Pope Francis On Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian

October 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis went down to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

Not to celebrate the Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian (since both Saints along with Saint Christopher and Saint George and numerous other great saints had been de-canonized by the post-Vatican II Catholic Church showing how out to lunch the post-Vatican II Catholic Church was).

But rather to watch the Greek god Apollo make out on top of the altar with his male lover Hyacinth in honour of the soon to be released Vatican Synod On Youth document that would say homosexuality now meets with the Papal Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

Meanwhile blocks away, a Rome based sculptor watched as the statue of the Biblical Lot’s wife he had spent the past 6 months sculpting turned into a pillar of salt.

The sculptor had made the mistake of placing the statue of Lot’s wife facing the direction of the Vatican.

As Apollo penetrated Hyacinth, the gay Jesuit priest Father James Martin stood behind the altar and totally butchered a rendition of the song from the movie musical South Pacific, “Some enchanted evening, you will meet a stranger, a very special stranger…”

Pope Francis caught a whiff of the legalized recreational Canadian cannabis that both Apollo and Hyacinth were smoking as they engaged in their tango of divine Greek sausage meets well toned Coppertone tanned rear end.

Francis saw the ET gray Gali-Gula doing a dance wearing a South Seas hula grass skirt while Justin Trudeau and his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant called Strawberry Fields Forever played the Some Enchanted Evening tune on their respective Hawaiian ukuleles.

Francis then saw a vision of Donald Trump.

Trump had a 6 inch mini me double of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman caught in his toupee.

The Donald began shampooing his hair with Fort McMurray Athabasca tar sands oil from northeastern Alberta, Canada as the T-Rump got in touch with his feminine side and started singing the Mitzi Gaynor song from the movie musical South Pacific, “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair…”

The 6 inch mini me Saudi Crown Prince was washed away.

Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female demon stood behind the altar and applauded Apollo and Hyacinth as they made out.

Baphomet was immediately stabbed by the ghost of England’s King Henry V who suddenly appeared on the scene with his sword.

“Remember Saint Crispin’s Day!” King Henry V shouted.

“That idiot King Henry V just stabbed me!” Baphomet shrieked in a falsetto voice.

“He looks nothing at all like Sir Laurence Olivier,” Pope Francis commented.

“Or Sir Kenneth Branagh for that matter,” remarked an apparition of Defense Against The Dark Arts Hogwarts’ instructor Gilderoy Lockhart who appeared on the scene.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 25th
2018

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Reblog of An Evening At The Mermaid Art Exhibit

April 30, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Culture, Fantasy, Folklore, Humour, Mythology, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago about an evening at the mermaid art exhibit which turned out to be as riotous as the Marx Brothers’ night at the opera:

Dracul Van Helsing

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin the curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery announced to those gathered at the Mermaid Art Exhibit’s opening night, “regrettably the artist Miss Charmaine Olivia will not be able to be with us this evening…”

The crowd moaned and groaned their disappointment.

“Yes,” Sir Nigel Blake-Lenin sighed in sympathy, “Miss Olivia ate some rather bad tuna fish sandwiches earlier this evening that she had thought had come from the Exhibit caterers but they turned out to have been brought in by a mysterious third party…”

“So she’s the one who ate all my tuna fish sandwiches that I had brought with me tonight,” Renfield seethed to Amadeus.

“Then you might have been the one who came down with food poisoning,” Amadeus pointed out.

“I guess every cloud has a silver lining,” Renfield grinned.

A dark cloud appeared over the gallery and an American silver…

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Apollo and Belvedere In PyeongChang

February 11, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Apollo and Belvedere In PyeongChang

The Greek god Apollo was attending the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang.

He was hoping to help bring peace to this troubled part of the world.

Ever since he was brought back from the dead last year, he felt that it was his mission to bring peace to this long-suffering world.

Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was a reporter for the Times of London had discovered that Apollo was staying at a hotel in PyeongChang and decided to get an exclusive interview with the Greek deity.

A few weeks before in London when his editors found out that Belvedere knew nothing whatsoever about sports, they immediately assigned him to cover the PyeongChang Winter Olympics.

In Apollo’s room, Belvedere introduced himself.

Apollo agreed to the interview as the Olympian deity thought it might be kind of cool 😎 to be interviewed by the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

Of course Belvedere had not always been like that.

He had once been human having worked as a bartender on Wild West dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes’ Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the Wild West town of Hayden Colorado back in the 1880s.

