Harvey Tallbanger and The Ex-Empress Theodora

July 1, 2019 at 11:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger and The Ex-Empress Theodora

“Tell me where that bunny rabbit is!” Theodora demanded of the CSIS operative.

After leaving the G-20 Summit in Osaka Japan, Set Enterprises’ secret agent and spy the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger decided to return to the United Kingdom by flying east rather than west.

He decided he’d visit Canada on the way back to London and stop off in Ottawa to attend Canada Day celebrations in the nation’s capital.

While walking around downtown Ottawa, he decided to visit a lounge in Ottawa’s Chateau Laurier Hotel to have a drink.

He walked up to the bar and pushed the ON button on his ViewMaster so the bartender could see him.

After ordering a Tequila Sunrise, he picked up the drink when it was made and went over and sat in a quiet booth where he pushed the OFF button on his ViewMaster so he was once again invisible.

Sitting up at the bar was a secret agent for CSIS (the Canadian Security Intelligence Service).

The man’s name was Bert Yorkshire and he had just been assigned the task of flying to the People’s Republic of China to try and rescue Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking desert cactus plant who was being held hostage by Chinese authorities in exchange for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian custody.

After being assigned such a ridiculous assignment, Yorkshire came to this lounge in the Chateau Laurier and had been having half a dozen Harvey Wallbangers to drown his sorrows.

The end result of having that drink was he saw Harvey Tallbanger sitting in the booth by himself.
Yorkshire went over to talk to the exceptionally tall bunny rabbit.

Harvey and the CSIS operative chatted for a while.

Harvey gave him the room number of the hotel he was staying in and then left the lounge to partake in Canada Day celebrations.

It happened by chance that the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been Byzantine Empress and the wife of Emperor Justinian I) was visiting Ottawa.

She had heard from the Greek Embassy in Ottawa that Harvey Tallbanger the tall invisible bunny rabbit secret agent from the United Kingdom was in town.

She was anxious to meet the dashing invisible bunny.

She walked around Ottawa, stopped to listen to someone singing an old Frank Sinatra song and then headed in the direction of the Chateau Laurier Hotel.

She went to the lounge where she heard the bartender say that a customer had been talking to an invisible bunny rabbit in the lounge.

She asked the bartender if she knew the man and the bartender replied that he had charged his tab to his room in the Chateau Laurier.

In exchange for being able to look down the low-cut front of her dress and getting a nice look at her magnificent cleavage, the bartender gave her Bert Yorkshire’s room number.

Theodora later accosted Bert Yorkshire in his hotel room demanding, “Tell me where that bunny rabbit is!”.

Will Bert Yorkshire revealing Harvey Tallbanger’s whereabouts to Theodora be like opening up Pandora’s box on the deck of the ship Flying Dutchman?

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday July 1st
2019.

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Pan Goatee Vs. The Disciples of Elagabulus

June 12, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Vs. The Disciples of Elagabulus 

Even though there were plenty of seats, some guy stood up in the middle of the aisle and was blocking people from easily entering and exiting the door of the train.

Fortunately for the last vestiges of culture and civilization, Pan Goatee happened to be riding the train.

He solved the problem by beheading the said idiot and kicking the head down the middle of the aisle.

Goatee got off the train to the sound of thunderous applause.

It wasn’t usually the case that serial killers were popular but Pan Goatee a resurrected satyr of the Ancient Greek world was an exception.

Goatee had recently been hired by the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (she had, in her mortal life, been the Byzantine Empress Theodora and the wife of the Emperor Justinian the Great) to bump off disciples of the notorious Roman Emperor Elagabalus (who reigned from May 16th 218 AD to March 11th 222 AD) who were currently in position as leading CEOs of the techno giant social media networks and helping to stifle free speech on those networks.

Elagabalus (whose official name as Roman Emperor was Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus) had been a transgendered Roman ruler.

He who called himself she was a thorough and utter despot.

So were his/her disciples in the modern world.

Elagabalus had been the hereditary high priest of the Roman Syrian sun god Heliogabalus at Emesa in Syria prior to his ascension to the throne as Emperor.

A Temple called the Elagabalium was built on the east face of the Palatine Hill to house the holy stone of the Emesa temple – a black conical meteorite.

During his short and brief reign, the Emperor/Empress Elagabalus had been so thoroughly obnoxious, he equally offended the Praetorian Guard, the Senate and the common people alike.

