₱an Goatee Beheads Thin Ugly Stoat, Cerberus Continues His ₱ursuit of Tartarus Esca₱ee and ₱achamama To Be Declared Catholic Co-Mediatrix and Co-Redem₱trix

November 16, 2022 at 10:38 pm (Aesthetics, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Science, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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  • ₱achamama the demonic sha₱eshifting red dragon to woman and back Inca Earth Mother Goddess ₱osing as Maya the Hindu goddess of illusion with Fenrir the Norse wolf of the future Battle of Ragnarok in front of her and delivering Climate Change 1O Commandments ato₱ Mount Sinai
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  • It was the last day of the G-2O Summit in Bali, Indonesia.
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  • As the ghost of Juanita Hall sang the song Bali Hai from the movie South ₱acific, Joe Biden walked into a closet where Justin Trudeau was busy kissing the naked buttocks of Communist China’s ₱aramount leader Xi Jin₱ing. Joe smiled at Justin and winked and said “3 times is a charm.”
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  • Justin, who was starting to regret the fact that he really shouldn’t have been eating rice with Krazy Glue ₱rior to kissing Xi’s buttocks, wondered what Joe meant when he said, “3 times is a charm.”
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  • Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian ₱resident Vladimir ₱utin was busy reading an intelligence re₱ort ₱re₱ared by the Russian FSB vam₱iress Svetlana Kireeva.
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  • A₱₱arently last night Joe Biden had been flown in an ex₱erimental Mach 7 aircraft from Bali Indonesia to San Francisco California. Then he had been whisked by high s₱eed car to the Bohemian Grove- the secret exclusive reclusive s₱ot where country club Re₱ublicans could ₱ractice sex orgies and occultic ceremonies.
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  • Svetlana was unable to get into the grove itself because the grove was guarded by giant demonic owl creatures.
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  • So she had no idea what Joe was doing there.
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  • NASA Administrator Dr. Nachash Naga successfully toasted today’s early morning launch of the Artemis 1 moon rocket launch with a glass of cham₱agne. A glass of cham₱agne s₱rinkled with the blood of a virgin.
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  • ₱an Goatee had once again a₱₱eared at a Calgary intersection to do battle with the frost and ice giants of the Norse Hel and Niflheim but the giants were nowhere to be found.
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  • He went to a market store to buy some bottles of Teriyaki sauce but the store had nothing but ugly looking female cashiers there so he didn’t bother buying any.
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  • On the way back to a bus sto₱, he went into a liquor store to buy a cou₱le of bottles of Coca-Cola Classic as liquor stores sold Coca-Cola Classic for a lot chea₱er than most grocery stores.
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  • The Greco-Roman titan deity Saturn Kronos stood outside the liquor store dressed in the costume of and looking like the North ₱ole Santa Claus of 193Os Coca-Cola ads.
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  • He saluted ₱an as he si₱₱ed from a bottle of Coca-Cola.
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  • ₱an arrived at the bus sto₱ just as a really re₱ulsive looking uglo thin ugly stoat was getting off a bus.
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  • The satyr beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her u₱ into 999 trillion ₱ieces.
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  • The Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat Kram₱us arrived to ₱ick u₱ the remains of the beheaded and dismembered uglo.
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  • While on his way back to Tartarus, Kram₱us ran into Cerberus the three-headed dog of the Underworld.
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  • Cerberus was looking dejected.
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  • “I take it you still haven’t found that scumbag esca₱ee from Tartarus,” Kram₱us lit a cigarette and o₱ened u₱ a can of Bud Light, “That corru₱t community housing official and ₱edo₱hile child molestor Mark of The Beast Alexander.”
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  • Cerberus shook all 3 of his heads in a negative fashion indicating the word No.
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  • Cerberus’ smart ₱hone rang.
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  • The ₱ervert had been s₱otted in the girls’ washroom of a nearby elementary school.
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  • Cerberus took off in the direction of the elementary school.
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  • ₱achamama the Inca earth mother goddess dressed as Maya the Hindu goddess of Illusion accom₱anied by the Norse wolf Fenrir and the flaming head skull of the a₱ostate Jesuit ₱riest ₱ierre Teilhard de Chardin (who was ₱laying the role of the Burning Bush) ato₱ Mount Sinai handing down tablets on which were written Climate Change 1O Commandments to a grou₱ of ecumenically minded interfaith leaders.
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  • “₱eo₱le will fall for anything these days won’t they?” British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he showed the ₱hotos to the London-based billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set.
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  • “Indeed,” Set agreed.
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  • “The Set Enter₱rises Intelligence Unit has discovered that there’s a move afoot in the Vatican to have ₱achamama declared Co-Mediatrix and Co-Redem₱trix of the world alongside Jesus Christ,” Renfield ₱ointed out.
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  • “What?” Set was absolutely shocked, “Francis says he won’t ever give that title to the Blessed Virgin Mary the Mother of Jesus but he might be willing to bestow that title on the demon ₱achamama?”.
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  • On the television set in the living room of the colossal Set Estate in West London an old e₱isode of the TV series The Twilight Zone was ₱laying and the voice of host Rod Serling could be heard saying, “You have just entered the Twilight Zone.”
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  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written Wednesday November 16th 2O22.

