Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

July 20, 2017 at 5:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was hard at work in his Parliamentary office at Westminster.

“Hello, Venus In Stilettos 👠 Escort Agency?” Renfield was on the phone, “I was wondering if you could send a girl over to my Parliamentary office here in Westminster?”.

A voice similar to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher on old TV Peanuts cartoon specials spoke in reply.

“What am I interested in?” Renfield asked, “A literal reenactment of the title of that old Bryan Adams song The Summer of ’69.”

A choked gasp came from the voice that sounded like Peanuts Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded and grinned, “I want to be able to say these are the best days of my life.”

The voice spoke again.

“Thanks,” Renfield smiled, “Send her right over.”

Renfield put the phone down and manicured his fingernails.

“Who knew that being an MP could be so much fun?” Renfield looked at himself in the mirror atop his desk.

The phone rang again.

“Renfield R. Renfield,” the new MP answered.

It was the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis calling.

“Oh, hello, Isis,” Renfield undid his tie, “Thanks very much for taking me on that month long motorcycle 🏍 tour of France right after I was elected MP.”

“It was my pleasure, Rennie dearest,” Isis spoke in a sultry seductive voice, “Now, I was wondering if you would do me a favour.”

“Anything,” Renfield looked at his globe of the world.

“I understand Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has the ability to enter people’s dreams,” Isis stated.

“That is correct,” Renfield picked up a volume of Jung On The Collective Unconscious.

“I was wondering if you could talk to Michelangelo and get his psychic antennae to pay attention to this one certain individual’s dreams for me,” Isis requested.

“Well,” Renfield in his mind’s eye could see his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set slashing his delicate Renfieldian throat with those 66-inch long vampirically red fingernails of his, “Um… well as you know Michelangelo is a genetic creation bought and paid for by my former boss Set’s hard earned billions. I really don’t feel like betraying my former boss especially when I’m still living in his mansion.”

“Fine, you be loyal to your former boss then,” the vampiress Isis laughed an evil laugh, “but don’t be so unhappy when I send all those London newspapers the photos I took of you in all those compromising positions with various young French mademoiselles.”

Renfield was silent for a moment.

Finally he grabbed a pen and paper and spoke, “And what was the name of the individual whose dreams you want Michelangelo to enter?”.

Isis mentioned the individual’s name.

Renfield wrote it down.

He then hung up the phone without bothering to say good-bye.

That name sounded familiar for some reason.

Renfield checked his mobile phone and read an email that his friend and former co-employee Amadeus Emanon had sent him that afternoon.

“You asked me to tell you whenever Michelangelo predicted a good sound investment for the future. This afternoon he came up with one. He recommends you buy paintings painted by the South African artist SAREJESS as sound art investments for the future.

-Amadeus ”

Renfield looked at the globe of the world again.

Was this coincidence?

Or a case of Jungian synchronicity at work?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 19th
2017.

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The Re-Awakening of Serena?

July 12, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Re-Awakening of Serena?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher reported to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that his fiancée Serena (slain by a Soviet assassin in 1924 but whose body was kept cryogenically frozen since then) seemed to be showing signs of coming back to life.

In fact the EEG machine hooked up to Serena’s body was showing signs of brain activity within Serena and the machine had actually been showing signs of it the past couple of months but the technician in charge of monitoring Serena had neglected to inform Dr. Rocher.

Set Enterprises had of course immediately terminated the negligent technician’s employment (the termination was accomplished by Renfield R. Renfield putting a gun at the back of the man’s head and pulling the trigger- thus saving the company the cost of pension payout).

“So,” Set asked Dr. Rocher, “would these signs of conscious activity within her brain be the reason that a lot of photos have appeared in the past month showing Serena appearing at various places in the past? Her returning consciousness has caused her to be a time traveler?”.

“That’s part of it,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “of course the fact that she originally time traveled from this year of 2017 back to the early 1920s where she met Houdini and later you must have been brought about by another entity who has the ability to travel through time.”

“I see,” Set was silent.

“As for who this entity is, I have no idea,” Dr. Rocher shrugged.

Set was staring at a ship in a bottle on a distant shelf.

The ship in the bottle was itself an unusual vessel.

