Morgana and The Horns of Cernunnos

December 29, 2019 at 11:21 pm (Folklore, Horror, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Morgana and The Horns of Cernunnos 

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was very good friends with Cernunnos the horned stag god of the Celts.

For sport, Cernunnos used to take his bow and arrow and hunt those humans who hunted deer for sport.

In the 13th Century in England, the most notorious stag and deer hunter of them all was Lord James Hamish Belfor of the appropriately named Hellreach Castle.

Cernunnos vowed to put an end to this Lord James Hamish Belfor of Hellreach once and for all.

As Lord Belfor was sitting with his fellow hunters celebrating the day’s hunt in The Cyclops Arms Pub, a monk who was a mystic spoke to him, “Did you know that Cernunnos is now hunting for you, oh Lord Belfor of Hellreach?”.

“Who’s Cernunnos?” Asked one of Lord Belfor’s friends who wasn’t very bright (a number of Canadian Prime Ministers in the far distant future would be descended from this questioner’s loins).

“He’s the horned stag god of the Celts, you ninny,” Lord Belfor of Hellreach laughed as he downed yet another pint of cider.

The monk departed the inn just as the Welsh vampiress Morgana entered.

“You know what I’m going to do?” Lord Belfor boasted to his friends, “I’m going to hunt this Cernunnos myself and I swear to the infernal gods below that I shall have this deity’s stag horns hanging on my own castle wall.”

“You fool,” Morgana laughed at him, “You cannot get the horns belonging to a god. Only someone who gives their soul to a devil can do that.”

The lovely vampiress turned and walked out the pub door.

“Then that is what I shall do,” Lord Belfor of Hellreach laughed.

The following night, Lord Belfor summoned Mephistopheles and sold his soul to him in exchange for coming into possession of the horns of Cernunnos.

And so the horns of Cernunnos ended up on the wall of Lord James Hamish Belfor of Hellreach.

The day after that, Lord Belfor was gored to death by a stag.

And so Mephistopheles did not have to wait long to collect his debt.

Of course Cernunnos being a god, his horns grew back.

But someday he vowed to get back his old horns currently on the wall of the Belfor family’s Hellreach Castle.

. . .

During the 1890s, Lord James Hamish Belfor the 13th was in a position to become Prime Minister of Britain.

In fact, he was the favourite of Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm II to become Prime Minister of Britain as the notorious and traitorous lord would be the Kaiser’s puppet.

One fateful day, Lord Belfor 13th of Hellreach would slay 13 stags in a forest not far from Hellreach Castle.

He went home to celebrate.

He also expected to be summoned shortly by Queen Victoria to form a government.

That night, he paid a visit to the nearby Cyclops Arms Pub to boast of his success with the members of the Saint Hubertus Hunting Lodge.

When he returned home, he discovered one light was already on in the castle’s grand hall as he walked through the door:


Lights shone on the horns of Cernunnos as the Welsh vampiress Morgana stood underneath.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Lord Belfor angrily asked Morgana.

Standing on the central staircase of the grand hall was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos who raised his crossbow and fired a poisoned arrow at Lord James Hamish Belfor the 13th.

The dreadful Lord died instantly.

Instead of being summoned by Her Majesty Queen Victoria to form a government, Lord Belfor’s body was measured for a casket in an undertaker’s shop and his soul was carried off to Tartarus by Mephistopheles.

And Cernunnos joined his old horns together with his new ones.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 29th
2019.

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Hades Emergency Meeting

July 29, 2019 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Hades Emergency Meeting

“Ugly looking female teen stoat/ human hybrids grow up to be ugly looking adult female stoat/human hybrids,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded the ugly looking female stoat/human hybrid as she was riding a bicycle down the street.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, the Greek god Hades (who was known as Pluto to the ancient Romans) was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the huge number of repulsive looking spirits that were showing up daily from Calgary to cross the River Styx over to the Underworld.