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  • Send In The Clowns

    June 29, 2021 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

    Pope Francis was laying in bed trying to fall asleep.

    He had neglected to take off his red clown nose that he had put on earlier this evening in order to attend a Clown Mass that was being held at Saint Peter’s Basilica.

    During the reading of the Gospel at the Clown Mask, a holographic image of American Jesuit priest James Martin read a chapter from Stephen King’s novel IT rather than a chapter from the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John.

    “A word to the wise,” Cerberus the Hell Hound of the Underworld dropped a penny on Pope Francis’ head while hanging from the ceiling of the Basilica.

    After meditating on the meaning of tonight’s Gospel reading, Francis fell asleep.

    He dreamed that he was down in the fires of Tartarus and he watched as that 21st Century cultural icon Lady Gaga was busy roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit over a large area of open flames.

    The air was thick with the smell and aroma of sulphur.

    A group of demons danced around Lady Gaga as she roasted away.

    As they danced, they sang a song Died This Way (to the tune and melody of Lady Gaga’s song Born This Way).

    Francis woke up.

    “But how is that possible?” The Vicar of cliche Marxist slogans asked himself, “As I told Eugenio Scalfari the atheistic Marxist co-founder of the newspaper La Repubblica in a couple of interviews with him, Hell does not exist and even if it does, there’s no one there.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday June 29th
    2021.

    Permalink 16 Comments

    Halloween 2020

    October 31, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

    Cerberus sat on river banks intersecting the Rivers Styx and Acheron.

    He was waiting for Charon’s ferry to arrive carrying the souls of the recently departed.

    From there the souls would either go to the Asphodel Meadows (where indifferent souls- those who did not commit any significant crimes but at the same time did not achieve any greatness in their deeds- go), the Elysian Fields or Elysium (where the pure and righteous souls go) and then there was Tartarus (where great evil doers among supernatural entities and mortal humans go).

    Paradise (where the Church Expectant was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Elysium.

    Purgatory (where the Church Suffering was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Tartarus.

    Tartarus of course was where the damned were located.

    Away from the realm of the Underworld far far far above was Heaven where God the Father resided.

    There the Saints (the Church Triumphant) were located.

    Jesus Christ and His Mother the Virgin Mary resided in Heaven but paid many visits to both Paradise and Purgatory.

    They never visited Tartarus.

    The ferry pulled up to shore and Cerberus looked at his list of passengers for this voyage.

    A very distinguished looking man got off the ship and said, “The name is Connery. Sean… Connery.”

    Cerberus looked at the list and said to Sean Connery, “You’re lucky, Mr. Connery. No Tartarus for you.”

