100 More Days Till Halloween…

July 23, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“This is Jack Anderson at Terror 97 FM in London- the radio station that keeps you in stitches – a la style of Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s creation. This just in from Canada… Earlier today genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee slew two more ugly women in a Dollarama store in Calgary. And now here’s Air Supply singing their coming Halloween hit Two Less Ugly People In The World…”

. . .

There was a state of excitement prevailing in the Vatican among the city state’s wide assortment of Jesuit priests for word had come to pass that the demon Baphomet was going to address them at A Come As You Are convention in the Vatican Sauna Steam Bath House named Hyacinth Sizzles Apollo’s Swizzle Stick.

Meanwhile in the Papal Apartments, Pope Francis was consulting with one of his leading theological advisors Walter Cardinal Kasper.

“Your Unholiness,” Kasper addressed Bergoglio by his most appropriate title, “a group of flying saucer UFOs containing 6.66 feet tall T-Rex ET reptilians have landed within the walls of the Vatican.”

“What for?” Francis asked as he licked a Spartan Greek popsicle.

“We’re not sure,” Kasper answered.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had been hiding inside a tomb in London’s Highgate Cemetery ever since British MP Renfield R. Renfield publicly called for the 10 Downing Street occupant’s assassination this past Wednesday.

The colourful and controversial MP had issued the assassination call after the Zombie Nosferatu Tory Prime Minister (whose forehead had been etched with the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST in red felt ink) announced this past Wednesdy that he intended to introduce a vaccine passport in Britain next month.

Bishop Sean Manchester the traditionalist Old Catholic Church Bishop of Glastonbury and a leading exorcist was walking around the cemetery amidst reports that a vampire was once again haunting the cemetery for the first time in 51 years.

As Johnson sat inside the tomb with sweat on his forehead, the ghost of Karl Marx (looking well roasted) appeared alongside him and asked him, “How’s it going?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun was in Highgate Cemetery eating cold mutton sandwiches and drinking Guinness beer.

He was listening to Terror 97 FM London on his old 1970s style transistor radio.

The radio was playing a commercial and a Halloween holiday jingle, “100 more days till Halloween… Silver Shamrock.”

A hand holding a silver shamrock suddenly appeared out of the ground near the old gravestone where Yaldabaoth was having his evening picnic totally freaking the wee leprechaun out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 23rd
2021.

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Baal and Baphomet Attend G-7 Summit In Cornwall

June 12, 2021 at 10:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sitting in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises in London and having a vision of what was happening behind the scenes at this year’s G-7 Summit in Cornwall.

He saw that the demons Baal and Baphomet were attending the summit at Carbis Bay, Cornwall and were in fact the entities responsible for writing Joe Biden’s Build Back Better global plan that the U.S. President was presenting to his fellow G-7 leaders as his plan to save the world.

The Baal and Baphomet Build Back Better plan was greeted with enthusiasm by Canada’s brainless Justin Trudeau.

The Egyptian crocodile god Sobek also briefly appeared during the summit to shed crocodile tears over the fact that this was German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s last G-7 summit since she’d be stepping down as Germany’s Chancellor later this year.

After the day’s proceedings were over, French President Emmanuel Macron walked the streets of Carbis Bay in search of cougars.

Finding none, the French President then wondered about Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Which is why the Queen was presented with a sword in order to cut the G-7 cake in case Macron approached her asking for a piece.

Italy’s Prime Minister Mario Draghi made inquiry of the demons Baal and Baphomet as to Judas Iscariot’s good health on behalf of Pope Francis.

Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga was surprised to see Steak and Kidney Sushi on the menu at the Carbis Bay Hotel.

The summit host British Prime Minister Boris Johnson got a few pieces of the Steak and Kidney Sushi entangled in his hair.

And with that, Michelangelo turned off the lights in his lobster tank and went to sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 12th
2021.

