Pachamama, Sultan Erdogan and The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

October 4, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama walked through the Vatican Gardens accompanied by the flaming disembodied head of the French Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

It was a year ago today that Pope Francis had wooden statues of Pachamama brought into the Vatican Gardens and a whole bunch of people had bowed down to them.

Teilhard’s flaming head set fire to some of the plants and trees in the garden and Swiss Guards had to bring forth buckets of water to put it out.

A Vatican spokesman later blamed the Vatican Gardens fire on Climate Change.

. . .

In the Armenia-Azerbaijan War over Nagorno-Karabakh, things were taking a definite change for the worst.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was warning people that the conflict had the potential to erupt into World War III but New Age prophetess Oprah Winfrey and demonically possessed self-help guru Anthony Robbins (a Calgary based geopolitical analyst once had the misfortune to quite literally run into the self-help guru as he was rushing down the stairwell of Edmonton’s Westin Hotel where the self-help guru was putting on a seminar and judging from Robbins’ vitriolic reaction that’s how he came to know the self-help guru was demonically possessed) said that Renfield should not be giving out such negative vibes.

A genetically created talking ostrich (genetically created by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher) who had his head buried in the sand agreed with Oprah’s and Robbins’ assessment of the situation.

The Greek god of war Ares (anxious for a major war) had directed Azeri forces to launch a missile attack on the Armenian Nagorno-Karabakh regional capital of Stepanakert.

In response Armenian Nagorno-Karabakh military forces aided and abetted by Thor the Norse god of thunder (who was also anxious for a major war) proceeded to shell the city of Ganja which was Azerbaijan’s second largest city.

Large numbers of civilians were killed on both sides.

Meanwhile in Turkey, Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war (who was the third member of the trio of ancient pagan deities trying to start a Third World War the past couple of years) was busy encouraging Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to finish off the Armenian Genocide that the Ottoman Empire neglected to finish off 100 years ago.

It didn’t take much to persuade Erdogan who already had that in mind.

. . .

Meanwhile in the small Suffolk coastal village of Dunwich England, Sherrielock Holmes and Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit Secret Agent Miranda Singh managed to locate the taxidermically stuffed body of the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog whose less than 15 minutes of fame occurred when he appeared in the 1975 fantasy/comedy film Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

The stuffed rabbit’s body was found next to an Andy Warhol autographed Campbell’s Soup Can in The Buddha and Edison Anchor Watt Pub in Dunwich where retired fishermen and retired sea captains often hang out.


Pachamama the Inca earth mother goddess posted a photo of herself on Twitter to let people know that she looked nothing at all like the wooden statues of herself that Pope Francis commissioned an avante-garde Jesuit artist to make to use in last year’s Amazon Synod opening worship ceremonies in the Vatican Gardens

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 4th
2020.

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Renfield’s Reflections On Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict

September 30, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was returning home to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate from Parliament.

He had to step over the bodies of an elite Turkish commando unit belonging to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

The commandos had been sent to Set’s estate to kidnap Renfield.

There they had the misfortune to run into the Set estate’s fierce guard cat Nefertiti Galore who promptly tore them to shreds.

Once inside the house, Renfield got on his computer and got into a Skype conversation with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

Their topic of conversation was the Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh (the territory was called Artsakh by the Armenians).

“Peace in the region has been reigning somewhat since the 1994 ceasefire between Armenia and Azerbaijan,” Renfield explained, “but this past summer, Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey has been busy shooting his mouth off and giving vocal encouragement to Azerbaijan to take back the Nagorno-Karabakh territory by force offering Turkish military assistance if necessary.”

“Nagorno-Karabakh once belonged to Azerbaijan?” Amadeus asked.

“It originally belonged to Armenia but Soviet dictator Josef Stalin with his usual penchant for doing harm and rearranging territory and peoples in the old USSR on his own personal whims took Nagorno-Karabakh away from the Soviet republic of Armenia and gave it to the Soviet republic of Azerbaijan even though the majority of the territory’s citizens were ethnic Armenian. After Stalin kicked the bucket, the territory later became an autonomous region within Azerbaijan. When the USSR started falling to pieces and Gorbachev like the king in the old Humpty Dumpty rhyme couldn’t put it together again, Armenia and Azerbaijan fought a war for control of the region. A ceasefire was established in 1994 and Nagorno-Karabakh became a self-governing entity run under the control of the territory’s Armenian population,” Renfield noted.

Meanwhile in Paris France, French President Emmanuel Macron was likewise becoming concerned at Erdogan’s words and actions in the Armenia-Azerbaijan conflict.

Spurred on by Renfield’s comments in the British House of Commons yesterday as well as remarks made by Renfield’s French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (who was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party as well as the husband of the ex-Gorgon Medusa) in the French National Assembly, Macron was taking a stand.

Today Macron said that he was “extremely concerned by the warlike messages” coming from Turkey.

Adding to Macron’s concerns was a report from the Syrian Observatory For Human Rights that about 320 Syrian mercenaries (who were fighting for an anti-Assad faction backed by the Neo-Ottoman Erdogan) had been transported to Azerbaijan by pro-Erdogan Turkish security companies.

Also today Macron warned Turkey about “warlike comments which essentially remove any inhibitions from Azerbaijan in what would be a reconquest of Nagorno-Karabakh. That we will not accept.”

