shot the man.

“Ah shit,” the man said as he fell backwards on to the ground.

“I thought you people were supposed to say Allah akbar before you die,” Panty smiled as she slit the man’s throat with a knife she pulled out from under her dress.

. . .


Serena the time traveller and magician’s assistant to Thoth the Egyptian god of time and recordkeeping looked down at Dracul Van Helsing from her wall of clocks.

“What are you looking at?” Serena asked.

“Well,” said Dracul, “it was 100 years ago today on February 17th 1919 that former Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier died. It’s hard to believe that there was ever an honest Federal Liberal politician from Quebec but they still made them as late as Sir Wilfred Laurier.”

. . .

The year was 1907.

And England’s King Edward VII was walking down the street looking for a piece of tail to satisfy his lecherous royal appetite.

Suddenly he spotted Miss Sherrielock Holmes.

“Ah, there’s the delightful twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes,” Edward VII stroked his beard.

He walked in her direction.

When suddenly there emerged from behind her dress the Norse wolf Fenrir.

“Good Lord, look at the size of that hound,” Edward VII clutched on to his silver wolf’s head walking stick and turned the other direction, “I’ll have to talk to Sherrielock some other day.”

. . .

“Who was that who text messaged you?” Amadeus asked as he was on his 99th cucumber and creamed cheese sandwich.

“Countess Draculina,” Renfield answered, “She fears that her father Count Dracula has been kidnapped by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith for some nefarious purpose so she’s coming over to talk to me.”

The doorbell rang.

Renfield went to answer it.

There at the door stood Countess Draculina.

“Good God!” Renfield exclaimed.

“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.

“I’ve got an enormous erection,” Renfield answered.

“You always were one to boast about that,” Angelique remarked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 17th
2019.

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Baphomet, Baal and Santa Muerte In The Congressional Cafeteria

February 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to see if he could enhance the psychic powers of his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo by getting him to stare at a marble bust of the Greek nature satyr god Pan.

Michelangelo was only able to stare at Pan’s bust for 10 seconds before he brought up his dinner of a seaweed burger.

“He’s able to stare at the busts and other assets of the leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes a lot longer,” remarked Miss Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to Set Enterprises’ owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“Yes, but we don’t want any more lobster tank explosions,” Dr. Rocher didn’t want any more lab floodings that happened whenever his immortal and eternally young looking great-grandmother the professional dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) entered the lab.

Sherrielock Holmes playing Cathy in a stage production of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights back in the 1930s.

However just the sight of looking at the marble bust of Pan was enough to send Michelangelo into a terrifying vision of the present.

. . .

The demon Baphomet was walking through the Congressional cafeteria on Capitol Hill with his good friend and devilish godfather/godmother Santa Muerte (who was worshipped by drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico as their patron saint – he/she had originally been the fallen Archangel Samael but 85 years ago had become transgendered while living in Mexico and had undergone an extremely long transitioning process ever since- it was much longer for fallen angels like Samael than it was for mortal humans like Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner).

The two walked by House speaker Nancy Pelosi who was sitting there drinking Samuel Adams GOAT Beer (supposedly named after Tom Brady but really named after the Baphomet) and eating the cafeteria special of barbecued baby fingers and barbecued baby toes alongside the demon Baal.

“Well, the good thing is,” Santa Muerte/Samael slapped the Baphomet on the back, “is Pope Francis has now said that all religions are part of God’s plan in the joint statement that he signed on Human Fraternity with Sheikh Ahmad al-Tayyib the Grand Imam of Cairo’s al-Azhar University. So I guess that includes religions that worship us as well. This Pope Francis is certainly a lot more open minded than that Jesus Christ fellow ever was.”

They passed by a TV set in the cafeteria showing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo doing a TV commercial for new Buffalo New York style Buffalo Baby Fingers and Buffalo Baby Toes.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was thinking about the dreams he had been having every night since the start of this year.

He dreamt that he was visited each night by the Baphomet appearing to him as a combined incubus/succubus who had sexual relations with him.

He stopped to rub the fur of Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (a regular fixture around the Vatican since October 13th of 2017) as he pondered his dreams.


And in one of the Vatican greenhouses, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal performed a ceremony using Pope Francis’s Baphomet stang that he carried at the Vatican Synod On Youth last autumn.

. . .

After having had these frightening visions of the Congressional Cafeteria on Capitol Hill and of the Vatican, Michelangelo had a more pleasant vision.

A vision of the billionaire vampire Set’s personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon being married to the New Orleans vampiress/songstress Angelique Dumont in a beachside wedding on a tropical island a few years hence.

