Atargatis In Moscow
Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin
Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.
Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”
Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”
Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.
When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.
Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.
The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.
“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.
“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.
Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.
The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.
It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.
Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.
“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.
“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.
Atargatis? Or Welles?
Whose offer should he Putin accept?
“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.
Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes: A Gothic Mythological Private Eye Poem
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin’ where they all disappeared…
It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane
Those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.
-Jimmy Buffett, August 1977.
The water nymph Ondine in a pre-Raphaelite painting
that Carson Cody Albion Private Eye gazed at on a wall
An immortal made immortal in stroke of brush and mixture on palette
And now he Carson Cody Albion who had been made immortal by Atargatis
Atargatis
would he too someday be immortalized in stroke of brush and mixture of palette
An immortal beyond time and space
captured on canvas in frame occupying a place on a wall
captured in paint by a particular person at a particular time and place
was this why infinity turned in on itself and formed a pair of loops
intersecting at a particular point in time and space?
And what of his painting?
Albion wondered to himself
Could his own sins and transgressions be transferred to his painted visage
As happened to Oscar Wilde’s hero of one Dorian Gray
in the Victorian dandy’s tale of gothic philosophical fiction?
In the same place California but at a different time over 75 years later
Dracul Van Helsing stumbled upon the aftermath of a child sacrifice to Baphomet
presided over by the state’s governor in an act of officially consecrating the state to the demons Baal and Baphomet
As moonbeams danced and sunflowers turned brown in the darkness of night and the crescent of a moon and the bloodbath following a baby’s screams at the hands of a World War II jerry’s insigniaed knife
Baphometa the daughter of Baphomet emerged
clutching her shoulder as if clutching a bloody wound
that was the sole remaining wound of the last vestige of whatever innocence she might have possessed
prior to participating in her first child sacrifice
Oh even daughters of demons stand wounded
when suddenly they come face to face with the dark side of their nature
when given their pedigree, surely the dark side was theirs by nature
but alas even for daughters of demons, darkness embraced and innocence lost
was not and should not be the lot of any of creation
since that dreaded day when the Light-Bearer ascended and became the Bearer of Darkness
An ascent that descended so rapidly
A light that burned so impenetrably it became the blackest of all darkness
Dracul rushed to embrace the distraught Baphometa
Leaving one to wonder could kindness and consolation drive the darkest darkness away?
Back 75 years, the real Ondine stood in front of Carson Cody Albion
Her hair colour had changed since the Pre-Raphaelite artist
had painted her picture in England in the 19th Century
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
What a change that can bring
Switch the time, switch the place
Switch the hair
By a stream of water, the hero in the Pre-Raphaelite painting
had lost the water nymph Ondine
By a fountain of water, Carson Cody Albion had found her
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Even H2O wasn’t the same everywhere
as ice and snow fell into the ocean
Below the cascading castles of clouds
Against a snowy backdrop, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora
stood with her two mastiffs in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania
Facing Interpol agent Peter Whitstable
Whitstable had heard the urban myths and legends and tales of mysterious black eyed children
and now he stood face to face with black eyed dogs
And they stood staring at him
If eyes be the mirror of the soul, then souls these two black eyed mastiffs did not have
But fortunately for Whitstable, he was not their target
The Russian Orthodox monk behind him was
Sent by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow
As an emissary to the Romanian Orthodox Church
to advise them to break communion with Constantinople
But such was not Theodora’s plan
And foolish mortals should not interfere with the best laid plans of vampiresses
Particularly one with black eyed mastiffs at her beck and call
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
From the mountain heights of Romania to the desert sands of Arabia
The Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula
strolling by the stream of the oasis palace of
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman
And she saw the Prince walk by
Book in hand
But the book he carried was not the Quran
But the Zohar
Most pre-eminent text in the Kabbalah
Tantric sex with Baphometa was called for
As Marvin Gaye sang Sexual Healing in the background
Dracul Van Helsing healed her
And Persephone the Queen of the Underworld waited for Dracul at sunset
at an Episcopal monastery in Santa Barbara
From the depths of Hades her husband’s realm
To the heights of Santa Barbara
Definitely changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
As Dracul and the Queen of the Underworld had tantric sex
And the Canadian vampire hunter made a cuckold of Zeus’ infernal brother
A pomegranate was crushed beneath the feet of the pair
And Persephone laughed, “Oh, Dracul,
if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”
-A vampire novel chapter
and gothic mythological
private eye poem
written by Christopher
Saturday January 12th
2019.
