Cinco de Mayo: 160th Anniversary of The Battle of Puebla

May 5, 2022 at 9:56 pm (History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Today is Cinco de Mayo the 160th Anniversary of the Battle of Puebla that was fought during the Franco-Mexican War in which the Mexican forces of Benito Juarez defeated the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III.

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee celebrated the occasion by beheading an ugly looking stoat looking uglo female who was trying to beat him to the entrance of a 7-Eleven store and cutting her up into 999 trillion pieces.

When he got into the store, he discovered that the demon Krampus had already bought up all the bottles of salsa for Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

A documentary that was never shown on PBS and was directed by the ghost of Orson Welles explained how two vampiresses were involved in the Battle of Puebla on May 5th 1862.

The Paris-based ancient Egyptian vampiress Isis (the wife of Osiris and the mother of Horus) was backing Napoleon III’s French Army.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was backing the Mexican forces loyal to Mexican President Benito Juarez.

Qonzilqointec defeated Isis sending the Egyptian vampiress back to Paris in a huff.

The festive occasion of the 160th Anniversary of Cinco de Mayo was marked in Mexico and various regions of the United States.

The pro-Baal and Moloch child sacrifice loving scumbags of Antifa were spending Cinco de Mayo in Los Angeles California attacking people and police and calling for the deaths of U.S. Supreme Court justices.

The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit sent a giant robotic vaccum cleaner to deal with the scumbags of Antifa.

The vacuum cleaner sprayed the Antifa scumbags with a burning saline solution and then sucked them up in a tube filled with blades that cut up their arms and legs as they went up the tube.

Scumbag politicians like senile old fool Joe Biden, ugly looking witch Nancy Pelosi and California’s Gov. Gavin Newsom (a worshipper of Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of darkness, evil and sorcery to whom human sacrifice was performed. The opposite of his brother Quetzalcoatl who was Qonzilqointec’s godfather) all objected to the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit’s giant robotic vacuum cleaner.

“What’s good enough for little babies isn’t good enough for the scumbags of Antifa,” wicked witch Pelosi shrieked through rivers of flowing red and black mascara.

Pelosi was beheaded by a Mexican-American toddler (whose birthday was today Cinco de Mayo) whose parents had bought him a toy replica of Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete for the occasion.

Others like British concert pianist, musician, singer and songwriter Amadeus Emanon (best friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield) spent Cinco de Mayo by thinking about Mexican contributions to culture, food, the arts and music.

He thought fondly of Mexican-American singer, songwriter and musician Selena Quintanilla.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written Cinco de Mayo
Thursday May 5th

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Peter Whitstable On Cinqo de Mayo

May 5, 2014 at 7:17 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable On Cinco de Mayo

Peter Whitstable the man known as the Fox Mulder of Interpol stood in the streets of Mexico City.

He was observing Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

He was also here to protect the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec from assassination.

Qonzilqointec’s rival the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was going all out to eliminate her rival.

And she thought she’d do it on this anniversary of the Battle of Puebla where the Mexican Army under the leadership of General Ignacio Saragoza Seguin had defeated the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III back in 1862.

Isis had been a staunch ally and supporter of Napoleon III (as she had been of his uncle Napoleon I) and had hoped to be able to rule the world through him.

But the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec’s support of Benito Juarez against Napoleon III’s Hapsburg puppet the Emperor Maximilian of Mexico had upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for the Americas.

And later an upstart Prussian Chancellor named Otto von Bismarck upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for Europe.

Now Isis was going all out to destroy Qonzilqointec because the Aztec vampire princess was an ally of left-wing governments in Latin America such as Cuba and Nicaragua.

And of course Cuba and Nicaragua were allies of Russian President Vladimir Putin whom Isis had vowed to destroy after a Russian nuclear submarine had used a laser death ray to vapourize her husband/brother/lover Osiris’ spaceship when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012 thus dashing her hopes as well as the hopes of adherents of Hopi and Aztec and Mayan prophecies and numerous fans of the Ancient Aliens and Nostradumus TV programs on The History Channel.

