Qonzilqointec On A December Night In The British Capital

December 12, 2019 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Qonzilqointec On A December Night In The British Capital

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was staying overnight at a hotel in London.

She had spent the past few weeks in Austria.

Soon she would be flying back home to Mexico City.

Early this morning she had woken up in her sleep to discover that locks of her dark hair were being painted golden blonde by someone.

She turned the light on and thought she saw a small teddy bear running away.

She was unable to book an appointment with a hairstylist to get her locks coloured back to her natural colour as most people were booking appointments at this time of year to look their best for Christmas parties.

So Qonzilqointec was attending a 
small Christmas party with locks of her hair still coloured a golden blonde.

The Aztec vampiress watched as the Australian High Commissioner to London approached her.

“Did you take a look out the window?” The Commissioner asked her, “There seems to be a white wolf with blue eyes and a black jaguar with silver eyes circling around the building.”

“Well, then this building is secure and well protected then,” Qonzilqointec smiled.

“I’ve heard reports from various British government sources that Prince Andrew the Duke of York was recently bitten by a white wolf with blue eyes and scratched by a black jaguar with silver eyes,” the Australian High Commissioner noted, “that’s why the Prince hasn’t been seen in public lately.”

“I thought it was to avoid lawyers’ subpoenas,” Qonzilqointec finished her drink.

“That too probably,” the High Commissioner acknowledged.

Qonzilqointec looked out the window and noticed the blue-eyed white wolf and silver-eyed black jaguar circling the building.

She left the small gathering and joined the two animals outside.

The three walked back to Qonzilqointec’s hotel.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday December 12th
2019.

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Friday The 13th Harvest Moon

September 13, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th Harvest Moon

Try not to think of this as your death,
The vampiress approached,
It’s just another harvest moon,
She glimmered in the full light of the moon,
Her hair, her gown,
She was luminous,
An angel of light….

“Bat out of Hell…” Meatloaf sang on the radio…
“Could be one and the same thing,”
The vampiress laughed as she approached,
“But it is just another harvest moon…”

“A Friday the 13th Harvest Moon,” said the man tied up in the chair,
“A black cat crossed my path today,
I walked under a ladder,
I crossed knives,
I looked a Greek tycoon’s gift horse in the mouth today at the racetrack
And I ran a hockey goalie named Jason over with my car today
getting my tires slashed in the process.”

“I understand there’s a werewolf howling in the rainforests of the Amazon tonight,” the vampiress smiled,
“On this harvest moon,”
She continued to sing.

“The werewolf would be Magog Rhys Petley,”
said the man,
“A London based Welsh private eye bitten by a snake’s head named Rahu during a lunar eclipse many years ago,
Turned the poor fellow into a werewolf for some reason,
Lev Tomi hired him to find out who’s setting fire to the Amazon rainforests
And now he’s howling away under a harvest moon.”

“On this harvest moon,” the vampiress sang.

“I wonder if Neil Young would like your cover,” the man said.

The vampiress’ gown fell off her shoulders on to the floor.

“I guess he would,” smiled the man, 
“he’d probably like you under cover as well.”

“And what about you, Inspector Depp?” The vampiress asked the Scotland Yard detective, “Would you like me under cover?”.

“It’s a Friday the 13th Harvest Moon,” Depp answered, “Why not?”.

The vampiress bit his neck, drained all his blood and left him for dead.

“Like Britain after Halloween,” the vampiress laughed.

She walked out into the night where she was followed by a black jaguar with silver eyes.

The vampiress walked to the clock tower of Big Ben.

She turned and faced the Jaguar.

She once again dropped her gown.

The Black Jaguar turned into a man who made love to her.

And the bells of Big Ben, which were supposed to be silent while being repaired, started playing the tune, 
“On this Harvest Moon…”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 13th
2019.

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New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party

January 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.

The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.

King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.

“How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.

The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.

Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.

Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.

The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.

With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.

Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.

Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.

She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.

Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.

Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.

So he looked up.

Whitstable gasped.

The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.

A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.

A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.

“Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.

The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.

A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 27th
2019.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.