Amadeus’ Song: A Distant Mirror Reflects
Singer Amadeus Emanon was in the recording studio of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. on London’s Abbey Road.
His producer Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave him the thumbs up.
Amadeus started to sing,
In Beverly Hills, you never grow old
your body uses science to take on a new glow
Life eternal is now in a pill
On those nights when the moon rises high
and stardust mixes with water and wine
what was blood to the Son of Man falls on dry barren ground
This is the new Hollywood
replacing that holy wood of long ago
Golgotha’s hill gives way to the hills of Beverly
And now a new god beckons me from behind that silver screen
offering me love, sex and immortality
it’s all so thrilling and so new
All I have to do is give my soul away
And watch the light from blood red moon
signal the start of a brand new day
Amazon and Google like John the Baptist lead the way
5G flows into my brain like San Francisco’s golden rain
Circuitry and arteries have now fused and merged into one
The flashes of light and the deity in sight
They burst all around like galaxies abound
The celestial mass divides again and again
DNA has never been this way
Our being is changed in the twinkling of an eye
And we can do it all without that Carpenter guy
And so I’ve taken the Mark
My life is one with android electrical spark
I’ve changed this flesh for a mechanical heart
one that will forever beat even without love
I know I will live forever and never ever die
That fruit of tree in Garden is so yesterday
far too earthy and natural
nothing like today
when science and high tech have shown us the way
The lights of Metropolis of yesterday
have given way to Metropolis’ lights today
What was there on the screen of ’20s German Expressionist film
has come to pass with Transhumanist technocracy know-how
Lovecraft saw the Great Old Ones coming back
but not the shiny new gadgets they carried in their sack
They have offered us all the kingdoms of this world
gold, precious jewels and all diverse manners of pearl
and have offered us immortality to boot
We have now become the gods
And the food of the gods?
Our own souls
that we eat daily.
Amen and amen.
Heathcliff Dioynsus Campbell nodded that was a rap.
Amadeus took off his headphones and in his mind’s eye, saw a distant mirror.
To the Hollywood of the early 1940s when Carson Cody Albion Private Eye was offered immortality with a divinely human touch from the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis:
The flesh was weak back then.
But, Amadeus reflected, thanks to advances in science and technology, the spirit itself has become weak.
And all of us are now ready to betray the Son of Man without so much as a kiss.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 9th
2018.
At The End of The Day: A Carson Cody Albion Private Eye Poem
At the end of the day, walking in an empty house
where gods and goddesses play
for this is Hollywood’s way
I’m not the one making the rules
I just follow them like most fools
No mortal may apply here
For the Silver Screen
is gateway to Eden’s lie
Thou shall not surely die
for you live forever on celluloid
where your soul goes is anyone’s guess
Just smile at the camera at your screen test
As Carson Cody Albion Private Eye walked the house,
these words echoed through his mind.
Persephone Queen of The Underworld waits at the bar with drink
A pomegranate liqueur perhaps, Mr.Albion?
She spoke with the purr of a cat and the splash of a fish.
Albion continued on.
Atargatis stood in the Asian room.
So mortal like.
So unmermaid like.
And surely no deadly siren call?
“Who should I rub for luck?” Atargatis sang, “The Buddha? Or you, Mr. Albion?”.
In the fireside room, Semiramis waited on leopardskin rug
while embers of long dead languages flickered off the log
that was a sideways leaning towering inferno of babel
“Come sit by the fire, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis purred, “and choose the cat you want to play with.”
