Friday The 13th: 13th October

October 13, 2017 at 2:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th: 13th October

Cardinal JM approached Pope Francis with the shocking news.

An ancient Canaanite Vampiress Priestess of Baal, six Vampiric Knights-Templar, a Headless Horseman with a Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head riding a zombie black horse who kept singing a silly song from an early 1960s American TV comedy Mr. Ed the Talking Horse and a giant black cat who was wearing a hockey goalie 🥅 mask that she couldn’t seem to get off her head had taken over the Vatican without a shot being fired.

“What do they want?” Pope Francis asked wearily.

“They want to be put in charge of training the papal Swiss Guards,” Cardinal JM replied.

“Well, who am I to judge?” Pope Francis took out a nail file and started to file his fingernails.

Outside in Saint Peter’s Square, a lone figure stood out in the middle of the square and said while looking up at the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica, “Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 13th
2017.

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Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

October 10, 2017 at 7:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

The Vatican Cardinal known as Cardinal JM walked into Pope Francis’ apartment.

“Holy Father,” said JM, “The Vatican has received a message from North Korea’s 🇰🇵 leader Kim Jong-un that is for your eyes only.”

“For me?” Pope Francis took off his glasses and wiped them.

“Yes,” Cardinal JM handed him the Vatican diplomatic corps dispatch box.

The Bishop of Rome opened the dispatch box and looked at the message.

“It’s written in Korean?” Pope Francis looked at Cardinal JM.

“Well,” Cardinal JM cleared his throat, “I imagine the Dear Leader (or whatever the Hell he’s called)’s Latin is rather shaky.”

“As is mine,” Pope Francis admitted, “but my Korean is even worse.”

Cardinal JM was immediately on the phone trying to track down a Korean translator.

3 hours later, the cook from one of Rome’s most popular Korean restaurants was in Pope Francis’ apartment.

The cook read the translation and also handed out copies of the restaurant’s evening take-out menu to all those present.

When he finished, he left.

“And do we have a copy of the manuscript to which the Dear Leader refers in the Vatican?” Pope Francis asked.

“I believe we do, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM stroked his chin 🤔.

He was soon on the phone to the monk in charge of the Vatican Archives.

The monk Head Archivist was apparently taking his evening cappuccino break and wouldn’t be back for another 6 hours.

“But we have no time to lose,” Francis cried, “World War III could break out at any minute.”

“I’ll go to every cappuccino bar in Rome and try to track him down, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM put on his coat and walked out the door.

This should certainly cure my caffeine fix for the next year, Cardinal JM thought to himself as he walked out into the night.

Meanwhile in the papal apartment, the clock on the wall was ticking.

Tick tock… tick tock…

The Pope remembered a song he had once heard an American youth group sing,

“The kings of West and East
they play a game of war and peace…”

Tick tock… tick tock…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 10th
2017.

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Lilith Takes The Crown

August 22, 2017 at 7:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Lilith Takes The Crown

Lilith was being crowned Queen of the Universe at a ceremony in a chapel at the Vatican in Rome.

The cardinal doing the crowning was the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (JM stood for his secret society moniker Judas Manasseh).

He was assisted in this by his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress was wearing a beautiful scarlet red evening dress as she was being crowned.

Also present at the ceremony was Nimrod a little green frog.

Nimrod was supposed to be in charge of carrying the flowers for the ceremony but, being a frog, he ate them instead.

As Nimrod was busy hiccoughing rose petals from his mouth, the demon Asmodeus was busy filling up the chapel with his cigarette smoke from his irritatingly bad cigarette smoking habit.

His demonic acquaintances tried to talk him into wearing a nicotine patch which he did but it didn’t seem to work for him.

Coughing on Asmodeus’ cigarette smoke was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf (a grey wolf whose body had been possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler after it had been granted permission by Hades and Persephone to leave the Underworld and wander the Earth for awhile at the Germanic god Wotan’s request which he asked of the Greek chthonic deities through his emissary Thor).

Adolf hadn’t liked cigarette smoke in his previous life and didn’t think much of it in this one either.

But seeing as how he was no longer the Fuhrer of Germany, he could no longer order that Asmodeus be shot by firing squad.

Not that demons were prone to death by firing squad anyways.

