Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus

February 24, 2020 at 11:09 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus

Justin entered the mirror.

And felt the wet sand under his feet.

What happened to his shoes and socks he wondered?

The Basilides gnostic god Abraxas had them on his two feet (which were heads of serpents) in another dimension.

Walking through two inter-dimensional portal mirrors on the same night can cause stuff to go missing.

Which was always the noted Australian entertainer Uncle Ernie’s explanation whenever his g-string style jock strap fell off while he was on the stage in his drag queen show and the audience could see what he had (or lack thereof!).

Justin looked at the vampiress who stood before him.

“A little bird tells me that you’re the Countess Draculina the daughter of Count Dracula,” Justin spoke with his usual meandering manner of speaking.

Countess Draculina leaned forward and shouted “Boo!”.

The little hummingbird on Justin’s shoulder flew away.

“I didn’t know there was a full moon tonight,” Justin looked at the full moon and the Scottish castle behind Countess Draculina.

“That is an illusion,” Draculina laughed, “caused by a great searchlight (invented by Nikola Tesla) casting its full moon signal into the air.”

“Will signs and wonders never cease?” Justin used a fine tooth comb to remove gray hairs from his hair.

“Those signs and wonders will soon increase and increase,” Draculina licked the blood off her lips just as an Australian wombat (who was actually Uncle Ernie shapeshifting from another dimension) crawled up and licked the blood off her breasts atop her low-cut gothic attire mini dress.

“And what is the purpose of all these signs and wonders?” Justin asked as he inhaled pot smoke that was being exhaled by a pot smoking Arctic walrus that had just crawled on to the shore from the sea.

The ghost of John Lennon appeared on one of the high towers of the distant Scottish castle and began singing a paraphrased version of one of his old hits, “Imagine all the people worshipping the Antichrist… someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday February 24th
2020.

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Inside Magical Mystery Tour

February 23, 2020 at 11:36 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Inside Magical Mystery Tour 

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was inside his greenhouse.

He was staring at the late Victorian/early Edwardian era antique mirror that stood in the place where his pot smoking and cannabis exhaling desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever had once stood.

A mirror that reflected neither Justin’s image nor the area of the greenhouse around him.

For within its glass was the image of a closed rare and used book store at the intersection of a dark alley and desolate London street at night.

“Where’s my pot smoking cactus plant?” Justin asked, “I thought I was getting a pot smoking cactus plant called Magical Mystery Tour?”.

“Enter the mirror, stupid,” a voice from the bookshop inside the mirror spoke.

“Did you just tell me to enter the mirror?” Justin asked.

“Brilliant deduction,” the voice answered.

Justin walked into the mirror and found himself standing at the corner of desolate street and dark alley in London.

The only thing within his sight was the closed used book store.

Mist which smelled a lot like pot smoke filled the dark London street.

He decided to try to open the door of the closed book store that was called Tezcatlipoca’s Antiquarium and Rare Books.

Sure enough the door opened and a bell above the door rang indicating a customer was entering the shop.

The old shop owner who was a skeleton covered in cob webs looked up from the cob web and dust covered book he was reading called The Brothers Grimm Grimoire.

He got up to greet Justin and his skull fell off.

Whereupon the rest of his bones fell apart as well.

A volume called Old Yale University Alumni fell off one of the book shelves and landed on top of the skull and bones.

Justin walked to the back of the bookstore where he saw a pot of coffee brewing.

The pot of coffee was next to an antique mirror (much like the one in Justin’s greenhouse) except this mirror reflected the book shelves round about as well as Justin’s own image.

A bony finger emerged from inside the mirror and pointed at the coffee pot and an old ceramic cup bearing the image of what looked to be an old Aztec deity.

“Take and drink,” a voice inside the mirror commanded.

Justin poured himself a cup of coffee.

He added cream that he poured from a small statue of the Egyptian cow goddess Hathor.

He added sugar from packets of sugar marked Uncle Ernie’s Sugar Free Sugar that had the inscription at the back Aleister Crowley approved.

He used a skull insignia emblazoned spoon to stir the concoction.

He drank.

Justin then looked at the mirror and saw this image:

Countess Draculina in front of a castle on the West Coast of Scotland

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 23rd
2020.

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Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

October 10, 2019 at 10:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing the Turkish invasion of Syria with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“Well several civilians have been killed and tens of thousands of people have been forced to flee their homes in northern Syria as a result of the megalomaniac Erdogan’s invasion,” Renfield remarked as he carved a turkey to make a turkey sandwich.

“And is the megalomaniac Trump going to do anything about it?” Amadeus asked as he carved a ham to make a ham sandwich.

“No, he’s too worried about impeachment,” Renfield added a sliced peach to his turkey sandwich, “a couple of Eastern European friends of his lawyer Rudy Giuliani were arrested today and charged with campaign finance fraud in making illegal contributions to Trump’s 2016 campaign.”

Some shit hit the fan in the kitchen at that moment.

“I should have known better than to leave the window open with all those geese blowing around in this windstorm,” Renfield closed the window.

“Where is most of the fighting in northern Syria taking place at the moment?” Amadeus asked.

“Around the border towns of Ras al-Ain and Tal Abyad,” Renfield answered.

“And what is the UN doing about it?” Amadeus inquired.