Said a phlegmatic Phlegyas (who was extra phlegmatic this morning because he had eaten a full English breakfast as opposed to his usual continental breakfast), “We’re having to have orangutans wearing special darkened glass visors (whereby they see the shades of the dead as mere shades) hand out paper bags at the ferry docks for Charon’s boat to any Caucasian female soul arriving from Calgary on the high probability that they’re quite repulsively ugly. They are instructed to put the paper bags over their heads for the crossing across the river Styx. This is to prevent the occurrence of unstoppable vomiting on the part of both Charon the ferryman and Cerberus the 3-headed dog (all of whose 3 heads immediately start vomiting simultaneously) upon seeing the said hideous spirits.”

“Hopefully this will put an end to the problem,” said Hades.

“Until Pan Goatee manages to find the sinister Nazi criminal network responsible for breeding a certain type of brainless male with female walruses, stoats and gargoyles that’s producing these hideous looking hybrids by the thousands in that poor city,” Phlegyas coughed up more phlegm.

Meanwhile on the Caribbean Island of Little Saint James (owned by Jeffrey Epstein), the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc (666 meters tall) was strolling across the island accompanied by a Haitian voodoo high priest Samedi.

Uhluhtc stood on one spot and grunted.

Samedi waved to one of the island employees who no doubt lived on the nearby island of Saint Thomas.

Samedi spoke to the island employee, “The Great Kraken says that while he lived in the depths of the Caribbean, he had a vision of a great Temple that stood on this spot. The Temple was guarded by two small statues of owl wearing goddesses. He wonders what happened to this Temple.”

“It was torn down a while ago,” the employee answered.

Uhluhtc once again grunted.

“What did he say?” The employee inquired.

“He said merde,” Samedi answered.

Meanwhile in New York City, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his hotel room where he was receiving information about much bizarre occurrences occurring across the world the past few days.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had been spotted on a Florida golf course this past weekend drinking a bottle of Dalmore Port Wood Reserve single malt whisky and slaying a bunch of country club Republicans on the golf course with his bow and arrow.

Meanwhile in Vienna, the infernal Underworld centaur Acheronus had been seen killing diplomats with his bow and arrow at various hotels across the city.

In Canada, reports of the ghost of Albert Johnson (the man they called The Mad Trapper of Rat River) had been seen at various locales in Canada.

Johnson (who had killed 3 people) had eluded the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for more than a month in a massive manhunt that stretched across the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory in northern Canada.

Johnson was killed on the Eagle River in Yukon on February 17th 1932.

Johnson’s ghost had been spotted in northern British Columbia, northern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba.

After talking with a psychic friend of his, Whitstable was told that Johnson’s ghost was headed for the town of Lucan Biddulph in southwestern Ontario.

Whitstable was also told by the psychic that the Egyptian god Thoth was currently in the town.

“What the Hell,” Whitstable wondered, “is Thoth doing in Lucan, Ontario?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 29th
2019.

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The Kraken Rises Off Israel

May 25, 2019 at 9:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Kraken Napoleon VI had got an urgent text message on his smart phone.

It was from Miranda the mermaid.

It was imperative that she meet him on the beaches of Tel Aviv, Israel.

“It must be something very important,” the Kraken thought to himself as he watched a TV commercial with the Greek god Poseidon advertising McDonald’s Restaurants current special of fresh Atlantic Fish and Chips.

It was a sad day the Kraken thought to himself when even the Olympians were selling out to American corporate conglomerates.

The Kraken was going to let his wife Medusa know where he was going but she was currently engaged in a leg wrestling match with the Egyptian vampiress Isis on the floor of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.

Their slit skirted and black silk nylon legs wrapped around one another’s throats would have sent the Irish Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg and his Greek Norse fantasy writer friend Hyperion Sturm into sheer frenzy had they walked through the cafe at that moment.

The Kraken decided to text message Medusa the news later.