When the ceremony was over, they walked outside to enjoy the sunset over Rome.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf then started howling that he had an idea on how to cause trouble for Russia.

Since no one in the party understood lupine, they ignored the grey wolf’s howling.

The psychic seer Cassandra Sibylline walked by and she could understand the lupine language.

She said, “The wolf is saying that if you want to destabilize Russia, then go to Hades and Persephone and request that the spirit of Grigori Rasputin be allowed to leave the Underworld and return to Russia for a while.”

A party strategist for the U.S. Democratic National Committee (DNC) walked by and thought that was an excellent suggestion.

He would report back to Hillary Clinton with that suggestion since she was still wanting revenge against Russia for costing her (in her opinion) the last U.S. Presidential election.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 22nd
2017.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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The Black Hand In Rome: A Poem

November 21, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

The Black Hand In Rome: A Poem

Around her streets, the Black Hand crawls
It stops in to look at the Colosseum walls
Hearing the screams of ancient victims past
The Black Hand thinks it quite the blast
And crawls into the Vatican’s sacred halls
seeking to spread Death’s dark palls
The Cardinal called JM welcomed him in
Saying gleefully, let the diabolical spells begin.

-A horror poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 21st
2016.

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The Magician: Then and Now

March 10, 2016 at 8:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Magician: Then and Now

The magician looked into the reflecting pool of water.

He spoke words that had not been heard on earth in millennia, “Itha tubacca moya illaca lama saranamuth.”

The pool showed an image of an elderly Norwegian man Sigurd in a nursing home.

Sigurd flipped through his art books for the man had been an artist for most of his life.

The magician lowered his right hand into the reflecting bowl of water.

He chanted again in an unknown tongue.

Then he removed his hand out of the water.

In his hand he clutched a human heart and threw it into a bucket of human hearts.

The elderly Norwegian man Sigurd was found dead in his room in the nursing home.

The cause of death would be ruled heart attack.

The bucket of hearts the Magician would lay at the feet of the idol of an ancient deity.

. . .

An identical idol statue of the same deity the pagan worshipping Vatican Cardinal JM was praying to along with his personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

Most of the time Cardinal JM and his assistant prayed to Ancient Greek gods but occasionally ancient Egyptian.

Tonight they were praying to a deity that was never worshipped by the ancient Egyptians.

Only feared.

The deity was the female demon Ammit known as the Eater of Hearts and the Devourer of the Dead.

She had the head of a crocodile, the upper torso of a lion and the lower torso of a hippopotamus.

“Amen,” Cardinal JM made the sign of an inverted cross.

Father Wardenclyffe managed to contort and twist his own body into a yogic position that made him resemble the figure of the Baphomet.

. . .

The beautiful and sexy dark eyed raven haired gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia was in her psychic reading shop on London’s Carnaby Street gazing into her crystal ball.

But the image she saw in her crystal ball was not of the future but of the past.

It was the image of practicing occultic Germanic Thule Society adept Dietrich Eckhart as he lay on his deathbed on the evening of December 26th 1923.

The last words of Eckhart were, “Follow Hitler! He will dance but it is I who have called the tune!”.

In a clock shop somewhere in London, an old clock that had a picture of Sir Winston Churchill on it suddenly stopped ticking.

In a museum in Berlin, a clock that had stopped ticking in April 1945 suddenly sprang to life again.

And somewhere on the globe, a high-flying falcon raised an eerie cry.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 10th
2016.

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Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

December 9, 2015 at 8:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

Cardinal JM was contemplating a lawsuit as he stared at the Nativity scene on his desk.

It was his own personally designed Nativity scene that he had made back in 2012- when he thought the pagan gods of the ancient world would be returning to Earth.

Unfortunately a Russian nuclear submarine with a laser death ray had vapourized and disintegrated the returning space ships of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl with their deity occupants back on December 21st 2012.

Then back on Halloween night last year, the great scientific genius Dr. Cadbury Rocher had managed to reassemble the particles of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl and put them back together again.

Dr. Rocher did this work clandestinely since most of the time Dr. Rocher was employed by Set Enterprises owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (and Set probably wouldn’t be too pleased by having his brother, brother-in-law and rival Osiris reassembled yet again).

But getting back to his beloved Nativity scene, Cardinal JM wiped a tear from his eye, he had made back in 2012 a fierce looking Zombie Christ Child with fangs visited by 3 zombie wise men.