He had been turned into a ghost white salamander by a time traveling enchantress.

And shortly afterwards, he was run over and killed by a caravan covered wagon heading west whereupon he became the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

Apollo gave Belvedere some of his own background – the background not covered in most classical mythology textbooks.

When the Temple of Apollo at Delphi was destroyed by the Emperor Theodosius the Great in 390 AD, Apollo became severely depressed.

So depressed in fact that he started having suicidal thoughts and of course being an immortal, it was rather difficult to commit suicide.

He happened to run into the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and Apollo told her of his misery.

Lilith happened to have in her possession some poisoned Babylonian grapes 🍇 that were capable of killing an immortal so she gave Apollo some and he promptly died in the year 390 AD.

Apollo was buried on Mount Parnassus after his death and his tomb became lost to both god and man after a small quake shook Mount Parnassus.

Then in the year 2012 AD on the night of the summer solstice that year just after sundown, Apollo’s tomb on Mount Parnassus was discovered by the French archaeologist vampire Dr. Pompidou De Gaulle (whose archaeological expeditions were sponsored by the Egyptian vampiress Isis).

Apollo’s father Zeus thereupon came out of the shadows where he had been since his son’s death and tried to find somebody who could bring Apollo back from the dead.

Then in December 2016 Zeus met Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher and asked him if he could find an antidote to the poisonous Babylonian grapes 🍇 of Lilith and bring his son Apollo back from the dead.

In early January 2017, Dr. Rocher succeeded in bringing Apollo back from the dead.

Returned to life, Apollo thought it should be his mission to bring peace to the world- something difficult to do in a world where the likes of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un were in power.

Making it even more difficult, Apollo’s brother Ares (the Greek god of war) was hopping back and forth between different spots on the planet sowing conflict and wars.

And Ares was doing it in earnest, very ticked off at the fact that his role in starting and trying to continue the First World War had been exposed in a movie 🎥 that came out last year- Wonder Woman with Gal Gadot.

Then in a further troubling development, Apollo’s brother Hephaestus (the Greek god of metalworking and the forge) had started building ballistic missiles for Kim Jong-un last year making for successful ballistic missile tests that ticked off Donald Trump and caused the latter to tweet even more than he did.

“So given this environment,” Belvedere scribbled with his ghostly pen in his ghostly notebook 📓, “how do you intend to bring peace to this region?”.

“Well,” Apollo poured some Red Bull energy drink into his glass of ambrosia, “I’ve met with Kwan Yin who is an immortal princess worshipped as the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy and compassion here in Asia and discussed my plans with her. In fact, Kwan Yin met with Kim Yo-jong the sister of Kim Jong-un in this very hotel last night.”

“I heard about that,” Belvedere chewed on his ghostly pen with his ghostly white salamander mouth, “Speaking of which, do you know anything about an attack that occurred in this hotel last night in which a satyr was bitten by a blue-eyed white wolf?”.

“No, I hadn’t heard about that,” Apollo sipped his ambrosia-Red Bull hybrid drink, “I didn’t know there were any satyrs left in the world since the death of Pan 2000 years ago.”

“I wonder if Dr. Cadbury Rocher has revived any,” Belvedere spilled ghostly blue ink all over his ghostly white suit.

At that moment, Apollo’s sister Artemis Diana entered the hotel room wearing a metallic short skirt and looking like Gal Gadot’s twin sister.

“Apollo dear,” Artemis spoke, “it’s Ares. He’s trying full blast to start a war between the Israelis and the Syrians.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 11th
2018.

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In A Cave In Geneva

April 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

In A Cave In Geneva

The man who had accepted the mysterious figure’s offer on the top of Mount Everest and had then flown around the world in a supersonic jet (owned by a Park Avenue New York City billionaire) after having done so was now standing in a cave in Geneva Switzerland.

He was tied to ropes and was about to descend down a hole to a very deep pit in the bottom of the cave.

Some said the pit was bottomless and went deep down to the very bowels of the Earth itself.

The man with his arms outstretched proceeded to descend.

“Say, did anyone here know that this particular Easter Sunday is Hitler’s 125th birthday?” Somebody in the man’s party asked.

“Quiet you fool,” another man spoke in a very commanding and authoritative voice.

The man with the commanding and authoritative voice was dressed in a red robe with a red hood.