    It was a statement Cerberus rarely made to politicians after they had kicked the bucket.

    And speaking of possible potential clients for Tartarus, Hunter Biden was reflecting back on some of the sex videos that were on his laptop that he had forgotten to pick up from a computer repair shop and which was now in the hands of the FBI.

    One of the videos showed Hunter opening his door to a member of an escort service (which was at least better than his having sexual relations with underaged girls which was the case with a lot of the videos shot over in the People’s Republic of China).

    Hunter invited the woman in and to get himself in the mood, he watched a couple of porn videos with the escort.

    The first video they watched showed a Catholic clergyman having a sex orgy with a whole bunch of women in his church.

    The video appeared to be a real amateur shot video and not a professional porn production.

    Since the clergyman was doing it with adult women and not altar boys or young seminarians, he was obviously not a member of the Theodore McCarrick branch of the American Catholic Church.

    The second video Hunter and the escort watched showed a man raping a young woman in the back seat of a car.

    After watching the two videos, Hunter then was sufficiently aroused enough to get it on with the escort.

    Hunter smiled as he thought back on the memory.

    And to think in a few days’ time, his father could become the President of the United States of America.

    Meanwhile in Beijing the capital of Communist China, the nation’s paramount leader Xi Jinping sat at his desk grinning like a Cheshire cat.

    And in the village of Sleepy Hollow in New York, Tiffany Twisted the immortal witch of Hotel California fame was confessing to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun that she had fallen in love with him.

    “And is that such a bad thing?” Yaldabaoth asked as he drank his 99th Guinness of the evening.

    “The thing is your half-brother hired me to kill you,” Tiffany shed tears, “and now I can’t do it.”

    And having said that, the immortal witch Tiffany Twisted then vanished into the flames of the room’s fireplace behind her.

    “Who’s your half-brother?” Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow asked the leprechaun after Yaldabaoth had told him the sad tale.

    “To my infinite shame and disgrace the demon Baphomet,” Yaldabaoth hung his head.

    “The demon Baphomet?” The Headless Horseman was shocked.

    “Yes, many centuries ago my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom made out with Pan the Greek satyr god and she gave birth to a demon as a result,” Yaldabaoth opened his hundredth can of Guinness.

    Meanwhile at a Joe Biden campaign rally, the demons Baal and Baphomet stood on either side of a campaign sign behind Joe that read, FOR THE SOUL OF A NATION.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday October 31st
    2020.

    Permalink 18 Comments

    Tartarus Bound and The Keys

    September 18, 2020 at 10:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    As the three headed dog Cerberus led the late U.S. Associate Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to her rotating barbeque spit over an open fire in Tartarus where she’d be spending her next eternity, three other figures had just been granted a one year dispensational leave from their rotating barbeque spits in Tartarus.

    Pope Francis, who had actually lost the Keys of Saint Peter several years ago but didn’t bother relaying that message to Hades the Greek god of the Underworld, had communicated with the cthonic deity to release the three figures.

    Bergoglio had communicated with Hades via a Rome based spiritist medium Sophia de Medici.


    Sophia de Medici: Who did not feel at all threatened, sexually harrassed or lusted at by the men who worked in Pope Francis’ Vatican.

    Later after the three figures arrived in Rome, Pope Francis had a Zoom conference video meeting with powerful figures from around the globe.

    Meanwhile British MP Renfield R. Renfield was informing the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that the term “Great Reset” was a globalist code word for establishing a One World Marxist Leninist government.

    Earlier this week Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Ethiopian Communist who headed WHO (the World Health Organization) said that the current crisis would not end “with a vaccine but only with a total reorganization of society. We can never go back to the way things were before.”

    Renfeld told Set: “That’s globalist code for freedom is permanently dead.”

