Athena’s Song

October 5, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Athena’s Song

The Kraken Napoleon VI was sitting in a Parisienne cafe with several bottles of rum in front of him.

The Ancient Greek god Zeus entered the cafe and sat down from the Kraken.

“I believe we met on Mount Olympus last year,” said Zeus, “You’re Medusa’s husband aren’t you?”.

“I am,” the Kraken nodded.

Zeus ordered a glass of ouzo from the waiter.

“I understand you’re a member of the European Parliament along with Medusa,” Zeus added some Grecian Formula to his grey beard.

“That is correct,” said the Kraken Napoleon VI, “Waiting for the day that the French people elect me Emperor of France.”

“Any luck with that?” Zeus took out a comb and started combing his beard.

“No,” the Kraken admitted.

“Bummer,” said Zeus who was also recalling the day he unexpectedly walked into his son Apollo’s bedroom when the latter had his friend Hyacinth over.

The Greek deity and the Kraken then discussed Brexit.

The Kraken asked Zeus if he could do anything to possibly help the Kraken’s friend Renfield R. Renfield who, even though he was a British Transhumanist Party MP, was a member of Boris Johnson’s cabinet.

Zeus agreed.

Meanwhile on stage in a Paris nightclub was Zeus’ daughter Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.

Athena sang a song,

“Those were the days of wine and roses,
Love will be like this always one supposes 
But as the sands of time travel on
Wine loses its flavour and the singer their song
What once was wonder has turned to dust 
like a once new car turned to rust
The sun has set, the moon is eclipsed,
no sparks now fly at exchange of lips,
The day is done, The night is black,
Love has fled down the track,
Enjoy the days of wine and roses while you can
Before the time you just feel an also ran.”

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 5th
2019.

Advertisements

Permalink 8 Comments

Athena and Dashwood Forrest

July 5, 2019 at 11:27 pm (Folklore, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Athena and Dashwood Forrest 

“That bust does not do you justice, Athena,” London art gallery curator Dashwood Forrest remarked to the Greek goddess of Wisdom.

“To which one of her breasts are you referring, Master?” Asked Mulligan the Irish zombie who was Dashwood Forrest’s somewhat inept living dead manservant.

“Mulligan, go outside and play in the rain,” Forrest ordered.

The Irish zombie did so where he was swept away by the rain.

“I apologize for the idiotic intrusion,” Forrest bowed to the Greek goddess.

“It’s all right,” Athena smiled, “I found his remark somewhat amusing.”

“I wish more customers were like you,” Forrest sighed, “Mulligan drives a lot of them away with his comments that is if his zombie appearance doesn’t drive them away first.”

“Who sculpted this bust of me?” Athena asked.

“A chap by the name of Mario Rossini,” Forrest answered, “A promising young sculptor who was killed after being hit by a train while moulding a clay figure of a bull (in a farm field) while sitting on a railway track. He really took the combined fields of performance art and sculpture to a new level. What level of Dante’s cosmos he wound up in, I could not say.”

“I don’t think I shall purchase this bust of me,” Athena moved on to an oil painting of Hermes.

“I do not blame you,” Forrest placed a towel on the head.

“What a remarkable figure of a leprechaun,” Athena looked at a clay statue of a leprechaun, “he looks somewhat like my grandson.”

Forrest coughed, “Grandson? But I thought you were a virgin goddess?”.

“Have you never heard of artificial insemination, Mr. Forrest?” Athena winked at him.

Forrest turned ghastly pale at the Greek goddess’ remark.

“Relax, Mr. Forrest,” Athena laughed, “I’m only joking.”

“Thank God,” Forrest looked relieved.

“You no doubt heard how I was born from my father’s head when my father Zeus had a headache,” Athena recalled.

“That tale I remember very well,” Forrest commented as he took an aspirin with a glass of water.

“Well one day I had a headache after walking across the desert sands of Egypt feeling quite dehydrated and I gave birth to Sophia from my head,” Athena recounted.

“Sophia?” Forrest drank the water.

“The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom,” Athena explained, “worshipped by various Gnostic groups throughout the centuries. Anyhow back in the 1st Century AD, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep. Imhotep was working on the concept of artificial insemination back then and he artificially inseminated Sophia and she gave birth to a leprechaun whom she called Yaldabaoth.”

“That name Yaldabaoth sounds familiar,” Forrest creased his eyebrows in thought, “but I don’t associate him with leprechauns.”

“Well no mother wants to say her son is a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem,” Athena smiled, “so she told people that Yaldabaoth was the demiurge who created the material physical universe.”

