The Boiling Frog Experiment

June 8, 2011 at 7:17 pm (Commentary, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was spending Wednesday evening cooped up in the Set Enterprises lab (as he spent every other evening of a 7-day week).

And of course Michelangelo had his antenna hooked up to a computer so it could read and penetrate the sleeping thoughts (i.e. dreams) of individuals all over the world and then pass the information to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s computer data base.

Michelangelo had heard Wednesday called “hump day” by certain employees of Set Enterprises.

Which may explain why Set Enterprises’ chief mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had just spent “hump day” genetically engineering a camel who wouldn’t have a hump.

Michelangelo could not surmise the reason why Dr. Cadbury Rocher would do this.

After all he had heard it said by the great Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing that “A camel was God’s way of letting the world know what a horse would look like if it had been designed by a committee.”

So where would a camel be without his hump?

God only knew.

And Dr. Cadbury Rocher was obviously anxious to find out.

Totally oblivious to the fact that humpless camels had already been discovered in southern Tanzania.

But some poor snook Arabian camel was being made to suffer for Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s lack of knowledge.

Such was the calling of science these days.

As for Michelangelo, he himself was a lobster who had been genetically engineered by Dr. Cadbury Rocher to enter people’s dreams and their unconscious minds.

Michelangelo decided once again to enter the unconscious mind of the comatose Renfield R. Renfield who was still lying in a coma in the neurosciences unit of King’s College Hospital here in London.

This time he would not be sending his own visual images into Renfield’s dream like he had last Friday night when he had sent to Renfield’s brain his own version of the Lady Gaga video Judas.

Rather he would choose to see what sort of dreams Renfield dreamt about on his own.

Renfield was dreaming that he was in the kitchen of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

Amadeus Emanon was sitting at the kitchen table eating from a bag of potato chips.

Renfield had a pot on the stove and he had placed a frog in the pot and was slowly raising the temperature of the pot on the stove.

“What are you doing?” Amadeus asked as he munched on a potato chip.

“I’m trying to determine whether that theory which says if you place a frog in boiling water right away it will immediately jump out- which I tried on the previous frog and it died when I placed it in boiling water,” Renfield explained, “but now I’m empirically testing the second part of the theory which says if you slowly raise the temperature of the water up to boiling, the frog won’t jump out of the pot until it’s too late and the frog will boil to death.”

“That’s horrible,” Amadeus stopped eating his potato chip.

“I know,” Renfield cackled an evil laugh.

Amadeus was too paralyzed by the sound of Renfield’s evil laugh to get up and rescue the frog.

And with each passing moment, Renfield used the knobs on the stove to slowly raise the temperature of the water the frog was in.

Suddenly one could hear the water starting to boil and bubble portending trouble…

… particularly for the frog…

…. when suddenly…

… Miss Piggy walked into the kitchen and screamed, “KERMIT! What are you letting that evil man do to you?.”

To be continued.

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