    The Sodom and Gomorrah admiring Italian-American physician Dr. Anthony Fauci (medical darling of the mainstream Marxist media) also talked about the need for combating climate change and for redistributing the world’s wealth (although by that he didn’t mean his own personal wealth would be available for redistribution- notation by Renfield).

    Flaky Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi blamed both the CCP Wuhan virus and the California wildfires on climate change.

    “Mother Earth is mad at us!” Said the San Francisco Congresswoman while sporting a Medusa serpentine hairdo.

    Likewise conceited, pompous and arrogant California Gov. Gavin Newsom blamed the California wildfires on climate change.

    Just as the latest California wildfire was being started by fireworks going off at a gender reveal party in the woods.

    Certainly one fiery revelation to say the least!

    At the Davos Forum in Switzerland earlier this year, George Soros told participants that this year must mark the start of the “Great Reset”.

    Now George Soros, Bill Gates, American economist Jeffrey Sachs and U-2 singer Bono were in a Zoom video conference with Pope Francis.

    “Gentlemen,” Pope Francis held his hammer and sickle crucifix given him as a gift by Evo Morales the former Marxist President of Bolivia, “I have asked Hades to release three spirits from Tartarus for an entire year to help us as we launch the Great Reset.”

    The ghosts of Lenin, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung stepped forward into the room where the Unholy Father was addressing his fellow Zoom conference participants.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday September 18th
    2020.

    Permalink 28 Comments

    Stalinist Demonic Sex Orgy Forum Held At Georgetown University

    September 2, 2020 at 10:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield was talking with his friend Amadeus Emanon via Skype.

    He was showing Amadeus video of a recent Georgetown University on-line forum called Pope Francis and The Reform of The Church.

    Renfield and Amadeus were viewing the forum video using The Dr. Cadbury Rocher Supernatural Entity Detector Lens.

    The three headed dog Cerberus was seen carrying around a poster that the great Renaissance painter and sculptor Michelangelo who resided in the Elysian Fields (referred to as the Church Expectant In Paradise in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer) had drawn and designed for the on-line forum.

    Below the block letters POPE FRANCIS AND THE REFORM OF THE CHURCH could be seen Pope Francis operating a crane with a wrecking ball that was totally demolishing Saint Peter’s Basilica while the figure of the Blessed Virgin Mary could be seen weeping in the background.

    The crane bore the logo Baal and Baphomet Wrecking Co. on it.

    And speaking of Baal and Baphomet, they were also present at the on-line forum overseeing a group of demons who were all engaged in various sexual positions with one another.

    Also present were the ghosts of Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Fidel Castro and Pol Pot who had all been granted day passes from their rotating barbeque spits down in Tartarus to attend the forum.

    The August 31st Georgetown forum was sponsored by Georgetown University’s Office of The Vice-President For Global Engagement (the coat of arms for the office, designed by the Dutch Renaissance painter Hieronymus Bosch, showed a sexually perverted deviant satyr and a sexually perverted deviant centaur getting it on with one another in an orgiastic menage a trois that also involved a Pope Francis blessed wooden statue of the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama).

    Addressing the forum was Paul Elie a senior fellow at Georgetown’s Berkeley Center For Religion, Peace and World Affairs.

    Mr. Elie was wearing a shirt that had been spraypainted (in glow in the dark ultraviolet light) with the words GLOBALIST WINDBAG.

    Said Mr. Elie, “I think there’s active resistance to Pope Francis taking place in the United States.”

    “Brilliant deduction,” piped up the ghost of Sherlock Holmes who was sitting in the front row of the empty (except entirely covered by copulating demons) auditorium, “What clued you in?”.

    Mr. Elie then went on blathering about the Catholic social teaching of Pope Francis as Josef Stalin handed him a copy of Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto and Mao Tse-tung handed him a copy of Mao’s Little Red Book.

    Next to mince up on the forum stage was some flaming dandy named Austen Ivereigh who had written two books on Pope Francis’ pontificate and was currently working on a third (“Talk about Much ado about nothing!” Renfield remarked to Amadeus).

