Harvey Tallbanger In Paris

April 27, 2019 at 8:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger who was personal spy to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris to see how the Kraken Napoleon VI’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party was doing in preparation for next month’s European Parliament elections.

The French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party leader Napoleon VI (a Kraken) had formed an alliance with one of Set’s former employees the British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to run under a joint party banner for the elections.

Of course if Britain somehow managed to Brexit before the elections, Renfield’s party would be out of the running.

Most big shot bureaucrats in Brussels as well as French President Emmanuel Macron and Pope Francis were hoping Britain would manage to Brexit before the elections to prevent Renfield from getting into the European Parliament where he would no doubt use his influence to finish off the globalist New World Order European Union once and for all.

Militant Islamist terrorist groups and the Jesuit order were also upset by Renfield’s decision to sit as an atheist representative on the Committee For The Canonization of Charles Martel.

Of course Charles Martel had a snowball’s chance in Hell of being proclaimed a Saint by the Catholic Church as long as Francis was Pope but it was the principle of the matter that upset the militant Islamist terrorists and the Jesuits.

Harvey Tallbanger had spent the day touring Notre Dame Cathedral with the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa (who was now beautiful again after having her head shaved of snakes).

Security personnel did not try to stop Napoleon VI and Medusa from entering the burnt Cathedral because how does one stop a Kraken and a famed former Gorgon from Greek mythology doing something?

As for Harvey, since he was invisible, they were unable to stop him from entering.

“I see both the Cross and the Pieta statue of the Virgin Mary holding the Crucified Jesus at the High Altar were saved,” Harvey noted.

“Yes, a Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai was quite ticked off they managed to survive,” Medusa noted, “he said as much in an interview with a French newspaper yesterday.”

Harvey nodded.

He was aware that Father Caiaphas was the one who had helped the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone to escape the Set Enterprises secure barn in England and had then ridden the basilisk to start the fire at Notre Dame by breathing venomous fire.

When they had finished the tour, Napoleon VI and Medusa returned to campaigning for the European Parliament and Harvey had retreated to a Paris cafe called Quasimodo’s.

The cafe had a gypsy dancer called Esmeralda appropriately enough.

When she had finished dancing, she went up to the bar to talk to the 6 foot 8 invisible bunny rabbit.

“You can see me?” Harvey was astonished, “Have you been drinking Harvey Wallbangers?”.

“No, being a gypsy, I have psychic abilities so I can see you,” Esmeralda answered.

“A psychic lobster in London called Michelangelo can also see me,” Harvey nodded.

Esmeralda and the bunny rabbit got around to discussing the fire at Notre Dame.

Harvey Tallbanger happened to mention that there was an animated short film called I Pet Goat 2 made back in 2012 that seemed to prophetically show the spire of Notre Dame Cathedral collapsing like happened this year.

“And the name of this animated short had Pet Goat in the title?” Esmeralda queried.

Harvey affirmed that it did.

“You know the character of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame had a pet goat,” Esmeralda pointed out.

“That’s right, she did,” Harvey recalled.

“Djali was its name,” Esmeralda mentioned.

Harvey ate his jelly donut with a side of goat’s cheese.

Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who had been sitting at a table in the corner of Quasimodo’s and drinking Harvey Wallbangers by the dozen suddenly looked in the direction of the French Roma Gypsy girl and the Welsh pooka bunny rabbit.

“A bunny rabbit?” Father Caiaphas seethed, “I hate bunny rabbits.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 27th
2019.


The gypsy Esmeralda

Permalink 12 Comments

Michelangelo and Harvey, Vladimir and Kim Jong-un

April 25, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was taking a holiday lying face downwards on a water bed.

He had genetically created the fire breathing venomous basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone who had escaped from his prison barn and set fire to Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral.

As luck would have it, Dr. Rocher’s quite literally immortal great-grandmother Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) is a great admirer of Notre Dame Cathedral as well as a world-famous dominatrix.

Which explains why Dr. Rocher is currently lying face downwards.

So Set Enterprises’ Executive Secretary Miranda Singh was currently writing down the notes of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s visions at Set Enterprises’ laboratories in London.

Dr. Rocher had recently created an astral realm companion for Michelangelo’s remote viewing abilities.

The astral realm companion was named Harvey and was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit named after the identical character of the same name in the 1950 film Harvey that starred Jimmy Stewart.

The astral realm companion’s full name was Harvey Tallbanger since being so tall, he often banged his head on the ceiling of every room he entered.

