An Aztec Vampiress, A London Car Show and The Tesla Particle Death Beam

September 21, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in her research on the subject discovered that only the Nikola Tesla Particle Death Beam would be capable of destroying the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc.

And she discovered that the Tesla Particle Death Beam was an accessory on British sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s new self-driving electric car The Rocher Le Pied de Hermes which was now on display at a car show in London, England.

The self-driving Rocher Le Pied de Hermes electric car had been given its first test this past spring (Please read https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/dr-cadbury-rocher-and-his-incredible-self-driving-car/ for details of how that test went).

Dr. Rocher had drastically improved his self-driving electric car since that disastrous first test.

He had also added a new feature to the Rocher Le Pied de Hermes self-driving electric car at the suggestion of Renfield R. Renfield (now a British Member of Parliament).

Renfield’s suggestion was for what he called a Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button.

And it was this little feature which incorporated the Tesla Particle Death Beam.

If some obnoxious other driver or a car horn pissed off the self-driving electric car’s owner, the owner or even a passenger could push the Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button

The Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button had arrows surrounding it and depending on which arrowly direction the Road Rage Anger Management Button was pushed, it would fire a Tesla Particle Death Beam either in front, either side of or the back of the vehicle and disintegrate the offending other vehicle and obnoxious driver (to say nothing of the passengers) into sweet oblivion.

Qonzilqointec enlisted the help of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in stealing the Tesla Particle Death Beam off the vehicle at the London car show.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
Qonzilqointec plans to commit Grand Auto Theft with Dracul Van Helsing at the London Car Show

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 21st
2017.

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A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

September 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

The Haitian vampire huntress Yoanna Soleil was working in her office in the Haitian capital of Port-au-Prince when her phone rang.

“Hello,” Yoanna picked up her phone.

“Mlle. Soleil, this is the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,”
said the sensual feminine voice on the other end of the line.

“Well, well, your Imperial Highness,” Yoanna Soleil laughed, “this is a surprise. It’s not often that a vampire huntress gets a phone call from a vampiress. I must warn you however that I’m not like the heterosexual sex addict Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing nor am I lesbian or bisexual in my sexual orientation so you won’t be able to use your seductive, sexy and sensual vampiress charms on me.”

“That’s not what I’m calling about,” Qonzilqointec sounded exasperated, “my penthouse here in Mexico City has just been severely shaken by a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and from my vantage point way up high, I can see dozens of buildings around the city have collapsed.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yoanna Soleil was sincere for her own country had been hit by a devastating earthquake only 7 years ago.

“This is the 2nd major earthquake that has hit Mexico 🇲🇽 in the past 10 days,” the vampire princess sighed, “as you know an 8.2 magnitude earthquake hit southern Mexico back on September 8th.”

“I know,” Yoanna said then asked, “so why are you calling me?”.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you about all the major hurricanes that have been hitting the Caribbean region this season,” the Aztec vampiress stated.

“No you don’t,” Yoanna agreed.

“That’s why I’m calling you, Mlle. Soleil,” Qonzilqointec’s voice was pleading, “I think what’s been happening is connected. You are aware of course of the kraken Uhluhtc that sleeps at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea.”

Uhluhtc the sleeping Kraken at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea was considered just a legend among the educated elites of the Caribbean, Central America and Mexico.

However both vampiress and vampire huntress having dealt with things supernatural during their respective lifetimes knew that the kraken Uhluhtc was very much real.

“Yes,” Yoanna Soleil answered.

“Uhluhtc is not sleeping anymore,” the Aztec vampiress stated emphatically, “and that is what causing all these major earthquakes and major hurricanes of the moment. I propose we form an alliance to destroy it.”

. . .

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had received a confidential message from German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

“I wonder what this is all about?” Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan as he opened the sealed envelope marked TOP SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL.

“I have no idea, sir,” answered Athelstan who was sporting a black eye having had to rescue his elderly mother (who was currently visiting London) from a bar room brawl in a London pub the night before when she had once again got into a violent argument with another patron over matters relating to British and European football ⚽️ like she was prone to do.

