Of Castros and Other Despots

April 17, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

It was 60 years ago today that the American CIA’s poorly planned and thoroughly botched Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba took place.

The plan was to drive the Castro Communist government of Cuba out of power.

The Communists are still in power in Cuba today.

And today the American CIA itself (along with the rest of the American Deep State) is now crawling from top to bottom with Neo-Bolshevik Communist ideologues.

Raul Castro the former President of Cuba (and successor to Fidel Castro) used the 60th anniversary of the Bay of Pigs invasion to announce his resignation as leader of Cuba’s Communist Party today.

-Renfield R. Renfield British MP doing his Saturday night podcast from Lord Horatio Nelson’s column atop London’s Trafalgar Square.

. . .

The Bay of Pigs invasion is not the only anniversary to be noted on this April 17th 2021.

It was 39 years ago today on April 17th 1982 that Her Majesty Elizabeth II in her role as Queen of the Dominion of Canada signed into law in Ottawa the new Canadian Constitution that included the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Today if you click on the link to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms at the Government of Canada website, a message pops up that the link to this page you’re looking for is now broken.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Last night Ontario Premier (and for all intensive purposes absolute Fascist dictator) Doug Ford the leader of Canada’s largest province announced the most draconian lockdown measures ever.

Police would be allowed to arbitrarily stop any pedestrian walking the streets or any person driving a vehicle and ask them for their ID papers with home address as well as an explanation of why they’ve left their homes.

Roadblocks and checkpoints had also been set up on Ontario’s borders with the provinces of Manitoba and Quebec to turn back any person deemed unfit to enter the province.

After making the announcement the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST suddenly appeared written in black and red felt ink on Doug Ford’s forehead and a Lake Ontario Beach Rubbish Cream Pie was thrown in his face by an invisible entity (identified as a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears according to a Harvey Wallbanger drinking bystander).

Today Ford announced he was dropping giving police the powers to arbitrarily ask someone for their ID papers and home address and an explanation of why they were outside their homes after an outcry from Ontario’s civil libertarian leaders (of which there were not too many in the Ontario of the Great Reset).

However Ford did offer a caveat “unless police suspected the person might possibly be attending a mass social gathering”.

Given the Nazi Gestapo like mentality or Neo-Bolshevik Communist secret police like mentality of many police officers in Canada (to say nothing of the rest of the Western world), that caveat would be enough to give any power hungry corrupt cop (of which there are far too many in Canada and the Western world) the legal cover he needed to persecute and harass somebody he didn’t like the look of or just didn’t like for whatever reason.

-Renfield R. Renfield British MP broadcasting from above the Canadian High Commission in London, England.

. . .

Prince Philip’s funeral was held at St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle today.

As the day gave way to night, the London-based ancient Egyptian vampire Set stood on the grounds of Windsor Castle and paid his respects from a distance.

Set had met the Duke of Edinburgh on a few occasions.

Meanwhile far off in the Canadian province of Alberta, a trio of deities were having a bit of fun.

Thor, Loki and a robotic falcon possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus had kidnapped a statue of a white unicorn from the small village of Delia, Alberta.

For the past two years, Morgan the Mystical Unicorn had stood in front of an arts and crafts shop in the small village of 215 people.

Then a couple of nights ago, the white unicorn (made of stainless steel) had been stolen.

Today it had been found in a farmer’s field not far from the village.

Its horn had been hammered off and then fitted upside down into the horse’s head.

A cruel thing to do to a statue of a unicorn.

A woman named Delia (she was in fact the Greek goddess Artemis whose epithet Delia meant “Woman born on the island of Delos”) was sure that the three deities’ abduction and smashing and inverting of the horn inside the head of Morgan the Magical Mystical Unicorn was directed at her.

In the form of a message.

A message directed against her.

And somehow connected with the funeral of Philip (since Philip had also been the name of the father of the Macedonian Greek king Alexander the Great).

And the unicorn (along with the lion) had been longstanding symbols of the British monarchy to be found on their coat of arms.

