Agathor and Magog Meet In London

November 6, 2019 at 11:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Agathor and Magog Meet In London

Having visited their respective constituencies, former British Conservative Party MP Agathor Christie and former British Labour Party MP Magog Rhys Petley met up again in London.

The two former MPs (of different political parties) had formed a private eye business together in the British capital after their respective defeats in the 2017 UK General Election.

Now that a December election was looming this year, both men decided to try their luck at getting back into Parliament.

Not that it would be an easy task as the 2 British Transhumanist Party candidates who had defeated them- Renfield R. Renfield in Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds (who took out Agathor) and the Welsh vampiress Morgana in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge (who took out Magog) were extremely popular among their constituents heading into the next election campaign.

Still as Count Dracula said when he went to sleep in his coffin the night he would end up being slain by Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, “Never say die.”

Thus proving there was a definite disparity between words and action.

“So, how’s it going, Agathor?” Magog asked his Conservative friend.

“Good, good,” Agathor answered.

Silence.

“And how’s it going, Magog?” Agathor inquired of his Labour friend.

“Good, good,” Magog answered.

Silence again.

“Well, nice seeing you again, Magog,” Agathor finished his beer and stood up to leave.

“You too, Agathor,” Magog likewise finished his beer and stood up to leave.

The two shook hands and went back to their respective London lodgings.

“What a waste of time that meeting seemed to have been,” a British Liberal Democratic MP said to a small talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be a reincarnation of the Egyptian god Horus.

“I agree,” said Horus who was busy looking at the way his eye was depicted on the back of the U.S. One Dollar bill that lay on the table.

The Egyptian jackal headed god Anubis who was sitting at a corner table (and watching the Liberal Democratic Party MP with the talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be the reincarnation of Horus) finished his beer and thought to himself, “I better go and tell Dad that the spirit of his nephew Horus might be possessing the body of a peregrine falcon.”

He went to tell his father the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the news.

Meanwhile Agathor Christie had returned to his London lodgings and was having pleasant dreams.

He dreamed he was down in Mexico where he was meeting Señorita Dulcinea del Toboso the love of Don Quixote’s life.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 6th
2019.

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Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

September 2, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Anubis Raids The Jeffrey Epstein Ranch

A Fox News crew was up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada to see how world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was spending his Labour Day Monday.

They noted Pan Goatee walking up to his neighbourhood shopping mall where he beheaded an ugly female cyclist on the way.

“On a bicycle now built for none,” Pan Goatee sang a very old song whose tune was only now heard on Ice Cream Trucks music speakers.

He then went to the Food Court and ordered himself a submarine sandwich.

He then ate the sub while reading Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

He wondered how Captain Nemo ended up a Disney animated film fish cartoon character.

He then left the mall where he encountered a fat ugly blimp carrying a terrified and screaming small child.

He beheaded the fat ugly blimp while whistling the tune to that old Second World War song “We’ll hang out our washings on the Siegfried Line…”

The small child was very grateful to get away from the fat ugly ogre as he ran away screaming down the street.

The Pan Goatee clip was followed on Fox News by a Tucker Carlson commentary in which Carlson said that Labour Day was a plot by the working classes to enslave wealthy capitalist entrepreneurs into paying them holiday pay if they had to work on the first Monday in September.

Carlson ended the commentary by smoking a marijuana joint and then shooting out the lens of the cameras by firing a semi-automatic pistol he had purchased at Wal-Mart a few hours earlier.

. . .

Air headed representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had spent her Labour Day weekend publishing tweets in which she criticized the “supposed” masculinity (her words) of straight males proud of their heterosexuality.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield (a proud heterosexual) decided to get his revenge on the air headed representative for the aptly named Queens district in New York City.

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thought she could act like a leftist female equivalent of Donald Trump and be prone to making idiotic statements in public, she’d have to face the wrath of Renfield.

Renfield had heard from his spy network in New York City that the airhead would be taking part in a Father James Martin SJ blessed Gay Pride Parade in her congressional district.

Renfield sent drones over the parade as the airhead (burning her bra with a pink candle) marched at the front.

As the airhead suddenly realized that she should have probably taken her bra off first before setting fire to it, the drones began playing on their loudspeakers Renfield R. Renfield singing in a Johnny Cash style voice his own paraphrased version of an old Johnny Cash song,

“Sodomites and their supporters got thrown into a burning Lake of Fire,
And they went down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns 
The Lake of Fire,
The Lake of Fire…”

. . .

Anubis the Egyptian god of death and the son of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had become reconciled with his estranged father this past Thursday and had celebrated the commemoration of the beheading of Saint John the Baptist with his dad by participating in eating some live crocodiles wrapped in freshly made giant sushi rolls.