“Oh yes,” Forrest nodded, “that’s where I’ve heard the name.”

Meanwhile Mulligan the Irish zombie was being swept down the street in a torrent of rain water.

He suddenly came to a halt after crashing into an alley wall.

But not before knocking over a garbage can first.

Out of the garbage can fell an Irish leprechaun.

“Saint Patrick and Saint Kevin preserve us!” Yaldabaoth exclaimed, “What a rude awakening!”.

“Mulligan!” The Irish zombie doffed his shamrock emblazoned cap to the little fellow, “Irish zombie Mulligan.”

“Yaldabaoth!” The leprechaun replied, “Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth! And I dare you to try and pronounce that name correctly after you’ve had 20 glasses of whiskey.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday July 5th
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Athena and Dracul In Edinburgh

March 28, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


“And so how are your travels across the annals of time going?” The Greek goddess Athena asked Dracul Van Helsing as he stoked the fires in the Edinburgh hotel room they were in.

“Well, last night I was in Havana Cuba in 1956 and I saw Pat Nixon’s Rockefeller bought mink coat won in a card game in a U.S. Mafia owned casino,” Van Helsing answered.

“My owl tells me that you spent quite the enchanted evening with Isabel Esmeronde the Cuban singer extraordinaire who won that card game,” Athena looked accusingly at Van Helsing.

“Your owl is quite the time traveling spy,” Van Helsing lit a cigarette.

“He is,” Athena acknowledged.

“And now he’s flying around the British House of Commons as the Brexit fracas is going on,” Van Helsing looked at the TV screen which showed an owl caught in the Speaker’s hair.

“He finds human follies and foibles quite amusing,” Athena helped herself to some grapes.

“I see you’re in touch with the Scottish independence movement should Brexit go ahead,” Van Helsing sat down on the sofa.

“They don’t call Edinburgh the Athens of the North for nothing,” Athena smoothed her dress.

“And you’re looking after the Athens of the North?” Van Helsing thought of the Grecian columns of the National Monument on Calton Hill.

“I am,” Athena nodded, “My father’s Kraken is now swimming in the North Sea.”

Van Helsing in his mind pictured Liam Neeson as Zeus saying “Release the Kraken!” and Mel Gibson as William Wallace standing on a cliff above the sea and shouting “I am William Wallace!”.

He wondered who would win that battle.

“I hear you shot and killed your time traveling adversary the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler with a silver bullet,” Athena smiled.

“I did,” Van Helsing took a sip of his Scotch, “Unfortunately the immortal Egyptian priest scientist Imhotep brought him back from the dead and so he’s once again Undead.”

“And Imhotep seems to have the backing of the Egyptian god Thoth for whatever reason,” Athena rubbed her lip in thought.

“He appears to,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

“And with the secret diary of Solomon in your possession, you enter into the machinations of gods and goddesses,” Athena looked at the Canadian vampire hunter.

Van Helsing put down his Scotch, “I wasn’t aware you knew of that diary’s existence. I guess Solomon’s secret diary isn’t as secret as I thought.”

“As the Greek goddess of wisdom, I appreciated the wisdom of Solomon,” Athena stood up, “so of course I knew of his diary’s existence.”

Van Helsing stood up.

“The sun is setting,” the vampire hunter looked out the window.

In the distance, the Union Jack could be seen flying along Scotland’s national flag.

“I’d appreciate a kiss before bedtime,” Athena licked her lips.

And lips of Greek goddess and vampire hunter touched.

Followed by embracing of arms.

Miles away in the North Sea, the Kraken swam.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 28th
2019.

Permalink 32 Comments

Celebrating Ragnarok Apocalypse In Chicago

February 1, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the Queen of Babylon calls to Dracul Van Helsing for help from inside her hotel room at the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.

She clutched a pair of scissors that Jack the Ripper (recently appointed head of New York’s Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic system by New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo) tried to kill her with after he had watched the 1954 Alfred Hitchcock film Dial M For Murder on the hotel’s Pay TV channel.


Jack the Ripper likewise found himself caught in the vortex of time and place affecting the polar vortex in Chicago and found himself back in London on a moonlit evening in 1888.

Where suddenly he found himself peering through the keyhole of Sherlock Holmes’ room:

Suddenly the London 1888 full moon appeared over Chicago where it was promptly swallowed by the ghost of a T-Rex who came out on the losing end of the three horns of a triceratops:

After the Canadian vampire hunter had finished offering tantric sex comfort and sexual healing to Semiramis, Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom invited Dracul Van Helsing to visit her in the hotel room next door:

Come partake of my wisdom once again, Van Helsing.