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Metropolitan London Policeman Sells Soul To Devil To Protect Himself From Renfield

March 14, 2021 at 10:30 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was trying to get a piece of Canadian cannabis (sent to him as a gift from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau) out of his messy hair.

One of Johnson’s aides approached him, “Mr. Johnson, there are a few demons in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens the Metropolitan Police Officer charged with the kidnapping and murder of Sarah Everard the 33-year-old woman who vanished March 3rd while walking home in London. The woman whose body was found a week later.”

“And what are demons doing in the same prison cell as Wayne Couzens?” Johnson used a garden rake to try to comb last year’s dandelions out of his hair.

“To protect him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Johnson’s aide answered.

“To protect him from Renfield?” Johnson started eating some Ritz crackers he pulled out of his hair.

“Yes, Couzens found out about what Renfield has done to members of the ISIS Islamic Sate as well as immigrant smugglers (who smuggle immigrants in inhuman conditions such as overcrowded refrigerated tractor trailors), human traffickers and sex traffickers. None of those people have ever been found alive again who have fallen into Renfield’s hands and rumours of their demise at Renfield’s hands are the stuff of the worst sort of nightmares among terrorists and human traffickers,” the aide explained, “So Couzens feared that the only one who could provide him protection from Renfield was the Devil so he sold his soul to him.”

“I must keep that in mind someday,” Johnson pulled his smart phone out of his hair and started checking to see if he had the Devil’s phone number.

Last night members of the Metropolitan London Police Force had roughed up, arrested and manhandled a whole bunch of women who were holding a memorial vigil for Sarah Everard.

Today there were calls for Cressida Dick the first ever woman police commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police to resign following her police force’s manhandling of the women attending the vigil.

Cressida Dick naturally rejected calls for her resignation.

Today there were large numbers of people tuning in to Renfield’s Sunday night podcast.

Renfield began, “You know prior to this pandemic before an unseen stupidity virus descended upon most of the world’s population and most people started believing everything their governments and their so-called “health experts” started telling them, most people called the common cold the common cold. But what did scientists and science geeks and science nerds (who always fancied themselves as superior to the rest of the population only to get the raspberry they so richly deserve from those geniuses who truly excel in the arts and humanities such as myself) call the common cold? They called it the corona virus. However the term corona virus still didn’t impress the general population during the pandemic as they all seem to have been terrified by the number of people testing positive for the corona virus in 2020.
Which had they tested for the cornona virus in years prior to 2020, there would still have been high results.
As the common cold was the ongoing ailment all the time.
And the common cold if not taken care of properly could always lead to things such as pneumonia.
The common cold could always prove disastrous for those suffering from pre-existing conditions and those having ailments that already affect their immunity.
The only thing different about the 2020 corona virus (or the common cold as it used to be commonly called before the 2020 pandemic) was the tweaking it received from mad scientists doing experiments with bats at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
And thus the CCP Wuhan virus did have more devastating effects on the vulnerable than did the common cold of previous years.
And often the manner of death was more horrible than the usual common cold produced pneumonia or other ailments.
Now we have several different vaccines for the Covid-19 virus (the CCP tweaked version of the common cold) and those vaccines have produced almost 12,000 deaths across the world in the 10 weeks since those vaccines have first been introduced. Ask yourself what other product in recorded history has produced 12,000 deaths in a 10 week period and yet governments and “experts” and Big Pharma companies are still busy telling people these products are safe to take?
Now the Metropolitan London Police are telling us that their manhandling of women at last night’s vigil for Sarah Everard is all justified by the Covid health restrictions.
In the past year ever since the CCP puppets at WHO (World Health Organization) proclaimed this pandemic, every Fascist pig, Neo-Bolshevik Communist hydra, totalitatarian despot, mentally unhinged demagogue and all-around asshole have used the Covid health restrictions to trample on civil liberties and freedoms and lock the entire population of the world up in one massive prison planet.
And the members of the Metropolitan London Police are sadly no different than the list of usual suspects I mentioned in my previous statement.
As Lord Acton shrewdly observed back in the 19th Century, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
And Covid health restrictions have given governments and “health experts” and police forces absolute power.
And they have acted like power mad assholes the past year accordingly.
The trouble is most people are giving them the benefit of doubt when they shouldn’t.
As for Cressida Dick the current Commissioner of the Metropolitan London Police, there’s no better name for her.
Cressida is an appropriate first name for her because as the character of Cressida tells the character of Troilus in William Shakespeare’s play Troilus and Cressida that if she breaks her vow of eternal love for him, then “May the name Cressida represent every woman given to falsehood”.
Of course the Trojan woman Cressida falls for the Greek Diogenes in the play and abandons her vow to Troilus leading to the origin of the expression “as false as Cressida”.
And Dick is an excellent last name for her because she is a dick.
As I speak, Harvey Tallbanger the invisible and very tall bunny rabbit is delivering to her face a cream pie containing a very large dildo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 14th
2021.