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Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

August 1, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

After British MP Renfield R. Renfield signed a contract with the Three Goth Witches of MacBeth that was written in Classical Greek and translated into medieval Scottish Gaelic and signed in Renfieldian blood (the contract gave the 3 Goth witches Renfield’s soul – which Renfield as an atheist didn’t believe in its existence anyways- in exchange for Renfield becoming Prime Minister of Great Britain 🇬🇧 for 7 years), Renfield suddenly noticed that he left his autographed photo of leather skirted Sherrielock Holmes inside the Night Wolves’ Prayer Auditorium.

He went back to retrieve it and while there, he happened to notice 72 Night Wolves emerging from the basement.

At the text message suggestion of a well known Australian 🇦🇺 poet named David Redpath, Renfield and Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski rounded up the 72 Night Wolves and put them on a Midnight Express back door delivery to a Turkish Ottoman prison in Istanbul (Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster prophesied that the incident would be turned into a film called Analcide On The Orient Express).

The sight of the praying Night Wolves with their bums up in the air was greeted with a Hallelujah Chorus of “Allah is most gracious. He has sent us 72 non-dark eyed anal virgins in this earthly lifetime without having to blow ourselves up in martyrdom like the brainless and dickless jihadis of ISIS” by the Turkish prison guards.

After loading the bottom of the missionary position Night Wolves on to the train 🚊, Renfield joined a conversation that the ghost of Orson Welles was having with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about the literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Churchill was remarking to Welles on how his wife Clementine had hired Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 his (Winnie’s) bottom back in early 1945 as the British wartime Prime Minister had taken to drinking far too much.

After a few intense months of even more intense sobriety, Churchill’s sober second thought gave him an idea 💡 on how to successfully end the war with Germany.

His sober idea 💡 was to fly Sherrielock Holmes behind enemy lines and get her to tomato the buttocks of both German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler and SS Reichsfuhrer Heinrich Himmler.

Sherrielock did this getting Adolf to shoot himself shortly after marrying Eva Braun on April 30th 1945 (when he discovered that Eva wanted him to assume the missionary position during conjugal intercourse – a position that would be extremely painful for the long suffering Fuhrer in his current post-tomatoing condition).

Himmler was so traumatized by the thought of being unable to sit down comfortably for the next 25 years that he committed suicide by biting into a cyanide capsule on May 23rd 1945.

Churchill regretted that he hadn’t had the period of intense sober second thought a lot sooner.

Otherwise he might have thought up this brilliant idea 💡 a lot sooner.

“As I told Westminster College at Fulton, Missouri in my Iron Curtain speech of March 5th, 1946, if I had gotten my Iron Tomatoing 🍅 a lot sooner, there would probably be no Iron Curtain dividing Europe today for the War would have ended a lot sooner and Josef Stalin would be up Shit Creek without a paddle.”

“Did Sherrielock wear a British Commando paratrooping outfit when she parachuted behind enemy lines?” Welles grimaced.

“No,” Churchill shook his head, “she wore a leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and black spiked super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes an outfit which prevented her from getting shot down from German snipers as they all started masturbating on the spot as soon as they spotted her with their binoculars.”

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump spoke to his British butler and valet, “I’m seriously considering breaking all constitutional and legal precedent and personally firing special counsel Robert Mueller. What do you think?”.

“I think you should do it, sir,” Lexington replied.

“Really?” Trump looked at his hair in the mirror and noticed how much it looked like golden maize corn 🌽 currently growing in the fields of Kansas.

The Oval Office window was smashed by the Wicked Witch of the East flying through on her broomstick.

The witch’s face landed in Trump’s hair and she was killed instantly.

“All right then, Lexington,” Trump pointed at the Wicked Witch’s shoes, “Give these to Robert Mueller and tell him to take a hike.”

. . .

It was Lammas Night and Cleopatra (the former High Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland) was celebrating with her husband the Nepalese-Tibetan Himalayan golden cobra serpent the Maitreya in a Berlin discotheque.

Cleopatra and Maitreya watched via FaceTime on their respective iPhones as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal sacrificed a living baby lamb on the altar of York Cathedral at the Lamb-Mass in York Cathedral on this the Feast Day of Saint Peter ad Vincula.