Albion continued walking.
This time to the bedroom.
Where once again Persephone Queen of The Underworld was waiting for him
“Come in, Mr. Albion. Come in and explore my depths.”
-A private eye poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 7th
2019.
Atargatis The Whistling Gypsy
It had been two years since Carson Cody Albion had had the tantric sex encounter with Semiramis in New Orleans.
A lot had happened since then.
Semiramis tired of stalking the bayous of New Orleans as the Jaguar Woman of New Orleans had returned to her palace along the Euphrates River.
Carson Cody Albion had packed up his private eye business and moved to Los Angeles from New Orleans.
The Golden Age of Hollywood and the shenanigans of film studio executives and their wives and mistresses made for a more lucrative clientele.
One thing that still puzzled Albion about the Semiramis encounter was why the Jaguar Woman (and ex-Queen of Babylon) had suddenly clutched on to Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander the Great) and shouted “Mommy.”
He had found the answer while browsing through a Los Angeles rare bookshop.
He had looked up the name Semiramis in an old encyclopedia and discovered that she was the daughter of the Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis.
No wonder why when Semiramis saw an actual real live mermaid, she mistook her for her own mother.
Albion left the bookshop.
He decided to head over to one of the Hollywood studio backlots looking for customers.
While walking through one of the backlots, he noticed an actress playing a gypsy woman taking a rest from filming.
As he walked by her, she whistled at him.
Albion turned around, smiled and doffed his hat to her.
He continued walking.
Little did he know that the whistling gypsy was in fact the mermaid Atargatis the mother of Semiramis.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 4th
2018.
Semiramis In New Orleans
After Semiramis the Jaguar Woman shapeshifter (who claimed to be the ancient Queen of Babylon) created a scene in the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club where her dress came apart at the seams in the process, she returned to her hotel room.
Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion Private Eye had taken the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great) to meet a man claiming to be the Greek god Zeus.
Zeus had a hankering to make out with a mermaid and had settled upon Alexander the Great’s half-sister.
Trying to ply Thessalonike with drinks in Carson Albion’s office (which was a house on stilts in the water of a New Orleans bayou), Zeus was getting nowhere as Thessalonike kept refusing them.
Suddenly a woman claiming to be Hera showed up in the office and declared that she had found something fishy about Zeus’ story that he had gone to Louisiana for the shrimp.
Seeing the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon standing there, she declared “There is something very fishy indeed.”
She then hit her husband over the head with the lobster attached to the front of Thessalonike’s dress.
Zeus hit the floor faster than a thunderbolt thrown from Mount Olympus.
Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion had gone in search of that elusive beautiful woman Semiramis for two reasons.
Reason number one: To return her dress to her (which he had picked up off the floor of the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club).
And reason number two: For personal reasons of his own (They didn’t call him the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog for nothing).
Albion used his own hound dog Methuselah to track Semiramis’ scent.
He wound up at her hotel room.
“Come in, Mr. Albion,” a sultry female voice spoke from inside the room, “it’s unlocked.”
Carson Albion entered the room and noticed Semiramis standing there next to a painting of a tiger.
She stood there alongside the painting with her fingers and finger nails posed like cat claws.
The smiling expression on her face resembled the smiling expression of the tiger in the painting.
How positively feline, Albion thought to himself.
As if she could read his mind, she lit herself a cigarette and blew smoke rings.
She then spoke with a voice as melodious as that of a midnight rhapsody, “Who ultimately wins when it comes to a battle of wits, Mr. Albion? Cats or dogs?”.
Carson Albion shifted uncomfortably on his gumshoe shoes.
“Your reputation as the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog precedes you, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis picked up her dry martini in a glass and stuck in her long tongue to the bottom of the glass and then sucked up the entire liquid with it, “why do you think I left the door open?”.
Albion started to feel hot.
And it wasn’t due to the usual mugginess of a New Orleans evening.