He was mercifully assassinated on March 11th 222 AD and was replaced by his cousin Severus Alexander.

Elagabalus’ modern disciples the Transgenderofascists had pretty well assumed Imperial Roman like power in Canada following the election of Pretty Boy Justin Trudeau in 2015.

Hopefully they’ll be on the way out of power in this autumn’s Canadian federal election.

Of course the Transgenderofascists were heavily at work in the U.S. trying to make inroads in the U.S. Democratic Party.

Many Americans might be more inclined to accept the idea of Medicare For All if they didn’t also have to accept the Transgenderofascist idea of oppression of freedom of speech and freedom of religion which went along with the modern American so-called progressive agenda that now controlled the U.S. Democratic Party.

Leading front runner Joe Biden was promising to unleash the greatest persecution of traditional Catholic and Bible believing Evangelical Christians in the name of Transgenderofascism should he be elected President.

Meanwhile as the various Transgenderofascist CEOs of various social media techno giants bragged about crushing freedom of speech, they found themselves being beheaded by Pan Goatee in the middle of their interviews.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 12th
2019.

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Theodora and Varying Manners of Byzantine Intrigue

May 7, 2019 at 10:01 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

After lighting a candle to the Baphomet and the statue of Baal, Pennsylvania Democratic representative Brian Sims of Philadelphia went to bed.

After falling asleep, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora appeared in his bedroom and sprinkled him with Byzantine angel dust.

Sims then dreamed that he was a homosexual bishop back in the days of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian.

Justinian’s method of dealing with homosexual bishops was vastly different from that of Pope Francis.

His method was to castrate the bishops and then to have them paraded nude through the streets of Constantinople.

Instead of a “coming out” parade, it was a “coming off” parade.

Sims screamed as he slept.

He was not enjoying his dream.

Theodora smiled and laughed.

She was.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was unhappy that Britain was going to be participating in European Parliament elections later this month since the Brits had failed yet another deadline to achieve Brexit.

He ate smoked oysters and downed champagne.

He then got on his iPhone and went to FaceTime.

British Prime Minister Theresa May was unhappy that Britain was going to be participating in European Parliament elections later this month since the Brits had failed yet another deadline to achieve Brexit.

She ate hot buttered biscuits and downed gin.

She then got on her iPhone and went to FaceTime.

May shrieked when she looked at her screen.

Emmanuel Macron was only wearing brief undershorts that were decorated with pink coloured daisies and that was it.

Macron shrieked when he looked at his screen.

Theresa May was only wearing hair curlers and that was it.

May gasped, “Emmanuel, we’ve got to stop FaceTiming like this.”

. . .

Miranda the mermaid had shapeshifted into full human form and was lying on the beach at Tel Aviv.

The Greek god Poseidon stepped up out of the ocean.

He had a large seashell to his ear since he was in a teleconferencing call with his brothers Zeus and Hades.

Poseidon ended the call and put the seashell in the back seat of his pants which were made out of seaweed.

“Miranda,” the Greek sea deity called out to the mermaid, “Did you know the ghost of Orson Welles is looking for you?”.

. . .

After filling the Baphomet and Baal worshipping Rep. Brian Sims of Philadelphia with the worst possible nightmares, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora returned to New York City for a nighttime modelling photo shoot.

Where an MI-6 spy operative code named Diablos Nocturna was waiting for her.

They spent a tantalizing evening of tantric sex afterwards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 7th
2019.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora: The stuff of nightmares to Baal and Baphomet worshippers.
But pleasant dreams to certain MI-6 operatives.

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Renfield Discusses Despot Erdogan

March 20, 2019 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was March 20th 2019.

The spring equinox in the northern hemisphere had arrived.

And it was the evening of the Super Worm Moon.

And the Byzantine vampiress Theodora had put something in Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish coffee that would give the Islamist despot and would-be Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire an extremely bad case of ring worm and tape worms the next morning.

Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing Erdogan’s latest actions with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“Erdogan is trying to show the world that he’s the Donald Trump of Turkey,” Renfield commented, “while Facebook and Instagram have been removing all traces of the Australian white supremacist terrorist’s footage of the Christchurch mosque mass shootings, the asshole Erdogan has been showing the footage at at least eight election rallies to whip up anti-western sentiment in Turkey and help his Islamist party win local elections.”

