Pope Francis Has Dinner With Baphomet

October 21, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman the former professional stage magician turned Cardinal was having a telephone interview with his former ghostly stage apprentice Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander reporter for The Times of London.

“Well,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman began, “Pope Francis has decided to mark the one year anniversary of Austrian Catholic layman Alexander Tschugguel throwing the Pachamama idols into the Tiber River by announcing that he’s in favour of sodomite civil unions.”

“How was the announcement made?” Belvedere wrote swiftly in his spectral notebook with his spectral quill pen.

“Through the world premiere of a movie that Pope Francis had shown in Rome today,” Salaman answered, “The movie is called Francesco and is about Pope Francis’ favourite person of all time Pope Francis and his agenda for a pro-Sodom and Gomorrah Communist utopia that he envisions for a post pandemic world.”

Meanwhile in his Vatican apartment, Pope Francis was having dinner with the demon Baphomet to celebrate the occasion.

An Amazon River rainforest guinea pig was suckling milk off the Baphomet’s female breasts as the demon was seated enjoying Black Forest venison and a glass of red wine.

The demon Baphomet is of course part goat and part human as well as part male and part female.

Francis called out to his chef as he ate his own plate of venison, “Luigi, this particular brand of salt seasoning you used on this venison is supurb. Where did you get the salt?.”

“From the Midde East, oh great Vicar of Cthulhu and Mictlantecuhtli,” Luigi answered, “From a pillar of salt.”

“A pillar of salt?” Francis raised his left eyebrow.

“It was apparently called Lot’s Wife by the locals for some reason and was said to have to stood in that one spot for millenia,” Luigi explained, “A group of Jesuit archeaologists this past summer who were excavating by day and having Dionysian Apollo and Hyacinth gay sex orgies by night decided to bring back the pillar of salt with them and presented it to my kitchen. I decided to save the salt for a special occasion and today marks the first time I’ve used it.”

“Lot’s wife?” Pope Francis rubbed his chin 🤔, “That name sounds familiar for some reason.”

“I believe it’s mentioned in the Bible, your Non-Holiness,” Luigi bowed and went back to his kitchen.

“Hm, it’s been ages since I last read that book,” Francis thought as he sipped his wine.

Meanwhile Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft strolled up on to the table.

A large saucer of Baileys Irish Cream (which she preferred to milk) had been left out for her.

She eagerly licked it up and then pranced off meowing, “Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow!”.

Up on the window ledge, Cernunnos the Celtic stag horned god was holding his cross-bow and arrow.

The part stag part human deity was pissed that Francis and the Baphomet were eating deer meat.

Cernunnos fired his bow.

The arrow took off Francis’ papal white cap and continued on its way striking the Baphomet in the left testicle.

Francis’ papal white cap on the Baphomet’s left testicle was somehow highly symbolic of how the day went.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 21st
2020.

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Baphomet Stalin

July 22, 2020 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had another vision while in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises.

In the vision,

Calgary’s Communist Mayor Naheed Nenshi:

“I’m making it mandatory for all Calgarians to take the Mark of The Beast without which nobody will be able to buy or sell.
The Antichrist is the way for everybody.
Anybody who refuses to accept this is selfish and is only thinking of themselves.”

. . .

At one time in the southern Ukrainian port city of Odessa on the Black Sea, back in the days of the old Soviet Union, stood a statue in the town square.

Practicing occultists in the western world would have recognized the statue as having the form and figure of the Baphomet (as it was depicted in an illustration drawn by 19th Century French practicing occultist Eliphas Levi) save for the head of the figure.

The figure did not have a goat’s head like most modern depictions of the Baphomet.

Instead it had the head of Josef Stalin with his trademark bushy moustache.

Although the statue itself bore the inscription Baphomet.

The official in the California Department of Health, who had just signed the Department of Health directive banning all indoor religious services in the state indefinitely with no end date for the ban to be lifted, did not know that as he read the old magazine article with old photos mentioning it.

He wondered if the statue still existed in post-Soviet Ukraine.

Probably not he figured.

He read a more recent news article from this past week which noted that the Chinese Communist Party in Beijing had just issued a directive telling all Christian believers in China to take down pictures and images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary in their homes or place of residence and replace them with pictures and images of Xi Jin-ping and Chairman Mao Tse-tung.

