Asmodeus In London

April 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).

“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.

Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.

The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.

Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.

As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.

Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.

At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.

Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.

“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.

“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”

“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.

Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.

“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”

Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.

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Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan

March 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.

Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.

“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.

“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”

Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.

“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”

“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.

The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.

“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”

“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”

“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”

“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.

“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”

“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.

“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.

“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.

“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”

“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.

“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”

“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.

Lilith reached down her dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.


What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?

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Asmodeus’ Advice To Loki

November 16, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki had been told by Ares the Greek god of war that Zeus was now expecting a night of lovemaking with Ariana Grande as part of a deal for releasing the Kraken.

Loki went about making arrangements for this and discovered to his horror that Ariana Grande was being protected by Saint Raphael the Archangel.

The demon Asmodeus had told Loki over cigarettes and Irish Coffee that Raphael was one tough cookie.

That centuries ago, after Asmodeus had been causing problems for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah, Raphael had captured Asmodeus in Upper Egypt and bound him.

It was an experience that Asmodeus wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy the cigarette smoking demon said as an exorcist walked through the door.

Asmodeus picked up his hat and coat, thanked Loki for a lovely evening and left sticking the Norse trickster god with paying the bill.

Loki decided he better not risk taking the horny Greek Olympian god Zeus to Ariana’s place if Raphael was around.

Instead Loki contacted Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal (who was a friend of the bar tab evading Asmodeus) and asked what he should do.

Allatallahbel suggested getting Zeus drunk on shots of tequila and then bring him around to her apartment in the Vatican to make out with her Allatallahbel.

She’d tell him that she was Ariana Grande.

So one fine November night, Loki got Zeus loaded on shots of tequila in a Rome taverna.

With Zeus three sheets to the wind and a huge windstorm pounding the Eternal City, Loki led the Olympian to Allatallahbel’s apartment in the Vatican.

Zeus entered her bedroom and noticed Allatallahbel lying face down one sheet to the wind as the window was open.

“My what lovely tattos you have, my dear,” Zeus drooled like Cerberus after a night on the town.

“The better to impress Bill Clinton and Jessie Jackson with, my dear,” Allatallahbel replied.

Soon Zeus and Allatallahbel were making out.

Pope Francis walked into the room.

“Jesus Christ!” said the pontiff.

“Not quite,” Zeus replied, “The name is Zeus. Jupiter Zeus.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 16th
2018.

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Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

September 13, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was (and still is) an asshole.

Probably the biggest asshole ever to occupy the office of Prime Minister of Canada (the second biggest asshole being the current Prime Minister Justin’s Marxist father Pierre Elliot Trudeau).

Every few years asshole Mulroney will crawl out of the woodwork just on the off chance the Canadian people have forgotten what a total moron he was and say something outrageously stupid to remind them.

A couple of days ago, asshole Mulroney crawled out of the woodwork to do just that.

While Mulroney’s two heavenly former guardian angels held an invisible spiritual dunce cap over his head, the former Prime Minister said he never approved of the Notwithstanding clause in the Canadian Constitution and attacked Ontario Premier Doug Ford for using it.

In an outburst of vocal flatulence, the former Prime Minister said he didn’t like the idea of a constitutional clause being used to override a decision of the Supreme Court of Canada.

It was precisely because of idiotic Supreme Court judges appointed by idiotic Prime Ministers like Mr. Bulroney (which is the way his name should be properly pronounced) and the two Trudeaus (pot smoking son and Marxist father) that the 8 Premiers who were opposed to Swinging (from the Maoist and Castro jungle branches) Pierre Elliot agreed to an entrenched Charter of Rights (which Pierre Elliot had modeled on Soviet dictator Josef Stalin’s high sounding and noble words declaring Charter of Human Rights enshrined in the Soviet Constitution of the USSR which history knows how genuinely successful that was) in the Canadian Constitution provided that Federal and Provincial governments have the power to override idiotic decisions by unelected judges (appointed as patronage appointments by idiotic political leaders) through the use of a Notwithstanding clause.

Unfunny clown 🤡 Bulroney seemed to have forgotten the fact that he had used an obscure clause in the original 1867 Constitution (that had never been previously invoked in Canada’s entire history until the unfortunate advent of asshole Bulroney) to stack the Canadian Federal Senate with a bunch of political hacks and Bulroney butt-kissing bozos in order to pass the most stupid tax ever created in Canadian history- the GST.

