Renfield R. Renfield vs. Australia’s Victoria State Dictator Daniel Andrews

September 23, 2020 at 9:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Australia’s Victoria state had just granted the police in that state the power to arrest people who write and also post “conspiracy theories on social media”.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had recently described Daniels as “a jackass who has really let power get to his braying head”.

Andrews was getting sick of Renfield making fun of him (just like Hitler got sick of Churchill making fun of him).

He was also angry at Renfield for getting an invisible 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit to inject a serum in his buttocks which gave him an excruciatingly painful case of hemorrhoids.

So under this new law, Andrews thought this entitled him to arrest people beyond the borders of Victoria state.

Even beyond the borders of Australia itself.

As such, he sent a bunch of Melbourne police commandos to Britain to arrest Renfield.

The Melbourne police commandos made a colossal blundering error when they tried to arrest Renfield at the estate mansion of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set’s estate guard cat Nefertiti Galore set upon the Melbourne police commandos and ripped them to shreds with her claws.

The pieces of the commandos were gathered up by the Set Estate’s live action garden gnomes and placed in a wastepaper basket.

Renfield had the wastepaper basket with the pieces of the commandos inside couriered back to Melbourne, Australia addressed to:
Victoria’s State Dictator Daniel Andrews, Melbourne, Australia.

Inside Renfield had left a personal note for Andrews,

“Your Melbourne police commandos aren’t so tough as they were done in by a London pussy. This really doesn’t say much for them or for you.”

He signed it,

“Yours respectfuly,
Renfield R. Renfield.”

. . .

Meanwhile at Melbourne Police Headquarters in the Australian Victoria state capital, the ghosts of the Nazi SS’s Heinrich Himmler and the Soviet NKVD’s Laventriy Beria had been granted a temporary dispensational release from their rotating barbeque spits down in Tartarus at Victoria state dictator Daniel Andrews’ request (he had to bribe Hades with a koala bear fur skin rug as the chthonic deity did not have one of those fur skin rugs in his collection) in order to give Melbourne police some great tips on how to violate civil rights and human rights and how to impose a martial law lockdown in the state in the most brutal manner possible.

Himmler’s ghost and Beria’s ghost had been giving these seminars to the Melbourne Police Department ever since Victoria state dictator Daniel Andrews announced the martial law style lockdown in early August.

. . .

Meanwhile in the U.S., the mainstream Marxist CNN was heaping lavish praise on Victoria state dictator Daniel Andrews and his martial law style lockdown calling it a “model for the U.S.”.

It will certainly become the model for the U.S. if the Biden-Harris ticket wins in November.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 23rd
2020.

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Renfield Tackles The Tinpot Dictator Down Under

September 8, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

“The Victoria state government of Premier Daniel Andrews is Australia’s Vichy regime to Xi Jinping’s Thousand Year Reich.
That’s why he imposes despotic draconian lockdowns, sends in riot police (in the manner of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukasheno) to crush protestors and arrests pregnant women when they voice their dissent with his policies on Facebook.”
-Renfield R. Renfield

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit report on Australia’s Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews.

The report showed close collusion between the Victoria Labour Party Government of Daniel Andrews in Melbourne and the Chinese Communist Party ever since Daniel Andrews became Premier of Victoria back in 2014.

Victoria Yang a Victoria Labour Party staffer with links to the Chinese Communist Party and a friend of Daniel Andrews’ senior China advisor Marty Mei recently came up with the theory that the U.S. was responsible for creating Covid-19 and was using its army to spread the virus across the globe.

Comrade Dan or Chairman Dan as the Victoria Premier was called had effectively turned Australia’s Victoria state into an economic vassal of Communist China boldly signing up to Xi Jinping’s new Silk Road policy.

Comrade Dan criticized Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s National Government in Canberra for cancelling foreign deals with China.

