Hell Celebrates 6th Anniversary of Pope Benedict’s Resignation Announcement

February 11, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Newbridge in Wales MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana, “It looks like I may have to arrange to have Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles shot off with a semi-automatic weapon after all. I see The Manchester Guardian is reporting that the Pakistani government is refusing to let Christian woman and alleged Mohammed blasphemer Asia Bibi leave the country to join her daughters in Canada. I told that overrated cricket player they have for a national leader that unless he lets Asia leave Pakistan, his balls are toast.”

Renfield went to the washroom carrying the toilet paper he had ordered with pictures of the Prophet Mohammed on each sheet (he ordered it after reading the article).


DARPA Contract Assassiness Panty Goatee: Hired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to shoot off Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles with a semi-automatic weapon when she gets the text message from Renfield, “Cricket balls will be all that he has left to play with.”

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper the head of the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican opened his drawers trying to see if he could find his rolls of toilet paper that alternated between pictures of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary on each sheet.

The night before, Cardinal Kasper (the Unfriendly Unholy Ghost as he was called by nickname) had opened up another pair of drawers to let the combined incubus/succubus called the Baphomet “come shining through” as the Cyndi Lauper song True Colours played on a record player on a dressing table next to his bed.

Now a virtually unknown and extremely rare record of the late great Jimmy Durante singing a little known hit, “Do you have a pain-us in your anus?” was playing on the record player.

Cardinal Kasper stopped the gramophone.

The song hit a little too close for comfort as far as memories of his nighttime encounter with the Baphomet went.

The Cardinal then walked over to his iPhone X where he wrote a statement condemning the Manifesto of Faith written by Gerhard Cardinal Muller (the former Prefect of The Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith who had been appointed by Pope Benedict XVI in 2012 and fired by Pope Francis the Zero in 2017) and released this past weekend.

In the Manifesto of Faith, Cardinal Muller defended belief in the Trinity, the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ, the Sacraments, the moral law and the prospects of eternal life.

“These are not true Catholic doctrines,” Cardinal Kasper protested in a text message to Pope Francis.

Kasper opened the door to his personal bathroom where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s astral twin was in the bathtub sacrificing 91 snow white hares from the Bavarian Alps to a statue of Baal/Moloch sitting atop the Norman Bates autographed Bates Motel showerhead in the tub area.

“Oops, sorry to disturb,” the Cardinal apologized and closed the bathroom door.

Next door in the Cardinal’s private Saint Gallen Chapel of Saint Hecate and All Witches, the Baphomet was ensuring that what he considered a naughty Italian schoolgirl (for wearing a traditional Crucifix) remained standing in the corner.

. . .


The 3 Witches who appeared to MacBeth the Thane of Glamis and later Cawdor. From left to right, the witches are Baphometa (daughter of Baphomet), Kalilama (daughter of Kali and Shiva whose name became lost to time) and Hecatelena (daughter of Hecate whose name also became lost to time).

The 3 Witches had been sent back in time to the year 1040 AD by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to meet with MacBeth.

Today they were present in the Vatican Gardens and meeting with the ghost of Lady MacBeth as well as the astral twins of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and White House advisor Jared Kushner.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 11th
2019.

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October 13th, Vampiric Knights-Templar and Russia

October 13, 2016 at 3:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin gazed down at the document in front of him.

As he did so, the Russian leader was gripped with a profound metaphysical question.

Where he wondered, did God’s work end and the Devil’s work begin?

Well, he was about to find out.

He took a pen and signed the document.

. . .

Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper was about to impart his apostolic blessing on a same sex marriage ceremony.

The happy couple were a pair of vampiric Knights-Templar who managed to escape French King Philip !V’s onslaught against the Knights-Templar and their grandmaster Jacques de Molay on Friday, October 13th 1307.

The pair fleeing the king’s guard were able to get themselves turned into vampires through a bite on the neck from vampiress Marguerite de Fleur de Bel.

11 other Knights-Templar were likewise bitten on the same day by the same vampiress and became vampires.

Now after centuries of living together, the romantically inclined Knights-Templar vampiric couple were about to get their union sanctioned by the Church.

Cardinal Kasper used a footnote in Pope Francis’ document Amoris Laetitia to perform the ceremony.

Bill Clinton acted as Best Man via teleconferencing and Hillary Clinton served as Maid of Honour.

Sir Elton John via teleconferencing performed his own piano melody for the occasion Smile On Jacques de Molay (to the tune of Goodbye Norma Jean and Goodbye England’s Rose).

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was smoking his 1307th cigarette of the day while sitting atop the Temple Mount and drinking bottles of Polonium-210 laced Scotch whisky just to show everyone he could do it.

“What a boastful wag,” the demon Azazel thought to himself as he planted Hell’s flag atop the Temple Mount.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 13th
2016

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The Dance of Shiva

August 17, 2016 at 12:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

August 13th 1944- German physicist Franz von Papen was doing experiments in his Berlin laboratory with sound.

His thesis: He was going to try to see if he could use sound to split the atom.