    Whined Ivereigh, “Critics of Pope Francis are denying that he’s led by the Holy Spirit.”

    The fallen angel Mephistopheles, who was sitting in the back row of the auditorium, started choking on his hot buttered popcorn and his jumbo glass of Coca-Cola when Ivereigh talked about Pope Francis being led by the Holy Spirit.

    As Mephistopheles continued to roll on the floor in huge gales of laughter amidst all that spilled popcorn and spilled Coke, Ivereigh continued snivelling, “To charge that Pope Francis is a heretic or a modernist or to claim that he’s trying to change the fundamentals of the Church is signs of a schismatic mentality.”

    At that moment in the Vatican, Pope Francis was asking his valet, “Have you seen my keys?”.

    “What keys would those be?’ His valet asked.

    “The Keys of Saint Peter,” Francis answered.

    “Oh, you lost those keys several years back,” his valet noted.

    Then a third person, the oh so perfectly curly haired dandy Argentine Father Augusto Zampini of the Vatican Dicastery For Promoting Integral Human Development pirouetted his way on to the forum stage.

    Father Zampini lavished praise on the Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus for opening up the way for Pope Francis to accelerate his church “reforms” and his plans for global governance on the world.

    “The Pope doesn’t have a Stalinist plan for the Church,” Zampini insisted.

    “Well,” Renfield remarked to Amadeus, “When the Vatican representative to this year’s Davos Conference in Switzerland says that the Pope doesn’t have a Stalinist plan for the Church, you can rest assured that the Pope has a Stalinist plan for the Church.”

    “May the Pope have many divisions at his beck and call,” Stalin’s ghost grinned.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday September 2nd
    2020.

    Permalink 12 Comments

    Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

    March 9, 2020 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

    Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

    The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was asked by his butler and valet Athelstan, “Tell me, sir, back during the world financial crisis of 2008, you went from being a billionaire to being a mere multi-millionaire. It was only Renfield betting all you had on Spain winning the 2010 FIFA World Cup that led to you becoming a billionaire again. Now that the stock markets today have taken their worst hit and plunge since the global economic meltdown of 2008, are you in danger of becoming a mere multi-millionaire again?”.

    “Fortunately not, Athelstan,” Set sipped his martini and ate his caviar, “I learned my lesson from 2008. I have a wide reserve of gold that I bought and hid in an abandoned mine somewhere in the British Isles that is guarded by a clone that Dr. Cadbury Rocher made of Hades’ 3 headed dog Cerberus. So I’m ready for whatever downturn happens.”

    “I suppose it was fears over the Coronavirus that sparked this panic, sir,” Athelstan handed the ancient Egyptian vampire a bottle of Corona beer with a lemon inside.

    “It was,” Set nodded, “That and a row between Saudi Arabia and Russia over the price and supply of oil that sent oil prices into a down spin.”

    Set then grabbed a bottle of tequila with a large worm inside the bottle from the tray that Athelstan presented to him.

    . . .

    The demon Baphomet was having a conversation with the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.

    “This Coronavirus is quite delightful,” Baphomet drank a test tube full of the virus, “As a result, I see the Vatican has cancelled all public Masses in Rome and Italy from now until April 3rd.”

    The pair were sitting in a totally empty Rome taverna.

    “And from what I understand from my sources in the Vatican which are many,” the bull-headed god rubbed his metallic furnace belly, “Pope Francis would like to extend that indefinitely.”

    “It was rather nice of George Soros, Hillary Clinton and the Sankt Gallen Mafia to force Benedict XVI to resign and put in Pope Francis for us,” Baphomet ordered an extra fruity strawberry daiquiri with a side of goat’s milk.

    “It was,” Moloch nodded as he gratefully took his plate of the Hillary Clinton Secret Topping Pizza from the waiter.

    . . .

    After a day out campaign stumping for Bernie Sanders at which she told crowds, “He’s da man!”, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was back in her hotel room and opening one of her drawers to take out her vibrator to bring her some much needed relief.

