Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

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