And somehow this tied in with “the little horn of the Book of Daniel” (Daniel Chapter 8 which was seen as a prototype of the Antichrist).

Already Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was using an Oxford cryptographer to deciper the message the whole Morgan the Mystical Unicorn abduction from the village of Delia and the horn smashing and inversion intended to convey.

The Greek goddess Artemis: Whose epithet is Delia.

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Artemis At The Bank of Monte Carlo

February 2, 2021 at 11:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Greek goddess Artemis at the Bank of Monte Carlo

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable (the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol) were trying to break into the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

The reason?

The plans of George Soros, Bill Gates, Xi Jinping, World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab and the Egyptian deities Osiris and Horus for a totalitarian One World Government were locked away in the vault.

It was fortunate for Van Helsing and Whitstable that the Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth happened to know the combination for the vault.

Over a month ago, Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka managed to obtain the combination from Yaldabaoth during a secret meeting in Dublin Ireland.

Sadly at that meeting Yaldabaoth died from food poisoning (from food he recently ate at the Vatican) but only after he had given Van Helsing and Tanaka the combination.

Yaldabaoth’s body was now being kept on ice at the Set Enterprises’ laboratory in London England on the off chance Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher might discover a formula for bringing a leprechaun back from the dead.

The only trouble is Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster occasionally crawled out of his aquarium and helped himself to some of the ice (that was preserving Yaldabaoth’s body) in order to add some ice to the glasses of lemonade shandy that he was drinking.

He was severely reprimanded by Sherrielock Holmes for doing this.

A reprimand that Michelangelo seemed to enjoy.

And thus he kept doing it.

But the little Michelangeloian escapades and Yaldabaoth’s preservation were helping to keep London ice makers in business.

Dracul Van Helsing looked at the Chinese fortune cookie slip that Yaldabaoth had given him.

That had the combination to the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo written on it.

He tried the combination and the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo opened.

A little groundhog called Monte Carlo Monte Cristo ran out of the vault door after it was opened.

“Do you suppose he saw his shadow?” Van Helsing asked Whitstable as the groundhog ran off into the night.

“Van Helsing,” Whitstable spoke in an exasperated voice, “Never mind the groundhog. Just find the Soros-Gates-Xi-Schwab-Osiris-Horus plans for World Domination.”

“Still it would be nice to know if we had six more weeks of winter,” Van Helsing noted, “After all today is Groundhog Day.”

“The plans, the plans!” Whitstable screamed.

“That reminds me of Tattoo the dwarf on the TV show Fantasy Island saying “The plane! The plane!”.” Van Helsing recalled.

“Just get the fucking plans!” Whitstable cursed.

Van Helsing noticed the plans marked Dante’s Inferno and grabbed them.

Yaldabaoth had said those were the Soros-Gates-Xi-Schwab-Osiris-Horus plans for World Domination.

After Van Helsing had grabbed the plans and stepped outside the vault, he noticed the Greek goddess Artemis sitting on a cushion not far from the vault.

“Well you’re a very naughty boy, Van Helsing,” Artemis smoothed her dress, “Stealing from the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo. I think you better get across my lap so I can give you a good spanking.”

“I think you’re right,” Van Helsing took his clothes off and lay across Artemis’ knee.

“Van Helsing!” Whitstable screamed, “I think that fleeing groundhog tripped an alarm. The Monte Carlo Police cars seem to be arriving in the distance. Let’s get out of here!”.

“I’ve always got time for a spanking from Artemis,” Van Helsing remarked as the Greek goddess of the hunt began thoroughly walloping his backside with a wooden hairbrush.

The ghost of Orson Welles who had been keeping lookout outside the bank as soon as he heard the sound of wooden hairbrush striking human flesh decided to leave.

“I wonder if I’ll be like Bill Murray’s character of TV weatherman Phil Connors in the movie Groundhog Day and live this day over and over again,” Van Helsing commented as he was getting a thorough bottom blistering lying across Artemis’ sexy black silk nylon knees.

“I don’t want to live this day over and over again,” Whitstable remarked as he saw the Monte Carlo Police exit their vehicles.