    It helped relieve her anxiety.

    An intern might be good enough for Bill Clinton but it wasn’t good enough for her.

    When she opened the drawer, she got the shock of her life when, instead of her vibrator, a red squirrel with elongated pointed ears jumped out at her.

    “I think I’m going squirrelly,” she moaned as her skirt fell to the floor.

    “I’m Ratatoskr,” the apparently talking squirrel introduced himself.

    “The squirrel in Norse mythology who runs up and down the world tree Yggdrasil to carry messages back and forth between the eagle perched atop Yggdrasil and the serpent Nidhoggr who dwells beneath one of the three roots of the tree?” Alexandria asked as her bra came apart at the back.

    “You’ve heard of me?” Ratatoskr grinned as he helped himself to a nut from a small jar labelled Alexandria’s Socialist Nuts.

    “My yoga instructor talked about you last week as he came out of a trance after listening to an old LP called the Tibetan Buddhist Monks and Lamas’ Greatest Mind Altering Chants,” Alexandria explained, “What are you doing here?”.

    “Well, I’m searching for a new job after the world tree Yggdrasil was cut down this past weekend by a Brazilian logging conglomerate that was given permission by Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro to do so,” Ratatoskr washed down the nut with a bottle of Amazon Rainwater.

    “So what do you want with me?” Alexandria inquired.

    “Well, I’m here to serve as your new spirit guide,” Ratatoskr grinned, “Your Silva Method instructor sent me. He figured you might need a new one since the leprechaun who had been assigned to you got sodomized by some guy dressed as a rainbow at the recent Queens NY Saint Pat’s For All Parade that was held this past Saint David’s Day. He’s now undergoing treatment for PTSD.”

    Meanwhile in an abandoned mine in Cornwall, a Cerberus clone was keeping a close eye on Set’s pots of gold.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday March 9th
    2020.

    Permalink 8 Comments

    Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

    January 29, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

    Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

    Pan Goatee was enjoying an egg salad sub sandwich that he had bought from the Subway in the local shopping mall food court.

    When he had finished the sandwich, he was going to buy himself a dozen Subway cookies for $6.

    Just then an ugly looking female member of the ISIS Islamic State went up to the Subway with her detonation belt.

    Goatee quickly beheaded the ugly looking creature before she could do any damage.

    Although she had already caused a great deal of damage to the aesthetic environment with her ugliness.

    Goatee then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

    Rats recently released from the 1971 American horror film Willard in a repertory theatre then ate the ugly looking female suicide bomber.

    They then vomited in nearby washrooms.

    Goatee received a text message from the demon goat Krampus.

    Krampus told Goatee that he had recently developed an allergy to the musical melody of the Johann Strauss waltz The Blue Danube whenever it was played.

    “Wow, what a bummer,” Goatee stated sympathetically.

    . . .

    Today was the 200th Anniversary of King George III’s death.

    And as such, Hades the god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of King George III a temporary dispensation to leave the Underworld.

    As Cerberus was busy licking up the salt remains of Lot’s wife at the entrance/exit to the Underworld, the English poets Robert Southey and Lord Byron both stood there weeping at the cave of Hades/Sheol as they watched the late King George III of England leave (albeit only for a day).

    Southey and Byron were not weeping over the late George III’s temporary absence but over the fact that both poets were wrong over their respective visions of judgment of King George III’s soul.

    For George III had not entered heaven according to either man’s poetic thesis but was rather still currently spending a lot more time in Purgatory than either poet imagined (since neither Southey nor Byron had believed in Purgatory in their mortal lives).

    The only people who were more upset than Southey or Byron at George III leaving Purgatory were the Puritan founders of America (who were mainly upset by the fact that Purgatory existed).

