Pan Goatee Promotes Urban Beautification

March 27, 2015 at 7:17 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Promotes Urban Beautification

“A thing of ugliness is a blemish on the human race forever,” Pan Goatee paraphrased John Keats as he cut off the head of the ugly looking woman he encountered on the street.

As Pan Goatee put back his bloodied machete into its extra large holster, he reflected he should really start billing the city council of this city double overtime for all the extra work he was doing promoting urban beautification.

Never had he seen so many ugly women he reflected.

Who let the dogs out? as the lyrics of that old song asked.

Pan Goatee blamed that interfering busybody Oprah Winfrey for this growing problem now facing North America.

If she hadn’t spent so many years trying to drill high-self esteem into these repulsively ugly looking creatures who, judging from their appearance, have a lot to have loads of low self-esteem about, they wouldn’t be out wandering the streets of the city.

Local authorities should really start making replica copies of that bronze mask of his ancient namesake Pan they had just found in Israel and start passing them out by the hundreds of thousands to the city’s facially aesthetically challenged residents and require them by law to wear them when they go out in public.

Promoting urban beautification was Pan Goatee’s own personal mission in life.

He was actually in this western Canadian city on the Pacific Ocean on a mission for the U.S. government for whom he worked as a hired assassin.

Apparently the owner of a local medical marijuana grow-op was considered a threat to the corporate interests of burgeoning medical marijuana grow-ops in the U.S. where such operations were now the rage among various state governments who were tripping over one another to legalize this new booming source of extra tax revenue.

And so when the interests of the Almighty U.S. Dollar were threatened, Uncle Sam listened.

And so genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sent to dispatch a Canadian pot grower to Hades so that American pot growers might prosper and the American public would continue to be drugged and well medicated.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 27th

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The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

March 25, 2015 at 7:43 pm (Folklore, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

And so it came to pass that in the year 2015
a University of Haifa archaeological team
did uncover ancient bronze mask
of the ancient god Pan
outside the ancient Galilean city of Hippos-Sussita was it found
this rare relic unearthed from the ground
Larger than a human head
this mask of faun god long dead
From whence it came?
What’s it for?
So much mystery
at history’s door.
Most masks of this time made of terracotta or stone
making this bronze mask stand alone
most were theatre masks or miniature masks
so this large mask now in glory basks

A bronze mask of Pan…

… from whence it came?

… and what or who was it for?

And so in ancient times the Greek god Pan did wander
on earth below skies where Zeus did thunder
He came upon a neat little town
his throat parched and his lips brown
he would find somewhere to drink
and have his satyr fancy tickled pink

He put on his mask for a disguise
so he wouldn’t be seen by human eyes
The mask was made to look like him
this half-man half-goat not so proper and prim
That way no one would think it he
under bronze crafted so elegantly

In town there was a wedding
at a place with softer bedding
He posed as a wedding guest
though he knew neither bride nor groom
he would have to confess

He did ask for wine
so they gave him a cup
and that was fine

He went outside to drink the wine
and never had he tasted so fine
when he raised his mask to drink
his taste buds tickled pink

Oh such sweet Heaven!
Never did even ambrosia taste like this
surpassing that Olympian drink in heavenly bliss
O nectar divine!
O wine so fine!

Great god Pan lifted his cup to the sky
and then died without even a sigh.

For it was not for seemingly immortal gods was this wine given
but for mortal man so that life was worth livin’

Pan’s body was found by the bride’s father
He realized this would be such a bother
for he recognized the god and knew
he would have to think this through
who would believe his tale when told
he picked up the mask so old
And especially thought the bride’s father
that this god died drinking wine made from water.

And so it was that this day at Cana of Galilee
saw the death of an ancient deity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday March 25th

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