Wearing an extremely extremely powerful sunblock in addition to her wedding dress, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont is married to Amadeus Emanon in a beachside ceremony on a tropical island.

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Tom Brady and The Baphomet

February 6, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield was having his favourite item on the menu- the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead sized tuna fish sandwich.

“So anyways,” Renfield went on between huge mouthfuls of tuna fish, “it turns out that the aide to Rep. Nancy Pelosi spoke to stakeholders in both Blue Cross and Blue Shield insurance companies and assured them that there was no way Rep. Pelosi would allow for a national publicly funded single payer health care system. Hence I was right to advise my favourite American politian Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to give Rep. Nancy Pelosi the raspberry she so richly deserved when the former arrived in Washington DC. Establishment Democrats are just as bad as Trump neo-Establishment Republicans in defending the interests of ordinary working class and middle class Americans but the pseudointellectuals who make up the editorial content and opinion of The New York Times and Washington Post haven’t figured that out yet. They’re still busy blaming the poor Russians for Trump’s victory in 2016. Have you noticed the Robert Mueller probe which has been going on and on have charged Trump’s cronies with all manner of felonies except collusion with the Russians? Trump and Pelosi may be divided when it comes to walls but when it comes to denying poor and sick Americans access to first rate quality health care, the Donald and Nancy are united as one. Egads that sickening imagery I just used in my last sentence I won’t be able to get out of my mind now.”

Renfield pushed aside his remaining half plate of the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead Tuna Sandwich.

Amadeus (whose large appetite overcame any aversion he might have had towards Renfieldian imagery of Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi engaged in conjugal relations even though both were excellent at screwing the country) promptly started to eat the sandwich.

“And then of course the New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady who may or may not have inflatable and deflatable balls,” Renfield added, “is now promoting Baphomet worship through the beer named in his honour.”

“Baphomet the trans-species and transgendered hybrid goat-human demon worshiped by the Knights-Templar, Eliphas Levi, Aleister Crowley and all those groups who object to public displays of the 10 Commandments?” Amadeus stopped eating (albeit momentarily).

“The very same,” Renfield nodded.

“I’d heard about that,” said Angelique Dumont who was an American vampiress from New Orleans (and therefore most definitely not a Tom Brady fan), “The Samuel Adams Brewing Company based in Boston is brewing a limited edition beer that celebrates Tom Brady as the GOAT (Greatest of All Time except in those moments when his balls start deflating). But the goat they use in the image is the Baphomet goat head.”

“Wow,” Amadeus managed to say between mouthfuls of the tuna.

“And of course the quarterback holding the ball on the beer can who happens to have the head of the Baphomet bears the #12 on his jersey which of course is Tom Brady’s number but 2012 is also the year that the famous French Lovecraftian inspired artist and painter P.H. Felinedamour mysteriously disappeared on the night of December 21st just as the Baphomet was seen standing outside his art studios,” Renfield remarked as he sipped his Chai tea.

“Wow,” Amadeus repeated his mantra for the evening the same way that Fox news commentators mindlessly and stupidly repeat the mantra word of Venezuela whenever they were confronted with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposals for a publicly funded national healthcare system.

. . .

“Who are you?” New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady asked the ghostly white figure wearing the black mask who approached him.

“I am the ghost of Dr. Faustus,” the spectre replied, “the one who foolishly sold his soul to the demon Mephistopheles. I was recently granted temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld to come warn you as Hades just happens to be a New England Patriots fan.”

“Warn me of what?” Brady spilled GOAT Beer all over himself.

“The Baphomet (whom you stupidly sold your soul to) will soon be coming for your soul,” Faustus sneezed an ectoplasmic sneeze all over the inside of his mask.

“But I was promised 7 Super Bowl titles in exchange for my soul,” Brady protested, “Just like Oliver Cromwell was promised 7 years of power as absolute ruler of Britain when he sold his soul to Lucifer the Devil himself. I only have 6 Super Bowl titles.”

“Yes, but the Antichrist might be coming soon,” Faustus took off his mask showing a heavily burnt and disfigured face, “and the Baphomet is afraid that in the confusion of the Apocalypse, your soul might somehow get away from him.”

“How the Hell is the Antichrist coming soon?” Brady asked.

“Well, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Pope Francis, Talpiot (which is the Israeli equivalent of DARPA) and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman are currently working on a strict timetable,” Faustus answered.

“Shit,” said Brady.

Faustus continued to walk down the street where he passed filmmaker Michael Moore in a pizzeria drinking GOAT Beer alongside the demon Baal and eating the pizzeria’s John Podesta pizza special.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 6th
2019.


The Baphomet and Tom Brady merged in one on a GOAT Beer can.