    Hades and Persephone, after consultation with various devils and fallen angels, had come to the conclusion that the greatest Purgatorial punishment for the Puritans was for the ghost of Hamlet’s father King Hamlet of Denmark to drop by on a daily basis (as they were roasting away on their barbecue spits) and bang his staff (borrowed from Tolkien’s Middle Earth hero Gandalf) and announce to them, “The Bard was right. The Bard was right.” 

    He would then break into his speech that he had once delivered to young Hamlet,

    “I am thy father’s spirit,
    Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
    And for the day confined to fast in fires,
    Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature 
    Are burnt and purged away.”

    And then as ever on a daily basis, Oliver Cromwell was cut up and put into an Irish shepherd’s pie and roasted in the oven.

    Only to be repeated the next day.

    George III spent his 200th deathday watching the impeachment trial of Donald Trump in the U.S. Senate while sitting next to U.S. Chief Justice John Roberts in the Senate chamber.

    “So, this is what Washington and Jefferson and Ben Franklin’s project has come to,” George III laughed as he drank his now tax free ghostly tea rescued from the bottom of Boston Harbour.

    As for Ben Franklin and his friend the English aristocratic rake Sir Francis Dashwood, they no longer found the terms “Members of the Hellfire Club” so funny anymore.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday January 29th
    2020.

    Permalink 33 Comments

    Ghosts of Lenin, Caesar Augustus and Big Julius On A November Evening

    November 7, 2019 at 11:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    Ghosts of Lenin, Caesar Augustus and Big Julius On A November Evening

    Today marked the 102nd anniversary of the Russian Bolshevik Revolution.

    And Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) accompanied by his 3-headed dog Cerberus was being driven in a fire proof chariot through the flames of Tartarus.

    They pulled up alongside the barbecue spit that Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin was roasting away on.

    As Lenin was busy screaming, Hades waved him a cheerful hello.

    “I have great news, Vladimir,” Hades smiled a Pepsodent toothpaste smile, “a group of Hollywood celebrities have asked that I grant you a temporary 24 hour dispensation from Tartarus so that you can attend a Hollywood dinner in your honour to celebrate the 102nd anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.”

    “That’s great,” Lenin acknowledged between his screams.

    As Lenin’s ghost was being temporarily freed from Tartarus, the ghosts of Julius Caesar and Caesar Augustus were already sitting in the Oval Office of the White House.

    “Gentlemen,” Trump helped himself to some Russian caviar, “you’re probably wondering why I asked you to be here with me today. Well as you know those nasty Democrats in Congress are trying to impeach me accusing me of “high crimes and misdemeanours” which is a total lie.
    I’ve never taken drugs and been high in my entire life.”

    “What do you want with us?” The ghost of Caesar Augustus waved aside a plate of mushrooms that Trump offered him recalling a plate of mushrooms that his wife Livia Drusilla once offered him in his mortal life which was the last dish he ever ate.

    “I’m glad you asked,” Trump helped himself to a smoked oyster, “I’m thinking of declaring an end to the Republic and proclaiming myself Emperor of America. So I need your advice. Julius, you thought of making yourself Emperor and ended up being assassinated by a group of Senators on the Capitol steps on the Ides of March. So I try to avoid the Capitol steps these days. Augustus, you actually did make yourself Emperor. So, of course, I’m quite anxious to talk to you.”

    “Why do you want to make yourself Emperor?” Julius asked.

    “Well just on the off chance that I’m impeached and the very off chance I’m found guilty by 2/3 of the Senate at my Senate trial, I can’t be removed from office obviously being the great divine personage that I am. So I’ll have to proclaim myself Emperor so the American people can continue to enjoy my great and unparalleled wisdom for years to come.”

    Julius and Augustus both blinked at the last statement.


    “Just look at the poor quality of people proclaiming themselves Emperor these days.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Thursday November 7th
    2019.

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    New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Attends Baal and Baphomet Cocktail Party

    January 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was spending his Sunday evening attending a cocktail party in honour of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

    The party was being held on one of the top floors of the Empire State Building.