Harvey Tallbanger had been sent to the Russian city of Vladivostok to spy on the summit meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

Since Harvey Tallbanger spoke and understood 153 languages (including Russian and Korean), there was no need to bring along an astral realm translator for the ride.

Harvey Tallbanger entered the summit room just as Vladimir and Kim were toasting one another.

“Jesus Christ!” The 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit said as he hit his head on the ceiling upon entering.

“What was that?” A startled Kim asked.

“Well,” Putin noted, “whatever invisible entity it is, it can’t be demonically possessed since it’s able to utter the name Jesus Christ. The same cannot be said for most U.S. politicians and major media outlets.”

“So, what is this good news you have to tell me?” Kim asked.

“Well, this past April 23rd, Russia launched the world’s longest submarine The Belgorod. The Belgorod is capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones (each one of which has the power of the Greek god Poseidon’s original trident that was stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis and given to us by her for scientific examination and evaluation). Those drones can produce 1500 foot tsunamis capable of wiping out whole coasts,” Putin smiled as he sipped his ice water.

“I don’t think Trump would really weep if a tsunami wiped out California,” Kim pointed out.

“Yes, but he’d weep if a tsunami wiped out Florida and the Mar-a-Lago resort,” Putin smiled.

“That’s very true,” Kim grinned beatifically like the Smiling Buddha when he heard this bit of news.

And as U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was busy watching the 1959 film version of The Last Days of Pompeii at his home in the U.S., Harvey Tallbanger used his rabbit ears to telepathically transmit the message to Michelangelo’s lobster antennae of the launch of The Belgorod submarine capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones with a possible target being Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort.

Michelangelo used his lobster claws to type the message on the keyboard of his waterproof iPad.

Miranda Singh wrote the message down in her FOR THE VAMPIRE SET’S EYES ONLY notebook when it came up on her computer screen.

Before delivering the message verbatim from Harvey Tallbanger, Michelangelo ordered the Neptune Seafood Submarine Sandwich (with strict orders to hold the lobster) from Subway and also cancelled his summer vacation to Florida this year and booked a round of golf at the Saint Andrew’s Golf Resort in Scotland instead.

Miranda Singh put in the appropriate order to the nearest Subway restaurant and also telephoned Michelangelo’s travel agent with the appropriate changes to the lobster’s summer travel plans.

Then she headed off to tell Set the big news about the Putin-Kim summit in Vladivostok.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 25th
2019.


Miranda Singh: Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set

Permalink 8 Comments

Renfield Discusses Day of Fires

April 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”

“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.

“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.

“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”

“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”

“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.

. . .

The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”

“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.

“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”

. . .

Today’s date.

Holy Saturday.

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.

April 20th.

Der Fuhrer’s birthday.

It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.

Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.

Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.

This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.

Kohler’s cigarette went out.

He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.

And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.


Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon

Permalink 2 Comments

The Basilisk and The Fire At Notre Dame Cathedral

April 15, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ resident sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s office with a face whiter than a ghost.

“Your face is whiter than I am,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked.

“And me as well,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who was still in a state of shock over the fact that someone commenting on Dracul Van Helsing’s blog had never heard of him Orson Welles.

“And whiter than I am,” added the ghost of the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who had dropped into Renfield’s office just for the Hell of it.

“It’s this fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Rocher sat down and helped himself to a bottle of Renfield’s whiskey.

“A devastating tragedy for all of humanity,” Renfield agreed.

And the ghosts of Churchill, Amin and Welles nodded their assent.

Within seconds, Amin’s ghost was chased back to the Underworld by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus since it was Underworld policy that dictators and despots inclined to ethnic genocide should not be allowed to leave the place.

Amin returned to his spit alongside King Leopold II of Belgium down in Tartarus.

“Look at these photos someone text messaged me an hour ago,” Dr. Rocher showed Renfield his phone.

“Unholy smoke, Batman!” Renfield exclaimed, “They show a Jesuit priest (wearing his Jesuit robes and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Aleister Crowley) riding a medieval basilisk and setting fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with the basilisk’s fiery venom.”

“But I thought basilisks died out with the end of the Middle Ages,” Churchill bit the end of his spectral cigar, “so the Renaissance pope Julius II wrote in his diary when he hired Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in celebration of the death of the last basilisk.”

“Undoubtedly one of those evil 21st Century Transhumanist scientists has genetically re-created a basilisk again just to show the world they could do it,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of red wine.

“That would be me,” Dr. Rocher did a bad impersonation of American comic Bob Newhart whenever the comedian was caught with his pants down- metaphorically speaking (unlike Bill Clinton).