It was an ancient Egyptian funeral barge in a bottle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

June 22, 2017 at 5:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).

Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.

“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.

Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.

Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.

“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.

“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”

“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.

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Serena Slain

June 20, 2017 at 2:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

It was the autumn of 1924.

And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.

Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.

He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.

Who didn’t die.

Since he was a vampire.

Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.

Angered, Set approached the assassin.

Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.

This time in the direction of Serena.

Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.

Covered in blood.

“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.

He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.

Terovsky fled down the street.

Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.

Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she saw the scene.

She approached.

Set explained what happened.

“I wish I had the chance to turn her into a vampiress as she lay dying but her death happened too quickly,” Set wept.

“I know what you mean,” Sherrielock said, “My love died before he had the opportunity to make himself immortal.”

She told Set how her husband Dr. Louis Rocher had made an extract from the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom which when she ate it had made her immortal.

But Dr. Rocher had waited to eat the Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms himself.

And before he could do so, he ended up being shot down by the Red Baron during the Great War of 1914-18.

“It’s too bad Louis wasn’t still alive,” Sherrielock said, “he might have been able to bring your fiancee back from the dead.”

“Did you and he have any children?” Set asked.

“Yes, five,” Sherrielock replied, “three boys and two girls.”

“I wonder if any of them or their descendants will have your husband Louis’ genius,” Set reflected.

“Possibly,” Sherrielock answered.

Set resolved to have Serena’s body frozen in the hopes that one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s and Sherrielock Holmes’ descendants would be a scientific genius capable of bringing Serena back from the dead.

In the meantime, Set tracked down the assassin Leonid Terovsky, had him tortured and later killed.

But Set gleaned from Terovksy that Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin had ordered the assassination.

Set resolved to destroy both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

But as Set surveyed the world stage, there did not seem to him too many politicians who were capable of destroying both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

Until a young Austrian born politician creating a ruckus in Bavaria came into his sights.

The name of the young Austrian born politician in Bavaria making a name for himself?

Adolf Hitler.

His movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party- the NSDAP- better known as the Nazis.

Set moved to Germany in 1925 in an effort to better promote and finance the movement.

Just like a stone thrown into water creates unforeseen ripple effects, evil like good can create the same ripple effects.

And no one knows where the ripple effects will end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 20th
2017.

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Stalin Plans To Attack Set

June 19, 2017 at 3:44 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin was having a conversation with Felix Dzerzhinsky the director of OGPU (the name of the Soviet Secret Police at the time) during the summer of 1924.

Stalin was pissed off by the way the British Empire was carrying on at the time.

“Who the Hell do these Brits think they are anyways?” Stalin foamed with rage towards Dzerzhinsky, “Hell, you think they’re the only people in the world who know how to make tea properly.”

Stalin walked over to a samovar and poured himself a cup of tea.

He put it to his lips and spit it out.

“Do you have any more of that Red Rose tea brand you served me once?” He asked Dzerzhinsky.

“It’s available only in Canada,” Dzerzhinsky replied, “A spy from Canada brought me some once. Just before I shot him for sleeping with my favourite Moscow prostitute who I thought was for my eyes only.”

“We’ll have to invade Canada someday,” Stalin thought philosophically.

“Probably one of those tough strict Jesuit schools in Quebec will produce a Marxist who’ll become Prime Minister someday,” Dzerzhinsky threw aside an old Canadian newspaper that contained Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s birth announcement.

“I want to avenge myself on Britain,” said Stalin, “maybe assassinate one of their leading politicians or businessmen.”

“I don’t think the Soviet Union can win a war with Britain at this point in our history,” Dzerzhinsky said, “might I suggest assassinating a foreigner in the country. There’s a wealthy Egyptian businessman and investor by the name of Mr. Sol Invictus Set. Very buddy buddy with the Prince of Wales. Just bought himself a big house in the Collingwood Hills district of Kensington in West London. Here’s his picture.”

“Who’s the lovely woman with him?” Stalin asked.

“Only goes by the name of Serena,” Dzerzhinsky answered, “she was a magician’s assistant to that magician who goes by the name of the Great Houdini.”