Meanwhile out in the woods not far from the Bank, the groundhog Monte Carlo Monte Cristo crawled in the shadows.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 2nd
2021.

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A Date With Artemis

December 4, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was down in the U.S. state of Georgia to investigate allegations of election fraud.

There was actual video footage of people smuggling in ballots into closed polling places after hours.

However that video evidence wasn’t enough to satisfy pro-Communist Republican officials in the State of Georgia.

W. Cleon Skousen’s 1958 book The Naked Communist said that the Communist plan was to take over at least one if not both of the two political parties in the U.S.

While the U.S. Democrats were pretty much Communist for the most part, so were a lot of U.S. Republicans.

The trouble had started with the C.I.A. Deep State.

Because the C.I.A. (then the O.S.S. during and immediately after World War II) began studying and admiring the Nazi SS psychological technology and mind control techniques, this made them prone to developing a totalitarian mind set for themselves.

Like the 1963 Vincent Price film Diary of A Madman in which Price’s character of a French judge becomes possessed by the demonic entity called a horla who had possessed a murderer he had sentenced to death, so too the American C.I.A. had become possessed by the same dark force that had possessed the Nazi SS.

It was quite easy to switch from being a Nazi/Fascist totalitarian to being a Marxist/Communist totalitarian and back again.

In the end, both Nazism/Fascism and Marxist/Communism were controlled by the same demonic forces.

Those invisible entities (fallen angels and demons) were not in the perception and world view of those with a Darwinian materialistic mindset (which was most of the world’s media, cultural and political elite), therefore they saw Nazism/Fascism and Marxist/Communism as being different ideologies rather than being two separate peas of the same pod.

George H.W. Bush was a Company man (Company as in C.I.A.).

His father Prescott Bush had been a Nazi sympathizer and had even been investigated by the U.S. government back in the early 1940s for his views.

Ronald Reagan’s first choice for his Vice-Presidential running mate in 1980 had been Jack Kemp a Republican Congressman from Buffalo New York.

However he was talked by some of his more globalist oriented advisors into naming Company (C.I.A.) man George H.W. Bush as his Vice-Presidential running mate.

Thus the anti-Communist Reagan had as his Vice-President George H.W. Bush a man who could flick back and forth from being Nazi/Fascist totalitarian to being Marxist/Communist totalitarian with the ease of a chameleon.

With this background in mind, Whitstable began his investigation.

. . .

The Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman was reading a report given to him by the Vatican Astronomical Academy.

Apparently the Christmas Star or the Star of Bethlehem (which is an extremely close conjunction of the planets Jupiter and Saturn) will be able to be seen this Winter Solstice of December 21st for the first time in 800 years.

The last time such a close alignment between these two objects (Jupiter and Saturn) in the night sky could be seen was just before dawn on March 4th 1226.

So the Christmas Star will be visible this year of 2020, Samhain Cardinal Salaman thought as he closed the door of his office.

Outside two of Pope Francis’ gay secretarial aides had been doing it on the hallway floor like two animals doing it on the TV Cable Discovery Channel.

. . .

The Greek goddess Artemis was awaiting the arrival of Dracul Van Helsing.

Dracul was seeking her aid in battling Covid Communists.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 4th 2020

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Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day

October 24, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day 

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome taverna and enjoying a glass of absinthe with the little green frog Nimrod (who had been a mighty hunter back in the day of the Old Testament Book of Genesis).

The TV in the taverna was on and the news was being read,

“In Britain, Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering has been placed in charge of the investigation to find the human trafficking gang responsible for the deaths of 39 migrants who had been found frozen to death in a refrigerator truck that was parked in an industrial area in Essex…”

“I wonder what will happen to the human traffickers when Renfield gets his hands on them?” Nimrod asked.

“I imagine from what I’ve heard of Renfield’s reputation,” Asmodeus lit his 10,000th cigarette of the day, “they will die a slow painful death by bodily dismemberment.”

“I suppose that’s why Renfield is considered the inspiration for the character of Raymond Red Reddington on The Blacklist TV show,” Nimrod licked up absinthe from his glass with his long tongue.