The Kraken hopped on his skateboard and skateboarded all the way from Paris down to the port city of Marseille.

From Marseille, he planned to swim all the way across the Mediterranean to Tel Aviv to meet with mermaid Miranda.

The Kraken had a slight delay in Marseille when he was attacked by a giant piece of seaweed who tried to eat him.

It was fortunate for the Kraken that he had ordered the Giant Spinach Salad for dinner at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris because the spinach had made him super strong like Popeye the Sailorman.

The Kraken ripped apart the killer seaweed and was able to swim away before the seaweed grew back together again.

After doing 4 simultaneous breast strokes with his 8 arms, the Kraken was soon in sight of the beaches of Tel Aviv.

The Kraken decided to dive underwater and then rise up again in order to make a grand and impressive entrance on to the beach.

He dove and then rose again.

As he rose, he brought up the Russian Navy submarine The Pride of Saint Petersburg (that had been doing surveillance work up and down the coast of Israel) on his head.

Wearing the submarine like a hat on his head, he stepped on to the beach and announced to Miranda the Mermaid that he had arrived.

. . .

A group of tourists were on the beach at Cefalu, Sicily.

Only a week earlier, a young 7-year-old female sperm whale had been found dead on that beach.

Its stomach was full of plastic bags and other plastic objects that had caused her death.

Now the bozo group of tourists on the beach were littering it with plastic bottles, plastic cups and plastic straws after their huge gluttonous picnic and beach party.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos emerged from the hills above the beach carrying his crossbow and poisoned arrows.

The horned stag quickly fired poisoned arrows into the huge crowd of plastic littering bozos killing them all.

The Greek god Ares who had been walking along the beach likewise threw down a huge plastic cup and plastic straw.

Cernunnos fired a poisoned arrow marked MADE IN PARIS into Ares’ Achilles heel.

The Greek god of war fell on to the beach crying out, “I hate it when that happens.”

. . .

Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal would be meeting in the Vatican Gardens today with Medusa’s sisters Sthenno and Euryale.

In the meantime she was performing a sacrifice to Baal in one of the side chapels in the Vatican.

As Allatallahbell was busy sacrificing to Baal, Pope Francis was strolling through the Vatican grounds.

A couple of days earlier, Pope Francis had given a talk to a group of people on one of his favourite topics the God of Surprises.

The God of Surprises always reminded him of the boxes of Cracker Jack popcorn that he bought as a kid which always had a prize inside.

His friend Samhain Cardinal Salaman had just found a shop in Rome which sold Cracker Jack popcorn.

Pope Francis walked through the Vatican contentedly munching on the molasses-flavoured and caramel-coated popcorn which came from the box with the pictures of Sailor Jack and his dog Bingo on it.

He wondered what prize lay for him at the bottom of the box.

What did the god of surprises have in store for him?

With that thought in mind, he walked into the Vatican Gardens where there stood Sthenno and Euryale the sisters of Medusa:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 25th
2019.

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The Mysterious Bavarian Crossbow Murders

May 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was investigating some mysterious murders committed with a crossbow in Bavaria.

The strange deaths happened in a rural hotel near the Bavarian town of Passau.

Two women and a man were found in bed impaled with several arrows.

Whitstable had been brought in to investigate on the off chance that the crossbow killer was the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos in which case such a paranormal killer would fall under Whitstable’s jurisdiction.

Whitstable had just read a text message on his smart phone that satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded the ugly female manager of the store where the homicidally uglocidally incined half-man half-goat did his grocery shopping.

“I can’t believe,” Whitstable shook his head, “that the owners of the store would be so stupid as to hire an ugly looking woman as a manager at the place where Goatee does his grocery shopping.”

Oh well, Whitstable reflected, Calgary cowboys were famous for the fancy spurs on their cowboy boots and their bull legged way of walking not for their brains.

Getting back to the case at hand, Whitstable was not positive that Cernunnos was responsible for the crossbow murders at the hotel in Bavaria.