Both Cleopatra and Maitreya ate Lammas loaf owls (the bread 🥖 🍞 loaf owl 🦉 equivalents of gingerbread men) with salt eyes as the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s eyes started to water on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem as a sudden gust of wind came up and the ghost of Jack The Ripper appeared.

Cleopatra decided to head down to the dance floor and hoped that someone would ask her to dance on this Lammas Night.

As Cleopatra stood on the dance floor in front of a neon psychedelic icon depicting Persephone the Greek goddess and divine queen of The Underworld of Hades…

… a Black Jaguar approached her to ask her to dance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 1st
2018.

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3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

July 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

“Well, I’ve arrived back from Oxford,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friend Amadeus Emanon as he walked through the front door of the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where the Transhumanist parliamentarian lived.

He had a huge smile on his face as he walked through the door.

A week of blow jobs delivered by a group of sexy beautiful young female coeds at Oxford will do that to a guy.

“Did you hear about the 3 hours of total darkness over Russian Arctic Siberia in Siberia’s far north in the Russian republic of Yakutia (also called Sakha) last Friday July 20th?” Amadeus asked between mouthfuls of hot dogs 🌭.

“I heard about that while watching the BBC News App on my smart phone between mouthfuls of Desiderata performing oral healing and Lana performing oral healing,” Renfield replied with a smile 😀 brighter than the moon.

“What do you think caused that?” Amadeus asked as he spilled mustard, relish and ketchup all over his white dress shirt.

“Well, what I was told last Tuesday July 17th at Oxford in their safety deposit box room in their Archives might explain it,” Renfield blew his nose into his handkerchief emblazoned with the Whore of Babylon on it.

“And what were you told in that room?” Amadeus asked as he proceeded to wolf down 20 more hot dogs 🌭 despite the abstract painting the hot dog ingredients were now painting 🎨 on his white dress shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m under oath not to reveal it,” Renfield replied.

“Shit, what a bummer!” Amadeus remarked as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had another vision of the Donald Trump-Vladimir Putin meeting as he meditated while performing yoga 🧘‍♀️ in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises lab 🔬.

. . .

As Pan Goatee was in the City of Calgary assassinating more of Justin Trudeau’s supporters in the city on orders of DARPA’s acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep as well as someone at the highest levels of the U.S. government, he was in a McDonald’s restaurant to try their new Australian 🇦🇺 Egg and Cheese Burger as part of their summer International Cuisine Menu.

It was then that he saw two ugly women sitting with some loser of a guy in a booth at the back of the restaurant.

One was a fat ugly blimp so Pan Goatee beheaded her first.

He then beheaded the thin ugly woman who was obviously visiting the city from out of town.

As for the loser male who was dating both women in the greatest horror film ménage a trois of all time, Pan Goatee pulled out a gun and blew his head off.

Pan returned to the front counter and cash register up front as a Rihanna lookalike wearing a short skirt walked through the front door and stood in line.

“Tie me kangaroo down, sport,” Pan Goatee happily sang as he picked up his Australian Egg and Cheese burger 🍔.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon noticed the combination French impressionistic and abstract Picasso cubist masterpiece he had on his previously white dress shirt.

Just then his smart phone went off.

Amadeus answered.

It was his girlfriend Angelique Dumont the New Orleans vampiress and songstress who worked in West London’s theatre district.

She had phoned to say that she wouldn’t be able to make their date tonight.

Amadeus felt relief as this shirt he was wearing was the only clean white dress shirt he had for their fancy restaurant dinner date that they had planned this evening.

Amadeus said, “Yes, definitely some other time.”

“So, why can’t Angelique make your date tonight?” Renfield asked as he returned from the kitchen where he had made himself a tuna fish sandwich.

“She ran into a woman the two of us met last Friday in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s office at Set Enterprises,” Amadeus explained, “The woman’s name is Panty Goatee and was recently genetically cloned in a DARPA lab. Apparently she was being forced to marry the Baphomet at a wedding on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem last Wednesday when she was rescued by a Black Jaguar. The Black Jaguar teleported both himself and Panty to Set Enterprises so that Dr. Cadbury Rocher could medically treat Miss Goatee for severe shock.
Anyways Panty Goatee underwent another shock last night when she had her first adult orgasm after she had encountered a blonde Adonis while sitting on the sidewalk steps of an entrance to a park. So Angelique is staying with her tonight.”