“I imagine,” Asmodeus agreed as he sipped his absinthe.

“In other news,” the announcer on the TV went on, “Pope Francis dove into the Tiber River today when he spotted what he thought were Pachamama idols floating by. The idols had been thrown off the bridge into the Tiber River on Monday…”

“I wonder if Pope Francis knows how to swim,” Nimrod finished his absinthe.

“Don’t know,” Asmodeus shrugged as he motioned for the waiter to bring another couple of glasses of absinthe.

A girl walked by the window wearing a Saint Raphael medal around her neck.

“Great balls of fire,” Asmodeus turned pale and made a reverse Sign of the Cross.

“What is it?” Nimrod inquired.

“That woman was wearing a Saint Raphael medal,” Asmodeus answered.

“Si, signor,” the waiter said as he put down the glasses of absinthe, “today is Saint Raphael’s Day on the old Roman Rite Latin calendar.”

“What have you got against Saint Raphael?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus when the waiter departed.

“Well over 2 millennia and a half ago, when I had the hots for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah so much so that I murdered 7 of her husbands on the night their marriages to her were supposed to be consummated,” Asmodeus explained, “The Archangel Raphael befriended a young Hebrew man named Tobias and helped him get engaged to Sarah. The awful smell of a fish’s liver and heart being burnt and its fumes drove me away when I tried to attack Tobias on their wedding night. The smell was so bad, I fled from Media (where Sarah lived) all the way to Upper Egypt where Raphael followed me, bound me and buried me. I lay bound and buried for several centuries until an intoxicated Irish leprechaun named Yaldabaoth accidentally released me while he was visiting his mother Sophia in Egypt.”

“I can see why you’re not very happy with Raphael,” Nimrod nodded.

Meanwhile in another part of Rome, the Greek goddess Artemis rang the doorbell of a Vatican Cardinal’s apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 24th
2019.

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Artemis: Goddess of The Hunt

October 14, 2019 at 9:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Artemis: Goddess of The Hunt

A whisper in the wind 
A rustle in the trees 
A mid-October autumn
A point between 
the September Indian Summer
and the cold winds of Samhain
In early November

The land waits in anticipation
A hunter’s moon last evening
And soon the hunter will appear

It is Artemis the goddess of the hunt 
Who stands at the door
For the hunt this side of autumn
Will be a hunt like no other

-A poem and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday October 14th
2019.

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Artemis In New York City

September 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Artemis In New York City

The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.

The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.

“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.

On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.

“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.

The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.

In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.

Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.

However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.

The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.

Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.

Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.

. . .

Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.

He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.

Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.

Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.

“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.

. . .

Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.

Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.

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One Hell of A Snowstorm From Hel The Norse Goddess

January 30, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, weather) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Norse Goddess Hel: Do come in out of the cold, Mr. Van Helsing, and come warm yourself inside my welcoming fireplace.

Much of the United States was suffering one Hell of a cold spell and one Hell of a snowstorm.

And it was being caused by Hel the goddess of the Norse frozen underworld.

She had brought one Hell of a polar vortex with her from her abyss in the frozen northern wastelands.

She was able to do so because Wotan/Odin the chief of the Norse Germanic pantheon of gods (known as the AEsir) and King of Asgard was currently in a Set Enterprises eye clinic in London under the care of Dr. Cadbury Rocher as a result of his one good eye being hit by an arrow fired from the Celtic stag god Cernunnos’ crossbow on a U.S. Republican Party Country Club deer hunting trip gone horribly awry and hideously astray.

Since Wotan/Odin wasn’t around to veto the idea, Hel decided to have some fun.

She was currently in a Chicago hotel enjoying both the cold and the snow storm from inside her warmly heated luxury hotel room.

The Norse trickster god Loki was in a Chicago park trying to re-enact a scene from the 1997 Julia Roberts movie My Best Friend’s Wedding and ended up getting his tongue frozen to the ice cold pussy of a frozen ice sculpture statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

The Norse wolf Fenrir and the Baphomet (who was currently in Chicago on a cross-country speaking tour raising funds for the U.S. Democratic Party) laughed heartedly as a Chicago Fire Department welding unit was brought in to free Loki’s tongue from Aphrodite’s pussy.

