Renfieldian TV Commercial For The New RCR GK 987 Assault Rifle
A new TV commercial was hitting the airwaves in America.
The commercial started out by showing video footage of Antifa rioting, burning and looting in various U.S. cities as well as beating people up in Washington DC this past weekend including a mother walking with two small children and pushing a baby stroller with a baby inside.
(Suddenly the camera focuses in on British MP Renfield R. Renfield looking glum and serious)
Renfield (looking glum and serious): Are you bothered by the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa?
Are the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa getting you down?
(Renfield opens a pirate chest with the words CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW WAS HERE and pulls out one mean looking assault rifle and semi-automatic weapon)
Renfield (smiling): Then buy the new Renfield Cadbury Rocher GK 987 Assault Rifle and blow those Antifa/BLM suckers to kingdom come.
It’s easy to handle and easy to use.
(Renfield turns to his left and begins shooting)
Renfield (proudly holding up the weapon): It doesn’t quite hit the billions and billions that Carl Sagan talked about on his old TV show Cosmos but it does successfully target dozens and dozens.
Voice of Shot Antifa/BLM member (calling out from off-screen): Aw, shit, I don’t feel so ‘woke’ now. I think I’m dying.
Renfield (grinning): See what I mean?
Renfield (holding up the assault weapon again): The new RCR GK 987 Assault Rifle is available in the Family Christmas Gifts Ideas section of a Walmart near you. You can also order one on-line at Amazon by looking under the Christmas Gift Ideas For Grandma Isolated In A Covid Lockdown Nursing Home Category. Or you can order by phone calling our 1-800-Toll Free number. For those of you who call this number before midnight in your local time zone, we’ll throw in a free autographed photo of me conducting the London Philharmonic Orchestra a few years back before this whole Covid nonsense started up.
(Renfield raises a glass of champagne and takes a sip)
Renfield (puts glass down and smiles): Oh, and happy shooting.
(He raises the RCR GK 987 Assault Rife and takes aim)
Antifa members: No peace without… shit. (All croak)
Renfield (sipping his champagne): I have the feeling Neville Chamberlain once said something similar.
World famous cellist Tina Guo was guest cellist the night Renfield conducted the London Philharmonic Orchestra.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 16th
2020.
Pan Goatee Slays Heavy Drinking Uglo While Hades and Poseidon Hold Summit
Pan Goatee was sickened by the sight of some repulsively ugly looking creature entering a liquor store.
“I guess if I was as ugly looking as you are, I’d be driven to drink as well,” the satyr commented as he lopped the uglo’s head off with his astral laser machete.
He then cut up the said uglo into 999 quintillion pieces with his machete as he addressed the approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing rats and approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing nanites who’d be eating the remains of the uglo and then vomiting them up on the banks of the River Styx for transport to Tartarus, “With the Covid refusing to die down like a good virus, the United Nations’ Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres saying he hopes a global Marxist government can be quickly established as the “new normal” in a post-pandemic world and Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionists establishing a neo-Jacobin French Revolutionary style Reign of Terror in the U.S., you’re not helping matters aesthetically polluting Gaia by wandering around with your ugly looking faces ruining the days of sensible people everywhere but of course not the days of stupid people (of which there seems to be an overabundance in the Western world). Dickens said of the years of the original Reign of Terror, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But thanks to the repulsive pathetically ugly ugliness of uglos such as yourself, we’ve only got the “worst of times’ in this second Reign of Terror.”
Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Hades the Greek god of the underworld was holding a summit meeting with Poseidon the Greek god of the Ocean.
“The Underworld seems to be inundated with a lot of uglos these days because of that troublesome satyr Pan Goatee,” Hades complained to Poseidon.
“I don’t think you can blame Pan Goatee,” Poseidon came to the defense of the satyr, “you have to blame the Western world for somehow having an overabundance of ugly females. Our brother Zeus says he no longer visits Canada and the U.S.A. anymore when he’s feeling raunchy. It just invokes nausea in him.”
“Turning to another matter, I granted the ghost of General Andrew Jackson a dispensational release from Purgatory so he can go fight the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents that are trying to take over the U.S.,” Hades lit himself a cigar.
“Jackson heard about that?” Poseidon ate a scallop.
“Yes, news reached him about the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents trying to tear his statue down in the vicinity of the White House a few days ago so now he wants to go fight them,” Hades explained.
“And why did you agree to his request?” Poseidon asked.
“Because he provides me with such good cigars,” Hades blew smoke rings, “although I think he gets them from the ghost of his wife who was apparently quite the cigar connoisseur in her mortal life.”
“What’s the latest with the Neo-Bolshevik insurrection in the U.S. anyways?” Poseidon ate a lobster who was a distant cousin of Set Enterprises’ famed psychic lobster Michelangelo.
“I hear Antifa has been advertising a peaceful family friendly 4th of July Flag Burning at the Gettysburg Cemetery this coming 4th of July,” Hades drank a gin and tonic.
“I imagine Abe Lincoln’s ghost and Union General Ulysses S. Grant will be requesting dispensations if that goes ahead,” Poseidon remarked.