“Isn’t that Houdini a Jew?” Stalin asked with the utmost contempt on his face.

“He is,” Dzerzhinsky answered.

“One day we’ll rid the world of all Jews,” Stalin looked outside his office and noticed Leon Trotsky walking down the hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 19th
2017.

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Renfield’s Past Forays Into The Theatrical Arts

June 15, 2017 at 3:12 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Musicals, Stage, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Britain’s The Sun newspaper decided to do a story on newly elected British MPs.

The first MP selected was Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

He was one of two MPs elected for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.

Allthough Mr. Renfield founded the British Transhumanist Party in 2013, he was ousted as Party Leader in 2015 after the British Transhumanist Party’s disastrous showing in the May 2015 UK General Election.

He was replaced by Welsh songstress Morgana Fay Lee (who some people call the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) as Party Leader.

Morgana Fay Lee was likewise elected an MP in her constituency of Newbridge in Wales.

After their two parliamentary electoral victories in this past June 8th UK General Election, Morgana announced she was stepping aside as Party leader saying she was unable to carry out much duties in the daytime (further leading to speculation that she’s a vampiress).
Welsh Vampiress Morgana
Welsh Vampiress Morgana After Twilight

Although Mr. Renfield R. Renfield is a long-time Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the British firm Set Enterprises (owned by the billionaire Egyptian Mr. Sol Invictus Set), he is best known for his forays into the field of theatrical arts.

A Clockwork Orange
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s West End London’s stage production of Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange.

Puccini's Madame Butterfly
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s production of Puccini’s Madame Butterfly.

My Fair Lady
Scene from Renfield R. Renfield’s production of the musical My Fair Lady.

Hot Girls In Love
A scene from the music video Renfield R. Renfield shot for the song Hot Girls In Love.

Alice In Wonderland
And upon not seeing either the March Hare or the Mad Hatter anywhere in sight, Alice poured tea for herself.
-From the Renfield R. Renfield production of Alice In Wonderland.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 15th
2017.

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana
The Welsh Vampiress Morgana: Never appeared in a Renfield R. Renfield production thus saving her musical and artistic career and allowing her to be elected to Parliament.

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Set Buys Himself A House

June 14, 2017 at 3:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

So now that Serena was free of her magician’s assistant contract with the Great Houdini, Set decided to buy a house for them to live in once they were married.

He bought the house a colossal mansion in West London in 1924.

This was the house as it looked in a painting in 1926.
The West London Colossal Mansion of the Billionaire Ancient Egyptian Vampire Set

91 years after the painting was painted, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was meeting in his colossal West London mansion with his Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering Renfield R. Renfield.

“So Renfield, now that you’ve been elected a Member of Parliament, you’ll probably no longer be able to carry out your duties as my Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering,” Set scratched a chalkboard with his 66 inch long fingernails.

Renfield held his ears, “No, probably not, boss.”

Amadeus Emanon started playing Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik on the piano in the drawing room.

“Which means since you’re no longer my employee, you’ll no longer be able to live in this mansion,” said Set coldly.

Renfield started to cry.

He hadn’t thought of that when he first ran for MP.

But then again he never really expected to be elected.

Renfield expected he had scored quite highly on the autism spectrum in the test that his mental health counselor had given him yesterday.

“However I’ve been talking to my chartered accountant Ian Mandell Boring who professionally goes by his initials I.M. Boring,” Set started feeling drowsy, “and he says if you pay me $12,000 rent a year to live here, you’ll be able to declare that on your expense account and be reimbursed at the end of the tax year. Besides having an MP in the household is a good thing. That way, I might be able to influence government policy.”

“Thanks, boss,” Renfield loudly blew his nose into his handkerchief.

“So, of course in the meantime, I’ve had to hire a new Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises,” Set looked out the window.

“And who is that?” Renfield asked while drinking from a bottle of whisky.

“Sherrielock Holmes,” Set answered.

“The world famous London dominatrix?” Renfield was shocked.

“Yes and I believe your personal dominatrix,” Set played with his Rolex watch on a chain.

“Those are vicious rumours spread by the fake lying media in this country,” Renfield did an impersonation of Donald Trump.

