Vampire Set Addresses Cleopatra’s Needle: A Poem

April 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking the Victoria Embankment of the River Thames when he came across Cleopatra’s Needle.

The vampire put his hands on the ancient obelisk which was originally erected in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis on the orders of Pharaoh Thutmose III around 1450 BC.

He addressed the obelisk as he touched it:

You are a relic from the land of my birth
When I first emerged from the sands of the earth
And yet you have no memory of me at all
a silent blind sentinal to all I’ve done great and small
I slew my brother Osiris out of jealousy
because I wanted our sister Isis for me
And threw parts of him up and down the Nile
Which Isis went and retrieved mile by mile
She’d not have done the same for me
That’s when I realized I counted for nothing at all.

So my name is mud in the annals of history
How she restored him to life remains a mystery
And my nephew Horus emerged too
Ensuring my dark reign was through

But this was not always the case
Grandfather Ra thought me the fairest of the race
When I slew the serpent Apophis on the barge of the sun
Then heroism and light was the course I did run

But that is forgotten now
Wiped away like the sweat off my brow
My day in the sun is no more
Dark shadowy ground forever my floor
A creature of the night forevermore

And yet once last century
I was briefly happy
When I met Serena a daughter of time
And love rose like meter to rhyme
I should have known
lasting happiness was not mine

She was killed by an agent of terror
Stalin who ruled his land by trial and error
Trial for those ruled, and error it could not be
In that dark mind of cruel majesty

So Serena is gone
Stalin is gone
And I live on and on

From the night I came
To the night I return
And any sands I walk
Are sands the sun does not burn.

-A poem recited by Set to Cleopatra’s Needle

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday April 14th
2019.


Serena the mortal human fiancee of Set who was slain by Stalinist agents in London in the autumn of 1924

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Putin, Maduro, Vampire Set and Miranda Singh

February 12, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading Russian language copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

“How stupid these people be,” Putin pushed the copies of both papers into the waste paper basket where they were removed by the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) for him to use as toilet paper.

“I’m almost inspired to manipulate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election,” Putin mused aloud, “to make up for the false accusations that I manipulated the results of the 2016 election. Because the New York Times and The Washington Post can’t bring themselves to admit that the past 50 years of the dumbed down liberal progressive education system (that they approved of and applauded) has resulted in a dumbed down electorate who would actually rather vote for someone like Trump rather than the Establishment’s anointed female messiah Hellcat from Hell. So they have to blame us- the Russians- rather than the Frankenstein monster of an electorate that their liberal progressive educational ideas have created.”

“It is rough, Comrade President,” the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had to admit as she smoothed her Red Army brown skirt.

“What really pisses me off is that if we wanted someone as a Manchurian candidate puppet to be President and our elite team of hackers could put that individual into office, what makes them think we’d choose Trump?” Putin gazed out the Kremlin window, “Total nutcases are so unpredictable and don’t make very good puppets. And these jerks in the liberal U.S. media don’t think Russian Intelligence is good enough to spot a nutcase when we see one? We have a lot more intelligence in spotting one than do the American electorate.”

“America’s biggest mistake in the long run will be to underestimate Russian intelligence,” Svetlana crossed her legs and crushed a miniature American flag under her spiked stiletto.

. . .

“Who does this Donald Trump think he is anyways?” Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro raged to his companion, “Telling me that I’m not the legitimate President of Venezuela.”

“This Trump has a massive ego,” Maduro’s companion played with his moustache and threw the Gillette shaving kit into the garbage as real men don’t use Gillette.

“Anything Donald Trump can do, I can do better,” Maduro pounded his fists on the desk, “He thinks he can shut the U.S. government down for 35 days and not pay his government workers just to get a wall built? Well I can hold food and medical aid up at the Venezuelan border for far longer than that and starve my entire people into submission to me so that everyone in this entire country gives me the love and respect and honour and adoration I so richly deserve.”