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Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

August 23, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont were spending a romantic getaway in Paris France 🇫🇷.

The vampiress had stocked up on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s special sunblock which prevented vampiresses from being fried to a crisp in the daylight sun.

They boated along the Seine River and lunched in elegant Parisienne street cafes as artists painted their portraits.

They watched someone wearing a Donald Trump mask dive into the river and announce to the world, “It’s official. I’m in Seine.”

They visited Notre Dame Cathedral and kissed under one of the gargoyles.

Not since the Hunchback of Notre Dame had lit up the night with Esmeralda the gypsy had the gargoyle seen such action.

Amadeus and Angelique then went to a spot with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and made out there.

Moments before, Amadeus had received a text message from his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield pointing out that today was the 79th Anniversary of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact.

Renfield said he had just posted a message on the timeline of Vladimir Putin’s Facebook page to that effect and got a bunch of Russian 🇷🇺 expletives hurled at him in return.

And speaking of Nazis, Hitler’s Ghost had temporarily left the body of the grey wolf he was possessing and was walking in astral spirit form through the streets of Paris recounting memories of his glorious triumphal trip to Paris on June 28th 1940 after he had conquered the French nation.

He stood alongside Amadeus and Angelique as they looked at their tourist maps (fearing that Trump’s NSA would monitor the GPS on their smart phones) and stood looking out at the city before he then turned and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.

He then looked at Amadeus and Angelique who had dropped their tourist maps and were now kissing.

“Oh,” Der Fuhrer mused aloud to himself, “to be alive and young and in Paris.”

Coincidentally at that very same moment, Donald Trump was saying the exact same thing as he was watching an old reality TV show with Paris Hilton on Netflix.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 23rd
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Pope Francis’ Future Proclamation

June 3, 2017 at 3:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont waited impatiently by her car for her boyfriend Amadeus Emanon to leave the Set Enterprises building.

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont

Inside the building, Amadeus Emanon waited while Dr. Cadbury Rocher was checking the lab computers for the newest psychic revelation from the future that his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo was now receiving.

Eureka! Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster tapped on the aquarium glass with his lobster antennae in Morse code.

The revelation came in.

It was Pope Francis making an ex cathedra statement from the balcony of the Vatican.

Said Francis, “Many Muslims have expressed to me the desire to join the Catholic Church but they can’t because they cannot in good conscience accept the Doctrine of the Trinity nor the Doctrine of the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. Henceforth in my capacity as Bishop of Rome, Successor of Peter and Vicar of Christ, I hereby proclaim ex cathedra that it’s no longer necessary to believe in the Doctrine of the Trinity or the Doctrine of the Incarnate Deity of Christ and still be Catholic. A Catholic no longer has to believe these doctrines.”

Dr. Cadbury Rocher and Amadeus Emanon both looked at the news telecast from the future (that Michelangelo had picked up on his lobster antennae) in shock.

Meanwhile outside, Angelique Dumont looked at her Rolex watch and said angrily, “The time is now.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2017.

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Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

May 11, 2016 at 5:39 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in a London tea shop with the New Orleans songstress and stage actress vampiress Angelique Dumont.

“I hear this stage magician Salaman the Magician puts on a wonderful show,” Angelique said reading a review in one of the London entertainment weeklies.

“He does,” Amadeus nodded, “I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I’m still totally mystified as to how he does his tricks. Like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Even better than Houdini, David Copperfield and Criss Angel in my opinion.”

“You saw Salaman the Magician?” Angelique raised an eyebrow, “By yourself?”.

“No, I was with Dulcinea Lucia,” Amadeus replied.

“The gypsy fortune teller?” Angelique raised her other eyebrow.

“That’s right,” Amadeus nodded again.

“You went on a date with Dulcinea Lucia?” Angelique glared at Amadeus.

“That is correct,” Amadeus put some honey in his tea.

“But I thought you and I were an item,” Angelique’s face flushed as red as her rouge red lipstick and her dinner the night before.

“I didn’t know we were an item,” Amadeus Emanon looked as surprised as a child’s face on Christmas morning.

“You didn’t know we were an item?” Angelique grabbed a piece of cheesecake off a passing waiter’s tray and shoved it in Amadeus’ face.

“Speaking of items, I didn’t know cheesecake was on the menu,” Amadeus wiped the cheesecake off his face.

. . .

In another corner of the tea shop, Renfield R. Renfield had his eyes on a very attractive woman wearing a green evening dress.

Renfield had recently been advised by his co-worker and fellow employee at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher that he needed to be more subtle in his approach with women.

Not to come on so strong.

Renfield decided to try this new approach that he had never before attempted.