“Sherrielock will be able to use the dungeons in the basement for her dominatrix business by night,” Set reflected, “and by day, she’ll do what you used to do.”

“You mean, during the day, she’ll do nothing,” Amadeus quipped as he entered the room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 14th
2017.

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Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2017 at 4:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The year was 1933.

And the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was paying a visit to Britain’s House of Lords to see his friend Lord Oswald Jennings give a speech on China in the House of Lords.

Lord Oswald Jennings had a son Spencer Jennings who was the British Conservative MP for the constituency of Stamford On The Welland.

And Spencer Jennings had an 8-year-old son Byron Jennings.

In the opinion of the said vampire billionaire who called himself Mr. Sol Invictus Set, Byron Jennings was a spoiled brat.

But fortunately Lord Oswald Jennings did not invite Set back to his home after the speech where his son and daughter-in-law and spoiled brat grandson would be attending.

Instead he invited Set to dinner at his club.

“I agree with you,” Lord Jennings winked at Set over a brandy, “my grandson is a brat. I find Spencer and his airhead wife Lillian are too enamoured with this progressive education nonsense. Letting the child do exactly whatever he wants.”

After dinner and brandy at the club. Sol Invictus Set walked out into the night.

He noticed a very attractive young Asian woman walking up the street.

She was wearing a black dragon emblazoned red dress slit up the sides in that sleek chic oriental fashion that Set found so arousing.

It’s too bad that he had to rush home as he was expecting a phone call from Stanley Baldwin. Otherwise he’d have asked the beautiful young woman out for a drink.

But the beautiful young Asian woman had plans of her own.

For she was Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was so grossly slandered in Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.

Her father feared that Lord Oswald Jennings was far too sympathetic to the idea of Japanese control over Manchuria and quite possibly the rest of China.

Thus he had instructed Mei-ling to kidnap Lord Jennings’ grandson Byron hoping to influence His Lordship away from a pro-Japanese position.

How Mei-ling wondered, would she do it?

She noticed a boy standing at the corner looking through the window of a bookshop.

She looked at the photo of Lord Jennings’ grandson that her father had given her.

Then she looked at the boy on the corner.

They were the same individual.

She walked up to the boy.

Ironically, the boy was looking at the cover of one of Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.
Daughter of Fu Manchu

Said Byron (who was about as horny as his poetic namesake), “Wow. I’d like that woman on the cover to take me home and spank me.”

“Oh, this was going to be easy,” Mei-ling smiled to herself.

“How’d you like me to take you to my home and give you a spanking?” Mei-ling adjusted the slit skirt of her dress.

“Okay,” said the boy.

So kidnapping the grandson of Lord Oswald Jennings turned out to be as easy as taking candy from a baby.

And quite possibly the boy might even cease being a brat under Mei-ling Manchu’s tutelage.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2017.

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80 Years Ago Today- The Hindenburg Disaster

May 6, 2017 at 3:33 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Hindenburg

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was recalling where he was 80 years ago today.

Aboard the dirigible airship LZ 129 Hindenburg as it caught fire trying to dock with its mooring mass at Naval Air Station Lakehurst in Manchester Township New Jersey on May 6th, 1937.

Of the 97 people on board (36 passengers and 61 crewmen), there were 35 fatalities (13 passengers and 22 crewmen). One worker on the ground was also killed, bringing the final death toll to 36.

The vampire Set had departed aboard the Hindenburg from Frankfurt Germany on the evening of May 3rd 1937.

He was carrying a message with him from Der Fuhrer Adolf Hilter (Set was an important financial backer of Germany’s leader) to U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

When Set arrived at Lakehurst, he would board an American Airlines flight from Lakehurst to Newark, New Jersey. He would then catch a plane from Newark to New York City and then on to Washington DC where he would meet in secret with FDR to deliver the message.

In the message, Hitler proposed an anti-Bolshevik crusade with FDR for some time a few years down the road.

Hitler would attack the USSR from the West (from Europe) and America would attack the USSR from the East (from Alaska).

In return, Hitler proposed that America take and keep Siberia (which of course was just across the Bering Strait from Alaska).

Hitler would take the rest of Russia.

However the Hindenburg caught fire as it was about to land.