“Will it work?” Amadeus asked.

“Time will tell,” said Renfield, “the thing that some fanatical piece of garbage does on one side of the world (in this case New Zealand) always inspires some fanatical piece of sewer filth on the other side of the world (in this case, Erdogan in Turkey) to take advantage of it.
Just like when some militant Islamist terrorist group commits an atrocity, Trump will shoot off some idiotic tweet about “we need to build a wall.” #HittingMyHeadConstantlyAgainstABrick.”

Angelique Dumont commented, “I noticed at a rally commemorating the 1915 defeat of British, Australian and New Zealander forces by Ottoman troops at Gallipoli that was held this week in Turkey, Erdogan commented, “Your grandparents came here and returned in coffins. Have no doubt we will send you back like your grandfathers” in a direct address to the people of Australia and New Zealand which shocked both the Australian and New Zealand governments.”

“I see no one has bothered to point out to the bozo that while the Ottoman Empire won at Gallipoli, they went on to lose the First World War,” Renfield commented as he ate his roast turkey sandwich.

“Despots only celebrate their victories, never their defeats,” Angelique noted.

“That’s very true,” Renfield nodded.

“So who’s going to stop Erdogan from rebuilding the Ottoman Empire?” Amadeus asked.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sitting at the next table contemplated that question.

After all, he was the one who had planned the attack on Gallipoli.

Something which definitely turned out to be NOT his finest hour.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 20th
2019.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora put tape worm and ring worm in Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s coffee to mark the evening of the Super Worm Moon.


The Super Worm Moon arises over Lilith’s pyramid at Astana Kazakhstan.

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Winter Solstice: Just Another Day Between Hades and Paradise

December 21, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora stood alongside her classic car on a country road not far from Kiev, Ukraine.

She was to meet here with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to prevent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from assasinating the new independent Ukrainian Orthodox Church Metropolitan Epiphany of Kiev on Vladimir Putin’s orders.

When Dracul arrived on the scene and noticed the lovely sexy mini dress wearing vampiress and her beautiful classic car and how spacious the back seat of the vehicle was, Dracul looked at his antique watch which was powered by moonlight (the watch had been a joint invention by Faberge and Dr. Louis Rocher who had been Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great grandfather) and said to Theodora, “I think we have time to make out before Svetlana arrives at the monastery.”

Theodora stood to her full height on her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and adjusted her dress strap (allowing Dracul a magnificent view of her magnificent knockers) and said, “Oh yes, you’re the famous tantric sex practising vampire slayer, aren’t you?”.

Soon Dracul and the vampiress Theodora were in the back seat of the classic car and steaming up the vehicle’s back windows with their various Kama Sutra positions while the full moon rose and the wolf bane bloomed while a pure hearted man said his prayers and a meteor shower lit up the sky.

. . .


The reincarnated Hound of the Baskervilles wagged his tail and strolled and drooled his way through the English countryside while being followed by sinister looking soldiers dressed in shadow black who had piercing grayish green translucent eyes.

“Who are those soldiers?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol asked the Church of England’s most pre-eminent Anglo-Catholic Exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was the Vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church near the town of Tewkesbury.

“Demons,” Father Aidan answered, “although they are demons who claim to be aliens from outer space. That’s the deception demons have been carrying on ever since Jack Parsons (founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena California) and L. Ron Hubbard (future founder of the Church of Scientology) performed the Aleister Crowley inspired Babalon Working series of magic rituals from January to March 1946. The incident at Roswell New Mexico happened a year and a half later, U.S. Air Force pilots spotted dozens of UFO flying saucers flying over Mount Shasta in Washington state and thousands of UFO sightings and even alien abduction of human stories have been happening ever since.”

“But they’re actually demons?” Whitstable raised an eyebrow.

“Demons always cater to the beliefs of their age in terms of their appearance and expertise,” Father Aidan explained, “since the end of the First World War, humanity gradually turned from belief in the Supernatural to belief in science and technology to save the world. And demons adjusted themselves accordingly. They no longer posed as fairies or djinn but beings from other solar systems and other galaxies.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable who wondered what David Duchovny’s Fox Mulder would think of all this.

“Some exorcist theologians think this particular demonic deception is the great deception that was foreseen by Paul in his II Thessalonians epistle,” Father Aidan explained.