So he walked past the woman and sang in a loud operatic style baritone voice, “Birds do it, bees do it, even dogs and trees do it…”

Purses apparently do it as well.

Because Renfield found himself clobbered over the head with the woman’s rather heavy purse and found himself lying on the floor with the woman in the green evening dress stepping over him and leaving the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 10th
2016.

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Passing The Torch: Julius Caesar On The Ides of March

March 15, 2016 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Passing The Torch: Julius Caesar On The Ides of March

The great Shakespearian actor Quentin O’ Sullivan was starring in a West End London theatre production of William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.

After the performance he met a fellow performer the New Orleans actress and songstress Angelique Dumont for late night/early morning drinks in a cocktail lounge.

Miss Dumont was playing Mina Harker in a musical version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

When they parted, Quentin O’ Sullivan laughed to himself as he walked down the street.

There were rumours that Miss Angelique Dumont was herself a Vampiress.

Quentin laughed.

Oh where, oh where do these silly rumours get started?

He turned to look back in Angelique’s direction but there was no sign of the purple evening dress wearing lovely brunette songstress and actress.

Only a small bat flying down the street.

Quentin laughed again.

He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow on his bed when he got home.

He dreamed a dream.

He dreamed he was in a theatre audience watching a live stage performance of Julius Caesar.

He could not see who was playing Caesar.

When Caesar fell after being stabbed by Brutus, Cassius and their fellow conspirators, the figure of Caesar dropped the Imperial Roman laurel crown of Emperor that Mark Antony had once offered him.

Donald Trump appeared on stage and picked up the blood soaked laurel wreath crown.

“Thank you, thank you very much ladies and gentlemen,” Donald Trump waved to the crowd, “The people of Ohio suck. But what can you say about a state that produces a comedian the likes of Drew Carey? However I thank all the intelligent voters who voted for me in all the places we won tonight. Thank you. And please light a votive candle to my genius and pray to my image. Thank you. Thank you very much.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 15th
2016.

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Ash Wednesday

February 10, 2016 at 7:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Ash Wednesday

It was Ash Wednesday 2016.

And so Tim Horton’s Restaurants were already advertising their Roll Up The Rim To Win TV commercials.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been told years ago by someone who was involved in advertising, “If you’ve ever noticed, Tim Horton’s always starts their Roll Up The Rim To Win coffee cup campaign in conjunction with Lent. There’s a very good reason for that. Because Tim Horton’s had begun to notice that when the Lenten season started, their coffee sales decreased. Because many people were giving up drinking coffee for Lent. So Tim Horton’s started their Roll Up The Rim To Win campaign. By offering the exciting prospect of winning exorbitant grand prizes by someone rolling up the rim to win on their coffee cup, people started giving up other things besides coffee for Lent.”

Since he was told that by the man in advertising back in 2007, Van Helsing paid attention ever since.

Sure enough, Tim Horton’s Roll Up The Rim To Win TV Commercials always appeared around Ash Wednesday and then vanished after Easter.

“Greed wins out over Christ every time,” the demon Mammon explained to guests in his Park Avenue penthouse apartment in New York City.

Meanwhile Dracul Van Helsing was amused by an email he had just received from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

It seems that Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had decided to crash this Friday’s meeting between Pope Francis and Moscow Patriarch Kirill (the head of the Russian Orthodox Church) at Jose Marti International Airport in Havana, Cuba.

Meanwhile in London on this Ash Wednesday evening, the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont wearing a purple evening dress was struggling in the middle of a fierce windstorm as she left the theatre where she had been singing the role of Mary Magdalene in a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar.

It was strange.

Instead of blowing snow, the wind was blowing great quantities of ash all around her.

“Where did all this ash come from?” Angelique asked herself as she wrapped her cape tightly around her.

In his bedroom at the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, Amadeus Emanon was having a dream about the movie director Alfred Hitchcock.

In the dream, Alfred Hitchcock was being interviewed by Barbara Walters.

Barbara Walters: Mr. Hitchcock, why did you always start your weekly TV show with the words “Good evening.” ?

Alfred Hitchcock: Well you see, Barbara, when I was a boy, I attended a Jesuit school for boys where my teachers were all Jesuit priests. As a result of that experience, it has always been my dream to someday direct a movie about a Jesuit priest who’s elected Pope. This Pope will prepare the world to accept the coming of the Antichrist. When he’s first elected Pope, when he goes out on the balcony of Saint Peter’s to address the world for the first time, instead of saying something like “Praised be Our Lord Jesus Christ” (the words one might expect from a new Pope), he shall greet the world with a calm and quiet “Good evening” or as they say in Italian, “Buona sera.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 10th
2016.

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