“The courier said it had something to do with that World War One German UB-II U-Boat submarine they just found off the coast of Belgium 🇧🇪,” Amadeus Emanon spoke up from the neighbouring piano room.

“I heard about that,” Set answered, “what does that have to do with me? The tomb I was buried alive in for millennia wasn’t opened until Armistice Day in 1918 so I couldn’t have anything to do with the sinking of a German U-Boat submarine.”

“You have an excellent alibi in my opinion, sir,” Athelstan agreed.

“Oh my god Ra,” Set turned paler than even his usual pale looking vampiric self, “it’s who the German government believe was on board that U-Boat submarine that concerns me.”

“And who might that be, sir?” Athelstan inquired politely.

But Set was in such a state of shock that he was at a loss for words.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 19th
2017.

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Boxing and The Supernatural

August 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Boxing and The Supernatural

Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.

Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.

When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.

“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.

Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.

And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.

He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.

Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1

Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.

“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.

“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”

“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”

Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.

He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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The Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez

August 24, 2017 at 3:38 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sat in her hotel room in Caracas Venezuela.

To live in a five-star hotel in Caracas was the only place worth living in Venezuela ever since the disastrous Nicolas Maduro assumed power as President of the country back in 2013.

Francesca Chavez herself was a 1st cousin 3 x removed of the late former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

She herself had supported Chavez but had thought Maduro would turn out to be a Venezuelan Stalin.

And currently Maduro was well on his way to becoming one.

Francesca Chavez had become a vampiress back in April of this year after a night of erotic lesbian lovemaking with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Unbeknownst to either woman, the encounter had been filmed by Renfield R. Renfield (“strictly for sociological purposes” as Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon when he caught him watching the video).

Renfield and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been in Venezuela at the time plotting a coup to overthrow Nicolas Maduro.

The trip and coup planning were cut short when British Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap UK General Election and Renfield returned home to run as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Party.

Now Britain’s MI-6 had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Caracas Venezuela on a fact finding mission to determine just how bad the political situation in Venezuela currently was.

Van Helsing entered the hotel room and saw the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sitting there:
Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez
Van Helsing stood there totally transfixed.

“Hello there,” Francesca threw back her blonde hair and smiled at him, “how shall we start?”.

“Well,” said Van Helsing, “you can start by taking me across your lap and giving me a bare bottom spanking.”

“All right,” she said somewhat taken aback, “if that’s how MI-6 conducts business these days.”

“It is under my watch,” Van Helsing answered.

So that is what then happened.

. . .

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was trying to contact Dracul Van Helsing on his mobile phone to get an update on the political situation in Venezuela prior to Renfield giving a speech to the UK Parliamentary House Committee On Foreign Affairs.

But he couldn’t get a hold of him.

“I imagine he’s up to something kinky with the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez,” Renfield remarked angrily to Amadeus.

“And you’re naturally jealous because it isn’t you instead,” Amadeus remarked quietly while munching on potato chips.

“That’s besides the point,” Renfield harrumphed.

Renfield went down to the Committee meeting and instead of speaking on Venezuela, he spoke on the removal of Confederate statues in the U.S. instead.

Said Renfield,

Pat Buchanan has called the groups wanting to remove Confederate statues in the U.S. the Secular Socialistic Taliban (the Taliban of course blew up ancient statues of Buddha in Afghanistan and ISIS destroyed an ancient Temple at Palmyra). The Secular Socialistic Taliban operate under the delusion that the sole reason for the Civil War was slavery (ignoring Lincoln’s own statement that he himself would preserve slavery if it would preserve the Union- he only sought to openly abolish slavery after the Southern states voted to secede anyways)- conveniently forgetting that another reason for the Civil War was the huge tariffs northern states were slapping on products of southern states.
Now the Secular Socialistic Taliban are opening up their stupid brainless mouths up in Canada wanting to remove the name Sir John A. MacDonald from all schools in Ontario (Sir John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first Prime Minister) claiming MacDonald practiced genocide against Canada’s indigenous people- a lie of course. But then groups like Antifa and their Secular Socialistic Taliban allies believe lies as much as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis do.