    The party room had an excellent view of the ghost of the very late King Herod of Judea (recently granted a dispensation by Hades to briefly leave the Underworld at the request of Pope Francis) dancing around the spire at the top of One World Trade Center.

    King Herod had bright almost neon bright translucent pink (rather than brown) pieces of ectoplasmic crap that fell out of his anus as it was sodomized by the spire of One World Trade Center while the latest number one hip hop song was played on a cosmic accordion by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus.

    “How delightful!” Andrew Cuomo laughed as he ate a barbequed baby rabbit’s foot and watched the spectacle.

    The governor walked over to the statue of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes where the demon Baal stood in front of the statue carving roast pork and handing it out to party goers on plates.

    Having picked up some roast pork, he then walked over to the statue and fountain of the Greek god Dionysus which showed Dionysus urinating what appeared to be human blood. The blood was in fact a combination of pig’s blood (according to spirit cook Marina Abramovic) and a pinkish style champagne.

    Dionysus urinated the blood on top of the head of his Maenad (female disciple) the Theban princess Agave who was mutilating the body of and ripping off the head of her own son Pentheus.

    The bloody pink champagne cocktail was served out in a glass by the demon Baphomet.

    With glass of pink champagne in one hand and a plate of roast pork in the other, Gov. Cuomo walked over to some of the editors of the New York Times present at the party.

    Not far from Gov. Cuomo stood Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

    He was not here on official business but was on a date with a female Turkish diplomat invited to the party.

    Whitstable was reading on his smart phone about how a Venezuelan hangman executioner had been ripped apart by a blue eyed white wolf and silver eyed black jaguar earlier this week when he attempted to hang the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec for plotting to overthrow Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

    Coincidentally enough, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was herself in an office above this party getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat on behalf of British Intelligence.

    She had decorated herself in temporary (albeit realistic looking) tattoos to lure the Russian diplomat who had a fetish for women with permanent tattoos.

    Whitstable overheard Cuomo introducing the man who would be the next head of the agency overlooking New York State’s entire Hospital, Health Care and Medical Clinic System to the editors of the New York Times.

    Whitstable heard the man speaking with a British accent.

    So he looked up.

    Whitstable gasped.

    The man was the spitting image of the secret Black Museum photo of the real Jack The Ripper that Scotland Yard kept in its archives.

    A photo that Whitstable as an Interpol detective had seen.

    A man who was apparently an Immortal with the ability to shapeshift into a Kraken.

    “Gentlemen, may I present Mr. Jack Locktopus,” Cuomo introduced the new head of the Health Care, Hospital and Medical Clinic Agency to the NYT editors.

    The editors smiled at Cuomo’s choice.

    A fact for which the New York governor took his Baphomet crucifix (personally blessed by the Jesuit priest Father James Martin) out of his pocket and made an upside down Sign of the Cross.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Sunday January 27th
    2019.


    The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec getting ready to assassinate a Russian diplomat.

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    Reblog of A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

    December 22, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

    A vampire novel chapter I wrote this past June that ties in with some recent vampire novel chapters I have written.

    Dracul Van Helsing

    A Three Headed Dog Like Cerberus and The Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated

    Renfield R. Renfield MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds had just received a phone call from his parliamentary Executive Assistant In Charge of Constituency Affairs Mirabella Francesca Franconia the former Spanish flamenco 💃🏻 dancer.

    Senorita Franconia suggested that Renfield come to Tewkesbury in person to help out one of his constituents a middle aged widow by the name of Mrs. Margaret Lewis.

    Mrs. Lewis owned two dogs – a Welsh corgi and a Dachshund- who had recently both become demonically possessed.

    The corgi named Friendly and the Dachshund named Bashful had recently taken to playing around with a Ouija board and as a result of this nefarious new habit, they had both ended up becoming demonically possessed.

    Bashful went from being a Dachshund to becoming a giant spectral wolfhound who was able to bark in a medieval…

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