He went on, “In their dealings with the Grey Green lobby in the Jesuit order (those Jesuits who run the VATT astronomical observatory on Mount Graham in Arizona) and the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican, these demons posing as aliens told them that humanity was actually created by aliens from another galaxy who operated on the DNA of hominids on the planet and changed them and they became human. That’s what they told the scientists behind CERN as well. So they’re opening up portals at CERN to get in touch with their allegedly alien creators. Supposedly the aliens will be returning soon to save the planet from ecological destruction caused by man. Another reason besides standing up to the Gay Lavender Mafia in the Vatican why Pope Benedict XVI had to go. Benedict wondered whether those aliens were not in fact demons as prophesied in Scripture as part of the Great Deception and also talked about in the Virgin Mary’s appearances at Fatima, Porugal in 1917. So the Grey Green Jesuits and the Saint Gallen Mafia forced Benedict to resign and brought in one of their own- Pope Francis. That’s why Pope Francis has continously talked about baptising aliens and ETs since the start of his pontificate. He knows they’re coming. What he doesn’t know is they’re actually demons posing as aliens from other worlds and other star systems. But then for a Pope who doesn’t really believe in Hell, why should demons be a threat?”.

. . .

Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician and Canaanite mermaid goddess Atargatis (the mother of Semiramis who was the Whore of Babylon) was walking the streets in a suburb of East Jerusalem.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 21st
2018.

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Renfield’s Analysis of China’s Rise and America’s Decline While Pan Goatee Slays More Repulsively Ugly Women

December 14, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Apple CEO Tim Cook was in a coma after having eaten a poisoned apple delivered to him by British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh as an early Christmas present sent by the Chinese government.

Apple Ltd. had sent for the Prince at Disneyland’s Snow White exhibit to come and kiss the gay Apple CEO on the lips in hopes that this would rouse him from his poisoned apple induced sleep.

However thanks to frothing at the mouth foaming and raving feminist blowhards, a Prince was no longer part of the Disneyland Snow White exhibit since being kissed on the lips by a man was obviously a denial of her female empowerment.

Just like the Seven Dwarves were no longer called the Seven Dwarves (since such a term was insultingly offensive to vertically challenged people in these politically correct times).

They were now called the Seven Stewards of The Forest (to show Disneyland was in tune with the environmentalist agenda).

So Tim Cook had been hoisted by his own petard- the ideology of political correctness that he and his fellow high-tech global conglomerate CEOs sought to inflict on the world.

Renfield had returned to Britain.

He was due to give an interview in person to BBC television.

But once again the London trolley bus he was riding was stuck behind some stupid motorist who had ignored all the flashing lights, warning and stop signs and had become embedded in a motor vehicle trap on the single lane one way street that was meant for buses only.

By chance someone had a plastic container jug of petrol (that’s gasoline for all you Americans out there) on the bus and a woman happened to have a cigarette lighter so Renfield used both items to pull a Raymond Red Reddington (a la Blacklist) and poured gasoline all over the head of the bozo motorist and his equally bozo passengers and then set fire to the empty minded bodily appendanges all the while singing “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno” from Saturday Night Fever.

He finally reached BBC studios.

He was asked to respond to Canadian media commentators who were saying that China would probably release the two detained Canadians detained by China on “charges of spying” that occurred right after the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou in Vancouver British Columbia at the behest of the U.S. government.

“Canadian media commentators have no clue as to what they’re talking about,” was Renfield’s response.

“But they point out that Chinese government officials have not linked the sudden detention of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest which gives one hope that they’ll be released,” said the BBC interviewer.

“The reason why Chinese officials have not publicly linked the arrest of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest is because unlike most politicians and government officials in the Western world, the Chinese actually have brains,” Renfield remarked as he used chopsticks to eat his tuna fish sandwiches, “they do not have a Donald Trump who moronically tweets state intelligence, defense and foreign policy secrets in his public Twitter account 24 hours a day. Nor do they have an Emmanuel Macron who is the 8th intellectual dwarf of the modern world (or the 8th intellectual steward of the forest as Disneyland and the IQ challenged administrators of the Calgary Zoo Winter Wonderland Snow White Themed Fairy Tale For 2018 Exhibit might put it). Or a Theresa May who has managed to turn a Brexit deal into the worst of all possible worlds for both British EU inners and outters alike and the total awestruck speechlessness of the ghosts of both Leibniz and Voltaire.”