“You da man,” the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (recently granted dispensational temporary leave from Tartarus by Hades) smiled as he continued to play with his moustache and ate a plate of perogies as he fondly recalled memories of the Soviet government enforced famine on Ukrainians back in 1932-33.

. . .

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a call from her boss on her mobile.

There would be an unexpected and univited visitor at the Set Enterprises laboratory tonight, Set said.

He told Miranda to give the man what he wanted.

. . .

Italian Intelligence secret agent Luigi Linguini was on a mission for the Italian government.

The current Italian government was in a cold war (which might turn hot at any moment) with French President Emmanuel Macron.

The Italian government wanted to bring Macron down and they had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had conducted an extensive DNA analysis of Macron’s DNA.

The Italian government needed to see that file.

Luigi was about to use his screwdriver to open the door to the room of the Rocher Secret Archives.

When suddenly the door opened on its own and there stood Miranda Singh:

“This way to the Macron File,” she smiled at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 12th
2019.

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Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

December 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…

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Reblog of Allatallahbel Swims To Nephthys’ Undersea Tomb

September 30, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote just over a year ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had hired two London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley to track down the sole surviving Vampiric Knights-Templar for her.

She had also hired another London private eye Randall Hopkins to spy on the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set for her (Randall Hopkins accepted the case immediately since he had prior experience spying on Set having been hired by the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis to do just that 3 years ago).

Randall Hopkins had broke into Set’s house where he located a couriered document sent to Set by the German government.

Apparently a World War One German UB-II U-Boat submarine had just been found off the coast of Belgium.

According to the sub’s last manifest written down before its last voyage (the manifest was found in the German National Archives) the Egyptian vampiress Nephthys (Set’s long lost wife) was on board the…

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Renfield Discusses Dungeons With The Vampire Set

March 14, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Dungeons With The Vampire Set

Renfield R. Renfield MP was discussing the dungeons in the basement of the colossal West London mansion with the mansion’s owner and his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

“So you want to use part of the basement dungeons as interrogation chambers for MI-6?” Set inquired as he chewed on a roast crocodile.

“That’s right, Boss,” Renfield was used to calling the former Egyptian god of darkness and the desert by that name from the days when he used to work for him.

“Well of course part of the basement dungeons my new Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering Sherrielock Holmes uses for her dominatrix service,” Set licked crocodile flesh off his fingers.

“I know,” Renfield adjusted the cushions under his tender buttocks, “it’s the other part of the basement dungeons that I’d use.”

“And what prisoners will you be keeping there?” Set belched into the evening air.

“Some Russian military intelligence officers we captured in Syria through the efforts of our allies Prince Vlad Dracula and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem,” Renfield replied.

“So you’re moving quickly against Putin’s Russia eh?” Set drank from a jar of Josef Stalin’s blood he kept for special occasions, “while Theresa May is publicly expelling 23 Russian diplomats from the UK, you’re privately rounding up members of Russia’s high-ranking military and intelligence services?”.

“That is correct,” Renfield said, “because if Putin wants to get into a pissing contest with me, he better have strong and powerful kidneys because mine are made of steel.”

Set who was privately worried these days (and nights) that he might finally be coming down with senility at his advanced age of a few thousand years wrinkled his forehead.

He was trying to remember if his Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher had equipped Renfield R. Renfield with steel kidneys when he had genetically created him in a lab.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 14th
2018.

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Set Rides The Train

September 5, 2017 at 3:28 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Set Rides The Train

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was riding the train.

He was sitting quietly in his seat 💺 when a long haired freak walked by with a baby stroller.

What was some freak doing with a baby stroller in this part of the train?

Another woman presumably his wife followed him.

And then another woman- presumably the wife’s ugly sister followed her.

They sat a couple of seats in front of him.

Then the brat in the stroller started crying.

And crying.

Set seemed to recall a verse from the ancient Hebrew psalms about smashing babies’ heads against the walls of the city of Jerusalem.

Well, it was a long way from Jerusalem but the train wall should be just as handy.

Set strolled over to the baby carriage, picked up the screaming brat and bashed her head against the wall killing her instantly.