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Clock of Thoth: A Poem

January 14, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Art, Arts, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Mythology, News, Philosophy, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Tefna listening to the sound of the Clock of Thoth tick.

The young woman called Tefna
was in her apartment bedroom
listening to the sound of
the Clock of Thoth tick

A clock designed by her father
A master clock maker
At the stroke and bong of each hour
Two figures would come out
The first was Thoth
The ibis headed ancient Egyptian god
Of the moon, magic and writing
And of course the Egyptian god who
was the recorder of time

The other figure was an Egyptian Pharaoh
who bore the likeness of the young
Actor/Director Orson Welles
The year was 1945
The date was August 6th
Feast of the Transfiguration
On the Church calendar
When Christ showed his Divine Deity
To his Apostles Peter, James and John

Tefna awaited news on what would become of her fiance
a sailor in the U.S. Navy still involved in the War In The Pacific
against Japan
Thor’s lightning bolt insigna warriors in Germany
had surrendered months earlier
but no word yet on those who fought for the ancient gods of Japan

A young American scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer
was seeking to become the Hindu god Shiva
The destroyer and transformer of worlds
But Tefna was unaware of him and his plans
And what they could possibly mean for her
As she listened to the ticking of the Clock of Thoth
On the wall
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
As she always did at this same time every night
Before she went to bed

In the apartment next door
Hera the divine goddess queen of the Olympians
awaited the report of an immortal private eye
Carson Cody Albion

The Greek goddess Hera- that’s Juno to the ancient Romans!

She had suspected her husband Zeus
was getting it on with the modern goddesses
of the silver screen in Hollywood
The fact that she had heard him talking on the phone
seeking to borrow swan and bull costumes
from studio costume departments
only added to her suspicions.

In the apartment on the other side of Tefna
sat Hestia the Greek goddess of hearth and home

Hestia suspected that hearth and home would come to be neglected in America following the war
As both men and women followed Mammon
the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce
Who had helped America defeat Thor’s modern worshippers

All these things were unfolding in the building around Tefna
As she listened to the sound of the Clock of Thoth
tick on the wall

Tick-tock! Tick-tock! went the Clock of Thoth on the wall
As Tefna listened.

The Greek goddess Athena was there in black and white

on the silver screen
in the old repertory movie theatre
in West Hollywood
on January 14th
when Dracul Van Helsing
entered the theatre
and entered the screen
and then entered Athena
to sample hidden portals of wisdom

In the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London
Dashwood Forrest looked at the painting
of Demeter
The Greek goddess of fields, crops and agriculture
looking down on a field of 19th Century French peasant women
Bringing in the sheaves for harvest

Looking at the painting
Dashwood Forrest was shocked to see and hear
Demeter speak to the French women,
What sort of powerful magician could seduce my Persephone
away from her husband

As Athena found tantric sex to be a tantalizing experience
On the silver screen in a West Hollywood repertory theatre
actress Akira Lane was showing a robotics maker
fresh from a technology show in Las Vegas
what wonders old technology could do
when blended with ancient magic
As an Irish Jewish science-fiction writer
George Finneganburg
hastily took notes

Meanwhile in a London casino
Former British Labour MP
The Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley
(whose seat was now held by
British Transhumanist MP
Welsh vampiress Morgana)
walked in on an unexpected orgy
taking place on a casino table

The casino’s kinky quartet looked at him, smiled
and advised him not to miss Lord L’s
Super Wolf Blood Moon Party
in Washington DC
next Sunday night

with the brunette in short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose
Sitting atop the casino table
telling him not to miss it for the world

Renfield R. Renfield MP
had just finished writing his speech to move
a motion of non-confidence in Theresa May’s government
following the Brexit vote in the Westminster Parliament tomorrow
When suddenly he walked out into his Parliamentary office
waiting room
Where the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh

was waiting for him

Causing Renfield to burst the zipper on his trousers
When he saw her
He would have to buy himself a new suit
to deliver the speech in Parliament tomorrow

It was a moonlit night in Port Elizabeth South Africa
As the great South African artist SAREJESS
sat in the middle of the street with his easel and canvas
and paintbrush and paints
(praying that no motorists would be driving down the street this late at night to abruptly and undoubtedly painfully put an end to his lunar nocturnal painting expedition)
and painted what he saw

He would paint this quiet tranquil scene
before the ghost of a brontosaurus showed up
and walked across the street
And before the ghost ship of THE ghost ship
The Flying Dutchman
appeared on the surface of the water
on the horizon in the distance
As he sat there painting the canvas,
he wondered whether his wife and family were right
to think he was crazy

And there at one moment in time
somewhere in time
sat Tefna
always anxiously sitting on the bed
always anxiously awaiting for the phone to ring
to bring her news of her love
Same place
Same time
Night after night

but no sound of a phone ringing
Only the sound of the Clock of Thoth ticking
Tick-tock! Tick-tock!