“But U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo today stood shoulder to shoulder with Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland and demanded the release of the two Canadian detainees or else,” the BBC interviewer quipped.

“And I’m sure China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping is really quaking in his Ming Dynasty glass slippers at that earthshaking pronouncement,” Renfield opened his fortune cookie which bore the fortune, GREAT DEALS ON REDECORATING 10 DOWNING STREET WHEN YOU MOVE IN, “America is a country on its way down. That’s why they elected as President Donald Trump a man who has all the characteristics of the insane Roman Emperor Caligula. And the candidate who ran against him was one Hillary Clinton a woman who has all the characteristics of the violin playing Emperor Nero’s mommie dearest Agrippina Minor with all her shrewishness and inherent insanity thereof. America is on the way down. China is a country on the way up. As the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon I Bonaparte said to me the other day as I was polishing an apple, “The sleeping dragon has awakened.”

. . .

Pan Goatee immediately cut off the head of the ugly looking female high school student as she boarded the transit bus.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Pan Goatee shouted in an obvious plagiarism of a militant Islamist terrorist’s phrase.

Later when he walked to a McDonald’s restaurant to buy their $1 coffee special (while the Church Advent fasting season was still on), he encountered a fat ugly blimp female high school student with her father.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee once again plagiarized the militant Islamist terrorist’s favourite phrase as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“Death to morons who fuck fat ugly blimps and produce similar looking female progeny,” Goatee beheaded the Badyear Blimp’s father.

After drinking coffee at McDonald’s, he went to a grocery store where a thin ugly anorexic skeletal female was leaving the store with her IQ challenged boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the creature and engaged in his third strike designed to piss off a militant Islamist terrorist umpire.

“And death to the morons who fuck them,” Goatee sounded like he was auditioning for a Martin Scorsese remake of an old Film Noir movie as he beheaded the IQ challenged boyfriend.

Later when he was leaving the grocery store with bottles of Coca-Cola, he encountered another thin ugly anorexic skeletal female and her low IQ boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar!” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the Weight Watchers’ after picture from Hell moments before getting a text message from ISIS Islamic State’s lawyer saying he was being sued for Copyright violations.

Goatee then beheaded the ugly creature’s low IQ boyfriend while shouting, “And death to the morons who fuck them!” in a line surely designed to land him an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor at the Academy Awards.

. . .

The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was in Kiev Ukraine where tomorrow the Unification Council of the Autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Kiev would be held to elect a Primate for the Church.

The Council would be held at Saint Sophie’s Church Cathedral in Kiev.

Theodora was contemplating the warning of Vasilij Gritsak the head of the SBU (Security Service of Ukraine) that the ecclesiastical conflict between Constantinople and Moscow in Ukraine would lead to the outbreak of war and a Vladimir Putin ordered Russian Armed Forces full scale military invasion of Ukraine.

Theodora would side with the Ukrainians against Putin.

For Theodora had offered to make Putin the new restored Byzantine Emperor with his capital at Constantinople.

But Putin had turned her down.

Choosing instead to form an alliance with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the future Sultan and Caliph of a revised Ottoman Empire) and Iran against the State of Israel.

Ironically enough, Israel was being supported by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman who was being advised by the ghosts of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and the bloody murderous Scottish queen Lady MacBeth as well as the demon Baphomet (who was the patron demon of Sodom and Gomorrah) and the Egyptian god Osiris to rebuild Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem.


The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora on a moonlit night in Kiev.

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From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

July 24, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

From The Fires of Attica To The Fire Within Panty Goatee

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was absolutely furious with the efforts of the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal lifetime had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the Monophysite wife of the Emperor Justinian) to overthrow Turkish despot Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be revised Ottoman Empire Sultan who was Lilith’s ally in the war to eventually destroy the State of Israel.

As such, Lilith decided to attack the land of the people Theodora hoped would revive the ancient Byzantine empire at Constantinople- Greece 🇬🇷.

To that end, Lilith hired the evil Centaur archer Acheronus (named after Acheron the river of woe that flowed through the Greek underworld of Hades).

Acheronus was the antithesis of Chiron the good centaur archer (he who was called the “wisest and most just of all the centaurs” and became the constellation Sagittarius in the northern hemisphere and Centaurus in the Southern Hemisphere).