The official thought to himself that in the Governor’s Mansion in Sacramento, Gavin Newsom was probably issuing a similar directive.

He could imagine state government printing presses working overtime churning out photos of Gov. Newsom by the truckload for when the edict was proclaimed the law of the land in California.

The official could see the statue of Saint Junipero Serra in Sacramento that was torn down by Neo-Bolshevik insurgent rioters this past July 4th being replaced by a statue of the Baphomet that bore a head with the facial features of Gavin Newsom.

. . .

A British Conservative Member of Parliament just got off the phone where he was discussing an important matter with British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“Paul?” He heard a female voice say.

He turned.

It was his mistress.

And she was pointing a gun at him.


“Paul?” She demanded to know, “What did you do with the hands on my grandmother’s old clock behind me?”.

“I used them as giant stir sticks in this giant glass of martini I made myself,” the Tory MP with the serious drinking problem answered as he sipped the monster martini.

“You bastard!” She shot him.

He inconsiderately rushed into her arms as he began the process of quickly dying as a result of a serious gunshot wound.

And bled all over.

She pushed him backwards after he gave up the ghost.

She got on the phone to her mother and asked what laundry detergent would be best for getting blood stains off a white dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 22nd
2020.

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A Tale of Two Communion Services

July 14, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )


Saint Kateri Tekakwitha whose feast day it is today.

On the Lakota Sioux First Nation in South Dakota, a rare breed of Jesuit priest (one who actually believes the first 2000 years of Catholic Christian doctrine as it was taught prior to the advent of Pope Francis) was holding a communion service to mark the feast day of Saint Kateri Tekakwitha an Algonquin-Mohawk woman.

Meanwhile as he slept in his bed at night, former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean (who had a mental breakdown in 2004 the night he lost the New Hampshire state primary) was having a dream (or was it a dream?) where he was receiving a Consecrated Communion wafer that had been defiled in a satanic Black Mass.

The wafer was handed him by the demon Baphomet.

Dean made an Upside Down Mark of the Cross after receiving it.

This past weekend Dean attacked the American Jewish Committee for hiring a Christian.

Dean said Christians only have a reputation for hate.

He made this remark in a weekend that saw a man drive his van into a Catholic Church in Florida as parishioners sat for early morning Mass and then take out two cans of gasoline from his van and set fire to the Church.

A suspicious fire started at the San Gabriel Mission Church in California this past weekend.

In Boston, a statue of the Virgin Mary was spray painted with grafitti outside a Catholic Church.

In New York City, a statue of the Virgin Mary had gasoline poured on it and set alight outside a Catholic elementary school.

In Chattanooga, Tennessee, a statue of the Virgin Mary was decapitated.

Dean had a dream (or was it a dream?) where he mentioned to Baphomet, “Aren’t anarcho-Marxists and Neo-Bolsheviks so kind and loving?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 14th
2020.

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Saint Junipero Serra

June 24, 2020 at 10:30 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus and the little green fog Nimrod were sitting in a cafe diner in San Diego, California that had once been an old bus but was since converted into a diner.

Even though neither Asmodeus and Nimrod were wearing masks in public like California’s Neo-Stalinist governor Gavin Newsom had proclaimed in a Robespierreian Committee of Public Safety like Emergency Decree, the diner manager really didn’t feel like telling the demon or the little green frog to put on masks or leave.

The demon Baphomet (who likewise wasn’ wearing a mask) but looked and was dressed like a pre-eminent member of the LGBTQ+2S community (currently looking for more letters and numbers to appropriate), so wasn’t interfered with by the diner manager, passed by the duo’s table and showed them photos of statues of Saint Junipero Serra the Apostle of California being torn down in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

“This is what some of my Marxist-Leninist disciples have been up to,” the Baphomet grinned.

He/she/it then walked outside the diner to walk towards Saint Anne’s Catholic Church in the city.

A Neo-Bolshevik revolutionary had posted on his Instagram page calling on fellow Neo-Bolshevik revolutionaries to storm the Church, smash the statues and burn the Church to the ground.

The Baphomet was looking forward to the spectacle.

“Why did they tear down statues of Saint Junipero Serra?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus, “Who was he anyways?”.

“Well years ago, some Neo-Marxist academic made the claim that Saint Junipero Serra exploited and enslaved the native peoples of California and so he’s been on the Neo-Marxists’ shit list ever since,” Asmodeus’ cigarette ash spilled all over his 6 patty giant chili burger as he ate and smoked at the same time.

