Renfield’s Annoyingly Bad Joke

August 7, 2015 at 6:50 pm (Humour, Jokes, Nature, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Annoyingly Bad Joke

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were sitting at the kitchen table having just finished a meal of steak, mashed potatoes and gravy.

Renfield belched loudly in succession without ever once saying “Excuse me” which was his usual post-dinner commentary on the state of the world.

On the table was a coconut cream pie for dessert later when their meals had been fully digested.

After belching, Renfield leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on the table and put his thumbs under his suspenders (for he was feeling in a Larry King fashion kind of mood today).

“You know,” Renfield grinned as he picked his teeth with his toothpick that he had carved in the shape of a Faberge micro egg sized minuscule miniature banjo, “I’ve just thought up my own joke.”

“Oh,” Amadeus grimaced for Renfield coming up with his own joke never ended well.

“Yes,” Renfield belched again for full dramatic effect, “would you like to hear it?”.

“You’ll tell it to me anyways,” Amadeus sighed.

“Here it is,” Renfield twiddled his thumbs under his suspenders, “how does a lioness get her cubs to behave?”.

“How does a lioness get her cubs to behave?” Amadeus pondered the question for an infinitely shorter space of time than Pythagoras pondered his theorem, “I have absolutely no idea.”

“She says to them,” Renfield grinned, “if you don’t stop misbehaving, I’m going to take you to see the dentist.”

Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

“Bwahahahahaha,” Renfield laughed in annoyingly Norman Newmanesque fashion at his own joke.

Amadeus picked up the cream pie on the table and shoved it into Renfield’s face.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 7th

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Haiku About Cecil The Lion Killed By Trophy Hunter In Zimbabwe

July 29, 2015 at 6:35 pm (Commentary, Crime, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Cecil The Lion Killed By Trophy Hunter In Zimbabwe

Killer’s toothy smile
Trophy ensures the lion
does not sleep tonight

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