“What’s the matter, Mr. Albion? Why no words?” Semiramis put her catlike fingers on his shoulder, “Has the cat got your tongue?”
Semiramis put her tongue on his lips and into his mouth.
“How’s that for a taste of honey?” Semiramis laughed as she withdrew her tongue, “Could you be like John the Baptist and live on wild honey but skip the locusts?”.
Albion was by now totally speechless.
Totally aroused.
But totally speechless.
“Would you like to kneel at my feet as if I was a goddess, Mr. Albion?” Semiramis smoothed her dress with her catlike claws, “would you like to be my slave?”.
Albion got down on his knees in front of her.
Never would such a slavery be more pleasant than freedom.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 3rd
2019.
The Mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon In New Orleans: A Carson Albion Private Eye Poem
Out on the bayou
in an old cabin built on stilts in the water
was where Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
had his New Orleans private eye’s office
On this New Year’s Day in 1934
Albion had been visited by a white haired
and white bearded gentlemen
who claimed to be the Greek god Zeus
New Orleans was full of such nuts
Zeus was a client of the voodoo High Priestess
Mammy Del Rey
The beautiful and lovely Mammy Del Rey had been reading lizard entrails
for the said gentleman who said he was Zeus
Entrails to determine the whereabouts of the immortal mermaid
Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great)
said to be currently visiting the City of New Orleans
Unfortunately for Mammy and for Zeus
The Voodoo Priest next door
Grandpa Doc Duvalier
performed what turned out to be a successful Resurrection From The Dead spell
as the lizard entrails suddenly got up and walked away from Mammy Del Rey’s ashtray
and dived overboard from Mammy’s house boat cabin into the bayou below
where they were promptly swallowed by a fish
Thus the Mystery of Thessalonike’s whereabouts were now as great a mystery
as they were before Mammy started reading the entrails
So Mammy brought Zeus to Carson Cody Albion Private Eye for help
Mammy had picked up an image from the lizard entrails
prior to their unfortunate resurrection
Mammy drew an image in the sand for Albion
(Albion had a sandbox on his bayou house on stilts
which Louisiana Governor and now U.S. Senator Huey Long
used to play in
whenever he visited Carson Albion’s office)
Albion recognized the image as being the symbol on the matchbooks
given to smoking customers down at Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
rather than just giving this info directly to Zeus
The private eye said he’d take the case
and pocketed a fee from Zeus (Albion hoped that Greek drachmas
would be worth a lot in U.S. currency)
After giving Zeus a close-up view of the bayou
(by pushing him overboard)
and then making out with the lovely Voodoo High Priestess Mammy Del Rey
on his waterbed (this early prototype of the popular 1970s bedroom phenomenon had been invented by his good friend Nikola Tesla)
He then headed down to the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
In his private eye trenchcoat pocket he carried a crystal ball snow globe
(containing the image of Thessalonike of Macedon) that had been given him by Mammy Del Rey
Thus he recognized the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander The Great right away
The immortal mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great) in a New Orleans jazz nightclub back in 1934.
The rare colour photo was taken with a little known instant photo colour camera the Teslatroid (the colour equivalent of the first black and white Polaroid cameras that were invented by Edwin Land 14 years later) invented by Nikola Tesla.
Any resemblance between the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon at this New Year’s Day party in 1934 and singer Taylor Swift at her New Year’s Day party in 2019 is purely coincdental.
Surely thereafter Thessalonike was set upon by the mysterious Jaguar Woman of New Orleans
(a woman who was able to shapeshift into a Black Jaguar)
The woman who called herself Semiramis (like the legendary Ho Queen of Babylon) addressed the woman as Mommy Dearest before knocking her to the floor
In the ensuing fish-cat fight that followed
Semiramis’s dress came apart at the seams.
Semiramis: her dress came apart at the seams when she cried Mommy Dearest
To be continued.
-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 1st
2019.
Winter Solstice: Just Another Day Between Hades and Paradise
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora stood alongside her classic car on a country road not far from Kiev, Ukraine.