The remarks did not go over well with the rest of the MPs on the committee who like most politicians were gutless and spineless when it came to political correctness.

Renfield received an angry phone call from Canada’s liberal progressive cultural Marxist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who did not like what was said in the remarks to the UK Foreign Affairs Committee.

Renfield told Mr. Trudeau, “Go fuck yourself.”

To which a stunned Justin Trudeau said, “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 24th
2017.

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London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

August 17, 2017 at 8:13 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an urgent text message from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Apparently Qonzilqointec had always wanted to make out underneath the bell of Big Ben in the famous London clock tower that people also called by that name.

Now the Aztec vampiress had just found out that the Big Ben clock tower would be undergoing renovations for the next 4 years and the bell would fall silent following the chimes at noon next Monday August 21st.

She asked Dracul to meet her underneath the bell at the clock tower between 7 and 8 tonight so they could make out.

“I’ve got to go,” Dracul explained the whole situation to Amadeus Emanon whom he was having tea ☕️ with.

Dracul exited the tea shop.

Amadeus’ iPhone went off.

“Hello?” Amadeus answered.

“Hello, Amadeus?” It was Renfield R. Renfield, “I’ve lost Dracul’s mobile phone number. Is he still there with you?”.

“No, he’s gone to the Tower of Big Ben to make out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec underneath the bell since they’re going to silence the bell for the next 4 years starting next Monday,” Amadeus unwrapped and ate a chocolate covered peanut shaped replica of the Dr. Who TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth.

“Wow, some guys have all the fun,” Renfield remarked as the Simon and Garfunkel song The Sounds of Silence played on the radio behind him.

. . .

Cardinal Walter Kasper was walking through the halls of the Vatican when a statue of Our Lady of Fatima crashed down right beside him.

“Oh well,” Cardinal Kasper looked at his watch ⌚️ 7:06 PM, “No great loss.”

. . .

The great South African artist SAREJESS was having another dream.

He dreamed that the Tower of Big Ben in London was sending out a great searchlight signal that read 1001 Positions of the Kama Sutra.

He saw Dr. Who’s TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth flying through the air.

He saw the Greek god Ares dressed in a full suit of armour prepared for war and sailing on the Ship of Hades (a ship he had recently painted a few weeks ago) at sea.

He saw North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un wearing a top hat 🎩, tux, tails and cane and tap dancing while holding hands with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby singing Thanks For The Memory while the clock struck midnight at Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca.

He saw Donald Trump shampooing his hair and a barrel of monkeys falls out of it.

He saw the three-headed dog Cerberus biting a scythe holding Father Time on the buttocks.

He saw Ares trying to shove a large tornado shaped vortex into a small bottle.

He saw a red dress wearing red headed woman standing in the middle of snow ❄️ in the middle of a forest and firing two unusual looking armed weapons.

The woman (although a redhead) looked like Serena the blonde he had seen in the room with Belvedere on the 2nd floor of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in that dream he had a few weeks ago where an Egyptian Pharaoh looking Orson Welles had come out of a Cuckoo Clock on the room’s wall.

. . .

British Prime Minister Theresa May was just walking below the clock tower of Big Ben at Westminster when a pair of very sexy red lingerie Victoria’s Secret panties fell down on top of her head.

“Nice looking panties, Mrs. May,” British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he walked by.

“They’re not mine,” Mrs. May’s blushing 😊 red face could not be seen under the red panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

July 7, 2017 at 6:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was currently attending the G-20 Summit in Hamburg Germany.

As he munched on his Hamburg hamburger alongside German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he reflected on the huge gaffe he had made in Ottawa at last weekend’s Canada Day 150th Anniversary.

He had mentioned every province and territory in Canada in his Canada Day speech except the province of Alberta (the home of famous Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing).

When he left the stage and was informed of his gaffe, he came back and said, “I love you, Alberta” and blew a kiss at the TV cameras causing a wide-eyed teen-aged girl in the crowd (whose name was Alberta) to swoon and faint.

