Heat At The Paris Climate Summit

December 1, 2015 at 8:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Heat At The Paris Climate Summit

The head of French Intelligence was watching a British TV commercial along with Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“This man ate good old fashioned British oatmeal and grew up to be Prime Minister of Great Britain…”

A photo of Sir Winston Churchill is shown on the screen.

“This man did not eat British oatmeal and grew up to be one of the world’s biggest degenerates…”

An image of Renfield R. Renfield is shown on the screen.

Announcer: Which of these two do you want your children to become?

(For more on the background of this commercial, please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/renfields-new-image/ )

“Isn’t Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set?” The head of French Intelligence asked Whitstable.

“He is,” Whitstable nodded.

“That vampire Dracula,” the Head of French Intelligence looked at a 150-year-old police mugshot of Vlad the Impaler, “didn’t he seduce a lot of mortal women back in 19th Century London?”.

“He did,” Whitstable nodded again.

“I hear now that there’s a mortal… a vampire hunter… who seduces beautiful vampiresses… he doesn’t kill them… he slays them another way… he makes wild passionate love to them and they’re never the same again,” the Head of French Intelligence reflected with a look of great admiration on his face.

“Really? I’ve never heard about that,” Whitstable picked up his copy of Everything You’ve Always Wanted To Know About Contemporary Vampire Hunters.

. . .

The Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis looked flushed as she sat in her purple evening dress.

Her husband Osiris had finally got his mojo back thanks to a Vatican Cardinal locating his ancient phallus in the Vatican Archives and thanks to scientific genius Dr. Cadbury Rocher carefully performing surgical reattachment on the millennia old Egyptian deity.

Last night was the first time in over 3 millennia that they had made out.

What a way to start the Paris Climate Change Conference- by heating up the night.

Still, Isis had to admit that her husband wasn’t as good a lover as a mortal that she had once made out with – a vampire hunter.

Isis’ face really flushed bright red when Dracul Van Helsing suddenly walked through the door of the Parisienne cafe she was in.

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her shamrock green evening dress as she plotted climate change conference strategy with Lev Tomi the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

In his mortal life, Lev Tomi had been Leon Trotsky (he had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a hospital room in Mexico City on August 21st 1940 as he lay dying of an ice-axe blow to the head).

As Lev Tomi got up to sign an autograph book for a French Trotskyite, Qonzilqointec’s face suddenly flushed bright red.

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had walked through the door.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 1st
2015.

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Why Atlantis Sank: A Poem

April 11, 2015 at 6:43 pm (Commentary, Folklore, Mythology, News, Poetry, Satire) (, , , , , , )

Why Atlantis Sank: A Poem

An ET in the shape of a praying mantis
landed on the island of Atlantis
and taught the people there
wireless signals in the air
which led them to neglect change of underwear
The land was so overwhelmed by the stink
that the climate started to shrink
and the mountain glaciers melted
and the ground under hail was pelted
and the island finally sank under tsunami at sea
while Atlantean politicians awaited further study.

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday April 11th 2015.

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