“Panty, what a most intriguing name,” Renfield wiped off his laptop screen with some tissues and a spray of Lemon 🍋 Pledge.

. . .

Persephone the Greek Goddess of the Underworld waits in a London cemetery as the midnight 🕛 hour approaches.

She’s awaiting the arrival of a blonde Adonis.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 25th
2018.

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From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

July 24, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was absolutely furious with the efforts of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal lifetime had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the Monophysite wife of the Emperor Justinian) to overthrow Turkish despot Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be revised Ottoman Empire Sultan who was Lilith’s ally in the war to eventually destroy the State of Israel.

As such, Lilith decided to attack the land of the people Theodora hoped would revive the ancient Byzantine empire at Constantinople- Greece 🇬🇷.

To that end, Lilith hired the evil Centaur archer Acheronus (named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades).

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer (he who was called the “wisest and most just of all the centaurs” and became the constellation Sagittarius in the northern hemisphere and Centaurus in the Southern Hemisphere).

Acheronus dipped his arrows in a batch of Byzantine Greek fire an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Byzantine Empire that was invented and developed in the Empire around 672 AD.

The Byzantine Greek Navy used it in naval battles to great effect.

It provided the Byzantines with an immense technological advantage and was responsible for many key Byzantine military victories most notably the salvation of Constantinople from two Arab sieges.

Lilith, who was anxious to finally avenge the death of the high priest Caiaphas (who was once her one night stand lover and the biological father of her daughter Golgotha) by the Roman Emperor Tiberius, finally managed to get her hands on all the supplies of Byzantine Greek Fire to allow the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II to finally capture and conquer Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire on May 29th 1453 thus putting an end to the Eastern Roman Empire the successor empire of Tiberius’ Roman Empire.

Saint Mary Magdalene the woman Apostle of Jesus had gone to Rome to personally tell the Emperor Tiberius about the unjustness of Jesus’ trial and how an innocent man was crucified by the Romans.

Tiberius believed the Magdalene’s story and ordered the two Jewish high priests Annas and Caiaphas to be brought to Rome for trial.

Caiaphas died on a ship outside Crete while en route for trial in Rome.

As he stood on deck, Caiaphas felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then his bowels split open on deck.

Before his soul left him, he groaned like a wild pig.

His tongue jutted out of his mouth the length of a span.

His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.

Annas survived the voyage and after trial by Tiberius was sentenced by the Emperor to receive over 100 lashes and then Annas was to be wrapped in the freshly skinned hide of an antelope after which he was to be left out in the hot noonday sun ☀️ until he died.

Lilith upon hearing the news swore vengeance on the Roman Empire.

She finally got her vengeance on May 29th 1453 with the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks.

As for Lilith’s planned vengeance against Theodora, Acheronus with his bow and his Byzantine Greek Fire dipped arrows wandered through the Rafina region of eastern Attica in Greece 🇬🇷 shooting his flaming arrows.

The resulting blaze struck like a flamethrower causing smoke inhalation and skin burns.

So far 74 people have been killed and many fled past hundreds of burning cars and houses to dive into the sea 🌊 for safety.

The resulting devastation is so bad that Greece’s atheistic Marxist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has declared 3 days of official national mourning.

. . .

“Such a tragedy,” Donald Trump remarked as he ate lamb chops and Greek salad with feta cheese.

“Are you referring to the wildfires in Greece, Sir?” Asked Lexington his English butler and valet.

“What wildfires in Greece?” The fake hair toupee wearing opponent of fake news shrugged, “I’m talking about my poor daughter Ivanka Trump’s clothing company being forced to go out of business due to poor sales.”

“A tragedy indeed, sir,” Lexington grimaced in pain and silently prayed that there was indeed a Hell for those who truly deserve it.

