Dinner At Tiffany’s: Leprechaun of The Dance

October 16, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Tiffany Twisted: Formerly the sensuous witch of the Hotel California
and now the sensuous witch of Sleepy Hollow

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been invited to dinner in the Inn room across the hall from his own.

The room that had been rented to one Tiffany Twisted.

Yaldabaoth bathed, showered and shaved.

Then he put on his Irish Spring Mist of The River Shannon aftershave cologne followed by his best green tuxedo and little green bow tie.

Then he walked out the door.

Bucephalus Reborn the walking, talking and dancing zombie black horse thought to himself, “I wonder if I should have told him he forgot to put his trousers on.”

A thought with which Joe Biden campaign staffers were quite familiar with when it came to their own candidate.

Yaldabaoth knocked on the door.

“Come in, Yaldabaoth,” the sensuous voice of Tiffany Twisted beckoned.

Yaldabaoth opened the door and saw this vision:

“Wow, do you ever look hot,” Yaldabaoth felt like President Teddy Roosevelt at this very moment.

“I see you came prepared,” Tiffany smiled like the siren laced rocks of the eastern Mediterranean.

Yaldabaoth looked down and his face turned red, “Faith and begorrah, I seem to have forgotten my trousers.”

He grabbed a copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses off the room’s bookshelf and held it in front of his shamrock deco decorated underwear.

“It’s all right, Yaldabaoth,” she smiled like dawn rising over the hill of Tara, “I like a leprechaun who knows what he wants.”

Tiffany dimmed the lights and started lighting candles.

In the background could be heard Cher’s voice singing on an old 45,

Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one
Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve
She told me more about me than I knew myself.

When the candles were lit, Tiffany and Yaldabaoth drank red wine and ate a Guinness laced Irish potato casserole.

For dessert, they had pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top.

“I hope this pie wasn’t made with my friend Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden’s head,” Yaldabaoth commented as he licked the whipped cream off Tiffany’s toes.

His newly formed acquaintance Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden was the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and had a pumpkin jack o’ lantern for a head.

“It wasn’t,” Tiffany assurred him with tender kisses.

The clock was approaching 12.

“Let’s dance,” Tiffany put on her record player again.

Tiffany reached for Yaldabaoth’s lucky shamrock.

The voice on the record sang,

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash, he did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the monster mash

At that moment the Headless Horseman walked in unaware that he was entering the wrong room.

When he saw what the leprechaun and the sensuous witch were doing, he screamed, “I’m blind. I’m blind.”

He turned out into the hall, ran down the stairs, tripped over his feet, landed on the floor and his pumpkin head came off and rolled towards the grandfather clock that was just starting to strike 12.

“Mercy,” the innkeeper muttered at the front desk, “This never happened at the Hotel California.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 16th
2020.

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It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!

October 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.

Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.

He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.

Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.

Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.

However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.

All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.

ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.

The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.

Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).

Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.

When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.

The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”

An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.

Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.

Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.

Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.

Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.

Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).

They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.

As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.

Yaldabaoth began to sing,

The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.


The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.

They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.

As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,

I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.

With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.

And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.

When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.

The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.

“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.

He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.

The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.

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The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country

October 9, 2020 at 10:39 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.

He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.

Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,

“Mr. Ed the talking horse
of course, of course, of course…”

Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.

On the radio, a news story was unfolding:

Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”

The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.

The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”

The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.

She asked him what was up.

The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.

“Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”

“I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.

“I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.

“Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.

“Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.

Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.

Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.

She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.

Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.

The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.

The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.

They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2020.

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The Headless Horseman’s Halloween

October 31, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Headless Horseman’s Halloween

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow was sitting in a booth in the lounge in the Saint James Court Hotel in London along with his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn.

Both had managed to escape last night from the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s pet attack cat Nefertiti Galore by running down a back alley.

The alley was then blown up by an Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi impersonator who whimpered like a dog and then detonated a suicide vest.

Nefertiti Galore managed to dodge the falling rubble and then went around the corner and had a plate of Fish and Chips at a nearby Fish and Chips shop.

The Headless Horseman and his horse went from the back alley (now blocked by rubble at the street entrance) through the back door of a professional live theatre where they joined the cast of Shakespeare’s Richard III in taking a bow and a curtain call at the end of their performance.

One of the actresses remarked to the actor who played Richard III, “It looks like your horse arrived a little too late.”

The actor who played Richard III remarked to the Headless Horseman, “I’d have given you my kingdom if you had arrived a little sooner.”

The impromptu remarks were met with vigorous applause from the audience.

The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then walked to the Saint James Court Hotel where they had booked a room for a couple of nights.

Now they were spending Halloween having drinks in the lounge and dancing with costumed patrons.

Someone dressed as a Vatican Cardinal entered the lounge.

“Authentic costume,” remarked the Headless Horseman who had borrowed a jack o’ lantern pumpkin from the hotel kitchen and put it on his shoulders so he could see.

“I really am a Vatican Cardinal,” answered Samhain Cardinal Salaman, “My flight to the Irish border has been delayed. I was supposed to perform the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this evening on the Irish border between north and south between 11:30 PM and 11:59 PM to forever bind the United Kingdom to the European Union so the whole continent can be under the Egyptian god Osiris when he becomes Pharaoh of the coming United States of Europe. Osiris, Maitreya the Himalayan serpent and golden cobra High King of Ireland are expecting me as are the demons Baal and Baphomet, the High Queen of Ireland who is the resurrected Egyptian Queen Cleopatra and no doubt Yaldabaoth the infamous intoxicated leprechaun who sleeps on the border.”

“Wow, well sit down and have a drink and drown your sorrows,” Friedrich ordered him a drink.

Buchephalus Reborn managed to drink both the Headless Horseman and the Vatican Cardinal under the table.

The Vatican Cardinal missed his next available flight.

And so the Celtic Druidic Mass was not said.

Allowing Britain a brief reprieve from the coming United States of Europe.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Thursday October 31st
2019.

One of the many beautiful women in the Saint James Court Hotel Lounge lucky enough to dance with the horse Bucephalus Reborn.

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