“And was the claim true?” Nimrod asked.

“Communists aren’t concerned with truth,” Asmodeus answered, “If they were, they wouldn’t be Communists.”

“But what were the actual facts on the ground irrespective of the Marxist lens of empirical reinterpretation and baloney enhanced reintegration?” Nimrod ate his baked salmon.

“Saint Junipero Serra was actually concerned about the attacks that certain groups of Spanish soldiers made on California’s indigenous peoples,” Asmodeus sipped his bottle of Corona beer, “And so even though he had an infirmed leg, he walked all the way to Mexico City on it in order to obtain special faculties of governance from the Viceroy of Spain stationed in Mexico City in order to discipline the military who were abusing the indigenous peoples. There is a physical reminder of the Viceroy’s orders (issued at Junipero Serra’s request) today. Everywhere there is a presidio (soldiers’ barracks) associated with a mission of the 21 missions that Junipero Serra founded in California, the presidio is always located miles away from the mission itself.”

“So, despite that, Junipero Serra’s statues are being torn down?” Nimrod used his long tongue to lick up a fly that had stationed itself on one of Asmodeus’ large beef patties.

“Well after decades of dumbed down public education in America, today’s youth in this country aren’t exactly the brightest on the planet,” Asmodeus dipped one of his fries in gravy.

On the television set above the diner’s kitchen window and next to the cashier’s booth, Melinda Gates was announcing that any covid-19 vaccine developed in America should be first tested on blacks and indigenous people before being given to whites.

While the lastest eugenics based announcement from the Gates evil duo would be of concern to Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (Son of assassinated 1968 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Bobby Kennedy), most limousine owning and mansion owning white liberal Democrats (who were really Marxist Neo-Mensheviks (politically speaking) cheering on the Neo-Bolshevik mobs destroying small businesses, statues and churches outside their walled houses and gated communities) really wouldn’t raise an eyebrow of reprimand to the Gates duo.

After all the Gates duo supported the same globalist New World Order they wanted for the world.

In which a world of serfs (told daily that they were free within a Marxist paradise) would serve them.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 24th
2020.

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Pan Goatee Slays Uglos To Mark Ring of Fire Solar Eclipse

June 21, 2020 at 10:32 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“Beautiful women are proof that Heaven exists.”

-Actor Ricardo Montalban

“And ugly women are proof that Hell exists.”

-Satyr global aesthetics and beautification campaigner Pan Goatee

Pan Goatee was very much regretting the fact that today’s Ring of Fire solar eclipse was over Asia and parts of Africa rather than over the western half of North America.

For it would have been better today if darkness fell over western North America on the 1st day of the summer solstice.

The reason being that loads of ugly women in the city where Pan Goatee lived decided to ruin the first day of summer for everyone by walking around in public without wearing paper bags over their heads.

The first ugly woman that the genetically created satyr serial killer noticed was one walking out of a physiotherapy clinic at a nearby shopping centre.

“You don’t need physiotherapy, you need plastic surgery,” Pan Goatee remarked as he lopped off the uglo’s head with his astral laser machete.

The next uglo he came across was some facially aesthetically challenged creature who was sitting on a chair in front of a barber shop.

“These poor guys have only recently opened up after 3 months of lockdown,” Pan Goatee pointed out as he lopped off this uglo’s head, “I don’t think they appreciate an ugly looking thing parked in front frightening off all the customers.”

Dostoevsky once wrote that beauty could save the world.

No wonder the western world was on the brink of a widespread Neo-Marxist insurrection with all these uglos walking about, Goatee politically philosophized.

On his way back home, Goatee passed a fat ugly blimp sitting at a bus stop.

“Why aren’t you busy tearing down statues with all the other uglos and their brainless boyfriends with incredibly bad taste in politics, economics, culture and women?” Goatee asked rhetorically aloud as he lopped off the blimp’s head.

. . .

Pope Francis the Vicar of Cthulhu and Mictlantecuhtli was sitting at his office in the Vatican when the phone rang.

“Hello, Comrade Jorge here,” Francis spoke into the receiver.

“Hello, this is the AntiOdysseus,” said the voice at the other end.

“The AntiOdysseus?” Pope Francis was quizzical.