“I can’t understand why more of my supporters didn’t buy her clothes,” Trump thought about shooting off an angry tweet.

“Maybe most of your supporters couldn’t afford to buy her clothes,” Lexington suggested.

“Why couldn’t they afford to buy her clothes?” Trump retorted angrily, “I could afford to buy her clothes if I ever got the urge to turn Caitlyn Jenner.”

“Saints preserve us,” Lexington crossed himself.

. . .

The Black Jaguar (possessed by the spirit of a powerful sorcerer and also the spirit of Night Sun the Mayan jaguar god of the Mayan underworld) entered the men’s washroom where he ripped to shreds a man and a boy who were in the washroom.

The human sacrifices were necessary to help bring about the coming of the Night Sun (as it was called by the Mayans), the Black Sun (as it was called by the Nazis) and Nemesis (the darkened sun that provides energy to the planet Niburu) according to some sci-fi UFO 🛸 enthusiasts.

. . .

Panty Goatee (the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) was grateful to have been rescued by the Black Jaguar from the forced bow and arrow 🏹 (as opposed to forced shotgun) wedding in Jerusalem to the Baphomet.

Panty Goatee didn’t really relish losing her virginity to a hermaphrodite half-human half-goat creature.

She didn’t like having to walk down the aisle of chairs on the Temple Mount with a flaming arrow in her naked back that was pointed at her tender flesh by the bow of a sinister centaur named Acheronus.

Then Panty Goatee saw the man approaching and a fire 🔥 (but a sensuously pleasant one) burned inside her panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 24th
2018.

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Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

July 19, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staying in an old English country inn on the hunt for two demonically possessed dogs who were busy terrorizing the English countryside.

He received a phone call from an Interpol operative in Israel 🇮🇱 who had an unusual matter of a paranormal nature to report.

He had seen a wedding being performed on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

The officiating clergyman at the wedding was recently installed Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (a former professional stage magician).

The groom was Baphomet (the hermaphrodite half-human half-goat entity who was worshiped by some Knights-Templar back in the Middle Ages).

The bride was Panty Goatee the recently genetically cloned twin sister of world famous DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Panty was topless at the wedding but wearing a black scarf around her shoulders that covered both her breasts as well as black leather gloves on her arms and a long red skirt instead of a white wedding dress.

On her head instead of a white bridal veil, she wore a pair of large painted black goat’s horns.

The virginal young clone Panty Goatee had been ordered to marry the Baphomet by Dr. Faustus Imhotep her boss at DARPA.

At the moment when Cardinal Samhain Salaman asked Panty Goatee, “Do you take this hermaphrodite half-man half-goat to be your legal wedded spouse from this night forward…?”.

At that moment a Black Jaguar leapt on the Temple Mount interrupting the ceremony by snarling in a form of ancient Mayan.

Cardinal Salaman felt under his cassock and pulled out a smart phone (much to best man Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s relief).

He then googled for an ancient Mayan language translation app to download but, by then, it was too late.

The Black Jaguar stood up on his hind legs and then grabbed the black scarf, black leather gloves and long red skirt wearing Panty Goatee with his front legs and then carried her off into the night of the Jerusalem dusk.

A shooting star 🌠 fell from the sky over Jerusalem.

. . .

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton was having trouble sleeping.

He decided to go downstairs to the refrigerator and pour himself a glass of milk 🥛.

As he tip toed down the stairs, he noticed his wife Hillary Rodham Clinton (the 2016 Democratic Party Presidential candidate) standing in the dimly lit living room by a black coloured burning candle and dressed in the robes of a Haitian voodoo high priestess. A group of 13 men in gray and black coloured suits, ties and jackets were kneeling on the floor in front of her paying her obeisance.

Bill very stealthily tip toed into the kitchen, quietly opened the refrigerator door and instead of a glass of milk he grabbed himself a can of Budweiser beer and equally stealthily tip toed back upstairs and into his bedroom where he quietly closed the door.

As quietly as possible, he tried to open the can, then put the beer to his lips and wondered what the Hell was going on?

. . .

Amadeus Emanon heard the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone ring in the kitchen of the colossal West London mansion.

He picked it up.

It was his good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield calling.