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Lilith Turns Boris Johnson Into A Zombie Nosferatu

January 10, 2021 at 11:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith dancing in her flying palace that’s born aloft through the air by demons

Lilith was in a celebratory mood tonight as she danced in her flying palace that was born aloft through the air by demons.

She had successfully turned British Prime Minister Boris Johnson into a zombie nosferatu.

Unlike your regular nosferatu, a zombie nosferatu was unable to turn other people into vampires.

And a zombie nosferatu unlike your run of the mill zombie or your run of the mill nosferatu was able to walk around in both daylight and nighttime.

In that way, zombie nosferatus were able to pass themselves off as being human.

By turning Boris Johnson into a zombie nosferatu, she had turned him into a Communist.

For Communism was the way to go.

Communism was the way of the future the dark gods and goddesses and dark vampires and vampiresses had decided.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 10th
2020.

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Renfield’s EU Vote, The Vaccine Recipient and Social Media CEOs Perform Satanic Child Sacrifice

December 30, 2020 at 11:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in the House of Commons to vote on the EU-Britain Brexit Trade Bill.

A few security guards objected to his not wearing a mask so he shot them.

Back in 2017, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II had granted Renfield one of those rare licenses to kill (like James Bond 007 had) after he saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool.

Thus people, after Renfield had killed his 7th security guard of the day, started getting out of his way as he approached.

Renfield publicly announced he was abstaining on the vote as he hadn’t had time to read the massive multi-page document to see if it was good for the British people.

“This might have been a last minute Christmas Eve turkey that 10 Downing Street was hoping to hoist on the British people,” Renfield pointed out, “to match the massive turkey egg that Johnson had earlier laid on the British public when he decided to cancel Christmas.”

Renfield then said that as Prime Minister of a majority government, Johnson seemed to be acting less of the Classics major at Oxford that he claimed to be and more like a Sociology major at Berkeley.

Johnson shouted that he had never been so insulted in all his life to which Renfield replied that he should get out more often.

. . .

Harold’s wife Carolyn was an NHS worker.

As a front line worker, she had just last night received the vaccine for the Coronavirus.

Harold had heard a row late last night and when he opened the door, he discovered that it was his wife kicking cats and dogs down the street.

She poured his casserole down the garburator and proceeded to eat all the house plants including the cactus, the prize winning orchids and his mother’s favourite chrysanthemums.

And the biggest ambidextra in the world was no longer so big after she had belched down the last leaf.

Harold chose to sleep on the couch when he went to the bedroom and noticed that when she took her clothes off, she had grown several more arms and legs.

As Harold prayed for the arrival of Pan Goatee to bring deliverance, he was kept awake by the sound of brontosaurus mating calls and T-rex roars after being stabbed by a triceratops horn that came from the bedroom.

When his wife opened the door, she looked like a baby brontosaurus with a t-rex head with a triceratops horn growing out of her forehead.

The children arrived from staying at Grandma’s at that moment and Carolyn ripped off their heads, arms and legs prior to eating them.