Macron also promised greater support for Armenia in the coming days, “I say to Armenia and the Armenians, France will play its role.”

Amadeus asked Renfield, “What do you think might happen?”.

“Well,” Renfield ate his slice of Baked Alaska cake, “About half-way through the summer, I started to wonder if the final icing on the cake for this peculiar year that is 2020 wouldn’t be the outbreak of World War III. No one saw a virus coming from China that would turn the lives upside down of everyone on the planet. Inspector Clouseau of Pink Panther movie fame once said that his mother was strangled by an Armenian phrenologist. So likewise no one thought at the start of this year that Clouseau’s mother’s revenge through a cross-dressing salesman of Turkish Delight candies residing in the Turkish Presidential Palace in Istanbul would result in World War III.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 30th
2020.

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Lilith Leads Turkish Plane To Shoot Down Armenian Jet

September 29, 2020 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in a bad mood.

Yesterday in Ravenna, some supernatural soldiers she tried to recruit to fight for the Azeris against Armenia in the Nagorno-Karabakh Conflict came down with serious ailments.

Thanks to the skullduggery of her arch enemy the Byzantine vampiress Theodora in offering an impromptu offer on free spicy pumpkin lattes, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had his carved jack o’ lantern pumpkin head ripped off his shoulders.

The Six Vampiric Knights-Templars had their eyes sprayed with garlic spray (as opposed to pepper spray) by Mulligan the Irish zombie who was working as a manservant to the Byzantine vampiress (he was on loan from the London art gallery curator and art dealer Dashwood Forrest).

Furious upon hearing the news, Lilith sprouted her vampiress bat wings and flew to Turkey.

After a meeting with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, she went to a military base where the pilot of a Turkish F-16 was instructed to follow her.

The vampiress bat wing sprouting Lilith flew right into Armenian air space.

60 kilometres (37 miles) into Armenian airspace.

There she encountered an Armenian fighter jet – a Soviet made SU-25.

Distracting the Armenian SU-25 pilot with her ability to shoot spider webs out of her long red fingernails, the pilot of the Turkish F-16 used the momentary distraction to shoot the Armenian jet down.

Sadly the Armenian pilot was killed.

Naturally Turkey denied the claim that it had shot down an Armenian plane in Armenian airspace.

Back at his Presidential Palace in Turkey, Recep Tayyip Erdogan was looking at his reflection in the mirror and modelling the robes he would wear when he crowned himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire.

In London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was giving a speech in the Westminster House of Commons while Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost sat in the public gallery looking on approvingly.

“How long will it be before Britain and Europe take a firm stand against Erdogan and his bullying? Today it will be Armenia. Tomorrow it will be Greece and Bulgaria. Erdogan is such that he will seek to reverse the results of the 1683 Battle of the Gates of Vienna if he can,” said Renfield.

Renfield’s speech fell on deaf ears.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 29th
2020.

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Theodora vs. Lilith: Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict

September 27, 2020 at 9:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith have been involved in their own personal conflict for the past 20 years.

Now that personal conflict has been extended to the former Soviet republics of Armenia and Azerbaijan over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh.

Earlier today the conflict re-erupted with the heaviest clashes in years.

Today’s fighting involved the use of tanks and other forms of heavy weaponry.

Armenia and Azerbaijan have been fighting for control of the territory since the USSR was dissolved back in 1991.

A ceasefire was agreed in 1994 although there has been sporadic fighting on and off since then.

Though nothing compared to today’s exchange of heavy weapons fire.

Nagorno-Karabakh was an autonomous region within the old Soviet republic of Azerbaijan but the majority of the territory’s population is ethnic Armenian.

When Armenia and Azerbaijan became independent republics, the territory’s Armenians wanted the region to become part of Armenia.

A war was fought leading to one million people being displaced and 30,000 killed.

A stalemate has presided since the 1994 ceasefire.

This past summer Turkey’s increasingly megalomaniacal President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (who fancies himself the new Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire) had been encouraging Azerbaijan in its efforts to take back Nagorno-Karabakh.

Erdogan’s support emboldened Azerbaijan.

Armenia’s defence ministry said Azerbaijani forces launched an attack on civilian settlements including the regional capital of Stepanakert this morning.

Armenia’s government declared total military mobilization of its forces.

Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan warned that the region was on the brink of a large scale war.

In the basement of his house in Wilmington Delaware, senility prone Joe Biden asked his marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Sweet Dementia, “How will World War III affect my chances of getting elected President of the United States?” before falling fast asleep into his bowl of Kellogg’s Fruit Loops.

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora hoped to get rid of Erdogan and restore the Byzantine Empire with Constantinople (Istanbul) as its capital.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith meanwhile was hoping to get Turkey’s Erdogan on board with launching an attack on the State of Israel (Lilith believed that the Jewish people had maligned and libeled her good name in the Babylonian Talmud and so was out for revenge).

Theodora spent much of the past summer beating up Erdogan for turning Byzantine Orthodox Christian churches and monasteries into Islamic mosques.

Lilith spent much of the past summer giving Erdogan blow jobs so that he’d be orally pleasured into attacking Israel.

Since Erdogan backed Azerbaijan in the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict, Lilith did the same.

And since Erdogan backed Azerbaijan in the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict, Theodora backed Armenia.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher developed sunscreen for vampiresses) in Constantinople: She backs the Armenians.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 27th
2020.

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