She was to meet here with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to prevent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from assasinating the new independent Ukrainian Orthodox Church Metropolitan Epiphany of Kiev on Vladimir Putin’s orders.
When Dracul arrived on the scene and noticed the lovely sexy mini dress wearing vampiress and her beautiful classic car and how spacious the back seat of the vehicle was, Dracul looked at his antique watch which was powered by moonlight (the watch had been a joint invention by Faberge and Dr. Louis Rocher who had been Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great grandfather) and said to Theodora, “I think we have time to make out before Svetlana arrives at the monastery.”
Theodora stood to her full height on her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and adjusted her dress strap (allowing Dracul a magnificent view of her magnificent knockers) and said, “Oh yes, you’re the famous tantric sex practising vampire slayer, aren’t you?”.
Soon Dracul and the vampiress Theodora were in the back seat of the classic car and steaming up the vehicle’s back windows with their various Kama Sutra positions while the full moon rose and the wolf bane bloomed while a pure hearted man said his prayers and a meteor shower lit up the sky.
. . .
The reincarnated Hound of the Baskervilles wagged his tail and strolled and drooled his way through the English countryside while being followed by sinister looking soldiers dressed in shadow black who had piercing grayish green translucent eyes.
“Who are those soldiers?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol asked the Church of England’s most pre-eminent Anglo-Catholic Exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was the Vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church near the town of Tewkesbury.
“Demons,” Father Aidan answered, “although they are demons who claim to be aliens from outer space. That’s the deception demons have been carrying on ever since Jack Parsons (founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena California) and L. Ron Hubbard (future founder of the Church of Scientology) performed the Aleister Crowley inspired Babalon Working series of magic rituals from January to March 1946. The incident at Roswell New Mexico happened a year and a half later, U.S. Air Force pilots spotted dozens of UFO flying saucers flying over Mount Shasta in Washington state and thousands of UFO sightings and even alien abduction of human stories have been happening ever since.”
“But they’re actually demons?” Whitstable raised an eyebrow.
“Demons always cater to the beliefs of their age in terms of their appearance and expertise,” Father Aidan explained, “since the end of the First World War, humanity gradually turned from belief in the Supernatural to belief in science and technology to save the world. And demons adjusted themselves accordingly. They no longer posed as fairies or djinn but beings from other solar systems and other galaxies.”
“Wow,” said Whitstable who wondered what David Duchovny’s Fox Mulder would think of all this.
“Some exorcist theologians think this particular demonic deception is the great deception that was foreseen by Paul in his II Thessalonians epistle,” Father Aidan explained.
He went on, “In their dealings with the Grey Green lobby in the Jesuit order (those Jesuits who run the VATT astronomical observatory on Mount Graham in Arizona) and the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican, these demons posing as aliens told them that humanity was actually created by aliens from another galaxy who operated on the DNA of hominids on the planet and changed them and they became human. That’s what they told the scientists behind CERN as well. So they’re opening up portals at CERN to get in touch with their allegedly alien creators. Supposedly the aliens will be returning soon to save the planet from ecological destruction caused by man. Another reason besides standing up to the Gay Lavender Mafia in the Vatican why Pope Benedict XVI had to go. Benedict wondered whether those aliens were not in fact demons as prophesied in Scripture as part of the Great Deception and also talked about in the Virgin Mary’s appearances at Fatima, Porugal in 1917. So the Grey Green Jesuits and the Saint Gallen Mafia forced Benedict to resign and brought in one of their own- Pope Francis. That’s why Pope Francis has continously talked about baptising aliens and ETs since the start of his pontificate. He knows they’re coming. What he doesn’t know is they’re actually demons posing as aliens from other worlds and other star systems. But then for a Pope who doesn’t really believe in Hell, why should demons be a threat?”.
. . .
Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician and Canaanite mermaid goddess Atargatis (the mother of Semiramis who was the Whore of Babylon) was walking the streets in a suburb of East Jerusalem.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 21st
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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