Renfield’s radio broadcast came on the radio at that moment saying that a little publicized WHO directive was telling people not to be alarmed by the number of deaths that will be caused by receiving the vaccine.

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his aquarium at Set Enterprises where he was having a vision of the social media tech giant CEOs meeting on a private island to perform satanic child sacrifices.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki, Google CEO Sundar Pichai and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey were all wearing dark robes and carrying long daggers.

Their lips and mouths were stained with blood after hours of feasting on the parts of dead babies sacrificed to Moloch.

On the large drive-in movie theatre screen in front of them, they received greetings from Joe Biden, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, New York Sen. Chuck Schumer, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam and California Gov. Gavin Newsom who all wished they were there.

They likewise received a video message from Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping who also wished that he could be there but he was currently paying a courtesy visit to the Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic in Beijing.

Dr.Anthony Fauci likewise sent his greetings and said he agreed with the PLA’s Biological Warfare Commander’s statement that the Novel Coronavirus was not a synthetic virus created by uniting genetic sequences from the SARS-2 virus and the HIV virus forming a recurring chimera hybrid virus that the world will never be able to get rid of.

And the world’s choice was now everyone could die in a global prison.

Or they could live freely until the last person on earth finally keeled over from the virus.

Most people who would soon be idiotically greeting one another with wishes of Happy New Year were totally oblivious to the choice they could now make.

Instead the world’s self-proclaimed elite would decide it for them (everyone in the global prison with promises of a return to normal soon) as they gathered in homage to Lucifer/Satan the being who said he was from another planet and would be taking them the self-proclaimed elite there shortly.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 30th
2020.

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Political Incorrectness vs. Moloch Worship

September 21, 2020 at 9:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was busy shampooing his dog.

It was a difficult thing to do as both he and his dog were wearing face masks as recommended by British government health experts.

The radio was on and the BBC announced that a telephone interview with British MP Renfield R. Renfield was coming up.

Renfield, Johnson reflected as he almost drowned the dog with Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.

Renfield had briefly served in Boris Johnson’s cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering last year when Johnson led a minority government prior to calling a December election in which he won a majority.

Renfield had negotiated a deal with then Irish Taioseach (Prime Minister) Leo Varadkar on the Irish border question in Brexit.

Many did not want a hard border to return to Ireland between north and south.

Theresa May’s solution to the question was to have an open border in Ireland but her compromise would then make the entire United Kingdom still subject to rules and regulations by the Neo-Stalinist EU bureaucrats in Brussels.

Renfield’s solution was to have an open border in Ireland but have only Northern Ireland subject to Neo-Stalinist regulations from the EU capital in Brussels.

As Renfield told Johnson at the time, “3 out of 4 parts of the United Kingdom not subject to Neo-Stalinist bureaucratic regulations from Brussels ain’t bad.”

So the Renfield Protocol on the Irish border question was adopted in the Brexit deal.

Now Johnson decided to bring in legislation unilaterally doing away with the Renfield Protocol in Brexit- a move that even one of Johnson’s own cabinet ministers described as breaking international law since it had been signed as part of an internationally agreed to treaty.

Johnson’s move had even ticked off George Clooney’s wife Amal Clooney who promptly resigned as the United Kingdom’s envoy on Press Freedom since as a lawyer and barrister, she felt she could not represent a government that broke international law.

The Internal Market Bill was the name of Johnson’s proposed legislation that would override the Renfield Protocol in the Brexit Agreement.

Back in January, Johnson had Renfield removed from the Cobra Committee (the UK government committee that oversaw any national emergency) because he felt Renfield was too much of an independent thinker who refused to tow the line when it came to Groupthink.

The Cobra Committee would be meeting tomorrow to discuss the rise in Covid cases in Britain.