Lastly the Set Enterprises report noted the similarities in the way Daniel Andrews handled anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne with the way the new Hong Kong Security Law of Xi Jinping’s Hong Kong Police handled protestors in Hong Kong and the way the security forces of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukashenko handled protestors in Minsk.

Renfield put in a call to the Set Enterprises eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship The Hooterville Cannonball which was currently flying in the Asia-Pacific region.

Hours later as kangaroos and koala bears stood outside Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews’ office holding signs that read WE DARE CALL IT TREASON,
Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews felt a sharp prick into his buttocks as if some invisible entity was shoving a needle into it.

The needle went through the Josef Stalin walrus moustache that was growing on Andrews’ left buttock and went all the way through narrowly missing the Adolf Hitler moustache that was growing on Andrews’ right testicle.

An SS-Gestapo and KGB style security officer working for Andrews and who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers on the job said that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears who had injected the needle.

The call went out around Melbourne.

In an empty Melbourne movie theatre meanwhile Uncle Ernie had entered it to give a performance as his drag queen altar ego Cumelita.

Sadly there was no one inside and forgetting what day of the year it was, Uncle Ernie thought it was Easter and so he went to his dressing room back stage and put on his Easter Bunny costume.

He exited the theatre where he was immediately thrown to the ground and handcuffed while some Imperial Stormtrooper looking official spoke through a megaphone, “You’re under arrest for assaulting Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews’ buttocks.”

The Easter bunny attired Uncle Ernie was then thrown into the back of a police van and taken to Secret Police Headquarters for interrogation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 8th
2020.

Vril Society psychic medium Maria Orsic forseeing the events of September 8th 2020 on her Nazi prototype laptop on this date back in 1943.

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Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 27, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

The reclusive Sydney Australia billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was being interviewed by a reporter for America’s Sci-Fi Channel.

“Well, Mr. Lu,” the reporter said, “I don’t know if our audience will believe that you are in fact a time traveler who was once a scientist, inventor and palace court official serving a Ming Dynasty Emperor in Beijing who got caught up in a time warp brought about when scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland had one too many martinis on the job before they started firing up the old inter-dimensional time tunnel and you suddenly found yourself in Sydney Australia in the year 1900. Or that you had developed a potion of immortality before you got caught in the time warp. But the story should be right up their Sci-Fi alley.”

“Always glad to help people find what’s up their alley,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled.

“And is your name really Inn Lu?” The reporter asked, “None of the professors of Medieval Chinese History we talked to found any record of a court official serving in a Ming Dynasty palace court who had the name Inn Lu.”

“My real name is a cosmic top secret,” Mr. Inn Lu continued to smile, “I have not told any Australian Security Intelligence Organization (ASIO) official what my real name is. Otherwise the whole world would know my real name by the next morning since ASIO operatives are such blabber mouths.”

“So how did you get the name Inn Lu?” The Sci-Fi Channel Reporter asked.

“Well when I suddenly found myself transported through time and place from the Ming Dynasty palace court in Beijing to Sydney Australia in the year 1900,” Inn Lu explained, “the first place I wound up was in a washroom in a beer parlour in Sydney. The first person who came through the washroom door at the time I made my cosmic arrival was someone whose name I later discovered was Goliath Rougechemin. When he saw me dressed in my resplendent Ming Dynasty court robes standing in the midst of the beer parlour washroom, he said to me, “How did a person like you come to be in the loo?”. Since I didn’t know English at the time, the only words I caught was “in” and “loo”. That suddenly became my name although I changed it to Inn Lu.”

“And we understand that the recent PRC Ministry of State Security official who defected from Communist China to Australia is hiding in one of your safe houses? The intelligence operative code named Wang Ho?” The Sci-Fi Channel reporter asked.

“That’s right,” Inn Lu nodded, “Although his code name was recently changed from Wang Ho to Wang Chung “for security reasons” or so the memo said. Actually the whole thing was supposed to be a top secret operation although ASIO operatives have been blabbing about the whole operation in the Comments sections of WordPress blogs all over the world so it isn’t so top secret anymore.”