Trudeau’s failure to mention Alberta had angered some Albertans who still remembered Justin’s father Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s energy wars of the 1970s and early 1980s with then Alberta Premier Peter Lougheed over control of the province’s oil and natural gas resources.

Pierre Trudeau’s National Energy Program (NEP) had siphoned billions of dollars from Alberta’s provincial coffers into his own federal government’s treasury.

After bringing in the NEP and figuratively giving Albertans the finger, Pierre Trudeau then literally gave Albertans the finger while crossing through the Province’s Rocky Mountains by train.

Justin Trudeau’s neglect in mentioning Alberta by name at the Canada 150 celebrations in the Canadian nation’s capital of Ottawa struck some Albertans as the son’s equivalent of the father’s giving them the finger.

But really, Justin reflected, it was an accident.

An accident caused by the ET gray from Nibiru named Gali-Gula making funny faces at him while he was speaking.

Justin had promised to legalize marijuana during the 2015 Canadian federal election campaign- a promise which won him numerous seats in British Columbia’s Lower Mainland.

After winning the election, Justin started his own personal one man investigation into the after effects of smoking marijuana.

And whenever he smoked pot, those were the only times that Gali-Gula (the ET gray from Nibiru whose body was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) appeared to him.

Justin had resolved not to smoke any pot ahead of the Canada 150 celebrations.

That way he wouldn’t be seeing Gali-Gula and he also wouldn’t anger the crowd by eating up all the hot dogs at the hot dog stand when he got the munchies.

The trouble was when he got up on the stage, some in the crowd were celebrating Canada’s 150th birthday by smoking pot themselves and Justin had the misfortune of inhaling much of the smoke.

So then Gali-Gula appeared to him just as he was about to mention Alberta by name.

Gali-Gula stuck two fingers in both his ears and then stuck his tongue out making a funny face at the Canadian Prime Minister.

This action on the ET gray’s part totally discombobulated Justin and he forgot to mention Alberta.

Later when Justin came back and said, “I love you, Alberta”, Gali-Gula decided to fly to Alberta and land on the UFO Flying Saucer landing pad in the town of Saint Paul, Alberta built in Canada’s centennial year of 1967.

Gali-Gula’s UFO driving narrowly missed making an omelette out of the world’s largest Ukrainian coloured Easter egg near the town of Vegreville, Alberta and narrowly missed making shredded duck out of the statue of the world’s largest duck outside the town of Andrew, Alberta.

“So,” Chancellor Angela said to Prime Minister Justin over his hamburger rousing him from his thoughts, “I said to Donald, either pee or get off the pot.”

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec walked the streets of Roswell New Mexico.

She wore a black dress in mourning for the lives lost at Roswell 70 years ago.

Her Samsung mobile phone rang.

She answered.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing phoning.

They chatted.

Suddenly Qonzilqointec could hear the sounds of gunfire coming from the other end of the phone.

“Dracul, what’s happening?” Qonzilqointec asked.

“Some assassins tried to shoot me,” Dracul answered, “but I shot and killed them first with my Uzi sub machine gun that was given to me as a gift by the host of the Israeli reality TV series Battle of The Rabbis: Orthodox vs. Reformed vs. Conservative vs. Golda’s Uncle’s Lox and Cream Cheese Bagel Worshiping Cult.”

“Who were the assassins?” Qonzilqointec asked, “Agents sent by an evil Transylvanian baron from his lair in the Carpathians?”.

“No,” Dracul replied, “They were operatives from the CPL.”

“CPL?” Qonzilqointec queried.

“The Calgary Public Library,” Dracul answered, “They claimed I forgot to return a book. But it wasn’t true. The only book I ever borrowed from them was an Archie comic book graphic novel called Afterlife With Archie about Jughead Jones leading a zombie apocalypse attack on the community of Riverdale. But I returned it. I even have a receipt slip showing that I did. But Calgary Public Library operatives’ instructions are to shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I see,” Qonzilqointec sighed sadly.