“Yes,” answered the exasperated voice at the other end, “If there’s an Odysseus, there’s got to be an AntiOdysseus.”

“I suppose,” Francis chewed on his pencil.

“Listen, me and the boys here have just finished building a huge giant wooden statue of the Baphomet on wheels at an Italian government lodge outside Rome and we’d like to bring it down to Rome and wheel it within the walls of the Vatican,” the AntiOdysseus explained, “Is that all right?”.

“I guess that’s all right,” Francis checked his day and night planner, “If Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was here, he’d probably object to a huge giant wooden statue of the Baphomet being wheeled into the Vatican. But he’s currently in Regensburg in Bavaria.”

. . .

“Both Nazism and Communism are the bastard children of Freemasonry.
With last night’s tearing down of the statue of the white supremacist, Aryan race promoting, swastika worshipping and Ku Klux Klan co-founding Scottish Rite Freemasonic Confederate General Albert Pike in Washington DC, it is now obvious which bastard child of Freemasonry is on the ascendant in America.
It is Communism the bastard child of French Grand Orient Lodge Freemasonry and Adam Weishaupt’s Bavarian Illuminati.”

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 21st
2020.

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Kissing The Baphomet

June 15, 2020 at 10:22 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The Baphomet wholeheartedly approves of the U.S. Supreme Court’s latest idiotic 6-3 Supreme Court decision.

This is what happens when you name a bunch of Freemasons to the Supreme Court.

You get a bunch of satanic occultic judicial celebrations in honour of sexual perversions, debauchery and abominations.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was looking at some photographs taken by Set Enterprises Intelligence Units of six U.S. Supreme Court judges involved in a ritual ceremony where they were kissing the buttocks of the living Baphomet as opposed to a Baphomet statue (which were the only statues approved of by the Neo-Bolshevik Communists currently rioting and looting and tearing down statues across the United States and in much of the Western world).

There was some momentary consternation when Chief Justice John Roberts got his lips stuck to the living Baphomet’s buttocks.

Some “Holy” Water blessed by Pope Francis was thrown on the spectacle to see if that would detach the said Chief Justice’s lips from the said Baphomet’s buttocks.

But instead it served as a spiritual form of Crazy Glue binding the Chief Justice’s lips to the Baphomet’s buttocks even further.

Finally a welder (whose unofficial title was Court Arsonist to the Court of George Soros and a person wracking up the frequent flyer miles as he flew back and forth across U.S. cities where coincidentally various city districts went up in flames prior to his leaving) was brought in to burn Roberts’ lips off Baphomet’s buttocks.

“This definitely marks the end of the United States of America,” Renfield mused aloud as he looked at the photographs, “The country will end up being destroyed either in a Neo-Bolshevik insurrection or civil war or one massive steam bath house orgy (livestreamed on Facebook and Twitter) if not a combination of all 3. And history will record the United States of America as being unique in that it was a society that went from barbarism to decadence without ever having achieved an intermediate state of civilization.”

. . .

Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie was working in his backyard illegal and unregulated pharmaceutical manufacturing facility when he noted an environmentally eco-friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship flying overhead.

At first, Uncle Ernie assumed it was a creation of his own mind (or what little was left of it) due to the formula for creating a horned toad venom laced pizza that he was working with that originated in a Los Angeles based pizzaria that was called the Breasts of Marianne de Lilith Pizzaria.

However the captain of the ship after coming down a rope to the ground informed Uncle Ernie that the ship was very much real.

The ship belonged to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set was hoping to show the world that U.S. Associate Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a hypocrate and a judicial version of Nancy Pelosi.

What she Ginsburg decreed for the masses of the nation she would never have for herself.

Set hoped to prove this point by flying Uncle Ernie to Washington DC.

Uncle Ernie would go to the Supreme Court dressed as one of his many stage female persona characters and enter Associate Justice Ginsburg’s judge’s chambers and use her own private washroom.

Uncle Ernie would be wearing a mosquito sized bodycam at the top of his brassiere peering out from the top of his low-cut evening gown and would record Justice Ginsburg’s reaction for all the world to see.

Uncle Ernie agreed to the trip (which would be of a non-hallucinogenic nature).

He wondered which one of his stage female persona he should go into Justice Ginsburg’s private washroom dressed as.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 15th
2020.