Isis in her grief had conveniently forgotten that the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had likewise had his returning spaceship vapourized into non-existence by the same laser death ray by the same Russian nuclear submarine on the same date.

Peter Whitstable looked around for signs of the assassin.

He noticed CIA Agent Bob
Belfor wearing dark sunglasses and a t-shirt that said Support The CIA. Buy Latin American Grown Cannabis.

Whitstable had heard that elements of the CIA were in alliance with the ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

He happened to notice Belfor carrying a hawthorn stake- the kind used to kill vampires and vampiresses.

Whitstable put the Amazon jungle blow dart to his lips.

The dart contained not deadly poison but a tranquilizer with the same effects as a knockout pill dropped in a glass of alcohol.

As Belfor approached the dancing red dress wearing Aztec vampire princess who was dancing with a piñata that looked like Kermit The Frog, Whitstable blew the dart.

Belfor fell to the ground.

The dancing crowd just walked all over him.

Whitstable retreated to a nearby cantina to order himself a well- deserved tequila.

Qonzilqointec lived to dance another day (or night in the case of vampiresses).

And Belfor would wake up with a huge headache.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 5th

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Cinco de Mayo Summer Day In Vancouver

May 6, 2013 at 1:46 am (Personal essays) (, , , , , , , )

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! 


After going to Church this morning, I spent the day on the beach at English Bay where it was a glorious sunshiney day.


Since coming to Vancouver, one thing I’ve noticed while eating in restaurants here is that people often take photos of their lunches and dinners prior to eating them.


It’s a habit that hasn’t really caught on in Edmonton at the time I left it last October.


However it’s probably big elsewhere as it is in Vancouver because this would explain why photos from my Facebook friends from all over the world often have photos of food and drink.


They take photos before they eat or drink what they’re having.


I remember in one Korean restaurant I was in about a week ago, I wondered if the food was going to get cold because there was a group of 20 people sitting at one table.  And everybody was taking a photo of everyone else’s plate of food as well as their own. Nobody started eating until all the photos were taken.


Memo to myself: Remember to eat something before the meal if I’m ever invited to a large group gathering eating out because I might die of starvation by the time everyone finishes taking their smart phone photos of everyone’s dish.


This will probably give rise to the expression “photogenic food”.



Anyways while I was at the beach, there was this guy and girl who sat down on the log next to me and both of them had ice cream cones.


The girl took out her smart phone and was trying to line up the perfect picture to take of her ice cream cone- something difficult to do while holding an ice cream cone in one hand and a smart phone in the other.


Anyways it was a hot summer day on the beach and she was taking so long to take the perfect photo of her ice cream cone (no doubt to upload to her friends on Facebook) that the ice cream cone started to melt.


Pretty soon it was really melting all over the place.


“Oh shoot,” the girl said, “I can’t take a picture of this now. It’s melted all over the place.”


Anyways her boyfriend finally grabbed her smart phone and took a photo of both her and the melted ice cream cone.


An image that will no doubt live in posterity on someone’s Facebook page.


Later in the early evening I went to a bar and had a refreshing drink to cool down.


People who read my vampire novel and my short stories no doubt have noticed that I love making up and telling my own puns.


Anyways the bar was quite busy tonight.


There were 3 bartenders on and they were trying to fill all the drink orders.


Then one girl called out to the other two and said, “Will someone please grab me another Caesar?”.


Note to my American readers: A Caesar is a popular drink up here in Canada. It’s made of vodka and clamato juice (Clamato is a combination of clam and tomato juice- I’ve been told that Clamato juice isn’t so popular in the U.S. and hence a Caesar is a uniquely Canadian drink).


Anyways as soon as this girl said, “Will someone please grab me another Caesar?”, I immediately piped up, “That’s what a Roman general once said when the latest Roman Emperor had just been assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard, will someone please grab me another Caesar?”.


And that dear friends is how I spent my Cinco de Mayo summer day in Vancouver.

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