Acheronus dipped his arrows in a batch of Byzantine Greek fire an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Byzantine Empire that was invented and developed in the Empire around 672 AD.

The Byzantine Greek Navy used it in naval battles to great effect.

It provided the Byzantines with an immense technological advantage and was responsible for many key Byzantine military victories most notably the salvation of Constantinople from two Arab sieges.

Lilith, who was anxious to finally avenge the death of the high priest Caiaphas (who was once her one night stand lover and the biological father of her daughter Golgotha) by the Roman Emperor Tiberius, finally managed to get her hands on all the supplies of Byzantine Greek Fire to allow the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II to finally capture and conquer Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire on May 29th 1453 thus putting an end to the Eastern Roman Empire the successor empire of Tiberius’ Roman Empire.

Saint Mary Magdalene the woman Apostle of Jesus had gone to Rome to personally tell the Emperor Tiberius about the unjustness of Jesus’ trial and how an innocent man was crucified by the Romans.

Tiberius believed the Magdalene’s story and ordered the two Jewish high priests Annas and Caiaphas to be brought to Rome for trial.

Caiaphas died on a ship outside Crete while en route for trial in Rome.

As he stood on deck, Caiaphas felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then his bowels split open on deck.

Before his soul left him, he groaned like a wild pig.

His tongue jutted out of his mouth the length of a span.

His body was then cast to the waves where it was eaten by sharks 🦈.

Annas survived the voyage and after trial by Tiberius was sentenced by the Emperor to receive over 100 lashes and then Annas was to be wrapped in the freshly skinned hide of an antelope after which he was to be left out in the hot noonday sun ☀️ until he died.

Lilith upon hearing the news swore vengeance on the Roman Empire.

She finally got her vengeance on May 29th 1453 with the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks.

As for Lilith’s planned vengeance against Theodora, Acheronus with his bow and his Byzantine Greek Fire dipped arrows wandered through the Rafina region of eastern Attica in Greece 🇬🇷 shooting his flaming arrows.

The resulting blaze struck like a flamethrower causing smoke inhalation and skin burns.

So far 74 people have been killed and many fled past hundreds of burning cars and houses to dive into the sea 🌊 for safety.

The resulting devastation is so bad that Greece’s atheistic Marxist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has declared 3 days of official national mourning.

. . .

“Such a tragedy,” Donald Trump remarked as he ate lamb chops and Greek salad with feta cheese.

“Are you referring to the wildfires in Greece, Sir?” Asked Lexington his English butler and valet.

“What wildfires in Greece?” The fake hair toupee wearing opponent of fake news shrugged, “I’m talking about my poor daughter Ivanka Trump’s clothing company being forced to go out of business due to poor sales.”

“A tragedy indeed, sir,” Lexington grimaced in pain and silently prayed that there was indeed a Hell for those who truly deserve it.

“I can’t understand why more of my supporters didn’t buy her clothes,” Trump thought about shooting off an angry tweet.

“Maybe most of your supporters couldn’t afford to buy her clothes,” Lexington suggested.

“Why couldn’t they afford to buy her clothes?” Trump retorted angrily, “I could afford to buy her clothes if I ever got the urge to turn Caitlyn Jenner.”

“Saints preserve us,” Lexington crossed himself.

. . .

The Black Jaguar (possessed by the spirit of a powerful sorcerer and also the spirit of Night Sun the Mayan jaguar god of the Mayan underworld) entered the men’s washroom where he ripped to shreds a man and a boy who were in the washroom.

The human sacrifices were necessary to help bring about the coming of the Night Sun (as it was called by the Mayans), the Black Sun (as it was called by the Nazis) and Nemesis (the darkened sun that provides energy to the planet Niburu) according to some sci-fi UFO 🛸 enthusiasts.

. . .

Panty Goatee (the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee) was grateful to have been rescued by the Black Jaguar from the forced bow and arrow 🏹 (as opposed to forced shotgun) wedding in Jerusalem to the Baphomet.

Panty Goatee didn’t really relish losing her virginity to a hermaphrodite half-human half-goat creature.

She didn’t like having to walk down the aisle of chairs on the Temple Mount with a flaming arrow in her naked back that was pointed at her tender flesh by the bow of a sinister centaur named Acheronus.

Then Panty Goatee saw the man approaching and a fire 🔥 (but a sensuously pleasant one) burned inside her panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 24th
2018.

