The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer
The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer
The flight to Cairo was indeed a long one.
Pan Goatee explained to Magog Rhys Petley that this was his first time on a plane as he usually astral projected with his astral body to various destinations all over the world.
Magog buried his head in his hands and then ordered another buttermilk from the flight attendant.
However Pan Goatee continued to drone on coincidentally at the same time a U.S. drone flew by carrying a sign that said Yemen or bust.
Pan explained that he had gone down to the airport in person to see what trouble he could cause there.
“I’m a musician by profession but serial killing is my hobby,” Pan Goatee remarked as he played on his harmonica a short piece from the theme music to Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Psycho.
“What do you do? Bore your victims to death?” Magog wondered to himself.
“So anyways I was down at the airport trying to see what trouble I could cause,” Pan droned on as the U.S. drone exploded in a self-induced suicide bombing brought on by the motormouth satyr’s constant blabbering, “and I happened to see you. And I noticed you carried in your body the spirit of my friend Neb-Senu.”
This time Magog ordered a triple whisky when the flight attendant came around again.
Pan Goatee explained that the last time he had seen his extraterrestrial and ancient Egyptian friend was when Neb-Senu had become trapped in a test tube in a doctor’s office in the West Bank town of Bethlehem.
Magog did have to wince when Pan Goatee mentioned the name of the doctor.
It was the same doctor he had visited in Bethlehem to get a shot for a possible sexually transmitted disease after he had paid a nocturnal visit to the town prostitute a beautiful and alluring and mysterious redheaded woman who called herself Lilith- a woman whom the townspeople said was a vampiress.
So Pan explained that when he saw Magog at the British Airways boarding gate to Cairo with the spirit of Neb-Senu inside the portly Welsh baritone’s frame, he decided to use a credit card from his most recent victim (his victim being dead, he would be unable to phone in to cancel it) to purchase a ticket on the same flight as Magog.
“And that’s how I’m here beside you,” Pan grinned.
Magog finished his sixth triple whisky and then despite being an atheist, said a silent prayer of thanks to Allah when the plane’s Captain announced that they’d soon be landing in Cairo.
Mercifully for Magog as well, Pan Goatee was detained by Egyptian Customs for not having a visa and so the Welsh werewolf British Labour MP was able to hail a taxi to his hotel without the obnoxious and monotonously boring and boastful serial killer following him.
But that was yesterday.
Magog awoke to the sound of The Beatles singing “I believe in yesterday…” on the alarm clock radio next to him.
He got up and went over to the dressing room table mirror (a 19th Century antique that had once belonged to a magician).
As he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought he momentarily caught a glimpse of a ghostly spectral figure of an ancient Egyptian mummy inside his body.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 8th
2013.
Magog Rhys Petley and Pan Goatee
Magog Rhys Petley and Pan Goatee
As Magog Rhys Petley sat in his seat on the British Airways plane bound for Egypt, a man in Bermuda shorts sat next to him.
Magog noticed the man had goat’s legs and this wasn’t the feature item on the plane’s dinner menu.
Magog decided to make polite conversation, “Has anyone ever told you that you have goat’s legs?”.
“That’s because I’m a satyr like in Ancient Greek mythology,” Pan Goatee helped himself to a martini from a passing flight attendant’s tray, “I’m half-man and half-goat.”
“Oh of course, naturally,” Magog nodded. He hadn’t recalled having had that much to drink in the airport lounge.
“The name’s Goatee,” the satyr shook his martini, “Pan Goatee.”
“Rhys Petley,” the British MP ordered a glass of buttermilk from the attractive brunette flight attendant, “Magog Rhys Petley.”
“Did you know that your body is inhabited by the spirit of a friend of mine?” Pan Goatee asked, “The spirit of Neb-Senu entity from planet Nibiru who sojourned in ancient Egypt eons ago and was the spirit behind the moving rotating statue in the Manchester Museum?”.
Atheistic Marxist Magog Rhys Petley buried his head in his hands.
He started to wonder whether there wasn’t some spiritual force present in the Universe that was trying its hardest to get people to give up drinking?
When he had passed a neighbour’s apartment in the hallway recently where an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was taking place, he had overheard the evening’s speaker say that he decided to give up drinking when he saw the 3-headed dog Cerberus walk by the window of the pub in which he was drinking.
A few nights later when he had backslidden (like a Pentecostal televangelist on his umpteenth visit to a whorehouse), the same 3-headed dog Cerberus had appeared to him on the street and asked him for directions on how to get to the Palace of Westminster.
Magog Rhys Petley caught a glimpse of the shapely black silk nylon clad legs of the short skirted attractive brunette flight attendant as she walked past down the aisle.
Then he noticed the furry goat’s legs of the strange individual in the Bermuda shorts sitting next to him.
He sighed.
It was going to be a long trip to Cairo.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2013
Dracul Van Helsing 
Magog En Route To Russia
April 6, 2014 at 4:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (Britain, British Airways, British Foreign Secretary William Hague, British Labour Party leader Edward Miliband, British Prime Minister David Cameron, David Cameron, David Furnish, Dublin, Dublin Ireland, Edward Miliband, Enda Kenny, Ireland, Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, London, Magog Rhys Petley, Moscow, Rhys Petley, Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin, Russian troops on Ukraine-Russia border, Sir Elton John, Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Ukraine, Ukraine crisis, Ukraine-Russia border, United Kingdom, vampire novel, Vladimir Putin, Welsh Werewolf, Westminster, William Hague)
Magog En Route To Russia
Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was flying a British Airways flight from London to Moscow.
He was on a secret diplomatic mission for the British government.
He was flying to Moscow to meet Russian President Vladimir Putin and ask him on behalf of the British government to withdraw his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
When asked to do this by British Prime Minister David Cameron and British Foreign Secretary William Hague, Rhys Petley asked the two gentlemen, “And what should I offer Putin in return if he does do this?”.
“Use your imagination,” Hague retorted over his cup of tea.
So Magog Rhys Petley was carrying in his wallet a personally autographed copy of the official Engagement photo of Sir Elton John and his future husband David Furnish who would be wed next month under the new laws allowing same sex marriage ceremonies in England and Wales which recently took effect.
Magog would give Putin the photo if he withdrew his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
Magog figured he owed the British government this favour.
After all the British government had intervened with the Irish government in Dublin and asked them to drop criminal charges and release the backbench British Labour MP when he was arrested during a Dublin police raid that took place in a Dublin brothel in the late evening hours of Saint Patrick’s Day.
Magog had gone to the brothel to cure his depression and anxiety attacks after he had witnessed a live Druidic human sacrifice ceremony that had taken place earlier that night near Blarney Castle.
Although the tea-toddling Dublin police sergeant who ordered the raid was immediately fired by his superiors for having the audacity to wreck Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations by doing so, Irish prosecutors decided they better prosecute those arrested in the raid.
A quick call from British Prime Minister David Cameron to Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny (after Cameron had heard the shocking news of Rhys Petley’s arrest in a Dublin bordello) led to the charges against the Welsh MP being discreetly dropped and Magog being discreetly released.
British Labour Party leader Edward Miliband had severely reprimanded his backbench MP when he had returned to his Westminster offices.
“What were you thinking being arrested inside a Dublin bordello?”
Miliband had asked him, “Our London bordellos aren’t good enough for you?”.
And so now Magog was on his way to Moscow to ask Vladimir Putin to kindly remove his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.
Magog took a quick sip of brandy.
He sure hoped dear Vladimir liked the photo of Sir Elton John and his fiancé David Furnish.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 6th
2014.
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