Mei-ling Manchu and A Clockwork Orange

April 13, 2021 at 10:41 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had met vampiress Mei-ling Manchu yesterday at the Green Dragon and Shamrock B. And B. (Bed and Breakfast) in Beijing, China.

There Renfield had given Mei-ling Manchu the bomb that Set Enterprises’ chief acientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had invented and designed to kill Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.

The bomb was called A Clockwork Orange and it was a cuckoo clock made out of mandarin oranges.

When the orange clock timed and chimed the hour, a cuckoo bird bearing the head of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau emerged from the top part of the clock and said “Cuckoo! Cuckoo!”.

The bottom sides of the cuckoo clock would open immediately afterwards and a medieval knight who looked like a young Malcolm McDowell (as the British actor would have looked in about 1971) would then chase a figure of the despotic Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II around until he finally beheaded him.

When this happened, the cuckoo bird with Justin Trudeau’s head would emerge from the top part of the clock for one final “Cuckoo!” before Justin’s head would fall on to the track below where a train blowing “Choo! Choo!” would run over his head.

The whole complex scenario with cast of characters would be played all over again an hour later when the orange clock timed and chimed the next hour.

The idea and inspiration for the clock had come from the dazzling imagination of Renfield R. Renfield himself although the mechanisms for the clock (made out of a particularly hard variety of Dr. Cadbury Rocher developed mandarin oranges) were made by Dr. Rocher.

The Clockwork Orange device itself had been fitted with an unusual tracking mechanism designed to detect the particular individual DNA of Xi Jinping himself within a distance of one foot.

The device would then go off as a bomb killing Xi instantly.

In the meantime, other people could enjoy the splendid mechanisms and unique mechanical performances hour upon the hour of the Clockwork Orange contraption until such time as it wound up in the presence of Xi.

Then it would be like that old 1960s TV commercial for a now defunct brand of toilet paper called Zee in which children’s voices at the end of the commercial said, “Mommy, there’s no more Zee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 13th
2021.

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Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

May 27, 2020 at 9:45 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set were discussing the Chinese National People’s Congress recently passed new Security Law for Hong Kong.

“So you continue to stand by your claims in your Yorkshire Television interview that this new National Security law will mean the end of Hong Kong’s autonomy and freedoms?” Set inquired as he ate more live crocodiles from a nearby tank dispelling long held rumours across many millennia that he was the father of the Egyptian crocodile god Sobek (he wasn’t).

“That is correct,” Renfield ate his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

“And U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is now recommending that the U.S. Congress revoke Hong Kong’s special status as a favoured trading partner since the island will now effectively be under the control of the Beijing regime?” Set helped himself to a box of chocolates.

“He is,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “and as was to be expected, China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi and various Chinese diplomats around the world are now throwing hissy fits in the wake of Pompeo’s announcement. They’re running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and it isn’t even the Year of the Rooster.”

Set bit into his coq au vin, “And Beijing continues to influence the World Health Organization and its policies and collection of data?”.

“It does,” Renfield nodded as he ate a Devil’s food cake, “To say nothing of friendly relations between Bill Gates and the People’s Republic of China.”

“And I take it the Chinese Ministry of State Security is continuing its persecution of the underground Chinese Catholic Church with Pope Francis’ blessing and whole hearted approval?” Set bit into his Argentinian empanadas.

“They are,” Renfield admitted, “Recently Francis told China’s underground Catholics to get with the program (which is worshipping Xi Jinping as China’s national god) because as we know Pope Francis in his idiotic Abu Dhabi Declaration of last year stupidly asserted that “God wills the diversity of all religions”.

“I’m sure my conceited brother Osiris and my equally conceited nephew Horus will wholeheartedly agree,” Set lit a pipe, “I myself have reached the conclusion years ago that being a god isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.”

Set started choking on his pipe smoke.

“They say that the Roman Emperor Vespasian’s last words on his death bed were “I fear I’m becoming a god”,” Renfield acknowleged.

“Maybe we should have Xi becoming a god permanently,” Set threw a thousand year old egg into a garbage can.

“You’re suggesting that we should bump Xi Jinping off?” Renfield opened up a can of a new brand of cola called Socrates’ Non-Hemlock Cola.

“I am,” Set added a pinch of salt to his glass of Dr. Pepper.

“I’ll put in a call to my friends the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the vampiress Ho Babylon Minh right away,” Renfield picked up his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Wednesday May 27th
2020.

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The Dancing Dragon: A Poem

January 11, 2015 at 9:46 pm (Fantasy, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Dancing Dragon: A Poem

The dragon danced
with ants down his pants
and that’s why he danced
when you’ve got the itch
then life is a bitch
all you want to do is scratch
with another to match
The Emperor Wu watched the dragon dance
seeing it quite by chance
and was so impressed
he ordered his courtiers dressed
in the costume of a dragon
and jumping off the wagon
would dance through the streets of Beijing
where there was no peeking
under the dancing dragon’s costume bold
emblazoned in bright colours of red and gold
so the tradition continues each Lunar New Year
where the dragon dances to quite a loud cheer.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday January 11th 2015.

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