Renfield was still up in Oxford.

“I’ll be in Oxford a few more days,” Renfield said as he splashed around in a hot tub with several hot looking young female Oxford summer student coeds.

“Say, I was going to ask you, why the Hell do you suppose Donald Trump invited Vladimir Putin to Washington DC this fall?” Amadeus queried.

“Well,” Renfield smiled as one of the coeds licked his kosher sausage, “the man is either fully clinically insane or if there’s method to his madness, the Jared Kushner Middle East peace plan is definitely a go and Trump would most definitely need Vladimir Putin’s backing for the plan to go ahead.”

Amadeus watched on the kitchen television as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu officially declared Israel “the nation-state of the Jewish people” after winning a vote to do so in the Israeli Knesset.

“What do you think is going to happen next in the Middle East?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield watched the Netanyahu announcement on the BBC News App on the Samsung Galaxy S8 smart phone located in the bikini between one coed’s two breasts, “we’ve got the U.S. Embassy now in Jerusalem, we have just had Netanyahu proclaim Israel the Nation-State (it was just State before) of the Jewish people and next on the agenda I suspect is the building of the Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount.”

“But won’t the Arabs object to that?” Amadeus was incredulous.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield remarked as a text message from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman came in on his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 19th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Saturday The 14th

July 14, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Saturday The 14th

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the City of Calgary this time to bump off the President of the meatpacking plant company that was owned by Southern Alberta cattle baron, Canadian Federal Liberal Party financier and enthusiastic Justin Trudeau supporter Flyen High a southern Alberta cattle baron who was said to have fed marijuana plants 🌱 to his beef cattle.

A few weeks ago, Pan Goatee had bumped off Flyen High and his death was announced by a tearful CBC news anchorman Peter Mansbridge on The National on CBC News.

Pan Goatee visited the grave of Flyen High in a Calgary cemetery and noticed that marijuana plants were already growing on it.

The epitaph on Flyen High’s tombstone read “Truly a great Canadian and a great Albertan”
-Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Pan Goatee was now in the neighbourhood where the President of the Meatpacking plant Flyen High Packers Company Mr. Token Potts lived.

Pan Goatee was feeling hungry so he decided to go to a nearby shopping mall and visited their food court.

He ordered a submarine sandwich from Subway in the food court.

As he sat there enjoying his Pulled Pork submarine sandwich, a fat ugly blimp appeared at the Subway counter and ordered a sub.

Goatee was about to reach for his laser machete to cut her head off when he remembered something that DARPA acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep had said to him when he assigned the satyr serial killer and DARPA assassin Pan Goatee his mission (which had been ordered by a person at the top of the highest levels of the U.S. government who could be heard declining another portion of that “wretched Scottish haggis” in the background).

“Please do not call attention to yourself until you complete this mission,” Dr. Faustus Imhotep had requested.

Reluctantly Pan Goatee put his astral laser machete back in his belt holster.

He finished his submarine but was still feeling hungry.

He decided to go into a McDonald’s at the other end of the shopping mall parking lot and order a Big Mac.

As he walked towards the McDonald’s, he suddenly noticed the same fat ugly blimp (who was carrying a Subway bag) enter the McDonald’s.

“What!” Goatee shouted, “How did that fat ugly blimp get ahead of me. She must be demonically possessed somehow. Like all fat ugly blimps seem to be. She probably took that demonically inspired A Course In Miracles that’s recommended by that New Age airhead Oprah Winfrey.”

Pan Goatee then went around to the back of the McDonald’s restaurant building and cut a hole through the bricks with his astral laser machete.

“Surprise City of Calgary Health Department inspection,” Pan Goatee flashed a toy Western Sheriff’s badge (that he had purchased in a Dollar Variety Store) to the surprised McDonald’s manager and cooks as he walked into the kitchen from the newly created back entrance.

“Everything looks fine,” Goatee said as he passed the burgers 🍔 and fries 🍟, “but no fat ugly blimps allowed on the premises.”

He immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp who was carrying the Subway bag.

He ordered a Big Mac and sat down.