Anubis was now leading British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army brigade of Gurkhas in a raid on Jeffrey Epstein’s Zorro Ranch in New Mexico.

They were looking for the living disembodied heads of 12 Nazi SS officers.

Suddenly Anubis and the Gurkhas found themselves under attack by Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos.

It looked like Mossad and the Israelis would win the battle even against accomplished Gurkhas.

However Sherrielock Holmes and the Dragon Sisters of the Dragon Sisterhood of The Plumed Phoenix Dragon arrived on the scene.

They pulled down the pants of the Mossad operatives and Israeli commandos and tomatoed their buns.

The Mossad operative in charge, Star of Azazel, called a hasty retreat.

The 12 heads would end up in the possession of Set Enterprises as a result of the bun tomatoing inflicted on these errant sons of Jacob.

. . .

A black and white vision of the late film director Alfred Hitchcock appeared to Pope Francis
as he lay in bed:


Hitchcock spoke these words unto Pope Francis, “And Judas Iscariot went out and hanged himself. Go thou and do likewise.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 2nd 
2019.

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Anubis In Rome

February 24, 2015 at 8:34 pm (Fantasy, Horror, Mythology, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Anubis In Rome

It was night time.

And the Egyptian jackal- headed god Anubis was walking the streets of Rome.

He was here because he had heard that the ancient Egyptian deity Osiris was now living here and he hoped to speak to him.

Anubis’ jackal head was a metallic cyborg looking jackal head.

He was stopped on the streets of Rome by some science-fiction loving nerd who still lived in his parents’ basement (as original Star Trek TV series star William Shatner once observed about all science-fiction loving nerds) who asked him for his autograph.

Anubis signed a piece of paper for the man and the science-fiction loving nerd expressed surprise that he looked so much like the Anubis depicted in the movie Stargate with his metallic cyborg looking jackal head.

Anubis walked on.

He had never seen the movie Stargate.

The reason he had a metallic cyborg looking jackal head was because a couple of weeks ago he had made the mistake of visiting Libya where he had been captured by ISIS (the Islamist terrorist group not the ancient Egyptian goddess) who thought he was a Coptic Christian and beheaded his original flesh-and-blood jackal head.

What low intelligence these ISIS supporters must have, Anubis thought at the time.

Mistaking him an ancient Egyptian deity for a Coptic Christian.

Since he was a super vampiric super immortal, the act of beheading him did not kill him.

Instead he took his severed head and flew to London (much to the discomfort of flight attendants and his fellow passengers) and then clandestinely met Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief research scientist for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set aka the ancient Egyptian god of storms, the desert, chaos and war.

The meeting was clandestine because Anubis didn’t want Dr. Rocher’s boss Set to know about it.

Anubis’ severed head had deteriorated somewhat by the time it reached Dr. Rocher.

So Dr. Rocher put it in a special chemical solution for preservation until he had figured out a way it could be repaired.

In the meantime, Dr. Rocher gave Anubis a metallic cyborg looking jackal head as a replacement.

Dr. Rocher had obviously seen the movie Stargate, Anubis thought to himself as he walked the streets of Rome in search of Osiris.

His metallic cyborg eyes weren’t as good as his natural jackal eyes Anubis thought to himself as he bumped into a street lamp and asked it, “Excuse me but are you Osiris by any chance?”.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 24th
2015.

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Anubis In London

February 20, 2015 at 6:37 pm (Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Anubis In London

Quite often when Renfield R. Renfield was on his walks through downtown London, he’d encounter a homeless person who often wore a cardboard sign around his neck sporting a clever slogan in hopes that this would inspire people to give him money.

He of course had given up on Renfield ever giving him money a long long time ago.

Today however Renfield noticed the man wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that sported the slogan NOT DEAD YET.

Renfield was so impressed by the slogan, he actually reached into his pocket…

… while the homeless man blinked in sheer astonishment…

… and pulled out…

… a gun…

… and shot him…

Renfield then stood over the body and used a felt marker pen to cross out the words NOT DEAD YET and wrote I AM NOW.

He then walked into a pub that made a particularly good steak and beef heart pie to buy one to take home.

As he walked out of the pub, he noticed a figure wearing a metallic cyborg looking jackal head standing over the homeless man and cutting out his heart.

As the figure stood up and walked past Renfield, the metallic cyborg looking jackal head bore the facial features of the ancient Egyptian god Anubis.

“Wow, that’s weird,” Renfield thought to himself as he bit into his steak and beef heart pie, “I didn’t know Anubis was a cyborg.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 20th
2015.

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