And he had just discovered that a couple in Ohio in the U.S. had been displaying a larger sized Nativity scene (with the exact same theme as his) on their property the past couple of Christmasses.

What use was it being a great artist and thinker if other people swiped your ideas?

Cardinal JM wiped another tear from his eye.

He helped himself to some human fingers from his appetizer bowl as he gazed lovingly at the Zombie Christ Child.

He blew his nose into his handkerchief and wiped away a few more tears.

He went over to his prized collection of The Collected Writings of Cardinal Walter Kasper on his mantelpiece.

Pope Francis had said reading Cardinal Kasper was like “doing theology on one’s knees”.

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had added, “Yes while vomiting into the toilet.”

Van Helsing and Pope Francis held widely contrasting views on Cardinal Kasper’s theology.

Cardinal JM looked at his watch.

It was time to join his private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe in prayers to Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in their private chapel to her.

They would ask Hecate for her witchcraft blessing on the coming Papal Year of Mercy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 9th
2015.

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The Apparition

November 11, 2015 at 8:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mystery, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Apparition

Stu Nichols was a reporter and news correspondent newly walking the Vatican beat.

He strolled through the Vatican Gardens waiting for the Cardinal he was to interview.

In the distance, he saw what looked to be a priest or monk standing by one of the bushes.

The monk or priest beckoned to him.

Stu approached.

The man had extremely long wild looking hair and a very long flowing beard.

As Stu approached, he noticed the Cross around the monk-priest’s neck was not a Crucifix or even a Latin rite Cross.

It was a Russian Orthodox style Cross.

The man also had the most hypnotic looking eyes he had ever seen.

Stu stopped in his tracks.

For he suddenly recognized the man.

From photos from history books in his student days at Oxford.

Rasputin.

The Mad Monk.

Who helped pave the way for the fall of the Czar through his manipulations and control over the Russian Imperial Family.

The figure suddenly vanished into thin air.

“Good evening, Mr. Nichols,” the voice of Cardinal JM startled the reporter as the Vatican prelate approached from the side, “It looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 11th
2015.

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Cardinal JM and Osiris

November 5, 2015 at 8:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM and Osiris

The Vatican Cardinal JM was in a downtown Rome lounge waiting to meet the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris.

His personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe would not be accompanying him as he usually did to such meetings.

Father Wardenclyffe would be attending a performance of a new ballet Swan Lake In The Desert at the U. S. Embassy this night.

The original avante-garde ballet was being performed by the U.S. Marine Corps Barack Obama Performing Arts Division.

“Your Eminence,” The Vampire Osiris dressed in a tuxedo and tie greeted Cardinal JM.

“Your Most Exalted Ancient Egyptian Highness,” Cardinal JM bowed.

“You look well, JM,” Osiris stated.

“You’re looking somewhat green this evening,” the Cardinal observed, “aren’t you feeling well?”.

“I’ve always looked green,” Osiris snapped irritably, “if you ever bothered to look at pictures of my painted image on the walls of Egyptian temples and tombs. It was a condition brought about by eating too many jars of pickles when I was younger.”

“I apologize for my abysmal ignorance, your Highness,” Cardinal JM looked flustered, “ancient Greek religion is my field of study.”

“It wasn’t Catholicism?” Osiris inquired.

“I know very little about Catholicism,” Cardinal JM replied, “which probably explains why I was named a Cardinal. If I had known even less, I would have probably been elected Pope at the Papal Conclave back in 2013.”

“Why did you arrange for us to meet tonight?” Osiris ordered a martini with extra olives from the waiter.

“I have a gift for you,” Cardinal JM put a small box on the table, “this was recently found in the Vatican Archives.”

Osiris opened the box and cried, “My original phallus.”

“Yes,” Cardinal JM nodded and smiled, “the one that your brother Set cut off so brutally in Egypt many millennia ago in a procedure which these days may or may not be covered under modern Obamacare, I’d have to check on that.”

“The one piece of my original 14 dismembered body parts that my sister, wife and lover Isis was never able to find,” Osiris wept.

“It was found back in 1922 by a Jesuit Egyptologist who died after being bitten by an asp on his ass,” the Cardinal explained, “our aging archivist only got around to cataloging it this year.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 4th
2015.

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