“Well, we thank you for granting us this interview,” the Sci-Fi reporter smiled.

“Always a pleasure talking to members of the Press,” Inn Lu smiled back.

Inn Lu’s Samsung Galaxy smart phone went off.

A text message.

“Should I go?” The reporter asked, “Is the message top secret?”.

“Oh no,” Inn Lu shook his head, “It’s from a friend of mine. A rather eccentric character who calls himself Uncle Ernie. He’s worried because it suddenly occurred to him that a package of his special fruit gummy bears he sent out containing his 72 special and secret ingredients he might have inadvertently mailed to the wrong address. He may have sent it to the person’s place of work rather than his home address.”

. . .

Donald Trump entered the Oval Office of the White House.

He suddenly noticed something on his desk that he didn’t recall seeing before.

“Hm,” said Trump who just loved grabbing things, “Nice of one of my secret service agents to leave this bag of gummy bears lying around.”

Trump started eating the gummy bears.

Half an hour later, one of the Secret Service agents entered the Oval Office just as the Donald was standing on top of his desk flapping his arms as if they were bird’s wings and shouting, “Woo! Hoo! I can fly!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” Said the Secret Service agent, “Did you happen to see a bag of fruit gummy bears lying around? I accidentally left them behind.”

“They were on my desk,” the Donald smiled, “I ate them all.”

The Donald starts to sing in Stanley Holloway Alfred P. Doolittle fashion from My Fair Lady, “I’m getting impeached in the morning. Ding! Dong! The bells are going to chime! …. Pull out the stopper! Let’s have a whopper! But get me to the House on time!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” The Secret Service agent pointed outside the Oval Office window, “What’s a large dirigible airship doing landing on the White House lawn?”.

“I ordered it,” the Donald replied, “as part of an impromptu Thanksgiving Day parade in Washington DC tomorrow. I’m going to fly in it along with a whole bunch of turkeys tomorrow. Then 50 feet above the Lincoln Memorial, the turkeys and I will jump out of the dirigible and fly towards the ground.”

The Secret Service agent held in his hands an old magazine from the 1980s (he had been visiting a dentist’s office that afternoon).

And in the magazine was an interview with Donald Trump who said that one of his favourite TV shows of all time was WKRP In Cincinnati.

He told the magazine interviewer that he had watched every single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati except one.

The secret service agent said to himself, “What the Democrats so far have failed to do, missing a single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati may succeed.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 27th
2019. 

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Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

October 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was still in heavenly bliss after spending a night making out with the Vampiress Allatallahbel’s astral body twin double the succubus Asherah who was wearing a sexy nun’s outfit of veil, short skirted habit mini dress and black silk pantyhose.

Pope Francis was still vomiting 🤮 Gadarene pigs’ feet.

He got a Get Well card from Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy which gave him a recipe for a Korean pork dish with the inscription, “Try this. Korean pork is a lot healthier and less demonically possessed than Gadarene pork.”

At Brisbane in Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile the pervert friendly and demon worshipping Roman Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge was having a dream where he was dressed as an ancient mariner and slaying albatrosses with a cross bow left, right and center.

A group of angry sailors angry that their ship had crashed on the rock as a result of Archbishop Coleridge slaying so many albatrosses ripped the gold pectoral Cross off from around his neck and put a necklace of albatrosses around his neck.

The Archbishop’s gods Baal and Baphomet appeared to him and said they actually preferred the necklace of albatrosses around his neck rather than the Cross.

Archbishop Coleridge went into a pub and downed several pitchers of Carlton Draught.

After doing so, the Archbishop went into a reception hall and stopped a wedding guest from entering the hall in order to tell him his story of the slaughter of the albatrosses.

The wedding guest punched Archbishop Coleridge and sent him flying across 3 oceans into a British Premier League football ⚽️ stadium.