He was enthusiastically asked for autographs by a group of Japanese children and teenagers who were in town visiting the Calgary Stampede rodeo which the pleasantly good natured satyr serial killer cheerfully obliged signing.

A little girl came and sat across from him after the Japanese tourists left.

Soon she was joined by her mother who turned out to be a fat ugly blimp.

Goatee immediately beheaded the woman.

He then beheaded her daughter as well.

“Just on the off chance she grows up to be a fat ugly blimp,” Goatee explained to a shocked couple of senior citizens sitting at a table, “alas for poor Oprah there goes another potential purchaser of A Course In Miracles.”

Goatee then spotted another fat ugly blimp by the customer pop machine but decided to spare this particular abomination from Hell as he decided to follow Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s advice about not drawing attention to himself.

Goatee went out the door where he walked to a bus stop 🚏 to catch the bus that went past Token Potts’ house.

Fortunately the only person standing there was a woman who looked like she could pass for a double of Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai.

Having those looks, the woman’s life was spared by Pan Goatee.

As Pan Goatee looked in the direction the bus would be coming, his eyesight was suddenly assaulted by the visual appearance of the fat ugly blimp whose life he had spared by the pop machine inside McDonald’s.

“Oh shit!” Goatee shouted, “That’s what I get for being a nice guy!”.

He then pulled out his astral laser machete, ran down the street and beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

When he returned to the bus stop, the Aishwarya Rai lookalike was busy talking on her mobile phone so she did not notice the satyr’s uglocide.

“That’s good,” Goatee smiled, “maybe I should ask her for a date. Good thing she didn’t notice that. There are a few women out there who are reluctant to date serial killers.”

. . .

Donald Trump was enjoying a steaming dish of freshly caught wild Scottish brown trout after a day spent on his golf course in Scotland.

“This is excellent, Lexington,” Trump remarked to his English valet and butler.

“Thank you, sir,” Lexington replied.

“You know I’ve been thinking tonight about Manifest Destiny,” Trump combed his toupee in the style of Julius Caesar’s haircut.

“Yours, sir?” Lexington sighed.

“No, America’s,” Trump remarked, “The vision of Manifest Destiny by America’s founders not only entailed an America stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific but an America stretching from the Gulf of Mexico to the Arctic Ocean as well. So I really think I should order the invasion and annexation of Canada.
It will also help put an end to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s idiotic policy of allowing more Muslim immigrants into Canada which puts more Muslims on our borders as well.”

“Invade and annex Canada?” Lexington as a British subject was genuinely shocked.

“Why not? After all, Hitler invaded and annexed Austria in 1938,” Trump pointed out, “And what’s good enough for Adolf Hitler is good enough for me.”

. . .

As Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ordered the hammering of Hamas positions in the Gaza Strip, a black jaguar strolled across the Temple Mount.

The Black Jaguar contained the spirit of a powerful sorcerer as well as the spirit of Night Sun the Jaguar God of the Mayan Underworld.

Baphomet (the living embodiment of the idol of the Knights-Templar) stood on the Temple Mount and shouted, “Hail to the Black Jaguar.”

The Black Jaguar smiled.

Full scale war all over the Middle East would soon be breaking out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 14th
2018.

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The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

June 11, 2018 at 10:51 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

Kim Yo-jong the sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was walking through the streets of Singapore late at night.

A man wearing dark sunglasses 😎 and a red spider monkey fur toupee (surrounded by a group of men in black overcoats also wearing dark sunglasses 🕶 and earphones in their ears) approached her.

The man was turned on by Kim Yo-jong’s tight clinging skirt and exquisite pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.

“Excuse me, miss, but would you be willing to give me a blow job?” The man with the toupee asked her.

“He’ll gladly pay you $130,000,” the man’s lawyer spoke to Kim Yo-jong via FaceTime on the toupee wearing man’s iPhone that was made in China by Chinese slave labour.

Kim Yo-jong told the toupee wearing man, “Go fuck yourself, you pervert!” and kicked the man in the balls sending him backwards 666 yards.

“She’s assaulted the President! Grab her!” One of the men in black overcoat and wearing dark sunglasses shouted to the others wearing the same.