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 14th
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

June 25, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

The Controller of The Golem was deep in thought.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had won both yesterday’s Presidential and Parliamentary elections.

Now Erdogan would head an Executive Presidency with virtually no limits on his powers (much like Xi Jinping recently achieved in the People’s Republic of China 🇨🇳 and Donald Trump hoped that someday, His Divine Self willing, would be able to achieve in the United States of America 🇺🇸).

What this meant for the future was that someday the entire Middle East might be under the rule of a revived Ottoman Empire with Erdogan as the omnipotent Sultan of Constantinople and Caliph of the Global Islamic Caliphate.

“It doesn’t bode too well for Central and Eastern Europe either,” remarked Prince Vlad Dracula of the situation where the nations of Central and Eastern Europe had been ruled by the Turks for centuries.

“If only General Belisarius were alive today to kick Erdogan’s ass,” the Byzantine vampiress Theodora remarked about her late husband Justinian’s general who reconquered much of the Western Roman Empire for Byzantine Constantinople.

“What will this portend for the future?” The Controller whose real first name was Nathan sighed.

The trio who were standing in a public park in Istanbul suddenly heard a soft feminine voice say, “It portends danger.”

The trio turned to look at the voice and this vision greeted them:

The Controller of The Golem recognized her as Miranda the mermaid.

Only now she had become human.

The reason being that Miranda had recently swum down the Thames River towards the Set Enterprises laboratory at Canary Wharf.

There she sang for Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come out to her.

Attracted by the lovely singing voice, Dr. Cadbury Rocher came out to see who it was.

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield followed.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster likewise crawled out of his aquarium and outside to see who the lovely siren was with the voice of a nightingale singing at Canary Wharf.

Miranda asked Dr. Rocher to invent for her a potion which when she drank it would turn her temporarily fully human.

Dr. Rocher went inside his laboratory and came back half an hour later with the potion.

Just in time to stop Miranda from strangling Renfield with her fish tail as the British MP was serenading her with his own paraphrased version of those old Crystal Gayle lyrics, “… when I dream, I dream of you, maybe someday my dreams will come true”.

Miranda drank the potion and turned human much to Renfield’s relief and much to Michelangelo’s disappointment (as he covered his lobster ears with his claws and telepathically hummed the song It’s A Long Way To Tipperary to drown out the sound of Renfield’s singing).

“What is happening, Miranda?” Nathan asked his mermaid turned human friend.

“Atargatis has landed on the beaches of Tel Aviv with her harpoon carrying mermaid warrioresses ready to launch an all out assault on the land of Israel 🇮🇱,” said Miranda.

Meanwhile on the beaches of Tel Aviv, the ghost of Orson Welles stood in the sand and directed a ghostly film crew of ghostly cameramen and ghostly technicians to film the invasion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 25th
2018.

Permalink 7 Comments

Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

June 24, 2018 at 11:51 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

Orson Welles ordered his 4th glass of wine 🍷 of the evening.

As he sampled it, he hoped he wasn’t turning into a lush.

Being a lush might be good enough for Sir John Falstaff but it wasn’t good enough for him Orson Welles.

He had too much he wanted to tell the world.

As Welles took another sip of the wine 🍷, he reflected on his failed marriage to Rita Hayworth whom he had formally divorced on November 10th of last year (the current evening in which he sat drinking wine in The Mermaid Wine Bistro and Lounge was June 24th 1948).

What had happened that caused his marriage to go wrong?

Probably many factors Welles thought as he gazed at his reflection in the blood red liquid of the glass.

He reflected back to the time he had considered making his own film version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula – one that he thought would be vastly superior to the 1931 Universal Pictures film version with Bela Lugosi.

Financing for the project had fell through but he had done several screen tests for it.

Including one with a beautiful Romanian brunette woman who interestingly enough called herself Draculina.

During the screen test, Welles who had been reading the role of Jonathan Harker to her playing the role of one of Dracula’s wives was very impressed by her extremely authentic vampiress like performance.

