Renfield, Huawei, Game of Thrones and Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2019 at 8:53 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sipping on a whiskey and soda and recalling how last night’s British Transhumanist/Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance rally held on an English beach was hugely successful.

Renfield had given a highly acclaimed speech on how the European Union seemed to be resembling the old USSR with each passing day.

His French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (having drunk 120 barrels of rum on his voyage across the English Channel) had given an impassioned speech on how, in his opinion, Captain Jack Sparrow of the Pirates of The Caribbean films was a real and actual historical figure.

The speech was met with vigourous applause prior to the Kraken passing out and having to be carried off by stretcher and air ambulance to the detox unit of a London hospital.

Tabasco sauce sellers, tomato juice sellers and merchants of raw eggs were reporting a huge increase in sales all across London today.

Renfield was soon joined in the bar by his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Amadeus helped himself to some of the complimentary peanuts in the dish in front of Renfield.

“So I hear that yesterday Donald Trump signed an Executive Order declaring a national emergency with regards to America’s computer networks,” Amadeus noted.

“Yes, it is a move designed to keep China’s tech giant Huawei out of providing software for America’s computer and AI and 5G systems,” Renfield commented.

“I don’t imagine Beijing will be happy about that,” Angelique Dumont remarked.

“They’re not,” Renfield answered, “The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu has already flown that mysterious entity known as the Black Dragon into Washington DC and has already swooped down on the U.S. capital.”

“Did it do any damage?” Amadeus asked as he motioned to the bartender to bring another dish of complimentary peanuts.

“It landed on top of a group of Republican supporters and fans of the Game of Thrones TV show who were holding placards outside the White House calling on Donald Trump to declare a national emergency and sign an Executive Order ordering HBO to hire new writers and re-do the whole 8th and last season of Game of Thrones all over again since they didn’t like how the series ended.”

“I wonder what those Game of Thrones fans who are registered Democrats were doing at the time?” Angelique Dumont mused aloud.

“They were demonstrating outside Congress calling on Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to call a Congressional inquiry into whether or not there was Russian collusion into HBO laying a very early pre-Thanksgiving turkey otherwise known as the final season of Game of Thrones,” Renfield pointed out.

“Did anything happen to the Democrat fans of Game of Thrones seeing as how a Black Dragon landed on top of Republican Game of Thrones fans?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were crushed by a flying marijuana plant that landed on top of them,” Renfield answered, “The plant was developed by Canada’s National Research Council in Ottawa on orders of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The plant was supposed to be flying to Paris where Trudeau is currently attending a world leaders’ summit on technology but being quite high, the marijuana plant lost all sense of direction and ended up in Washington DC instead.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 16th
2019.

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Limerick Sung By Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

April 28, 2016 at 8:16 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Entertainment, Humour, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Limerick Sung By Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

I took my puppy dogs to Australia
where I encountered an Agriculture Minister without genitalia
He told me my dogs did not have the proper ID
so one of them raised a hind leg and took on said minister a pee
now I’m forced to make a video looking like an endorsing Trump Chris Christie.

-A limerick sung by Captain Jack Sparrow

from a poem written by Christopher
Thursday April 28th 2016.

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Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

June 11, 2014 at 4:28 pm (Entertainment, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , )

Captain Jack Sparrow: A Poem

He was not mummified dead like a Pharaoh
He was a pirate- this Captain Jack Sparrow
The wittiest pirate e’er to sail the Seven Seas
And as pirates go, he aims to please.

Vagabond, philosopher, adventurer he be
most at home on the Caribbean Sea
when he decided to give pirating a whirl
he took for his ship The Black Pearl.

When taking Aztec gold brought with it a curse
what happened to his crew was for the worse
A skeleton crew they be
doors they unlock with a skeleton key.

For Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner
their love would not be put on the back burner
even Davy Jones’ locker could not tear them apart
and Captain Jack found Davy Jones’ heart.

Captain Barbossa regains The Black Pearl
as everything starts to unfurl
at World’s End
driving ships around the bend.

And The Black Pearl becomes a ship in a bottle- that be the truth
but Jack has the map to the Fountain of Youth
Hector Barbossa now works for King George
but not the one whose troops the Yanks fought near Valley Forge
Barbossa has a weapon to peg
which he uses in place of his leg
And Blackbeard seeks the Fountain of Youth
whose waters he’d drink like a pleasant Vermouth
Blackbeard’s daughter Angelica is a woman scorned
Jack beware!- You’ve been forewarned
other women slapped you in the face
but this woman’s heart holds a special place.

With mermaid’s tears in the chalice,
Angelica lives
while her father Blackbeard dies, say what gives?
Captain Jack has pulled one of his tricks
so Edward Teach now crosses the River Styx.

And Angelica on an island Jack does place
where voodoo doll washes up devoid of grace.

There’s a sequel in the works- have no fear
no need like a mermaid to shed a tear
Captain Jack will be back
some woman’s heart will be black
and there will be another tale to tell
of sailing ships from Hell
and ocean waves that swell
and whatever you do!-
this much be true
don’t call him Jack-
he’s “Captain” Jack to you.

-A poem written
by Christopher
Tuesday June 10th
2014
inspired by the character
of Captain Jack Sparrow
and The Pirates of The Caribbean
films.

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Renfield and Amadeus Attend The Lone Ranger Opening And Talk Philosophy

July 4, 2013 at 12:39 am (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were sitting in a movie theatre awaiting the start of the new Johnny Depp movie The Lone Ranger.

 

 

Renfield was wearing a t-shirt that said GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER PSYCHOPATH.

 

“If there’s anyone who’s a master at getting in touch with their inner psychopath, it’s you,” Amadeus remarked as he munched on some hot buttered popcorn.

 

“Thanks,” Renfield grinned.

 

“Can you do a Johnny Depp impersonation?” Amadeus asked out of curiosity.

 

“No, I can’t,” Renfield tried talking like Captain Jack Sparrow but failed miserably.

 

“I’ve heard there’s a Malaysian woman living in Germany who can do a pretty good Johnny Depp impersonation,” Amadeus broke his licorice stick into crumbs and put it on top of his popcorn.

 

“Really?” Renfield took a bottle out of his pocket and poured an ounce of vodka into his theatre container of Pepsi, “That can’t be true because I haven’t heard that.”

 

“You mean truth is dependent upon what you personally see and hear?” Amadeus asked.

 

“Yes,” Renfield smiled,  “I’m the ultimate existentialist philosopher.”

 

Renfield’s remark was greeted with total silence in the theatre (although a Zen master might have interpreted it as the sound of one hand clapping).

 

 

To be continued.

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