The Canadian senate in 1990 had announced that they were going to vote against Bulroney’s idiotic GST and kill the bill.

Thereupon the ass scratching Mulroney’s legal team found the obscure clause in the original 1867 Canadian Constitution which allowed the rash asshole Bulroney to stack the Senate with his own brown nosed and butt kissing supporters.

Also opposed to Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause was former Ontario Premier Bill Davis a man who was a great admirer of Marxist Pierre.

In fact Bill Davis was only one of two Premiers who supported Pierre in repatriating the Constitution with an entrenched Charter of Rights (the other Provincial Premier was Richard Hatfield the then marijuana pot smoking Premier of New Brunswick who was once caught with marijuana in his possession while flying on a plane ✈️ with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II). The other 8 provincial premiers were opposed to it.

Joining Brian Bulroney and Bill Davis in condemning Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause were the major consumers of recreational Canadian cannabis- those who worked in Amnesty International’s Canada office who saw a moral equivalency between Doug Ford using the Notwithstanding clause to reduce the size of Toronto City Council and the way Syrian President Bashar al-Assad treats his political opponents.

After Bulroney made his announcement condemning the Notwithstanding clause, he was immediately kicked in his minuscule sized balls by DARPA contract assassin Panty Goatee (the genetically created twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and lovable serial killer Pan Goatee).

She had been hired by the International Federation of Vampire Hunters to do so.

This month’s Acting President of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters was the Alberta born and raised Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

. . .

Pope Francis thought he could smell cigarette smoke 💨 as he closed his bedroom door.

Sure enough, that’s what it was.

The nicotine addict and cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was lying in Pope Francis’s bed smoking a cigarette and reading National Geographic magazine.

“Hope you don’t mind me smoking in here,” Asmodeus wheezed before coughing a heavy smoker’s cough, “but Lilith was complaining that the smoke 💨 was bothering her so I came in here to smoke.”

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was currently visiting the ancient Phoenician vampiress Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal at the Vatican to discuss their mutual plans for the Middle East.

“No, I don’t mind,” Pope Francis coughed through the thick clouds ☁️ of smoke 💨.

“A most jolly good fellow you are,” Asmodeus belched as he drank his quadruple cream and quadruple tablespoonful of sugar mocha latte cafe coffee ☕️.

“Thank you,” said Pope Francis who was not used to receiving compliments these days.

“Say, do you think I should buy some reefers of recreational Canadian cannabis and start smoking that when they become legal?” Asmodeus licked the marshmallow cream moustache from underneath his nose, “do you think it will help me overcome my nicotine addiction?”.

“It might,” Pope Francis admitted.

“Say, what is the Papal position on demons smoking marijuana in your bed by the way?” Asmodeus asked out of curiosity.

“I’m not quite sure,” Pope Francis picked up his copy of the book Catholic Dogmatic Theology For Dummies that lay on his night table, “I’ll have to look it up.”

. . .

Hurricane Florence was about to hit the coast of the Carolinas.

Inside the eye of the storm doing a whirling dervish dance 💃🏻 was the Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici.

As she danced and twirled, Signora Florence De Medici sang, “Carolina moon keep shining, Shining on the one who waits for me…”

The Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici in her gardens on her palatial Estate in the Italian city of Florence in her pre-hurricane days.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 13th
2018.

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Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

April 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was meeting with the talking little green frog 🐸 called Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus in a cafe in Istanbul.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like smoking Turkish cigarettes,” the chain-smoking demon Asmodeus remarked as he smoked his 70th Turkish cigarette of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish coffee or not,” Nimrod remarked with his head sticking out of the tiny cup after almost drowning in his 70th cup of Turkish coffee of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish evening gowns or not,” Lilith remarked as she took off her 69th evening gown in the cafe and put on her 70th Turkish evening gown of the day from her shopping bag of items she had picked up in Istanbul’s fashion bazaar.

The display of lovely 😊 and sensual vampiress nudity once again resulted in a huge collision of Turkish waiters carrying plates and cups.

“So how did your meeting with Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Vladimir Putin and Hassan Rouhani in Ankara go?” Asmodeus asked as he put a nicotine patch on his arm to help him cut down on his daily cigarette intake, “Did you convince the leaders of Russia 🇷🇺, Iran 🇮🇷 and Turkey 🇹🇷 to invade Israel 🇮🇱?”.