“So you’re at Roswell eh?” Dracul asked.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec nodded, “wondering what happened here 70 years ago?”.

“Maybe some poor snook ET gray forgot to return a book to the Calgary Public Library so CPL operatives fired a surface-to-air missile that hit his craft just above Roswell New Mexico,” Dracul speculated.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 7th 2017.

Qonziqointec In Mourning For Roswell Crash Victims
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash.

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Qonzilqointec, Dracul and The Dolphins

June 16, 2017 at 4:45 pm (Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec In Brighton

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was anxiously waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in her Brighton seaside resort hotel.room.

When he entered, she turned swiftly around in her slit skirted peach evening dress and threw out her arms towards him, “Dracul.”

Dracul ran towards her.

They embraced.

Soon Dracul and the Aztec vampire princess were down on the elegant French style sofa making wild passionate love.

On the television in the next room, BBC News TV cameras were focused on the swearing-in of new Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Mr. Renfield, is it true that you’re the greatest lover in Britain?” A reporter asked Renfield.

“Yes, it is,” Renfield answered.

Meanwhile in Brighton, Qonzilqointec was having the mother of all orgasms.

Renfield turned to his parliamentary aide behind him, “I hate to lie on my first day in office. See what we can do about deporting Dracul Van Helsing out of the country.”

Later down on the Brighton beach, Qonzilqointec and Dracul were making love in the sand.

“Isn’t this what Olivia Newton John and John Travolta did in Grease?” Qonzilqointec moaned in ecstasy.

“I think it was Brylcreem rather than ordinary grease that Travolta used,” Dracul answered with the heaving and pounding of the waves on the beach that matched the heaving and pounding of vampire hunter and vampiress.

Soon as the waves surrounded them and Qonzilqointec shouted, “My God, I’ve never felt so wet,” a pod of dolphins surrounded them.

“Look,” said Qonzilqointec, “we have an audience.”

“Dolphins in Brighton,” Dracul said, “that doesn’t happen very often.”

“They’ve come to watch our lovemaking,” Qonzilqointec sighed

“Never thought I’d end up a High School Biology teacher for dolphins,” Dracul remarked.

And the show went on for hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 16th
2017.

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Yet Another UK Campaign Debate With Renfield

June 2, 2017 at 4:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was visiting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing over in England.

They decided to drive up to the town of Tewkesbury to see British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative candidate Renfield R. Renfield in action.

Renfield’s campaign debate comments and antics had become the talk of the British nation in what was otherwise a very dull election campaign.

At his most recent campaign debate, he had held up a very realistic looking replica severed head of American comedian Kathy Griffin.

Qonzilqointec and Dracul had arrived at the town hall in Tewkesbury just in time for the debate to begin.

The subject of the debate was the United Kingdom’s Place In The Modern World.

Renfield wore a t-shirt with a photoshopped picture of himself peering out from the knockers of Demi Lovato wearing a low-cut dress.

When the subject came to the issue of Anglo-Latin American relations, Renfield suddenly dashed behind a changing screen.

He then returned wearing a tight-fitting flashy matador’s costume and hat.

He grabbed the microphone and began singing his own personal paraphrase of an old Tom Jones song:

That young new Mexican puppeteer
all the people they all lived in fear
of that young new Mexican puppeteer
He took some fire and he took some wood
he made a puppet and he looked good
and played strings like only a puppeteer could…

“He must be singing about my spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl when he showed up in Mexico centuries ago,” Qonzilqointec whispered to Dracul Van Helsing.

“Only Renfield can come up with a song that’s better than the original,” Dracul answered.

“Madame Chairwoman,” sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agathor Christie got up from his chair and angrily addressed debate moderator Sherrielock Holmes, “I really must strenuously object to Candidate Renfield’s comments and antics during these Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds constituency campaign debates. He’s making me look positively boring by comparison.”

“Agathor,” Sherrielock Holmes admonished, “Even if you were in a room all by yourself, you’d still look positively boring by comparison.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 2nd
2017.