“Undoubtedly,” Hades nodded.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 28th
2020.
Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens
Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens
British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was making another speech to the UK 🇬🇧 House of Commons Parliamentary All-Party Foreign Affairs Committee after having read a blitheringly idiotic statement by Hollywood actor George Clooney on the Charlottesville incident.
Before his speech, Renfield held up for the committee a drawing he had done of George Clooney and various American late night talk show hosts sitting in a school classroom wearing DUNCE caps on their heads.
Said Renfield, “In consideration of the defining moment in history that Charlottesville has become on the road to a new global tyranny that seems to be emerging in the U.S. (political correctness taking the form of an all-encompassing Orwellian super state), we mustn’t be afraid to continuously give the assholes and idiots in the innately stupid American political establishment the raspberry they so richly deserve.”
Renfield took a sip of his martini (shaken not stirred in James Bond 007 fashion).
He continued.
“Now of course, Neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klansmen are racist scumbags while the anarcho-communistic thugs and hooligans of Antifa are non-racist scumbags but that doesn’t mean that those belonging to Antifa are any less violence prone scumbags,” Renfield finished his martini 🍸, “to say otherwise is like saying that Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and Pol Pot weren’t such bad fellows after all since at least they weren’t racist like Adolf Hitler was.”
. . .
“It’s rather unfortunate that Cardinal Robert Sarah is black,” said the liberal Vatican 🇻🇦 Cardinal Walter Kasper, “if he was a white man, our great beloved and dear leader Pope Francis would have no qualms about immediately removing him from his post as Prefect of the Congregation For Divine Worship for suggesting such backwardly outdated ideas as priests should be allowed to say the old Latin Tridentine Mass if they wish and that furthermore the Mass should be said ad orientem (towards the East- where Christ is said to return according to our outdated Biblical mythology which is so definitely pre-Vatican II).”
“I wholeheartedly agree,” said Cardinal Reinhard Marx (who lived up to his family name).
. . .
In Rome, the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris was reading a book 📖 called How To Spot A Good Kraken From A Bad Kraken.
His smart phone went off and he answered it.
It was his wife and sister-in-law the Egyptian Vampiress Isis calling from Paris.
“Darling,” Isis breathed into the phone, “I want you to come to Paris and meet the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 18th
2017.
. . .
Dracul Van Helsing 
Civil War II
August 16, 2017 at 3:42 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (Albert Pike, Antifa, Robert E. Lee, Robur Pike, Robur The Conquerer II, The Albatross II, Vladimir Putin)
“I really don’t know what Kim Jong-un’s problem is,” Russian President Vladimir Putin explained to the Chinese Ambassador, “you just have to look at far-right idiots battling far-left idiots in the recent protests and demonstrations over Confederate statues in the U.S. to realize America is falling apart of its own accord. There’s no need to nuke the country.”
The past few days had seen clashes between Neo-Nazi and KKK scumbags and Antifa and Anarchist-Marxist scumbags in Charlottesville Virginia over the removal of Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s statue, Antifa terrorists and thugs forcibly tearing down a statue of a Confederate soldier in Durham, North Carolina and someone had spray painted vulgar graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial.
Putin added, “As Lincoln himself said, A house divided against itself cannot stand.”
. . .
Robur The Conquerer II sailed in his airship The Albatross II across America the same route that next week’s solar eclipse would take.
The man whose real name was Robur Pike was a genetic clone created from locks of hair of Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike by Nazi scientist Dr. Eckhart Fromm back in 1966.
He was pleased with the protests.
For General Robert E. Lee had thought slavery was a bad idea and wouldn’t survive in the long run, originally wanted to fight for the Union, in fact was Lincoln’s first choice for commanding the Union Army but only decided to join the Confederacy when his home state of Virginia voted to secede in April 1861 as Lee could not bring himself to fight against his home state.
But no doubt the riff raff fighting for both sides- the Neo-Nazi – KKK alliance and the Antifa-Anarchist-Marxist alliance to say nothing of all the brainless gutless politicians across the land who wanted to remove statues of Lee were too stupid and too ignorant of history to be aware of all this..
Lee had died saying, “So far from engaging in a war to perpetuate slavery, I am rejoiced that slavery is abolished. I believe it will be greatly for the interests of the South.”
Lee only had his U.S. citizenship restored posthumously in 1975.
While Confederate General Albert Pike (the man behind the founding of the KKK and the head of Scottish Rite Freemasonry in America) never lost his U.S. citizenship and is buried in the Masonic House of The Temple in Washington D.C.
He is also the only Confederate military officer with an outdoor statue in Washington DC.
He died after a life time of writing about Swastikas and the Aryan race and how they were created by a group of god men from the stars (ideas later adopted by the Nazis in Germany).
Pike’s ideas were especially thoroughly believed in by the SS (and his ideas of god men from the stars intervening in Darwinian evolution to create a superior breed of hominids promoted by the Ancient Aliens TV series on the History Channel though not its racist overtones).
History was unfair, Robur Pike chuckled to himself.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 16th
2017.
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