Renfield had recently and rather annoyingly pointed out that at the moment Sweden seemed to be the only country in Europe that wasn’t experiencing a 2nd wave of Covid cases (Sweden was also the only country in Europe not to go into total lockdown and quarantine this spring because Sweden’s chief epidemiologist Dr. Anders Tegnell thought it wasn’t necessary to impose a form of martial law or USSR/Maoist China control over its citizens in order to combat the virus. Something totally at odds with 99% of the world’s governments who were chomping at the bits for a Marxist-Leninist New World Order aka George Soros’ Great Reset to occur).

When the interview started on the radio as Johnson’s dog was busy suffocating under a combination of face mask and Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, Johnson wondered how long it would be before Renfield said something that was politically incorrect.

The interviewer asked Renfield, “What do you think of the epithet The Notorious RBG that many of her admirers gave to the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg?”.

“Well,” Renfield could be heard clanking his whisky glass and sipping his drink as he spoke, “Since Adolf Hitler was always considered a notorious individual in History, it’s only appropriate that Ruth Bader Ginsburg be given the same epithet.”

The radio station’s switchboard then lit up with callers from overseas – angry so-called progressive liberal Democratic voters from the U.S.

. . .

The demon Moloch strolled angrily up and down in front of the U.S. Supreme Court Building in Washington DC.

One of his most ardent disciples on that court had recently died.

Now who was going to replace her?

He text messaged Joe Biden demanding answers.

Senility prone Joe Biden looked at the text message and then asked his marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Sweet Dementia, “Moloch, isn’t he the fellow that owns a pizzaria and delicatessen on the corner of Whatchamacallit and WhatTheHellIsThatOtherPlace in downtown Wilmington?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 21st
2020.

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Sherrielock Holmes Meets Boris Johnson

May 24, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Meets Boris Johnson

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was getting her photo taken by world famous London photographer Manuel Murrat Merriweather.

She was getting her picture taken on her sofa in front of a Manuel Murrat Merriweather retouched photo of an old black and white aerial photo of New York City in 1931.

When the photo session was over, Sherrielock gave Manuel a spanking for not social distancing during the photo session.

Then when that was over, she gave him another spanking for not social distancing during the original spanking session.

And on and on it went.

Until there was a knock at her apartment door.

It was British Prime Minister Boris Johnson showing up for a previous scheduled appointment.

Manuel Murrat Merriweather left the apartment with his bottom tingling like the sound of caroling bells from a church tower on Christmas Eve.

His buttocks now resembled a Christmas candy cane.

Boris Johnson arrived at Sherrielock Holmes’ apartment because he figured he could use a good spanking since he had not demanded that his chief advisor Dominic Cummings resign for breaking his government’s own coronavirus lockdown rules.

People were thinking that one rule applied for the elites and another rule applied to the masses.

Of course, Johnson, being the Oxford trained classicist that he was, knew that had always been the case throughout human history.

However he figured that a good bare bottom spanking at the hands of dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes should put the matter to rest as far as the British public was concerned.

Johnson was starting to have second thoughts about his decision as soon as the spanking started.

His buttocks even more so.

The ghost of the late British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill (sometime spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) came apparitionly through the walls of Sherrielock’s apartment because he hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

Churchill’s ghost found the whole spectacle quite distressing.

Not so much the sight of Sherrielock’s lovely tight skirted lap.

But the sight of a totally nude Boris Johnson across that lap with his buttocks a glowing tomato red.

Churchill’s ghostly appetite would be lost for the next week.

Johnson eventually departed deducing that this must be what the sting of a thousand Asian giant hornets must feel like.

He was followed minutes later by a mask wearing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu who figured he could use a spanking for not resigning while facing bribery and corruption charges in the Israeli courts.

Like Johnson, Netanyahu and his buttocks were likewise regretting the decision minutes after the spanking started.

Meantime the ghost of Orson Welles (likewise an occasional spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) strolled apparitionly through the walls of Sherrielock’s apartment because he hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

Welles’ ghost likewise was distressed by the spectacle.

Again not by the sight of Sherrielock’s lovely tight skirted lap.

But by Netanyahu’s total nudity plus his buttocks turning tomato red (albeit a very kosher looking tomato red).