Cernunnos first appeared on the Interpol radar as a crossbow killer a couple of years ago when he shot and killed a group of wealthy hunters in the United Kingdom who were on an illegal deer hunt.

Then on a freelance mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield last year, Cernunnos had used his crossbow to fire a poisoned arrow into the testicles of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith hadn’t been on the scene to immediately suck the poison out, the Russian leader would have died.

Afterwards Lilith took her blue evening dress to a steam dry laundry cleaner in Moscow which boasted of its superiority to steam dry laundry cleaners in Washington DC.

So far, other than the fact that the murders were done by crossbow, there was little to connect Cernunnos to this particular crime.

. . .

In the corridors of the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was discussing an Israeli government document with another Cardinal.

“Does Netanyahu really intend to go ahead with this?” Salaman asked the other Cardinal.

“Netanyahu thinks he can count on the unqualified support of Donald Trump,” the other Cardinal answered.

Just then, a being who was part man and part deer having a large set of stag horns and antlers on his head and wearing a mask over his eyes came walking down the halls of the Vatican carrying a crossbow and arrow.

The crossbow carrying being with stag horns fired an arrow at the Cardinal standing next to Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

“Oh, I am slain,” the Cardinal said as he keeled over.

“You certainly are,” Cardinal Salaman remarked as the man died in his arms.

The crossbow carrying deer/man ran off as distant pan pipes played the melody Tomorrow Belongs To Me from the musical Cabaret.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 13th
2019.

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Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka, Kraken Tutsokiua and Mother Goddess Gaia

January 26, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka stood on the shores of Upper Waterton Lake in Waterton Lakes National Park in southern Alberta on the Alberta-Montana Canada-U.S. border.

Accompanied by her two spirit wolf protectors, she held in her hand a transparent glowing red apple.

As she held the strange looking fruit in her hands, she spoke to the West Wind (who could not be seen but whose presence could be felt), “The kraken Tutsokiua (Tutsokiua is the Blackfoot First Nations word for “devil” -Editor’s note) has awakened from its sleep at the bottom of this lake where it has slept for the past 5000 years.”

The West Wind stopped in its tracks.

“And it has been giving these supposed apples of knowledge to various people,” Tanaka spoke in a whisper.

The West Wind let out a wild howl to which the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka’s two spirit wolf protectors raised their ears but did not answer in reply.

. . .

A group of wealthy and powerful influential U.S. Republican party figures were out hunting deer on this particular day.

Hunting deer out of season.

As one Republican fired at a doe and her fawn, at the very same instant the spirit of the Mycenaean king Agamemnon let out an anguished cry while roasting on his spit down in Tartarus.

The group of Republicans moved in for a closer look.

To see if the doe had been slain.

As they moved in, they saw the one-eyed Germanic god Wotan standing there.

From a distance, the Celtic horned god Cernunnos (part human and part stag) fired at them with his crossbow.

“Shit,” Wotan cried as he fell backwards with the arrow stuck in his one good eye.

. . .

The Greek god Zeus was in the office of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

On speaker phone for the meeting were Russian President Vladimir Putin, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani and Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

“By the way,” Zeus spoke in the manner of general chit chat, “did you know that the mother goddess Gaia who is the caretaker of earth is in fact not Greek but Lakota Sioux?”.

Gaia is Lakota Sioux.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
January 26th 2019.