The men in black overcoats and dark sunglasses simultaneously reached out to grab her.

They likewise found themselves kicked several hundreds of yards away by the North Korean Dragon Sister and had resulting extremely sore testicles as well.

“I’m glad I decided to turn in live to this live Singapore camera street shot on YouTube,” a former DARPA employee remarked to his pet otter over a shared bottle of bourbon after watching the previous martial arts display live.

The otter nodded enthusiastically.

As Kim Yo-jong walked down the street, a white wolf with blue eyes looked protectively at the woman and followed her.

When she returned safely to her hotel, the white wolf then walked several blocks away to another hotel.

He rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of the hotel.

With his right front paw, he then entered a computerized password on the door and the door to the room opened.

Standing there was a black jaguar with golden greenish eyes who emitted a loud hiss at the white wolf with blue eyes.

“Begone Satan!” A female voice said.

The black jaguar turned, saw the woman and vanished.

The woman was the ghost of Rita Hayworth who had been sent from Paradise to Earth on the orders of Saint Michael the Archangel.

As Rita Hayworth sat there in her heavenly white evening dress, the white wolf with blue eyes wagged his tail.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 11th
2018.

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The Black Jaguar: A Poem

June 2, 2018 at 11:32 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The Black Jaguar: A Poem

He was the world’s greatest sorcerer
but the world and even he were unaware of the extent of his power
He practiced his sorcery in secret
No one knew he was a sorcerer
He told no one
He showed no one
But both people and events felt the after effects of his sorcery

The secrets of the deep he knew
The secrets of the dark he knew
And that is why of him the world should be afraid

Long ago the Mayans taught of the Jaguar God of the Underworld
He who was called the Night Sun
The darkest darkness
As the day sun was the brightest brightness

And the Mayans carved a relief in stone of the Black Jaguar
who was the Night Sun
Jaguar God of the Underworld

Today the stone relief was in the Smithsonian Institute in Washington DC
where a sculptor saw it
and made his own clay statue of the Black Jaguar
The Night Sun
Jaguar God of the Underworld

And as Pope Francis was seeing to the unity of all the world’s religions
So all the Underworlds under the Earth were now uniting
Under Hades the Greek god of the Underworld
The only Greek deity mentioned by name by Christ
What was translated into English of Christ’s words to Peter as “The gates of Hell shall not prevail against my Church”
Originally read the “Gates of Hades shall not prevail against my Church” in the koine Greek in which the New Testament was written
and since Hades in Greek could either be a place (the name of the Underworld itself) or a person (the name of the Olympian deity that ruled the Underworld)
there were two different proper nouns used in Greek to refer to both
The place and the deity
And the proper noun Christ used in Koine Greek in answer to Peter
was the name of the deity Hades not the place
And another telling indication
Christ said this to Peter on the coasts of Caesarea Philippi
where there were sulphuric smelling caves in the mountains nearby
that the locals called the gates of Hades
And said that Hades the deity used them to occasionally come up and walk on the surface of the Earth.

When it is mentioned in Chapter 20 of the Revelation of Saint John the Divine that the Devil, Death and Hell were thrown into the Lake of Fire
Again what was translated Hell into English actually was written Hades in the original Koine Greek
and again the proper noun used for Hades in the Greek was Hades the person not Hades the place
Hades the Greek god of the Underworld

So according to both Christ and Saint John the Apostle and Revelator, the Greek god Hades was a real and actual being
The only one of the Olympians whose existence is actually verified in the New Testament
but of course that is not to say that the New Testament thereby denied the existence of the others
by not mentioning them

For the existence of the Phoenician and Canaanite god Baal was likewise attested to
by both Christ and the Apostle Paul
As is the existence of Lilith attested to in Isaiah Chapter 34 verse 14

So the Black Jaguar
Night Sun
God of the Underworld of the Mayans
was about to make his appearance on the Earth’s surface

And Night Sun now inhabited the clay statue
made by the sculptor at the Smithsonian Institute
A clay statue of a Black Jaguar
that stood on the table
of the world’s most powerful sorcerer
A sorcerer who was about to get a lot more powerful

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 2nd
2018.

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