Dracul Van Helsing was currently walking around Chicago caught in a vortex of time caught between a Chicago in a black and white Hollywood film movie set of the 1930s and the Chicago of the January 30th 2019 polar vortex snowstorm from Hell caused by Hel.

The vortex of time was brought about by the mad scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland interfering with Dracul’s Houdini-Tesla prototype magic lanterns by which the Canadian vampire hunter was able to time travel.

Shiva had aided CERN scientists in doing this.

Shiva’s wife Kali on the other hand had reached out to help Dracul Van Helsing.

For some reason, Kali’s mention of Dracul Van Helsing on a previous occasion had caused Shiva to turn into a green-eyed monster.

The ghost of Orson Welles, looking very much like the ghost of Christmas Past in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, appeared to Van Helsing.

“Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld has sent me to help you,” Welles’ ghost explained, “Van Helsing, you seem to work your way into the most precarious situations. I really don’t understand it.”

Welles’ ghost led Van Helsing on to a Persian flying carpet where they flew through the air to the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.

There the Norse goddess Hel invited Van Helsing into her room.

An invitation from the Norse goddess Hel to Dracul Van Helsing.

As Hel and Van Helsing made out and practiced tantric sex on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, Welles’ ghost complained about the fact that he was reduced to making porno films in the 21st Century.

Welles and Van Helsing left the room whereupon the door to the next room magically opened and the Norse goddess Freya the Queen of Asgard invited Van Helsing in:

Freya: Do come in and stay awhile, Mr. Van Helsing.

As Van Helsing and Freya engaged in a Kama Sutra tantric sex encounter,
Welles remarked over the Riesling wine and the delicious Norse cod that he was eating, “Well Van Helsing, there’s nothing like forging an alliance between Odin/Wotan and Shiva in one cosmic act of revenge.”

Next door, Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war invited Van Helsing in for a lesson as Welles watched.

Welles drowned his voyeurism in pints of Guinness and bottles of Irish whiskey.

Finally Zeus’ daughter Artemis the Greek goddess of the moon made the Call of The Wild from next door.

Artemis displays a full moon for Van Helsing on this evening.

“Zeus, Shiva and Odin/Wotan in a triple alliance,” Welles moaned over several bucketloads of the best French champagne as he watched the divinely cosmic sexual encounter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 30th
2019.

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Artemis, Dracul and What Happened To The Deerslayer’s Daughter

January 22, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The Greek goddess Artemis performing in New York City’s Ziegfeld Follies in 1927

The Greek goddess Artemis had wanted to act in a Ziegfeld Follies production ever since she saw her first one in 1910.

As she was getting her photo taken to appear on the theatre marquee, she noticed a tall blonde man approach her.

She recognized the man as being Dracul Van Helsing a vampire hunter said to have the ability to travel through time according to a vision given her brother Apollo’s prophetess at Delphi.

“Mr.Van Helsing,” the goddess in mini dress, black silk fishnet pantyhose and high heeled shoes smiled at him,

“What brings you here?”.

“I’m here to negotiate a happy ending,” the man answered.

In the theatre lobby, screams were being heard as the requests of Dracul’s blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar for hot dogs and coke were not understood by the theatre lobby vendor who was from Brooklyn.

“A happy ending to this particular Ziegfeld production,” Artemis raised one of her legs in Dracul’s direction and pointed at him, “but the script is a musical comedy.”

“No, a happy ending to the tale of Agamemnon and Iphigenia,” Dracul answered referring to the story of King Agamemnon sacrificing his daughter Iphigenia at Aulis as a human sacrifice to Artemis so that she would allow fair winds for the Greek ships to be able to sail for Troy.

Agamemnon being an ass had slighted Artemis the Greek goddess of the hunt by killing one of the goddess’ deer in a sacred grove.

He was forced to sacrifice his daughter to Artemis as punishment to allow the Greek ships to sail to Troy.