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Marxist Mingling of Voldemort and Baphomet

June 10, 2020 at 10:43 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had received an email from Set Enterprises’ newest employee the eccentric self-proclaimed alchemist Dr. Marmalade Montague formerly of Paris.

In it, Dr. Marmalade Montague had made the claim that an evil German alchemist Dr. Wilhelm Das Tore the former CEO of Fenster Software was trying to alchemically mingle the two separate entities Voldemort and Baphomet together.

“There might actually be something to Dr. Montague’s assertion,” Renfield reflected.

The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit had received reports that Marxists, Maoists, Trotskyites and anarchists as well as Baal and Baphomet worshippers were trying to infiltrate the Black Lives Matter movement and use it for their own nefarious purposes.

An example of this happened in Mexico this past Monday June 8th when Baal and Baphomet worshipping anarchists attacked the Cathedral of Xalapa in the Mexican state of Veracruz and the Expiatory Temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

The buildings were vandalized and spray painted with satanic graffiti.

The vandalism started out as what was supposed to be a peaceful protest against police brutality in sympathy with protests in the U.S.

Of course Antonio Gramscian Cultural Marxists were on the warpath on behalf of Baal and Baphomet as well.

Actors and actresses, particularly those of the millennial and gen X variety, were stringent Antonio Gramscian Cultural Marxists.

A group that Renfield called the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet (because of their fondness for appropriating letters of the alphabet for themselves) envisioned an Antonio Gramscian Cultural Marxist global atheistic secular state ruling the world.

But this Marxist atheistic secular global state that the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet envisioned would have a secularized form of the old ancient Hindu caste system with they the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet as the secularized form of the Brahmin caste with traditional Catholics and Bible believing Evangelical Protestants becoming the secularized form of the Dalit caste or the untouchables.

And it would be they the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet who would be the ultimate arbiters of language and particularly pronouns.

If someone used a pronoun to describe someone that the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet did not like, they would be subject to abuse and ridicule on social media and jail terms, fines and imprisonment in real life.

The Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet claimed to be about equality but really they were about superiority- for themselves.

As Renfield was writing up a dossier on all this, he reflected to himself, “It’s rather ironic that most of these Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet claim to be following basic science when it comes to Climate Change (the Greta Thunberg hypothesis of climate change that is which is asserted to be scientific dogma) but fail miserably at Science when it comes to basic principles of Biology and human anatomy.”

Writer J.K. Rowling had recently come afoul of Antonio Gramscian Cultural Marxist SJWs (and that did not stand for single Jehovah’s Witnesses – those who were unmarried and thus not getting a constant piece of tail which at least might explain their idiotic pronouncements).

J.K. Rowling had tweeted the George Orwell character Winston Smith equivalent of saying that 2 + 2 = 4.

She was immediately jumped upon by various actors and actresses from the Harry Potter series of movies (people like Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and others) who immediately tweeted and asserted in the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet equivalent of Orwellian Doublespeak that 2 +2 = 5.

“Yes, there’s definitely something to Dr. Marmalade Montague’s assertion that an alchemical mingling of Voldemort and Baphomet is unfolding along with a universe of chaos,” Renfield thought, “Voldemort is back, united with Baphomet and he seems to have the entire student population of Hogwart’s on his side.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 10th
2020.


Mirabella Francesca Franconia: Renfield R. Renfield’s Executive Assistant on the lookout for disciples of an alchemically mingled Voldemort and Baphomet

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Fatima, Sodom, Mohammad bin Salman and Lady MacBeth

May 13, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Fatima, Sodom, Mohammad bin Salman and Lady MacBeth

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was standing outside the Catholic shrine at Fatima, Portugal alongside one of the commanders of the Portuguese National Republican Guard.

Several soldiers belonging to the guard (who had been guarding the shrine against Catholic pilgrims wanting to attend the site to mark the 103rd anniversary of the 1st appearance of the Virgin Mary to 3 shepherd children at the location) had died at their posts after their face masks had suffocated them to death.

The deaths by suffocation had occurred after a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse had rode by each man.

“Each one of the dead men had text messaged their friends about being visited in their beds in the middle of the night by a mysterious beautiful woman,” the Commander explained, “Whitstable, do you have any idea who this woman is?”.

“Well, I doubt very much it was Nancy Pelosi or any of her supporters,” Whitstable answered.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was wrestling with the fact that his desert kingdom was now facing bankruptcy.

He now held in his hands the report from his country’s Finance Minister about the state of the situation.

