Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

April 12, 2014 at 7:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were enjoying some chips and chip dip and watching BBC World News on the television in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

“This news report just in,” the BBC World News anchorman intoned…

“I always enjoy the news more when Naga Munchetty is reading the news,” Renfield quipped.

“I’ve noticed that,” Amadeus stated.

“… The attempted machete attack on Mr. Miliband in the Old City of Jerusalem occurred in the midst of the British Labour Party leader’s 3-day visit to Israel and the West Bank,” said the anchorman.

“Someone tried to attack Ed Miliband?” Amadeus stopped in the middle of dipping his chip.

“The assailant captured on this mobile phone cam closely resembles Kermit the Frog as you can see…” the anchorman went on.

“Indeed, ’tis the very spitting image of Kermit,” Renfield said in somewhat theatrical fashion as he continued to enjoy his chips ‘n chip dip.

“Israeli police seemed unable to wrestle the machete wielding amphibian assailant to the ground,” the anchorman’s black hair started turning white as he spoke, “for they seemed to pass right through the body of Kermit as if he were a spirit.
The maniacal frog whose life of “it isn’t easy being green” was obviously getting to him ended up being stopped in his tracks when Interpol agent Peter Whitstable threw a vial of water at him…”

“Obviously Kermit feels the same way about water as W. C. Fields did,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of brandy.

“Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol later told a BBC reporter that the vial contained Holy Water personally blessed by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI…”

“Well conservative Catholics who are upset with Pope Francis will be happy to hear that,” Renfield licked his lips as he fondly remembered the huge all beef patty cheeseburger he ate yesterday which was a Friday.

“I can’t believe Kermit the Frog turned out to be a homicidal maniac,” Amadeus wept, “one of my childhood heroes gone.”

“Yeah the trouble with childhood heroes,” Renfield belched as he started hitting a bottle of bourbon, “is they either die like Shirley Temple and Mickey Rooney or they end up homicidal maniacs like Kermit the Frog and Oscar Pistorius.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 12th
2014.

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Disappointed With BBC World News

March 4, 2014 at 7:44 pm (Commentary, Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Personal essays) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Disappointed With BBC World News

I’m so disappointed with BBC World News at the moment.

I turned on the TV to see what was the latest with the Ukraine crisis and the possibility of full-scale war breaking out and instead all they had on was stupid live coverage of the stupid Oscar Pistorius murder trial in South Africa.

I remember when I was a teen-ager back in 1995 how important news stories of that year took a back seat to the O.J. Simpson murder trial in Los Angeles.

Every time some stupid pompous arrogant hubris filled famous athlete kills his wife or ex-wife or girlfriend, the news media go into positive orgasms over the whole matter.

I’d expect such stupidity coming from the American news media but I didn’t expect such stupidity coming from the BBC.

I can well imagine the following scenario if the Ukraine crisis does somehow spin totally out of control and produce World War III:

CNN’s Anderson Cooper: And we’ve just received word that Washington DC has been destroyed by a nuclear missile.
We will now be talking to an American General about the current retaliatory nuclear missile attack on Moscow…
oh wait… we’re going to have to put that interview on hold because we’ve got a live feed coming in from the Oscar Pistorius murder trial in Pretoria South Africa where the courtroom has just heard the riveting testimony of an Afrikaans speaking toilet seat repairman.
Oops… our reporter was just knocked over by a BBC cameraman also in a rush to get the story…
okay… here’s the live feed coming from Pretoria now… oh no… our transmission satellite over South Africa was just shot down… bloody Russians…

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Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC World News On The Radio

February 12, 2014 at 8:01 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Movies, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC World News On The Radio

As Renfield entered the library, he noticed that Amadeus was crying bucket loads of tears into his unspilled glass of milk.

The BBC World News was talking about the red storm warning that the British Meteorological Office had just issued.

Renfield looked out the window and noticed their next door neighbour was busy building an ark.

“What are you sniveling about?” Renfield finally asked the crying Amadeus.

“Shirley Temple dying,” Amadeus sobbed.

“Well she lived to a good age,” Renfield said, “she was 85.”

“She was 85?” Amadeus blinked, “Wow. Did she ever look young for her age.”

“All of those movies you have of her on DVD were made back in the 1930s when she was only a little girl,” Renfield explained.

“Oh,” said Amadeus.

A lightbulb went on over Amadeus’ head as Renfield turned on a lamp behind Amadeus’ chair.

On the BBC World News, a commentator was commentating, “And so U.S. President Barack Obama has spent the past couple of days snuggling up to French poodle Francois Hollande in an effort to improve U.S.-French ties. As the Emperor Napoleon and the 1960s American pop culture novelist Jacqueline Susann might put it, “Every night, Josephine…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 12th
2014

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