Again being the supreme ass he was, he preferred sacking Troy for its gold than his young daughter living (although the official reason for war was to take Helen from Paris and return her to her husband King Menelaus).

“You want me to travel back in time and allow Iphigenia to live?” Artemis raised her other leg at Dracul, “what will you give me in return?.”

“Tantric sex,” Dracul answered.

Artemis smiled.

“That’s the answer I wanted to hear,” she ran her hands through her hair, “All right, Iphigenia will live but Clytemnestra the mother of Iphigenia must still think she was killed by Agamemnon because the fates have decreed that Clytemnestra and her lover must kill her husband King Agamemnon.”

“I care not for the butcher of Troy,” Dracul replied.

“All right,” Artemis laughed, “Funny my father Zeus warned me that I would lose my virginity if I ever appeared in a Ziegfeld Folly. I guess he was right.”

She giggled and opened her legs for the time travelling vampire hunter.

That was the night that the lights went out on Broadway as a huge surge of electricity sent everything black in the Big Apple.

Meanwhile 14 years later in 1941, Princess Iphigenia of Mycenae suddenly appeared on the bear skin rug of Carson Cody Albion Private Eye in Los Angeles, California:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 22nd
2019.

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Pope Francis, Loki and Fenrir

March 13, 2017 at 3:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon was flipping through the stations on his radio trying to see if he could pick up an all-reggae music station.

He came across an interview Pope Francis was giving members of the German news media, “Catholic fundamentalists are like Peter. They’re quite willing to deny Christ 3 times.”

He then came across the replay of an old BBC radio interview that the British essayist and commentator Malcolm Muggeridge had given over 40 years ago, “We must remember that it was the Apostle who was the most concerned about social justice that finally ended up betraying Christ in the end.”

Meanwhile the Norse trickster god Loki and his lupine son the Norse wolf Fenrir (who had both become unbound in the year 2010 in preparation for the Battle of Ragnarok 7 years hence) were walking through a New York City cryogenics lab.

“Here we are,” Loki opened a drawer marked “H for Hecate’s head”, “the cryogenically frozen head of the Greek goddess Hecate in her crone form. Now I want you to take this head, Fenrir, and eat it.”

“Can’t we stick it in the microwave first, Dad?” Fenrir communicated telepathically to his father, “I’ve always hated eating frozen TV dinners while they’re still frozen.”

“Oh, all right,” Loki sighed.

They went to the cryogenics lab cafeteria frightening all the patrons present (who promptly ran away) where Loki put the cryogenically frozen head of Hecate on high in the microwave for 2 minutes.

“I wonder if that will be long enough,” Loki scratched his trickster god chin.

The bell on the microwave rang and Loki took the head out.

“Ouch! Ouch! Hot! Hot!” Loki dropped the head to the floor and started blowing on his fingers.

Fenrir waited for the head to cool off for a while before eating it.

After eating it in one gulp, the wolf commented, “BURP!”.

“You always did have the most atrocious table manners,” Loki sighed.

“Good thing I was eating off the floor,” Fenrir belched again, “and funny, you never said that whenever I ate in Odin’s banquet hall.”

“That’s because Odin was such a sourpuss host,” Loki answered, “let’s go.”

Loki and Fenrir exited the cafeteria with Fenrir singing his own version of a 1960s Peter, Paul and Mary song as he went out the door, “Where have all the goddess heads gone? Long time passing. Where have all the goddess heads gone? Gone to wolf’s guts every one. When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?”.

An hour later the Greek deities Artemis and Apollo arrived in the cryogenics lab with the Niburuan ET gray scientist Dr. Whenever Wherever.

“Good heavens,” the goddess of the hunt Artemis shouted when she opened the drawer, “Hecate’s head is gone.”

“I wonder if I’ll get my Olympian gold coin drachmas money back,” Apollo seethed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 13th
2017.

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Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

March 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Big Ben just happened to chime in London the moment Hecate was beheaded in New York City.

Apollo gathered up Hecate’s head and had it cryogenically frozen.

Who of course could bring the deity back to life?