Set promptly turned into a bat and flew down to safety as Herbert Morrison cried into the radio microphone for radio station WLS in Chicago, “Oh, the humanity….”

To this day, there were still debates going on about what caused the fire aboard the Hindenburg. Some said it was sabotage. Others said it was caused by an electrical spark.

Set personally believed it was sabotage.

Because once he was on the ground in Lakehurst and had resumed his human shape, the vampire who called himself Sol Invictus Set saw his arch enemy, sister and sister-in-law the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis standing there.

Isis had with her by her side the Moroccan wrestler Abdul the Butcher who was her bodyguard at the time.

Abdul hit Set over the head and knocked him out.

When Set came to, Der Fuhrer’s message meant for FDR’s eyes only was gone.

How the world might have been different had that message been delivered, Set reflected.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 6th
2017.

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Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

November 12, 2016 at 6:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus At An Irish Karaoke Party

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had his entire mansion to himself tonight.

His butler and valet Athelstan had been called away to bail his mother out of jail for being drunk and disorderly. Apparently Athelstan’s mother had been drinking too much gin in a northern England pub and had gotten into a violent argument with another patron about who was England’s greatest rugby player.

Amadeus and Renfield were out of the house to meet the New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont in a London karaoke bar in a tribute night to The Greatest Hits of Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers.

So Set was doing what any male would do when he had the entire house to himself- he was drinking a bottle of beer (albeit in Set’s case with a side of blood) and watching television.

He was watching a BBC World News story about more anti-Trump rioting and protests in post-election America.

BBC Reporter (with a huge riot going on in the background): In the weeks running up to this Presidential election the big fear was that Donald Trump supporters would not accept the reality of a Hillary Clinton victory and would riot and cause general mayhem and chaos following the election. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and America has to face the reality of a Donald Trump victory, some of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are rioting and creating general mayhem and chaos themselves.

(Behind the BBC reporter, bottles are being thrown and American flags are being burnt. Signs saying TRUMP NOT MY PRESIDENT are being waved and cries of “Fuck You America” are being shouted)

BBC Reporter (calling to a protestor carrying a Molotov cocktail): Excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Protestor (with Molotov cocktail): Sure. Cool, man.

BBC Reporter: Why are you doing this?

Protestor: Because Trump won and Hillary lost. This is an affront to democracy and the will of the people, man.

BBC Reporter: What do you think would have happened had Hillary won and Trump lost?

Protestor: All those white Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansmen who supported Trump would have rioted. Because Trump supporters have no class.

Topless Tattooed Blonde (burning her Stars and Stripes coloured brassiere in front of the camera): That’s right, Trump supporters have no class. Unlike us, we have class. Fuck you, America! (holds up her middle finger)

Meanwhile down at the Karaoke bar where Irish Music Appreciation Night was being held, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont were waiting for Renfield R. Renfield to show up.

“How long do you suppose Renfield is going to be at that massage parlour in Soho?” Angelique asked Amadeus.

“That will depend on whether or not Renfield ordered the Dozen For One special,” Amadeus replied.

“Do you think Renfield will keep his promise and not sing any karaoke tonight?” Angelique asked with a shudder as she recalled the riot that had ensued the last time Renfield had sung karaoke.

“I believe he will,” Amadeus nodded, “I wonder if Renfield will remember what door to come in.”

It turned out that Renfield did not.

For he wound up on stage just as the crowd was starting to chant The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute! The Old Orange Flute!

The karaoke M.C. asked Renfield, “Are you the gentleman who signed up to sing The Old Orange Flute?”.

“Um, no,” Renfield replied, “I thought when the crowd was uttering cries of The Old Orange Flute, they were calling on some Chinaman to introduce an elderly Protestant pansy from Northern Ireland.”

Amadeus winced and buried his head in his hands.

He thought to himself that Renfield with his sense of audacious political incorrectness – that if the media had given Renfield as much coverage at the start of this year’s Presidential election campaign as they had Donald Trump- that it would be Renfield and not Trump who was the President-elect of the United States.

Proving the truth of Oscar Wilde’s dictum, “It’s better to be talked about than not talked about.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 12th
2016.

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