Lilith answered.

In the cafe across the street, Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem were listening in to the conversation between Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod on some eavesdropping equipment they had.

“Oh shoot,” the Controller cursed, “the microphone 🎤 went dead just as Lilith was giving the answer.”

Their view of the cafe across the street was also blocked by a huge number of Turkish men as well as female members of the Turkish Lesbian Front who had been standing in front of the cafe window for the past several hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 5th
2018.

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Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod On Mount Moriah

August 14, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod On Mount Moriah

The Ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing atop Mount Moriah (known to Jews as the Temple Mount and known to Muslims as the Haram al-Sharif) alongside the demon Asmodeus and a little green frog called Nimrod (in his mortal life he had been ruler of the city of Babel and builder of the Tower of Babel but as a result of a vampiric kiss of life administered by Lilith gone awry due to a lack of vermouth, he had been brought back from the dead all right but his genetic make-up had changed and he had been turned into a frog as a result).

Lilith spoke,

When shall we three meet again?
In Moscow, Mecca or in Spain?

Asmodeus answered,

When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the Battle of Gog and Magog’s lost and won.

Nimrod (after using his tongue to capture one of Beelzebub’s passing flies) said,

That will be ere the set of sun.

Lilith: Where the place?

Asmodeus: Upon Mount Meggido.

Nimrod: There to meet with He Who Cannot Be Named (if I may borrow an expression from the Harry Potter books).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 14th
2017.
He

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Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

July 13, 2017 at 5:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.

Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.

Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).

And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).

Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime Minister Theresa May for calling a snap general election, the two men decided to go on a trip together to drown their respective sorrows.

Britain’s Sun tabloid newspaper had reported on the trip with the headline ELECTORAL DEFEAT MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.

Today Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were visiting the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City which was the largest Anglican Cathedral in the world.

As they stood there looking up at the Rose Window, a strange looking fellow walked by.

“Say,” Magog nudged Agathor, “isn’t that the Hindu god Shiva?”.

“I believe it is,” Agathor put on his glasses and peered at the deity known as “The Destroyer” and “The Transformer” within the Hindu religion.

“What’s he doing in an Episcopal Cathedral?” Magog asked.

“Perhaps he’s becoming an Episcopalian,” Agathor replied.

“Shiva becoming an Episcopalian?” Magog was incredulous.

“Yes,” Agathor nodded.

“Gods don’t become Episcopalian,” retorted the atheistic Magog.

“They don’t become Catholic either,” Agathor reflected, “since Pope Francis says that there’s no Catholic god.”

. . .

Outside the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, officials reported that the large statue of Shiva the Destroyer outside the Collider tunnel had come to life and disappeared.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ resident chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was reading an article on how a Harvard University scientific research team had used the Crispr genome editing tool to insert a gif (five frames of a horse galloping) into the DNA of bacteria.

The gif was the image of a human hand and 5 frames of the horse Annie G captured in the late 19th Century by British pioneer photographer Eadweard Muybridge.

“Wow, inserting an image into DNA to allow it to pass down through generations,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher hit his head, “why didn’t I think of that before?”.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher decided to try this for himself.

For his image, he used a 5 minute YouTube video clip of the meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump at last week’s G-20 summit in Hamburg Germany.

The clip not shown on any of the Fake News networks across the world showed the demon Asmodeus standing immediately behind the sitting Putin and sitting Trump and playing on his harmonica the musical melody to Lara’s Theme from the movie Doctor Zhivago.

Being the genius that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, he was able to, in 5 minutes, insert the YouTube video into the DNA of bacteria what it took 5 days for the Harvard research team to do on their 5 frame gif.

He then put the bacteria in a sealed test tube and left it in the lab.

The Norse trickster god Loki, who had been hiding under a desk seeing what Dr. Cadbury Rocher was up to, decided to take the sealed test tube of bacteria and immediately teleported himself to the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

When he landed, he knocked over a tourist the Nibiruan ET gray Gali-Gula who was standing there taking pictures with his advanced extraterrestrial camera around his neck.

Loki then placed the sealed test tube of bacteria into one of the cracks in the Western Wall where people normally place prayer notes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 13th
2017.

