Pope Francis Opens Synod On Sex Abuse By Putting Foot In His Mouth

February 20, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

This was the opening of the Vatican special synod on sex abuse.

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat in the chamber as special theological advisors to the body.

Pope Francis opened the synod by angrily waving his finger in the air and pontificating in Josef Stalinesque fashion, “Those who do nothing but criticize, criticize, criticize, criticize and further criticize the Church are friends of the Devil.”

Baphomet looked concernedly at Baal over these words.

Baal smiled reassuringly as he helped himself to a large tin of fresh unborn babies, “I think the Devil that the Unholy Father is referring to is the same Devil that the 19th Century French sorcerer Eliphas Levi referred to in his 1860 book The History of Magic and the Scottish Rite Freemasonic occultist Albert Pike referred to in his 1872 work Morals and Dogma which is the Devil is Adonai (the God of the Hebrews). Adonai and Lucifer are both God. Adonai is the dark evil side of God. And Lucifer is the lightbearing side of God.”

“That makes sense,” Baphomet tried to remain calm for the male/female human goat demon transgendered hybrid was having a bad day.

His/her breasts were lactating, his/her female genitalia was undergoing her period and his/her male genitalia kept undergoing premature ejaculations every 5 minutes.

In many ways, Baphomet’s current state was almost symbolic of the entire U.S. Democratic Party- the vast majority of whose members either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped the transgendered human goat demon hybrid.

As for Baal and Baphomet’s demonic rivals Mammon and Mephistopheles (either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped by the vast majority of U.S. Republicans), they were in the White House wondering how to get Trump out of the Oval Office and their own man Jared Kushner in.

As Pope Francis lambasted his critics for daring to criticize him and calling them “Friends of the Devil” (who may or may not be Adonai depending upon whether one is a practicing occultist or not), a group of victims of priestly sex abuse shivered in the cold out in Saint Peter’s Square wondering whether Francis would bother to meet with them.

He did not.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was anything but a true Vicar of Christ) continued to pave his way towards eventually winning the Ecclesiastical Asshole of The Millennium Award.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 20th
2019.


Pan: The Father of Baphomet who was turned to stone by the head of Medusa as he lay dying.
The stoned Pan now lies in the Vatican.

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Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

October 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was still in heavenly bliss after spending a night making out with the Vampiress Allatallahbel’s astral body twin double the succubus Asherah who was wearing a sexy nun’s outfit of veil, short skirted habit mini dress and black silk pantyhose.

Pope Francis was still vomiting 🤮 Gadarene pigs’ feet.

He got a Get Well card from Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy which gave him a recipe for a Korean pork dish with the inscription, “Try this. Korean pork is a lot healthier and less demonically possessed than Gadarene pork.”

At Brisbane in Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile the pervert friendly and demon worshipping Roman Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge was having a dream where he was dressed as an ancient mariner and slaying albatrosses with a cross bow left, right and center.

A group of angry sailors angry that their ship had crashed on the rock as a result of Archbishop Coleridge slaying so many albatrosses ripped the gold pectoral Cross off from around his neck and put a necklace of albatrosses around his neck.

The Archbishop’s gods Baal and Baphomet appeared to him and said they actually preferred the necklace of albatrosses around his neck rather than the Cross.

Archbishop Coleridge went into a pub and downed several pitchers of Carlton Draught.

After doing so, the Archbishop went into a reception hall and stopped a wedding guest from entering the hall in order to tell him his story of the slaughter of the albatrosses.

The wedding guest punched Archbishop Coleridge and sent him flying across 3 oceans into a British Premier League football ⚽️ stadium.

The Archbishop decided to become a hawker of goods in the stadium and went around shouting “Albatross! Albatross!”.

“What does it taste like?” asked a spectator.

“How do I know what it tastes like?” The Archbishop retorted angrily, “It tastes like bloody sea bird bloody flavour.”

“Do you get wafers with it?” The spectator asked.

“Of course you don’t get bloody wafers with it,” Archbishop Coleridge answered as Communion wafers fell out of his ass by the truck load.

“All right, I’ll take that one then,” the spectator paid the Archbishop and the Archbishop ripped the selected albatross off his necklace of albatrosses and gave it to the man.

Archbishop Coleridge was then attacked by a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Norwegian Blue parrot tired of pining for the fjords and so brought back from the dead.

The Archbishop fell from the stands on to the field.

On the field, he was set upon and choked to death by a python 🐍 named Monty.

After kicking the bucket, Archbishop Coleridge was horrified to discover that his idol Pope Francis was wrong about Hell.

Mercifully at the moment Coleridge tumbled into the flames 🔥 while Australian singer Olivia Newton John sang, “Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu” while the Mongolian Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan stood and applauded, the Archbishop suddenly woke up.

It had all been a dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 3rd
2018.

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Haiku About Elijah Vs. The Prophets of Baal

September 22, 2018 at 5:41 pm (Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , )

Mount Carmel Battle
Baal’s prophets go up in flames
Then down into flames

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Curtains For Saint Nicholas On The Night of Saint Nicholas’ Day

December 6, 2017 at 8:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Curtains For Saint Nicholas On The Night of Saint Nicholas’ Day

Hans dressed up as an Eastern Rite bishop (which is what Saint Nicholas was) to go down to the community hall in the little German village and hand out presents to the children who would be there.

Saint Nicholas entered the hall as the lights went down and the only lights shining were the lights on the Christmas tree 🎄.

As Saint Nicholas approached the tree to reach for the presents, six Vampiric Knights-Templar (who had been practising their shooting range skills the past few weeks) fired point blank into Saint Nicholas’ body with their sub-machine guns.

Saint Nicholas (Hans) fell to the ground quite dead and totally covered in bullet wounds and blood.

Both parents and children screamed.

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal (who had planned and masterminded this shooting of Saint Nicholas on this night of Saint Nicholas) then dove on to the body and licked up the blood with her tongue and fangs.

The snow white evening dress she was wearing was now covered in blood.

She then turned into a bat and flew out the door of the community hall.

Later in a Bavarian tavern where she ordered a Bloody Mary, she toasted the evening’s festivities with the Vampiric Knights-Templars.

“Death to this Saint and all who admire him,” she laughed as she used Crest whitening strips to get the blood off her fangs and get them sparkling white again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 6th
2017.

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Baal Walks Through His Archway In Florence Italy

May 30, 2017 at 4:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

“Mr. President,” an adviser spoke to Donald Trump, “we’ve just been informed that the ancient Phoenician god Baal walked through a replica archway in the city of Florence.”

“Really?” said Donald Trump who had pushed a dozen people out of his way so he could be first in line at a White House buffet smorgasboard.

“Yes, the archway which is a replica of an ancient Roman victory arch that was built in Palmyra, Syria at the end of the 2nd Century BC and was blown up by ISIS in August 2015- the replica was put up in Florence Italy over a month ago and now the Phoenician god Baal has walked through it,” said his adviser.

“What will this mean for my Presidency?” Trump asked as he got sour cream for his baked potato stuck in his hair.

“We have no idea,” said his adviser.

“Well, then get back to me when you do,” Trump fumed, “God, I hate red spider monkey fur in my baked potato.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 30th
2017.

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