During the test, Draculina had gotten so into character (she must have been an avid student of Russian theatre practitioner Konstantin Stanislavsky), she had leaned over and given Welles a very passionate bite and hickey on the neck.

Unfortunately, Draculina did this just as Rita entered the studio.

That certainly didn’t help the relationship between husband and wife, Welles thought as he finished his glass and ordered a fifth.

The director turned his attention to other matters.

He thought about the peculiar dream he had had last night in which a lobster had appeared to him and communicated with him telepathically.

The lobster explained that his name was Michelangelo and he was a psychic lobster who was communicating with him from London in the year 2018.

Michelangelo explained to him that the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the 1st Babylonian Queen) was intending to destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱 in that year of 2018.

It was at that moment that the phone rang waking Welles from his deep sleep.

It was a wrong number.

“No, this isn’t Floppety’s Flop House,” Welles slammed the receiver down angrily.

Welles finished his 5th glass of wine 🍷 and decided not to order another.

Otherwise he might really turn into a Sir John Falstaff.

He reached for his overcoat and hat.

He then stumbled out into the night and waved down a taxi that would drive him home.

When he arrived and fumbled around in his pocket for the keys to his room, Welles thought about the strange dream.

If this Atargatis woman of the sea was going to try to destroy Israel in 2018, that meant the nation would survive at least another 70 years.

Israeli independence had only been declared by Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion last month and already it was locked into a war of survival with its Arab neighbours.

Why had this psychic crustacean contacted him anyways, Welles wondered?

What could he a man of the theatre do about a Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess planned invasion 70 years down the road?

“Oh Lord, send me wisdom,” Welles prayed aloud as he opened the door to his room.

Standing there waiting for him was Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 24th
2018.

Permalink 11 Comments

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

Permalink 10 Comments

Renfield’s Lottery Ticket

September 13, 2013 at 9:29 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Lottery Ticket

 

 

 

The Greek vampire Zeus had a problem on his hands.

 

 

Ever since Cerberus had abandoned his guard post on the River Styx, hundreds of thousands of ghosts had fled the Underworld of Hades and were now causing havoc on the Earth above.

 

 

Zeus had even received a nasty email from the President of the World Atheist Association threatening legal action and complaining that many of his members were undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of having to re-evaluate their belief in the non-existence of the afterlife.

 

 

The trouble had been caused millennia ago by a boast that his brother Hades had made to his brother Poseidon.

 

 

The pair had been discussing mortal lotteries and Hades had boasted that there was one series of numbers  that no mortal would ever pick.

 

 

Poseidon had disagreed.

 

 

And Hades said if any mortal picked them, then quote, “May my loyal faithful  Cerberus abandon his post on the River Styx and the souls of the departed depart the Underworld.”

 

 

No mortal had picked them until the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield had done so.

 

 

The numbers entered his mind shortly after he had gunned down a pompous arrogant American millionaire as the latter was entering a Rolls-Royce limousine outside a London restaurant.

 

The only way the decree of Hades could be reversed was if the said mortal would reverse the numerals of each two digit number he used in his lottery pick and play those numbers.

 

 

 

However the said Renfield kept winning £300 a week by playing those numbers and was unlikely to stop playing those numbers while he was on a roll (like so much golden butter).

 

 

 

 

And so the Greek vampire Zeus spent the past while pulling his hair and beard out while he tried to think up a solution.

 

 

Not relishing a future as a bald and beardless vampiric immortal (fearing this might put an end to his ability to attract mortal women and end his Bill Clintonesque and Jack Kennedyesque style dalliances with them),  he turned to his daughter the Greek vampiress Athena for advice as she always seemed to be full of wisdom.

 

 

 

 

Athena suggested that Zeus send Aphrodite to work her charms on Renfield for as Athena pointed out quoting Vincent Price,  “For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller.”

 

 

The Thriller was the nickname given to Aphrodite among the gods of Olympus.

 

 

 

The “evil of the Thriller” was the euphemism given to Aphrodite’s sensual charms among the goddesses of Olympus.

 

 

 

 

 

  * * *

 

 

 

 

And it came to pass that Aphrodite went unto Renfield R. Renfield to convince him to reverse the digits of some of his numerals on his winning lottery ticket that he had been using the past month.

 

 

And what transpired when the sensual vampiress Aphrodite came unto Renfield as the Boney M. lyrics Nightflight To Venus played in the background?

 

 

 

Well to sum it up in one sentence as Great Caesar’s ghost put it when he saw it,  “She came, he saw, he came, she conquered.”

 

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Friday September 13th 2013

 

Permalink 2 Comments