Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

April 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was meeting with the talking little green frog ๐Ÿธ called Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus in a cafe in Istanbul.

โ€œIโ€™m still trying to decide if I like smoking Turkish cigarettes,โ€ the chain-smoking demon Asmodeus remarked as he smoked his 70th Turkish cigarette of the day.

โ€œIโ€™m still trying to decide if I like Turkish coffee or not,โ€ Nimrod remarked with his head sticking out of the tiny cup after almost drowning in his 70th cup of Turkish coffee of the day.

โ€œIโ€™m still trying to decide if I like Turkish evening gowns or not,โ€ Lilith remarked as she took off her 69th evening gown in the cafe and put on her 70th Turkish evening gown of the day from her shopping bag of items she had picked up in Istanbulโ€™s fashion bazaar.

The display of lovely ๐Ÿ˜Š and sensual vampiress nudity once again resulted in a huge collision of Turkish waiters carrying plates and cups.

โ€œSo how did your meeting with Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Vladimir Putin and Hassan Rouhani in Ankara go?โ€ Asmodeus asked as he put a nicotine patch on his arm to help him cut down on his daily cigarette intake, โ€œDid you convince the leaders of Russia ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ, Iran ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท and Turkey ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท to invade Israel ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ?โ€.

Lilith answered.

In the cafe across the street, Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem were listening in to the conversation between Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod on some eavesdropping equipment they had.

โ€œOh shoot,โ€ the Controller cursed, โ€œthe microphone ๐ŸŽค went dead just as Lilith was giving the answer.โ€

Their view of the cafe across the street was also blocked by a huge number of Turkish men as well as female members of the Turkish Lesbian Front who had been standing in front of the cafe window for the past several hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 5th
2018.

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Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

April 13, 2015 at 5:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield were listening to the World News Report on the radio.

“And this news just in,” said the announcer, “emergency crews were called to the new Presidential Palace in Ankara Turkey after Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan got his zipper stuck while taking a leak in one of the 500 gold-plated bathrooms in the Palace.
The incident, reminiscent of that famous scene with Ben Stiller in the 1998 film There’s Something About Mary that also starred Cameron Diaz, occurred when President Erdogan heard on the radio that Pope Francis had described the Ottoman Empire’s mass killing of 1.5 million Armenians 100 years ago as a “genocide”.
Francis made the declaration in a ceremony at the Vatican yesterday.
The announcement apparently did not go well with the Turkish President’s attempt to relieve himself…”

. . .

At an all-candidates’ forum in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge, the topic was Foreign Affairs,

Someone brought up the matter of the recent Zippergate Affair involving Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

“Well,” said the Welsh Vampiress Morgana representing the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party, “if I had been there, I’d have kicked Mr. Erdogan in the balls.”

“That would be great if Recep Tayyip Erdogan had any balls,” interjected Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley, “if Mr. Erdogan wasn’t such an inherent sniveling coward (to say nothing of being a petty despotic tyrant and an impotent bedwetter with a small penis), he’d acknowledge his country’s despicable role in perpetrating this crime against the Armenian people and this crime against humanity.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 13th
2015.

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A Frog In The Presidential Palace

March 11, 2015 at 5:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

A Frog In The Presidential Palace

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was walking through the 1,150 rooms of the new Turkish Presidential Palace in Ankara.

As he was walking through the rooms, he was daydreaming in his mind of a referendum in which the populace of Turkey unanimously voted to have him declared Sultan of Turkey.

Today Sultan of Turkey, tomorrow Caliph of the entire world.

Erdogan entered the conservatory which contained luscious plants and artificial waterfalls.

He suddenly noticed a little green frog sitting on one of the plants near the waterfalls.

The frog croaked, “Ribbit, ribbit.”

Erdogan hurriedly left the conservatory and went to one of the Presidential Palace guards.

Said Erdogan to the guard, “There’s a little green frog in that room and he croaked ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ to me. Check him out.”

The guard went into the room and noticed a little green frog sitting on a lily pad near one of the waterfalls.

The frog opened his mouth and said, “I am Nimrod.”

The guard went out into the hall and addressed Erdogan.

“I saw the frog,” said the guard, “but he didn’t say ‘Ribbit, ribbit’, he said, ‘I am Nimrod’.”

“Nonsense you idiot,” Erdogan foamed, “Frogs don’t have the power of speech. Have you been drinking on the job? Although as a good Muslim, you shouldn’t be drinking off the job either.”

Erdogan went into the room and approached the frog.

“Well say, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’,” ordered Erdogan.

The frog opened his mouth and said, “Rabbit, rabbit.”

Erdogan left the room in a huff and went up to the guard.

“Did he say ‘Ribbit, ribbit’?” The guard asked.

“No, he said, ‘Rabbit, rabbit’,” Erdogan replied white as a ghost.

A little white bunny rabbit hopped out of the conservatory room behind Erdogan and then proceeded to hop through the rest of the 1,150 rooms of the Turkish Presidential Palace.

The little green frog followed.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday, March 11th
2015.

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