How could this happen to him, a devoted servant of Allah who had been waging and financing a genocidal civil war against the Houthi peoples of Yemen for the past 5 years?

He who had served up pieces of dissident Saudi journalists as appetizers to Dr. Hannibal Lecter wannabes?

Only months ago, he had tried to wreck both the Russian oil industry and the U.S. shale oil industry by ramping up production of Saudi oil and driving the price down to below zero dollars a barrel .

Now that decision had turned around to bite him in the ass.

Well it was actually New York City Council Speaker Corey Johnson (who had recently been taught astral projection by the demon Baphomet) who was sodomizing him in the rear end.

Johnson who had been astral flying over a road that went down from Jerusalem to Jericho remarked contemptuously “Samaritan’s Purse!” when he saw a man being carried on the back of a donkey and helped by a kind stranger after the man had fallen among thieves.

The act reminded Johnson of that organization headed by Rev. Franklin Graham who was a kind humanitarian and not an abominable sexual pervert.

Fortunately for Johnson, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (on the advice of both King Herod’s ghost and New York State’s powerful Sodom and Gomorrah lobby) were going to tax Samaritan’s Purse medical volunteers even though they worked for nothing running a field hospital emergency tent in NYC during the height of the Covid-19 crisis.

As Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was being sodomized by Johnson’s “astral body”, he reflected among his many other troubles that even his royal personal spirit guide the ghost of Lady MacBeth had left him.

. . .

Pope Francis shrieked when he saw the ghost of Lady MacBeth standing before him in his papal bedroom.

“What’s a woman doing in my bedroom?” He bellowed as he called out to his papal puffter personal aide and secretary.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 13th
2020

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Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

March 9, 2020 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was asked by his butler and valet Athelstan, “Tell me, sir, back during the world financial crisis of 2008, you went from being a billionaire to being a mere multi-millionaire. It was only Renfield betting all you had on Spain winning the 2010 FIFA World Cup that led to you becoming a billionaire again. Now that the stock markets today have taken their worst hit and plunge since the global economic meltdown of 2008, are you in danger of becoming a mere multi-millionaire again?”.

“Fortunately not, Athelstan,” Set sipped his martini and ate his caviar, “I learned my lesson from 2008. I have a wide reserve of gold that I bought and hid in an abandoned mine somewhere in the British Isles that is guarded by a clone that Dr. Cadbury Rocher made of Hades’ 3 headed dog Cerberus. So I’m ready for whatever downturn happens.”

“I suppose it was fears over the Coronavirus that sparked this panic, sir,” Athelstan handed the ancient Egyptian vampire a bottle of Corona beer with a lemon inside.

“It was,” Set nodded, “That and a row between Saudi Arabia and Russia over the price and supply of oil that sent oil prices into a down spin.”

Set then grabbed a bottle of tequila with a large worm inside the bottle from the tray that Athelstan presented to him.

. . .

The demon Baphomet was having a conversation with the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.

“This Coronavirus is quite delightful,” Baphomet drank a test tube full of the virus, “As a result, I see the Vatican has cancelled all public Masses in Rome and Italy from now until April 3rd.”

The pair were sitting in a totally empty Rome taverna.

“And from what I understand from my sources in the Vatican which are many,” the bull-headed god rubbed his metallic furnace belly, “Pope Francis would like to extend that indefinitely.”

“It was rather nice of George Soros, Hillary Clinton and the Sankt Gallen Mafia to force Benedict XVI to resign and put in Pope Francis for us,” Baphomet ordered an extra fruity strawberry daiquiri with a side of goat’s milk.

“It was,” Moloch nodded as he gratefully took his plate of the Hillary Clinton Secret Topping Pizza from the waiter.

. . .

After a day out campaign stumping for Bernie Sanders at which she told crowds, “He’s da man!”, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was back in her hotel room and opening one of her drawers to take out her vibrator to bring her some much needed relief.

It helped relieve her anxiety.

An intern might be good enough for Bill Clinton but it wasn’t good enough for her.

When she opened the drawer, she got the shock of her life when, instead of her vibrator, a red squirrel with elongated pointed ears jumped out at her.

“I think I’m going squirrelly,” she moaned as her skirt fell to the floor.

“I’m Ratatoskr,” the apparently talking squirrel introduced himself.