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Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

April 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith, Erdogan, Putin and Rouhani: Invasion of Israel In The Works?

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was meeting with the talking little green frog 🐸 called Nimrod and the demon Asmodeus in a cafe in Istanbul.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like smoking Turkish cigarettes,” the chain-smoking demon Asmodeus remarked as he smoked his 70th Turkish cigarette of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish coffee or not,” Nimrod remarked with his head sticking out of the tiny cup after almost drowning in his 70th cup of Turkish coffee of the day.

“I’m still trying to decide if I like Turkish evening gowns or not,” Lilith remarked as she took off her 69th evening gown in the cafe and put on her 70th Turkish evening gown of the day from her shopping bag of items she had picked up in Istanbul’s fashion bazaar.

The display of lovely 😊 and sensual vampiress nudity once again resulted in a huge collision of Turkish waiters carrying plates and cups.

“So how did your meeting with Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Vladimir Putin and Hassan Rouhani in Ankara go?” Asmodeus asked as he put a nicotine patch on his arm to help him cut down on his daily cigarette intake, “Did you convince the leaders of Russia 🇷🇺, Iran 🇮🇷 and Turkey 🇹🇷 to invade Israel 🇮🇱?”.

Lilith answered.

In the cafe across the street, Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem were listening in to the conversation between Lilith, Asmodeus and Nimrod on some eavesdropping equipment they had.

“Oh shoot,” the Controller cursed, “the microphone 🎤 went dead just as Lilith was giving the answer.”

Their view of the cafe across the street was also blocked by a huge number of Turkish men as well as female members of the Turkish Lesbian Front who had been standing in front of the cafe window for the past several hours.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 5th
2018.

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The Feast of The Beast 2018

March 23, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Feast of The Beast 2018

Desiree was 16 years old.

She obviously did not pay much attention to current Hollywood news.

Because while walking the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a limousine pulled up.

The limousine’s back window rolled down and an older man- a well known Hollywood actor- invited her into the limo for a ride.

If she knew her Hollywood news, she’d have realized that Hollywood was crawling with a lot of perverts.

Later Desiree in her blue mini dress found herself tied to a sacrificial altar beneath a statue of the Baphomet inside the Hollywood actor’s mansion.

“What are you doing?” Desiree shouted.

“I’m sacrificing you to Baphomet,” the actor replied and lowered his knife and slit her throat and did just that.

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump called for his English butler and valet.

“What is it, sir?” Lexington asked.

“A charcoal burnt human hand just crawled across the floor by itself,” Trump said.

“No need to worry, sir,” Lexington went to the closet, “I’ll use a Swiffer Wet Jet to wash the floor.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Trump reflected, “and find out whose hand it is. I’m going to fire that person in a tweet.”

. . .

Two scientists were conducting an evening test at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland.

One scientist remarked to the other, “That seems to be a very realistic looking statue of Shiva the Transformer by the door.”

“Yes, it is,” the other scientist agreed.

Suddenly there was an explosion 💥 from the tunnel tube.

A huge hole opened up and out walked the multi armed goddess Kali.

She went up and kissed the statue of Shiva.

“I think,” said the scientist to his fellow researcher, “the next time they decide to erect the statue of a god on Collider grounds, they better hire a sculptor who specializes in a more abstract form of sculpture.”

. . .

Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who was the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Emperor Justinian in her mortal life) and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of The Golem had just captured a group of Turkish officers who were leading Turkish troops against their allies the Kurds.

“I think we should hand these Turkish officers over to British MP Renfield R. Renfield for interrogation,” said Dracula.

“I agree,” Theodora started wiping the blood off her gown with a towel soaked in Tide laundry detergent.

“Renfield can be quite ruthless in his interrogations,” noted the Controller of The Golem.

Theodora played on her iPhone a recent speech given by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in which he called on the 57 member state Organization of The Islamic Conference to unite as one army and destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱.

“Hand them over to Renfield,” the Controller agreed.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was out deer 🦌 hunting on a country estate just north of Moscow.

Putin stumbled across what he thought was a stag with a very impressive set of antlers.

And in one way it was.

For the stag was actually Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld.

Cernunnos stood up on its hind legs and with a crossbow it carried in its forearms it fired an arrow which moved with rapid lightning speed.