If he could, then the Reich would have no need for uranium or heavy water cooling plants to produce an atomic bomb.

What would produce this sound that would split the atom?

Von Papen had in front of him a Western musically inscribed transcript of the melody of A Hymn To Chaos that had been sung in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery for thousands of years.

And the musical instrument he’d use to produce the sound of music of this Hymn To Chaos?

After much research on the subject, he decided on the theremin.

The theremin invented by Russian inventor Leon Theremin in 1920.

Von Papen excitedly opened the box containing the theremin.

It was empty.

The seller of musical instruments had forgotten to pack the instrument.

The physicist angrily got on the phone to the instrument seller.

August 17th 1944- The theremin had finally arrived.

Quickly von Papen put down his music notes (the western inscribed musical transcript of the Tibetan Buddhist Hymn To Chaos) and started playing the theremin.

To his shock, a small image of the Hindu deity Shiva appeared in the room and started dancing.

Von Papen stopped playing the theremin and the image stopped dancing and disappeared.

Von Papen now had something he could show the Fuhrer.

Von Papen wrote down some notes and mailed them to a distant cousin of his.

He then got on the phone to the Office of The Fuhrer- a phone that had been tapped by MI6.

Von Papen was immediately invited to the Fuhrer’s office that night to demonstrate what he had discovered.

As Von Papen left his laboratory that afternoon, he was promptly assassinated by an operative operating for MI6 in Berlin.

. , .

Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper had been contacted by the United States government.

They were anxious to get a score of musical notes that had been in the possession of a relative of his- a musicologist.

The musicologist had left the notes to his young relative Walter when he heard that Walter was entering the priesthood.

He felt that the notes would be safe with a priest.

Kasper had never bothered to read the notes.

He was surprised when the U.S. government offered him money for them.

The U.S. State Department had told him that the notes were for the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C.

Kasper would not take the money for himself (Pope Francis frowned on such things!) but he told the State Department to give the money to his favourite charity.

The Cardinal sat in a Roman cafe waiting for the U.S. government representative to show up.

Out of nowhere suddenly appeared in front of him a man with a goatee beard wearing a mink fur hat on his head and Hawaiian shorts showing very hairy legs.

The man resembled images and pictures he had seen of the Greek satyr god Pan.

“Here’s the money for your favourite charity, your Eminence,” Pan Goatee put a briefcase on the table.

“I’ve got my distant relative’s musical scores right here,” the Cardinal reached down for his portfolio case.

It was gone.

As Pan Goatee and the Cardinal looked around for signs of the portfolio attache case, a hamster was seen scurrying down the streets of Rome carrying a portfolio attache case.

. . .

In a hotel room in Rome as Renfield R. Renfield was getting a massage from a young masseuse who was a deadringer for the young Sophia Loren as she would have appeared in movies of the 1950s and ’60s, he was on the phone.

“Yes,” said Renfield, “I have the attache case.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 13th 2016.

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Michelangelo’s Dream of Papal Prayer Video

February 28, 2016 at 8:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of Papal Prayer Video

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was sleeping in his aquarium down at the Set Enterprises Lab.

He was having a dream about the papal prayer video that Pope Francis would be releasing for the month of March (starting this year of 2016, instead of releasing his monthly prayer intercessions via text and press release announcement, Pope Francis announced his prayer intentions for the next month via video).

In the video that he saw in his dream, Michelangelo saw two influential Vatican cardinals Cardinal Walter Kasper and Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi engaged in a deeply ecumenical interfaith inter religious dialogue with the ancient Canaanite deity Moloch as the bronze statue of the god accepted children in a fiery form of human sacrifice.

Michelangelo woke up screeching.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 28th
2016.

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Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

September 19, 2015 at 6:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

The gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia lay on the sofa in the living room of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She had no cab fare to get home.

Renfield R. Renfield had invited her over to give him a private fortune telling reading.

It turned out that he wanted her to examine more than his palms.

So she had hit him over the head with an ancient clay tablet that listed the sexual escapades of the Greek god Zeus.

It had knocked Renfield out- probably for the next several hours.

In the meantime, she hoped either Amadeus Emanon or Athelstan the butler or some other person more civilized than Renfield (including the vampire Set who was best known for bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) would get home to the mansion soon to give her cab fare to get home to her own home.

She lay on the sofa in the low-cut red mini dress that Renfield had requested she’d wear for this occasion.

She fell asleep.

And dreamed a dream.

In the dream, she saw the Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper whom she had once seen in a television interview.

In the dream, Cardinal Kasper did a little dance and sang to the tune of Monty Python’s Lumberjack Song,

“Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay
I read my Bible the Raymond Brown way
Don’t take it seriously, it just don’t pay
‘Till you get ’round to Judgement Day…”

Dulcinea Lucia was awakened by a sudden clap of thunder and flash of lightning.

She then heard Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan walk in through the door.

Renfield could be heard mumbling to himself as he lay on the floor, “Did anybody get the license plate number of that white swan?”.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 18th
2015.

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