“The squirrel in Norse mythology who runs up and down the world tree Yggdrasil to carry messages back and forth between the eagle perched atop Yggdrasil and the serpent Nidhoggr who dwells beneath one of the three roots of the tree?” Alexandria asked as her bra came apart at the back.

“You’ve heard of me?” Ratatoskr grinned as he helped himself to a nut from a small jar labelled Alexandria’s Socialist Nuts.

“My yoga instructor talked about you last week as he came out of a trance after listening to an old LP called the Tibetan Buddhist Monks and Lamas’ Greatest Mind Altering Chants,” Alexandria explained, “What are you doing here?”.

“Well, I’m searching for a new job after the world tree Yggdrasil was cut down this past weekend by a Brazilian logging conglomerate that was given permission by Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro to do so,” Ratatoskr washed down the nut with a bottle of Amazon Rainwater.

“So what do you want with me?” Alexandria inquired.

“Well, I’m here to serve as your new spirit guide,” Ratatoskr grinned, “Your Silva Method instructor sent me. He figured you might need a new one since the leprechaun who had been assigned to you got sodomized by some guy dressed as a rainbow at the recent Queens NY Saint Pat’s For All Parade that was held this past Saint David’s Day. He’s now undergoing treatment for PTSD.”

Meanwhile in an abandoned mine in Cornwall, a Cerberus clone was keeping a close eye on Set’s pots of gold.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 9th
2020.

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Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer

September 26, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Phoenix Diabolicus The Vicar of Lucifer

The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus (the demon who was the Vicar of Lucifer On Earth) emerged from his painting in the Vatican Art Collection.

Something that startled Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

The Cardinal had been told who was the subject of the painting but he had never expected the figure to come to life.

“Good evening, Cardinal Salaman,” said Phoenix Diabolicus.

The Cardinal was too shocked to say anything.

“I’m pleased with the way the world is going,” Phoenix Diabolicus stretched his long black wings which felt tired and sore after being kept cooped up in that painting for so long.

“Oh yes?” Cardinal Salaman was flicking through the pockets of his robes trying to find his Rosary (a gift to him from a Polish priest and an object he had never used before).

“Indeed,” Phoenix Diabolicus stroked his moustache, “A potential for civil war or Beijing military intervention emerging in the island of Hong Kong. Tensions running rampant in the United Kingdom over Brexit. The Democrats setting up an impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump only adding to the further polarization in that already polarized nation that is called the United States of America. And what’s really advantageous is there’s no Abraham Lincoln like figure in sight. So the divided house will fall. The State of Israel is in chaos. War looms between Saudi Arabia and Iran in the Middle East. And your own boss Pope Francis is paving the way for the worship of the spirits of the Amazon Rainforest next month totally oblivious to the fact that not all the spirits in the Amazon Rainforest are good. Or at least not good in the sense that Our Enemy On The Cross defines it.”

The figure of Phoenix Diabolicus stepped back in the painting.

And Samhain Cardinal Salaman stood there.

Unable to move.

. . .

Private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were trudging their way through the Amazon Rainforest.

They had recently been hired by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The United Nations Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change to discover who had been setting the fires in the Amazon Rainforest this past summer.

Now they were in a dense little travelled section of the Amazon Rainforest.

“I hope our native guide knows his way back,” Agathor remarked.

“I hope our native guide isn’t a cannibal planning to eat us,” Magog stated as he wiped his sweating forehead with his handkerchief.

“That statement ranks of cultural imperialism,” Agathor the former British Conservative MP teased his Marxist friend the former Labour MP Magog.

“Being out here does that to a person,” Magog continued to wipe his brow.

Their guide bowed down to a tree.

“Must be a sacred tree,” Agathor remarked.

Magog pointed to a small carved figure standing at the base of the tree and asked, “What’s that?”.

“Father and Mother of All Life,” the native said in English as he bowed.

“Justin Trudeau would be pleased with this native’s feminist and transgendered sensibilities,” Magog remarked.

“Doesn’t that wooden idol look familiar?” Agathor asked.

Magog took a closer look and commented, “It looks like the Baphomet that supernatural entity worshipped by those Satanic Temple groups in the U.S. and Canada.”

“That’s because it is the Baphomet figure,” Agathor said as he put on his monocle and looked at it.

“Baphomet is worshipped by some of the natives here in the Amazon?” Magog was genuinely surprised.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 26th
2019.

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