The arrow struck Putin in the forehead and the Russian leader fell to the ground.

Later at the nearby dacha where Putin was taken, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was awakened and informed what happened.

“A stag with a rapid firing crossbow did this, you say?” She asked one of Putin’s fellow hunters who nodded, “That was no ordinary stag. That was Cernunnos the horned god of the Celtic pantheon. The arrow was poison tipped and the poison is now in Putin’s bloodstream. I must suck all the blood out and replace it with my own in order for him to live.”

“But how will you live then?” Asked the bodyguard.

“Thank you for your sacrifice for your Motherland and your leader,” Lilith bit him on the neck and drained all his blood which she then spit out and put in a large glass container and put in the freezer for safekeeping.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 23rd
2018.

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Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

September 3, 2017 at 7:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras sat in his office in Athens.

It was nighttime.

He was no longer as popular as he used to be since he had accepted the austerity budget demands imposed on his government by Germany, the EU and various international financial institutions.

“Oh, what I’d give to be popular again,” Alexis Tsipras said aloud.

Just then a bat 🦇 flew in through the window.

“I really should have closed that damned window,” Tsipras sighed.

The bat then turned into a beautiful woman wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“Who the Hell are you?” Tsipras asked.

“I am the Byzantine vampiress Theodora,” the beautiful woman replied, “in my mortal life I was the Empress Theodora the wife of Justinian I the greatest Emperor of the Byzantine Empire.”

“Well I don’t believe in anything Supernatural and that includes vampiresses,” the lifelong Marxist dialectical materialist replied.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Alexis, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” Theodora replied.

“You’re able to quote and paraphrase Shakespeare?” Tsipras was shocked 😳.

“So can every educated and cultural personage,” Theodora answered.

Alexis smiled.

The thought occurred to him that should he ever meet Donald Trump in a one-on-one personal chat, he should spend the whole time quoting Shakespeare to him.

“I’m here to make you an offer,” said Theodora.

“And what is this offer?” Tsipras asked.

“To make you Emperor of Byzantium,” Theodora replied, “Both Constantinople and the Byzantine Empire shall be restored.”

“Wouldn’t that be over Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s dead body?” Tsipras smiled.

“It shall,” Theodora also smiled.

“I see,” Tsipras walked over to the window and looked out.

“I offered Vladimir Putin the position of joint Byzantine Emperor and Russian Czar as did the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith but he turned our offer down,” Theodora grimaced, “at least the Byzantine Empire part anyways. So now he shall pay the price.”

“And what price is that?” Tsipras asked with the curiosity of a cat.

“Lilith convinced Hades to send Rasputin’s ghost from the Underworld back up to Russia,”
Theodora laughed luxuriously, “he’s now possessed the body of an Eurasian brown bear and is wandering the streets of Moscow.”

“And what will happen to me and Greece if I refuse your offer?” Tsipras inquired.

“Nietzsche may have admired Dionysus but I doubt Marx or any of his followers will,” Theodora answered.

“So if I refuse your offer.” Tsipras reflected, “Dionysus will run amuck in the fields, forests, meadows, streams and streets of Greece.”

“That is correct,” Theodora swished around in her dress, turned into a bat and flew out the window.

. . .

Zeus sighed to his son Apollo, “You know it was prophesied some day that one of my sons would overthrow me.”

Apollo looked into Zeus’ eyes, “And do you think it’s me, father?”.

“No,” Zeus laughed, “no, I don’t. But I recently ran into a seer in Rome- a woman by the name of Cassandra Sibylline. And she informed me that the son who will overthrow me was born sometime in the last 50 years.”

“Well, how many women have you slept with in the last 50 years?” Apollo asked.

“My god,” Zeus laughed, “do you think I have a photographic memory as well as the world’s largest abacus?”.

. . .

It was approaching midnight.

And Alexis Tsipras still hadn’t closed the window.

A bat flew in again.

And promptly turned into the Byzantine vampiress Theodora wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“So what do you think of my offer?” Theodora asked as she smoothed her dress.

“What would America have to say about a revived Byzantine empire?” Tsipras inquired.

“With all due respect to the United States of America,” Theodora answered, “it won’t be around for much longer.”

“Why not?” Tsipras asked.

. . .

On North Korean state television in Pyongyang, the government of Kim Jong-un announced that it had just tested a hydrogen bomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 3rd
2017.

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