“You recreated a basilisk?” Renfield was shocked (and resolved never to screw in a lightbulb on his own again).

“I did,” Dr. Rocher held his head in shame, “just to show the world I could do it.”

“What did I tell you?” Welles’ ghost finished his wine and thought back to a radio commercial he once did about frozen peas growing in the ground in Norway in mid-July.

“Oh, shut up, Orson,” Churchill’s ghost was getting irritated.

“And you let this Jesuit have it?” Renfield wiped his spectacles, “Don’t you know that a great multitude of Jesuits are a bunch of satanic perverts?”.

“This Jesuit stole it from the barn where it was being held for safekeeping,” Dr. Rocher blubbered, “along with a Nazi vampire who’s the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.”

“These Nazis never get up to any good,” Renfield fumed over his glass of whiskey.

“Agreed,” Chuchill’s ghost affirmed as he fumed over his glass of brandy.

“Most Jesuits never get up to any good either,” Welles poured himself another spectral glass of red wine and recalled a conversation he once had with film director Alfred Hitchcock on the subject.

On the television in Renfield’s office, the Kraken Napoleon VI addressed the world media with the fire smouldering Notre Dame in the background.

“My wife Medusa and I were married in that cathedral,” the Kraken wept octopus (as opposed to crocodile) tears, “we had ourselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in that Cathedral even though most French citizens never recognized the coronation. The Egyptian vampiress Isis pushed world-famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death from the bell tower of Notre Dame. And Dr. Cadbury Rocher used the vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame (which isn’t so secret anymore now that I just blabbed about it) to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of the vampire Osiris after he had been disintegrated by a Russian laser death ray.”

“I didn’t know you had done that?” Renfield looked at Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Does Set know you did that?”.

“He does now,” Dr. Rocher sighed.

Putting on a tartan kilt and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Mel Gibson as Braveheart William Wallace, the Kraken swore to the world media that he would destroy whoever and whatever was responsible for the fire that engulfed Notre Dame.

“Wait until my great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes finds out I was the one responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame,” Dr. Rocher continued to snivel, “I’ll be unable to sit down comfortably for the next decade.”

“With all due respect, Dr. Rocher,” Renfield admonished, “with this devastation of a great French, European and world cultural landmark, the prospect that your buttocks will be in the upmost suffering and agony for the next 10 years seems the least pressing of all the major problems afflicting the world at the present moment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 15th
2019.


The immortal world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes:
Will get to the bottom of whoever was responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame

Permalink 8 Comments

The Basilisk Freed

April 13, 2019 at 9:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was furious that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had beaten him to a meeting with Semiramis back in the year 1948.

The meeting led Set Enterprises rather than the Ahnenerbe to discover the whereabouts of the tomb of Alexander the Great.

Kohler was anxious for vengeance.

He had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to genetically re-create a medieval basilisk – a creature that was a hybrid of a serpent and a rooster.

Kohler thought that if this basilisk was released on the world, this would generate tremendous bad publicity for Set Enterprises.

Even worse than that of Monsanto for its GMOs.

Still someone would have to control the Basilisk and allow the Ahnenerbe to use the creature to its advantage.

Kohler knew the Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who worked in the Antiquities Section of the Vatican Museum.

Father bar Yochai was both a Jesuit and a practicing occultist.

Father Caiaphas had also injected himself with basilisk venom which was to be found in a secret closet in the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

This made him immune to both the basilisk’s venomous bite and venomous gaze.

Father Caiaphas was taken by Kohler to the British farm where Dr. Rocher had kept the basilisk hidden from prying eyes.

There Father Caiaphas freed the basilisk and flew the strange creature to France.

Kohler intended to have the basilisk released on the French countryside thereby creating bad relations between the British and French just as Britain was trying to peacefully leave the European Union in an orderly Brexit.

The basilisk attacked lovely churches in the French countryside and destroyed them doing what the Vatican II modernists had so far not managed to do.

The chaos and the fire blanketed the skies of rural France.

“This does not look good,” the Kraken Napoleon VI remarked to his wife Medusa as he saw the rural parish church of Saint Bernadette’s destroyed by the basilisk’s venomous fire.

The Kraken had come to the Church to confess his sin of having briefly been a Scientologist to the parish priest there.

The poor Kraken would have to seek absolution elsewhere.

The basilisk meanwhile was burning down the Saint Bernadette Church’s parish priest’s library which had a large collection of books written by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger.

“Splendid,” Father Caiaphas bar Yochai laughed as he rode the basilisk.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 13th
2019.

Permalink 2 Comments