Welles’ ghost left the apartment in search of several dozen glasses of a good spectral red wine while Sherrielock quipped, “We will spank no Benjamin before his time.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 24th
2020.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town

March 7, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town 

Immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (twin sister of the not so-literally immortal detective Sherlock Holmes who is dead and the immortal but extremely young looking great grandmother of Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was sending out quite the positive vibe in the London nightclub lounge she was sitting in.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had already accidentally knocked over the table he was sitting at due to the positive vibe he was getting.

Boyfriends were getting into trouble with their girlfriends and husbands were getting into trouble with their wives due to the vibe they were getting.

“No sign of the Coronavirus here,” a British NHS worker remarked as he stuck his head into the nightclub lounge.

“But never have I seen such a wide spread of satyriasis since the days of the great god Pan,” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson (who had majored in Classics at Oxford) remarked to his NHS guide who was giving him a nighttime tour of how Britain’s NHS was coping with the Coronavirus in London.

Renfield R. Renfield had meanwhile taken a picture of Sherrielock Holmes with his smartphone.

He immediately text messaged Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie with the pic.

Uncle Ernie who was in the shower and checking text messages on his (hopefully for him – water proof!) smartphone immediately broke into a chorus of “I’m having the time of my life, I’ve never felt this way before…”.

“Uncle Ernie is sounding even more exuberant in the shower than his usual exuberant self,” the Australian poet David Redpath’s wife remarked to David.

“He is,” David had to admit.

The sound of one of the bathroom walls coming down around the shower could be heard.

“It looks like we may have to call in carpenters to replace one of the bathroom walls,” David’s wife commented.

David was trying to think to himself what Bob Dylan would write when confronted with such a situation.

Meanwhile back in London, Renfield was approaching Sherrielock Holmes’ table.

“I see you’re happy to see me,” Sherrielock remarked wryly.

“As always,” Renfield commented as he sat down.

“I hear my great grandson Cadbury had to bring back U.S. Vice-President Mike Pence from the brink of death,” Sherrielock sipped her drink.

“Yes, one of the City of London’s leading public relations firms was brought in to cover up that whole Coronavirus hitting the White House fiasco as the Trump Administration doesn’t seem to be doing such a good job of covering up such things themselves,” Renfield ordered a gin and tonic from the waiter.

“I hear Pope Francis has asked Hades to release Asclepius from the Underworld to help the Pontiff recover from Coronavirus,” Sherrielock licked a cherry from her drink which caused many men in the lounge to faint.

“That’s what I’ve heard,” Renfield nodded, “And an ET starship has apparently arrived from the constellation Ophiuchus (“the Serpent Holder”) as well since the Jesuit archivists in the Vatican Library aren’t sure which version of the Asclepius myth is true. Although they universally agree that nothing in the Bible is true.”

“I’ve heard that Pope Francis has cancelled his May 14th date for his Vatican Global Compact On Education Event and moved it to October 15th of this year due to his fears over the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock ordered another drink from the waiter.

“Yes his announcement of the New Humanism (which is really his proclamation that henceforth the belief of the Catholic Church is to be 17th Century Puritan Neo-Arianism and 18th Century Deist Unitarianism) will have to wait a few months,” Renfield sipped his gin and tonic.

“I understand a lot of celebrations of the Mass in the Catholic Church have been cancelled due to the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock took her drink from the waiter.

“And they probably won’t be brought back once Pope Francis proclaims the New Humanism,” Renfield nodded, “In fulfillment of Daniel 12:11 “From the time that the Daily Sacrifice is abolished and the Abomination that causes Desolation is set up, there will be 1290 days.” I ran into Amadeus’ friend Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading exorcist this evening and in his opinion he says that it’s the Daily Sacrifice of the Mass is what restrains the Coming of the Antichrist according to Father Aidan’s interpretation of 2nd Thessalonians 2:6.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Saturday March 7th
2020.