The mother screamed.

Set used his 66-inch long fingernails to decapitate the mother.

The father started to protest.

“Can’t have creeps like you reproducing and contaminating the human gene pool,” Set likewise used his nails to rip his head off.

The ugly sister of the mother, the ugly sister-in-law of the father and the ugly aunt of the now deceased screaming brat- the ugly 3 in 1- now raised her ugly shrill screaming voice in a cacophonous symphony of protest.

That was likewise cut short by Set’s long uncut fingernails.

Set then ripped the ugly woman’s face to shreds with his nails for he had recently read an article in National Geographic Magazine about how genetically created satyr serial killer and DARPA astral assassin Pan Goatee was attempting to make Earth a more aesthetically pleasing place by killing ugly women.

The ancient Egyptian god of darkness figured he might as well contribute to the cause for ever since some idiot said “Let there be light”, there was always the possibility that light might shed light on ugliness.

Set had once supported Hitler’s rise to power.

While he disagreed with Hitler (a self-professed artist) on painting all members of the same race or ethnic group with one brush, he Set did think that certain individuals and possibly even one entire family could be inferior and basically human scum and should therefore be eliminated from the face of the earth as was the case with this Native North American Indian trio (a quartet- if you include the brat) who thought it was perfectly all right to conduct some noisy powwow ceremony on what should be an upper class train.

If they still published Eugenics magazines like they did back in the 1930s, Set thought of an article he could write on the subject.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2017.

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Set and The British Lord

July 28, 2017 at 4:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Set and The British Lord

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having dinner with a member of the British House of Lords in the dining room of The Royal Albert Club (the very same club back in the 1920s that Winston Churchill had unofficially met with members of British Intelligence to discuss the Egyptian billionaire’s connections with the rising Nazi movement in Germany).

The British Lord he was meeting with was Lord Leo of Panthera.

“So, how does the outlook look for Britain these days?” Set asked Lord Leo.

“Not so good,” Lord Leo eagerly bit into his veal brought to him by Isaiah the waiter, “it’s not a good thing for Britain to have a minority government just as we’re trying to negotiate Brexit.”

“Any possibility of a National Unity government forming?” Set asked as he bit into his Duck a l’ Orange.

“Some talk of it,” Lord Leo drank his coconut milk, “but not much. It’s said that Her Majesty the Queen has her own personal favourite that she’d like to see become Prime Minister in a national unity government.”

“Oh,” Set washed his duck down with a Bourgogne Pinot Noir, “and who might that be?”.

Leo paused in the middle of swallowing another slice of veal with his mouth agape in astonishment, “You mean to say you don’t know?”.

“No, I don’t,” Set was starting to feel like an errant schoolboy who had neglected to do his homework.

“Renfield R. Renfield the British Transhumanist MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds,” Lord Leo replied.

“What?” Set spit out a mouthful of Bourgogne Pinot Noir far across the room that caused one gentleman’s Seafood Flambé to become even flambeier, “My former employee who still lives with me in my mansion?”.

“That’s right,” Lord Leo grinned through his glass of coconut milk.

“Wow,” Set finished the last of his duck, “it would be quite advantageous to me if Renfield were to become Prime Minister of Britain.”

“Excuse me, gentleman,” Isaiah the waiter approached them, “but there’s a fire in the house. We would appreciate it if you moved to the nearest fire exits.”

Set and Lord Leo moved quickly past the now burning out of control Seafood Flambé.

“Well done, thou good and faithful servant,” Poseidon the Greek god of the sea said to a lobster who perished in the Seafood Flambé that day.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up screaming in his salt water aquarium down at the Set Enterprises laboratories.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 28th
2017.

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Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

July 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was hard at work in his Parliamentary office at Westminster.

“Hello, Venus In Stilettos 👠 Escort Agency?” Renfield was on the phone, “I was wondering if you could send a girl over to my Parliamentary office here in Westminster?”.

A voice similar to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher on old TV Peanuts cartoon specials spoke in reply.