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The Camp Fire of Cthulhu: A Poem

November 15, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Cthulhu had recently started fires in northern California
now tired of this particular spectacle
Cthulhu swung around continents and across oceans
Past straits and across seas to the eastern Mediterranean shore
There he noticed Zeus’ Kraken Scion of Apollyon burrowing into tunnels
in the Gaza Strip

The fallen Archangel Samael
The Talmudic angel of death
The Satan mentioned in the Book of Job
(that one time it wasn’t the Satan who is also Lucifer the Devil)
A former angelic prosecuting attorney
and a Prime Minister in the celestial realms of Heaven
turned Transgendered back in 1931
and went to live in Mexico
where he is worshipped as Santa Muerte (the female but really Transgendered Saint Death) the god and deity of drug dealers
and drug gangs throughout the Americas
Recently Samael Satan Santa Muerte took a holiday in Israel
and showed up as a snake in the cracks of the Western Wall
on the Temple Mount
and chased a pigeon trying to eat it

Not one to eat pigeon pie or humble pie
the Celtic stag god Cernunnos went hunting in Europe
he hunted humans and killed them
and made trophies of their heads and drank their blood
and said, “I have seen the future and it’s me.”

-An occultic poem
written by Christopher
Thursday November 15th
2018

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Reblog of La Coco Mojo Trobada

October 14, 2018 at 10:46 pm (Folklore, Literature, Mythology, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , )

David Redpath makes it with a succubus who’s a daughter of Cernunnos the Horned God in Celtic mythology.

As Pope Francis might put it, you can’t keep a good Stang down.

David Redpath

Looking for hidden treasure
in the doing of serious leisure
at the most exotic Coco Mojo bar
As that coral sea
just keeps glistening
in the tropical sun
I’m ordering yet another
mango mojito
whilst listening to Mojo JuJu
singing that native tongue

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Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

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The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire

April 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.

Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:

https://pin.it/gpw5o3ygkufczk

She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.

(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/08/nazi-scientist-eckhart-fromm-and-his-attempt-at-human-genetic-cloning/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/robur-the-conquerer-ii-in-havana/

)

When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.

She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.

So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.

The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.

An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.

The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.

“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”

“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.

“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.

“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.

“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.

“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.

“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.

“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.

“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.

“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th
2018.

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A Stag Party Like No Other

April 17, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

A Stag Party Like No Other

Russian soldiers at a base in Syria were nervous.

They had heard reports that a deer 🦌 stag of all things was massacring Turkish soldiers in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria by standing up on its hind legs and firing a rapidly moving crossbow with poisonous arrows at them.

The arrows would paralyze the soldiers and then take 24 hours for the poison to work to eventually kill them.

In the meantime, the soldiers would die a painfully agonizing death as the organs in their bodies gradually shut down.

The government of Recep Tayyip Erdogan in Ankara tried to keep the deaths secret from the Turkish public.

But someone had hacked into the Turkish television newsfeed and was reporting the deaths live to the Turkish people.

The news reports were read aloud by a talking robot 🤖 who called himself Hans.

The reports would begin with the robot singing (to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song), “I’m Hans Pagan Henderson… that’s me.”

After showing some speeded up video of Turkish soldiers dying a long lasting slow horrible agonizing death, film footage was then shown of the deer stag standing on its hind legs and shooting the soldiers with its rapidly firing cross bow.

As the footage of the stag and its cross bow was being shown, Hans the robot 🤖 sang (also to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song):

Wonderful, wonderful poisoned 🤢 arrow
fired by a beautiful stag
you hit your mark
sends a fiery spark ⚡️
through the body part
a fatal stinging dart 🎯
that sends one screaming “No more”
yet hours ‘til you reach death’s door.

No one was sure who it was that was hacking into the Turkish television feed.

Although there were suspicions.

After Hans’ news broadcasts, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was seen in an elegant armchair by a fireplace holding a glass of cognac and doing an introduction to a TV series he called Forgotten Disney Animated Cartoons.

“On tonight’s episode,” Renfield smiled, “Bambi’s father (killed in an automobile accident) comes back from the dead. The name of the cartoon: Bambi II- Thumper Recites The Necronomicon Resurrection Invocation.”

The Russian base was on edge when a soldier turned on the TV and Thumper was seen reciting a weird invocation in a strange and sinister sounding language.

And then suddenly what sounded like an arrow hit the door of the barracks.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 17th
2018.

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