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Amorous Laetitia’s Motorcycle Ride

June 23, 2017 at 4:34 pm (Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis had been taking newly elected British MP Renfield R. Renfield on a motorcycle tour of the French countryside.

Renfield was bound to be successful in politics.

He had only been in office a week and already he was ignoring his constituents’ concerns and going off on an extravagant foreign trip.

This seemed to be the only issue on which politicians of the political left, politicians of the political right and politicians of the political center appeared to share mutual agreement.

Since Isis was a vampiress, they rode by night and slept by day.

Renfield and Isis were currently sleeping in a rustic rural French inn with their motorcycle parked outside.

The inn taverne door slammed and a rather large black cat stumbled outside.

The black cat was Amorous Laetitia who was the personal black cat and familiar to Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Her mistress had recently been beheaded by genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee and then her head was eaten by the Norse wolf Fenrir.

As such, Laetitia to drown her sorrows had turned to her favourite liquid substance in a saucer- which was Bailey’s Irish Cream and not milk.

Laetitia had spent the evening drinking Bailey’s Irish Cream inside the taverna and when she exited very late in the morning, she spotted Isis’ motorcycle.

She hiccoughed and thought to herself that one thing about being a familiar to the goddess Hecate is you quickly learn how to hotwire a motorcycle.

She did so and sped down the open road.

Black Cat On A Chopper: A Poem

It’s really something to see- a black cat on a chopper
as tall tales go, you think I’m telling a whopper
but Amorous Laetitia rode down the road- not very straight
because the taverne waiter in refilling her Bailey’s was never late

Now it’s really not a very nice thing to drink and drive
as the bees thought when she crashed through their hive
now motorcycle gendarme Nicole Bardot was riding her police cycle
when she saw Laetitia speed past the statue of Saint Michael

She got on her cycle and rode
as Laetitia hit a toad
who was Asmodeus in disguise
the cat blinked her bleary red eyes

And soon the cat was in the village drunk tank
and Nicole Bardot found herself promoted in rank.

-A vampire novel chapter and poem
written by Christopher
Friday June 23rd 2017.
Nicole Bardot
French motorcycle gendarme Nicole Bardot: Busted the black cat Amorous Laetitia for drinking Bailey’s Irish Cream and then stealing and driving a chopper motorcyle.

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Asmodeus On Eiffel Tower In Paris

June 13, 2017 at 7:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The demon Asmodeus stood on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

Smoking a cigarette.

“I wonder if I flicked this cigarette,” Asmodeus reflected, “if Hitler would once again ask the question he asked that German general, Is Paris Burning?”.

He flicked the cigarette down to see.

“No,” said Asmodeus, “it will obviously take more than one cigarette.”

Still the demon had become rather fond of Paris.

So he wouldn’t buy a warehouse of cigarettes to test his newly mused theory.

Like that German general who defied Hitler, he’d spare Paris.

“Of course,” Asmodeus laughed, “other cities won’t be so lucky.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 13th
2017.

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Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite

May 13, 2017 at 3:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.

Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).

Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.

She brought him with her to the Holy Land.

“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”

“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.

Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.

He had heard that there was a statue of himself holding up the holy water stoup inside the Church.

“A very good likeness,” Asmodeus grinned as he lit a cigarette and took a selfie of himself alongside the statue and posted it to Facebook.

Meanwhile back at the Presidential Palace in Caracas, Venezuela, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was in hot water.

His residence was one of the few places in Venezuela where the hot water was still working.

But none of this concerned the megalomaniacal President as he sat in his bath tub text messaging with his ally North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un boasted to Maduro on his Skype screen, “I’ve got the Greek god Hephaestus designing and making my missiles for me.”

Meanwhile in Athens, Greece, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been informed by MI-6’s Diablos Nocturna Division that Hephaestus was now making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

He had arrived in Greece for one purpose.

To convince the Greek goddess Aphrodite to go to Pyongyang North Korea and convince her husband Hephaestus to stop making missiles for Kim Jong-un.

“Why should I do that for you, Dracul Van Helsing?” She asked the Canadian vampire hunter who was also an operative for MI-6.

“I’ll give you an entire evening of reasons why,” said Dracul.

After an evening of passionate love making, Aphrodite got up and greeted the dawn.

“All right,” Aphrodite cooed at Dracul, “I’ll go.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 13th
2017.

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