“What am I interested in?” Renfield asked, “A literal reenactment of the title of that old Bryan Adams song The Summer of ’69.”

A choked gasp came from the voice that sounded like Peanuts Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded and grinned, “I want to be able to say these are the best days of my life.”

The voice spoke again.

“Thanks,” Renfield smiled, “Send her right over.”

Renfield put the phone down and manicured his fingernails.

“Who knew that being an MP could be so much fun?” Renfield looked at himself in the mirror atop his desk.

The phone rang again.

“Renfield R. Renfield,” the new MP answered.

It was the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis calling.

“Oh, hello, Isis,” Renfield undid his tie, “Thanks very much for taking me on that month long motorcycle 🏍 tour of France right after I was elected MP.”

“It was my pleasure, Rennie dearest,” Isis spoke in a sultry seductive voice, “Now, I was wondering if you would do me a favour.”

“Anything,” Renfield looked at his globe of the world.

“I understand Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has the ability to enter people’s dreams,” Isis stated.

“That is correct,” Renfield picked up a volume of Jung On The Collective Unconscious.

“I was wondering if you could talk to Michelangelo and get his psychic antennae to pay attention to this one certain individual’s dreams for me,” Isis requested.

“Well,” Renfield in his mind’s eye could see his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set slashing his delicate Renfieldian throat with those 66-inch long vampirically red fingernails of his, “Um… well as you know Michelangelo is a genetic creation bought and paid for by my former boss Set’s hard earned billions. I really don’t feel like betraying my former boss especially when I’m still living in his mansion.”

“Fine, you be loyal to your former boss then,” the vampiress Isis laughed an evil laugh, “but don’t be so unhappy when I send all those London newspapers the photos I took of you in all those compromising positions with various young French mademoiselles.”

Renfield was silent for a moment.

Finally he grabbed a pen and paper and spoke, “And what was the name of the individual whose dreams you want Michelangelo to enter?”.

Isis mentioned the individual’s name.

Renfield wrote it down.

He then hung up the phone without bothering to say good-bye.

That name sounded familiar for some reason.

Renfield checked his mobile phone and read an email that his friend and former co-employee Amadeus Emanon had sent him that afternoon.

“You asked me to tell you whenever Michelangelo predicted a good sound investment for the future. This afternoon he came up with one. He recommends you buy paintings painted by the South African artist SAREJESS as sound art investments for the future.

-Amadeus ”

Renfield looked at the globe of the world again.

Was this coincidence?

Or a case of Jungian synchronicity at work?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 19th
2017.

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The Re-Awakening of Serena?

July 12, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Re-Awakening of Serena?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher reported to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that his fiancée Serena (slain by a Soviet assassin in 1924 but whose body was kept cryogenically frozen since then) seemed to be showing signs of coming back to life.

In fact the EEG machine hooked up to Serena’s body was showing signs of brain activity within Serena and the machine had actually been showing signs of it the past couple of months but the technician in charge of monitoring Serena had neglected to inform Dr. Rocher.

Set Enterprises had of course immediately terminated the negligent technician’s employment (the termination was accomplished by Renfield R. Renfield putting a gun at the back of the man’s head and pulling the trigger- thus saving the company the cost of pension payout).

“So,” Set asked Dr. Rocher, “would these signs of conscious activity within her brain be the reason that a lot of photos have appeared in the past month showing Serena appearing at various places in the past? Her returning consciousness has caused her to be a time traveler?”.

“That’s part of it,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “of course the fact that she originally time traveled from this year of 2017 back to the early 1920s where she met Houdini and later you must have been brought about by another entity who has the ability to travel through time.”

“I see,” Set was silent.

“As for who this entity is, I have no idea,” Dr. Rocher shrugged.

Set was staring at a ship in a bottle on a distant shelf.

The ship in the bottle was itself an unusual vessel.

It was an ancient Egyptian funeral barge in a bottle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

June 22, 2017 at 5:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).

Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.

“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.

Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.

Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.

“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.

“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”

“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.

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