He resembled a medieval monk but was wearing an insignia on the front of his robe that no known monastic order of the Middle Ages wore.

The man dressed as a monk then spoke in ancient Hebrew and Ancient Greek and ancient Latin as the man in the ropes hovered over the bottomless pit.

At that moment, a spectral entity rose up out of the bottomless pit and entered the man’s body.

To some observers at the top, it looked like the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical Hindu statues of Shiva the Destroyer.

To others, the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical statues of the ancient Greco-Roman god Apollo.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 20th
2014.

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Cardinal JM and The Heart of Atum-Ra

March 7, 2014 at 11:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM and The Heart of Atum-Ra

Cardinal JM although a member of the College of Cardinals and the Vatican Curia was a worshipper of the ancient pagan gods.

Last night one of the two ancient deities that he devotedly worshipped Zeus ( the other deity was Apollo) appeared to him at his bedside and told him, “My most devoted servant I want you to consecrate Italy to the sacred heart of my good friend Atum-Ra tomorrow at noon.”

So Cardinal JM got up the next morning and awakened his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

Although Father Wardenclyffe was already awake. He was busy sodomizing a young man he kept in his Vatican office that he called Hyacinth.

When Father Wardenclyffe heard Cardinal JM’s instructions, they went to Cardinal JM’s personal private chapel together.

Inside Cardinal JM’s private chapel there was ne’er a Cross nor Crucifix to be found.

So demons and most vampires and American megachurch Pastor Rick Warren would have felt right at home there.

Father Wardenclyffe put on top of the altar an ancient Egyptian statue of the god Atum-Ra.

Cardinal JM then went up to the altar and spoke in Latin (since his ancient Egyptian was a little rusty although much better than that of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith) the words of consecration consecrating Italy to the sacred heart of Atum-Ra.

Father Wardenclyffe then put on top of the altar a globe of the world below the statue of Atum-Ra.

He had pencilled in a huge X on top of the Italian peninsula.

Then he had pencilled in a huge arrow on the Adriatic Sea pointing to the left and had pencilled above it the words X Marks The Spot so as to be sure that the god Atum-Ra wouldn’t miss it.

Some 666 seconds after the words of consecration were spoken, a huge giant beating heart appeared above the altar- the Heart of Atum-Ra.

Above the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica the cry of a cock crowing twice could be heard.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 7th
2014.

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Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

August 9, 2013 at 11:20 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog Meets Napoleon’s Ghost

Since representatives of the Egyptian Army, interim government and Muslim Brotherhood all refused to meet Magog Rhys Petley, he decided to do the touristy thing and go see the Pyramids.

It was night time and the pyramids were illuminated by great searchlights.

Starlight appeared and a radio playing Nat King Cole singing Stardust could be heard in the distance.

There was a small cloud overhead and moonlight was breaking through the cloud.

Magog turned and saw a spectral figure resembling Napoleon Bonaparte.

“I am the ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte,” the figure spoke.

“Of course you are,” Magog sighed.

Gosh he was running into a lot of weird people this year.

“I was able to leave the Underworld of Hades because Cerberus abandoned his post for some reason, ” Napoleon explained.

“Of course he did,” Magog opened a bottle of Scotch whisky and started drinking from the bottle.

“As I was crossing the River Styx, the Greek Vampire Apollo appeared to me and said I was to give you advice on ruling the world,”  Napoleon pulled his hand out from under his jacket.

“Of course he did,” Magog’s eyes glazed  over into oblivion, “the Olympian’s knowledge of history doesn’t extend until the Battle of Waterloo in 1815?”.

“His directive confused me too,” Napoleon admitted, “especially since I drank a lot of water from the Underworld’s River of Forgetfulness the  River Lethe and so subsequently my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“No of course not, ”  Magog finished the bottle of whisky and started to loudly sing,  “Some enchanted evening you will meet a stranger… a very special stranger…”

“So I’ve returned to Egypt to meet you since you were here,” Napoleon reached his hand under his jacket again and pulled out a bottle of French brandy,  “plus it’s also 215 years ago this month that I lost the Battle of the Nile to that little English pipsqueak Nelson so I’ve returned to this land of my first major defeat.”

“That was August 1798 wasn’t it?” Magog recalled his schoolboy history lessons.

“Maybe this will help restore my memory,” Napoleon drank from the bottle of Brandy,  “the antidote to the waters of the River Lethe.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 9th 2013

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