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To Kill A Vampiress

May 27, 2017 at 3:39 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The year was 1933.

And Canadian vampire hunter Joseph Van Helsing was in Mexico City.

He was a son of the Dutch physician Dr. Abraham Van Helsing who had slain Count Dracula.

Joseph had been born in England.

His father had settled there after investigating the Dracula-inspired deaths in England and later slaying Dracula in Transylvania.

Joseph had come over to Canada on a cattle ship back in 1912 (that same cattle ship would later be used to transport Canada’s famous World War I flying ace Billy Bishop over to war in Europe).

His wife Hilda (7 years his younger) had come to Canada in 1905 as a little girl.

She too had crossed the Atlantic on a famous ship- The Carpathia.

In 1912, The Carpathia became world famous for having been the sole ship in the North Atlantic to answer the distress call of a ship that had just hit an iceberg and was sinking- the RMS Titanic.

Joseph found it ironic that his wife had sailed to Canada on The Carpathia given that his father Abraham had slain the Carpathian Mountains’ most famous resident Count Dracula.

Joseph reflected on all this as he walked the streets of Mexico City.

He was here to slay a vampiress- an Aztec princess who had been born back in the 1400s.

The Mexican government had recently become concerned about the number of bloodless victims showing up on the streets of Mexico City.

It was bad for tourism.

So they had hired Joseph Van Helsing to slay the vampiress.

Having killed all the Mexican vampire hunters in the last government persecution of the Catholic Church in Mexico during the Cristero War of the late 1920s.

Joseph Van Helsing entered the apartment building where the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec resided.

He entered the living room and then he saw her.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec

He did not know that vampiresses could cast a reflection.

And what a beautiful reflection it was.

Almost as beautiful as the original.

He turned to leave.

“Wait,” she whispered, “Stay with me and be my love.”

“I can’t,” said Joseph, “I’m married.”

“Oh,” Qonzilqointec sighed, “maybe someday one of your descendants will.”

Joseph left and walked out into the night.

84 years later, Dracul Van Helsing walked out of the night and into his apartment.

He checked his phone messages.

“Call me,” a woman’s voice said seductively on one of the messages.

It was the voice of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 27th
2017.

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The Vampire Set and Lindbergh’s Historic Flight To Paris

May 21, 2017 at 3:31 pm (History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

90 years ago today.

May 21st 1927.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris enjoying a bottle of champagne with Josephine Baker, Ernest Hemingway and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

They were waiting to see if American pilot Charles Lindbergh would arrive in the city in his plane The Spirit of St. Louis and become the first person to fly solo non-stop across the Atlantic.

Twenty minutes after 10 PM on the evening of May 21st 1927, there slipped out of the darkness over the skies a gray white airplane.

At 10:24 PM The Spirit of St. Louis landed.

“Well, I made it,” said Lindbergh.

And the City of Paris went wild.

Lindbergh was carried by hand outside his plane.

Total mayhem among the crowd of 100,000 people who had gathered on the east side of Le Bourget Air Field.

“Paris probably hasn’t seen such excitement since the Armistice of 1918,” Hemingway remarked as he uncorked another bottle of champagne.

“I was being dug out of the prison of my ancient Egyptian tomb on Armistice Day in 1918,” Set recalled.

Both Josephine Baker and Ernest Hemingway laughed at Set’s remark.

Only the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (being one of the living Undead herself) smiled sympathetically.

“Do you suppose Lindbergh will join us on this sidewalk cafe?” Josephine asked.

“I don’t know,” Hemingway shrugged, “did you invite him?”.

Everyone laughed.

“I wonder if anything else as exciting will happen this year?” Qonzilqointec mused philosophically.

On the other side of the Atlantic, singer and entertainer Al Jolson was sitting in a bar

He heard someone at one of the tables say, “You ain’t heard nothing yet.”

Jolson’s ears perked up.

That would make a great closing line for the new movie he was doing.

The world’s first talkie.

-A vampire novel chapter

written by Christopher

Sunday May 21st

2017.

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