Asmodeus’ Advice To Loki

November 16, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki had been told by Ares the Greek god of war that Zeus was now expecting a night of lovemaking with Ariana Grande as part of a deal for releasing the Kraken.

Loki went about making arrangements for this and discovered to his horror that Ariana Grande was being protected by Saint Raphael the Archangel.

The demon Asmodeus had told Loki over cigarettes and Irish Coffee that Raphael was one tough cookie.

That centuries ago, after Asmodeus had been causing problems for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah, Raphael had captured Asmodeus in Upper Egypt and bound him.

It was an experience that Asmodeus wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy the cigarette smoking demon said as an exorcist walked through the door.

Asmodeus picked up his hat and coat, thanked Loki for a lovely evening and left sticking the Norse trickster god with paying the bill.

Loki decided he better not risk taking the horny Greek Olympian god Zeus to Ariana’s place if Raphael was around.

Instead Loki contacted Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal (who was a friend of the bar tab evading Asmodeus) and asked what he should do.

Allatallahbel suggested getting Zeus drunk on shots of tequila and then bring him around to her apartment in the Vatican to make out with her Allatallahbel.

She’d tell him that she was Ariana Grande.

So one fine November night, Loki got Zeus loaded on shots of tequila in a Rome taverna.

With Zeus three sheets to the wind and a huge windstorm pounding the Eternal City, Loki led the Olympian to Allatallahbel’s apartment in the Vatican.

Zeus entered her bedroom and noticed Allatallahbel lying face down one sheet to the wind as the window was open.

“My what lovely tattos you have, my dear,” Zeus drooled like Cerberus after a night on the town.

“The better to impress Bill Clinton and Jessie Jackson with, my dear,” Allatallahbel replied.

Soon Zeus and Allatallahbel were making out.

Pope Francis walked into the room.

“Jesus Christ!” said the pontiff.

“Not quite,” Zeus replied, “The name is Zeus. Jupiter Zeus.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 16th
2018.

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