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UK Election 2019 Aftermath

December 13, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

UK Election 2019 Aftermath

The results of the UK General Election were in.

Out of 650 seats in the UK House of Commons, the Conservatives had won 365 (the same amount of days in a year), Labour had won 203 (the same amount of pickles that Jeremy Corbyn had in his jar of dill pickles and he himself was now in a pickle), the Scottish Nationalist Party had won 48 (the same amount of times that William Wallace had hit England’s King Edward I in the rear end with rocks fired from Wallace’s sling shot), the Liberal Democrats had won 11 (the hour the clock reads 1 hour before the stroke of midnight), the Democratic Ulster Party had won 8 (the number of days in a week in a song the Beatles had once sung about) and the other parties had seats adding up to 15 (Napoleon Bonaparte had met his Waterloo in the year 1815).

Liberal Democratic Party leader Jo Swinson had lost her own seat of East Dunbartonshire to a Scottish Nationalist.

British Transhumanist Party leader Renfield R. Renfield had won in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds defeating his nearest opponent Conservative candidate (and former MP) Agathor Christie by a plurality of over 48,000 votes.

Renfield’s Tranhumanist Party colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had likewise won in her constituency of Newbridge in Wales defeating her nearest opponent Labour candidate (and former MP) Magog Rhys Petley by a plurality of 6000 votes.

Both Agathor and Magog had returned to London today to re-open their private eyes’ agency they had now renamed the Double Losers Private Detective Agency.

. . .

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis had received a congratulatory email sent to him today by the pastor of a Bible Presbyterian Church in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

The Northern Ireland Presbyterian pastor was congratulating Pope Francis for a remark he had made at yesterday’s Mass commemorating the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

During the Mass, Pope Francis said it would be “foolishness” for the Roman Catholic Church to bestow on the Virgin Mary the title “Co-Redemptrix”.

Cerberus down in Hades was anxious to get the late Rev. Ian Paisley’s take on the congratulatory email sent to Pope Francis.

Rev. Paisley was currently roasting away on a rotating rotisserie spit in Purgatory.

A bunch of demons had told Hades the god of the Underworld that it would probably be more of a punishment for Rev. Paisley if he roasted away in Purgatory (a place and a doctrine that he didn’t believe in) than if he roasted away in Tartarus aka Hell (a place and a doctrine he did believe in).

Rev. Paisley was too busy screaming to take the time to answer Cerberus’ question.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was in the kitchen at 10 Downing Street helping himself to milk and cookies after a long and busy day of triumph.

He was wearing a night robe that was covered in the slogan LET’S GET BREXIT DONE.

There was a knock at the door of 10 Downing.

Johnson opened it.

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel standing there with a tape recorder and a cue card reading SAY IT’S CAROLLERS.

“It’s carollers,” Johnson addressed his dog and his teddy bear who were standing on the carpet behind him.

Angela Merkel then held a series of cue cards saying how much she loved him and how much Germany loved Britain and wouldn’t he re-consider saying no to the Brexit divorce.

Afterwards, Johnson tossed his cookies down the toilet bowl.

. . .

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was startled to see the Scottish vampiress Wilhelmina Wallace (1st cousin to Scottish independence hero William Wallace) standing in his bedroom.

Wilhelmina Wallace had been turned into a vampiress by an evil Knights-Templar vampire back in the early 1300s.

Wilhelmina Wallace had first visited Set after the September 18th 2014 referendum on Scottish independence which the pro-independence side had lost.

Wilhelmina Wallace had correctly blamed Set for the YES side’s defeat.

She had beaten the merde out of Set on that occasion.

Now she warned Set not to interfere in any future Scottish independence referendums.

Set said okay.

Even Nefertiti Galore the Set Estate’s usually fierce guard and watch cat got out of Wilhelmina Wallace’s way when she left.

No one not even Egyptian deity vampire or martial arts cat dared interfere with a member of the Scots clan Wallace.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Friday December 13th
2019.

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NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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