The Archbishop decided to become a hawker of goods in the stadium and went around shouting “Albatross! Albatross!”.

“What does it taste like?” asked a spectator.

“How do I know what it tastes like?” The Archbishop retorted angrily, “It tastes like bloody sea bird bloody flavour.”

“Do you get wafers with it?” The spectator asked.

“Of course you don’t get bloody wafers with it,” Archbishop Coleridge answered as Communion wafers fell out of his ass by the truck load.

“All right, I’ll take that one then,” the spectator paid the Archbishop and the Archbishop ripped the selected albatross off his necklace of albatrosses and gave it to the man.

Archbishop Coleridge was then attacked by a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Norwegian Blue parrot tired of pining for the fjords and so brought back from the dead.

The Archbishop fell from the stands on to the field.

On the field, he was set upon and choked to death by a python 🐍 named Monty.

After kicking the bucket, Archbishop Coleridge was horrified to discover that his idol Pope Francis was wrong about Hell.

Mercifully at the moment Coleridge tumbled into the flames 🔥 while Australian singer Olivia Newton John sang, “Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu” while the Mongolian Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan stood and applauded, the Archbishop suddenly woke up.

It had all been a dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 3rd
2018.

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Limerick Sung By Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

April 28, 2016 at 8:16 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Entertainment, Humour, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Limerick Sung By Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

I took my puppy dogs to Australia
where I encountered an Agriculture Minister without genitalia
He told me my dogs did not have the proper ID
so one of them raised a hind leg and took on said minister a pee
now I’m forced to make a video looking like an endorsing Trump Chris Christie.

-A limerick sung by Captain Jack Sparrow

from a poem written by Christopher
Thursday April 28th 2016.

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The Editor of Pravda Gets A Gift From Australia

October 14, 2014 at 6:41 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Editor of Pravda Gets A Gift From Australia

The editor of Pravda was awaiting a call from his Rome bureau for more news on the mysterious death of the Russian deputy Ambassador to Italy whose bloodless stone cold dead body was found in the apartments of a Vatican cardinal.

(For more details please read yesterday’s vampire novel chapter:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/isis-in-rome/ )

His secretary brought in a package that had just been delivered by courier.

The package read,

TO THE EDITOR OF PRAVDA,
A GIFT FROM HER MAJESTY’S GOVERNMENT OF AUSTRALIA

Well that was nice of them, the editor of Pravda thought.

Especially given the recent cool relations between Australia and Russia.

In the wake of the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over eastern Ukraine in which all 298 passengers including 38 Australians were killed.

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said they were “murdered with Russian support”.

Mr. Abbott was set to confront Russian President Vladimir Putin next month at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane.

Mr. Abbott told reporters yesterday, “Look, I’m going to shirtfront Mr. Putin. You bet I am.”

Shirtfronting is an Australian football term which means aggressively charging and knocking down one’s opponent.

Said Tony Abbott, “I’m going to say to Mr. Putin that Australians were murdered. They were murdered by Russian-backed rebels using Russian-supplied equipment.”

So Pravda had said in an English language opinion piece editorial yesterday that Mr. Abbott was “insolent” and Australia had a “colonial chip on its shoulder”.

And now the Australian government had sent him the editor of Pravda a gift.

That was very nice of them indeed.

Letting bygones be bygones.

The editor of Pravda opened the box
and inside was a little koala bear teddy bear wearing an Australian football team shirt.

The little koala teddy bear had a string attached to him.

So the editor of Pravda pulled the string and the little koala said in Russian, “Give me a hug. Give me a hug.”

So the editor of Pravda gave the little koala teddy bear a hug and the bear exploded emitting the fragrance of koala dung all over him.

Of course it was not only the fragrance of koala dung that was emitted all over him.

“What the Hell is this all over my shirt?” The editor of Pravda screamed.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 14th
2014.

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