First bets fell on Dr. Cadbury Rocher the resident mad scientist at Set Enterprises in London who had brought Apollo back from the dead, had restored Medusa to life (minus her atrocious snake hair style) and who also had managed to clone several Greek mythological creatures including Pan and Pegasus.

However Dr. Rocher was fearful of reprisals from satyr serial killer Pan Goatee if he brought Hecate back from the dead so he declined.

South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo declined for the same reason.

As did the Russian FSB’s (former East German Stasi) mad scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen although Dr. Werhoffen did have the added burden of his boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s dislike for witches (hence his dislike for Hillary).

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton released the following statement upon hearing of Hecate’s death:

I’m so sorry to hear of the sudden and tragic demise of the Greek goddess I always considered my personal mentor Hecate the goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy. I know me and my supporters as well as the CEOs of all Planned Parenthood clinics across the land are absolutely devastated by news of our mentor’s death. I am personally proud of being a witch although I do know being a witch spelled with both a “w” and a “b” probably cost me the U.S. election as many people seemed to prefer even voting for Donald Trump as opposed to voting for me.

Weepingly yours in Hecate,
Hillary.

The Greek goddess Demeter (goddess of the harvest and agriculture) was very concerned over the death of Hecate.

She turned to Artemis the goddess of the hunt for help in bringing Hecate back to life.

Asclepius the Greek god of medicine and healing was sadly being held a prisoner in the Himalayas by a mysterious Golden cobra serpent figure who called himself Maitreya so he could not do it.

Artemis went for a walk in the woods in upstate New York to collect her thoughts.

There she ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula (whose ET gray body was possessed by the spirit of the Roman Emperor Caligula).whose Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter had run out of metallic hydrogen since Gali-Gula had neglected to fill up at the closest Nonpetro Galaxia metallic hydrogen filling station.

Gali-Gula was aware that world-famous Earthling dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes would probably tomato his buns for such a major blunder to say nothing of Pope Francis excommunicating him (if he had been Catholic) as well as being hit by a major carbon tax surcharge by Alberta Premier Rachel Notley’s NDP government in Canada for making such a major environmental non-green non-renewable energy blunder.

Artemis told Gali-Gula her dilemma.

Gali-Gula told Artemis his.

Artemis text messaged Hephaestus the Greek god of the forge to see what he could do.

In return, Gali-Gula text messaged his ET grayish home planet Nibiru’s top scientist Dr. Whenever Wherever.

Dr. Whenever Wherever was in fact a Nibiruan scientist from the future who had traveled back in time to the current century.

Due to a mishap involving a drunken Niburuan otter called Jeffery which resulted in sustainable head injuries to Dr. Whenever Wherever after he tripped over the well intoxicated otter lying on the floor, Dr. Whenever Wherever’s portion of his ET gray brain dedicated to time travel had been overtaken by amnesia. (Nibiruan science had suffered several setbacks over the millenia due to the folly of drunken Nibiruan otters- please see

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/gali-gula-from-roman-emperor-to-et/ )

In the future, Dr. Whenever Wherever had been born to Nibiruan parents who were big fans of the earthling BBC series Dr. Who watching them on Ultra-Violet Ray Video Discs (with infinitely better picture quality than our decade’s Blu-Ray discs). Unfortunately the idiot recording them on the Discs had pushed the wrong button and so the only soundtrack that showed up in the background of the Dr. Who episodes was a constant refrain of Shakira’s 2001 hit song Whenever Wherever.

That episode of Dr. Who where the stone angels came to life was infinitely more terrifying when you heard the words Whenever Wherever to their suddenly and eerily coming to life.

As such, the young ET gray’s parents had named the child Whenever Wherever after the dialogue in the episodes of Dr. Who they watched on the unknown idiot’s Ultra-Violet Ray video discs of Dr. Who.

Dr. Whenever Wherever of Nibiru after speaking to Artemis on Gali-Gula’s Infinitely Celestial Smart Phone agreed to help in the case of Hecate’s severed head seeing if it could be brought back to life.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 10th
2017.

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