“What the UN always does in these situations,” Renfield acknowledged, “Nothing.”

Athelstan the butler entered the kitchen to make tea, “I understand the UN Security Council held an emergency meeting today to discuss the situation at the request of Britain, France, Germany, Belgium and Poland.”

“Which will just produce nothing but a lot of handwringing,” Renfield noted.

A bunch of severed hands from living dead zombies began ringing the doorbell.

Athelstan went to the door with a can of RAID House and Garden Zombie Killer and started spraying the hands where they dropped like flies.

“I see Erdogan says that he’ll send the 3.6 million refugees that Turkey hosts to Europe if Europe dares to call the Turkish offensive an occupation,” Amadeus added mustard to his ham sandwich.

“Yes, Erdogan seems to have a thing about certain words,” Renfield put cranberries on his turkey, “just like he doesn’t like it when you call what Turkey did to the Armenians in 1915 a genocide.”

“How’s Prince Vlad Dracula doing on the ground in northern Syria?” Amadeus inquired.

“He’s fighting alongside the Kurds,” Renfield bit into his turkey sandwich, “and his daughter the Countess Draculina has joined him along with my personal Army brigade of Gurkhas.”

Countess Draculina: Battling the invading Turkish forces of Recep Tayyip Erdogan

. . .

Pope Francis was at his desk in his Vatican apartment when the phone rang.

It was Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan calling.

“Hello, Frankie old boy,” the Turkish President tried to sound informal, “I hear you deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. Being a Muslim, I too deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. So since we have that in common, I was wondering if you’d like to take part in my coronation when I’m crowned Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire.”

“What was the date you planned for that?” Francis asked.

Erdogan answered.

“Let me check my calendar,” Francis opened his little red notebook with a photo of Chairman Mao on the cover, “Yes, that should be fine.”

A lemon meringue pie was thrown in Francis’ face at that moment just as Swiss Guards outside the apartment shouted that a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit had just entered the papal apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 10th
2019.

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The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna and Lenin’s Death

August 11, 2019 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , )

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna and Lenin’s Death

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna had lost both her father and her brother in the Battle of Warsaw that was fought between August 12th and August 25th 1920.

The battle called by historians The Miracle On The Vistula because it stopped Leon Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army from advancing and conquering Western Europe.

The Red Army had reached all the way to Warsaw and looked to be on the verge of victory at the start of the battle.

But on August 16th 1920, Polish forces commanded by Marshal Josef Pilsudski counterattacked from the south disrupting the Red Army offensive and forced the Red Army eastward and behind the Neman River.

Several more Polish victories saved Poland’s independence and led to a peace treaty between Poland and the Soviet republics of Russia and Ukraine signed on March 18th 1921.

The treaty was known as the Peace of Riga because it was signed in Riga, Latvia.

It put a formal end to the Polish-Soviet War (that was fought from February 14th 1919- March 18th 1921).

As a result of the peace treaty, Poland took control of modern day western Ukraine and modern day western Belarus.

It was a situation that would last until the outbreak of the Second World War in September 1939.

Even though her beloved Polish homeland was saved, Countess Elena Dubrovna never forgave Soviet forces for her father’s and brother’s deaths at the Battle of Warsaw.

She swore that she would personally kill Lenin the head of Soviet Russia.

But how was she, a young woman in her early 20s, going to go all the way to Moscow and get past Lenin’s guards and kill the Russian Soviet leader?

Especially as she wanted to find a way to give him a slow and painful death.

It was New Year’s Day 1924 just shortly after 2 AM and the Soviet leader was heading back to his office after engaging in mild New Year’s celebrations (for the austere almost puritanical Lenin was not much of a party animal).

He stopped when he saw this vision in front of him:

The Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna.

Feeling as if the sun was rising from the south, the usually puritanical Lenin stopped and kissed the woman’s gloved hand.

That was when a sharp object was inserted into Lenin’s head.

This would lead to Lenin’s eventual death from a hemorrhagic stroke on January 21st 1924.
A hemorrhagic stroke is when blood from an artery begins bleeding into the brain. This happens when a weakened blood vessel bursts and bleeds into the surrounding brain. Pressure from the leaked blood damages brain cells and as a result the damaged area is unable to function properly.

It would be a slow painful 20 days for Lenin to die when he finally died on January 21st 1924.

And what was the sharp object inserted into Lenin’s head?

Countess Elena Dubrovna wiped the blood off her fangs.

Encountering the Countess Draculina (daughter of Count Dracula) at Castle Dracula in the Carpathians had been the best thing to ever happen to Elena as far as her mission of revenge went.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday August 11th
2019.

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Countess Draculina On The Feast Day of Saints Peter and Paul

June 29, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Countess Draculina On The Feast Day of Saints Peter and Paul

The Dalai Lama recently found himself in trouble with the small penis male and large dildo lesbian blowhard SJWs (social justice warriors) on Twitter when he said that if his successor was female, she should be attractive.

British news media reached out to British MP Renfield R. Renfield for comment on the Dalai Lama’s remarks since the controversial MP could usually be relied on to make some politically incorrect statement capable of offending feminists and members of the LGBTQ community alike.

Replied Renfield, “Well if the Dalai Lama has a female successor, he probably wants to ensure that she isn’t immediately beheaded by Pan Goatee as soon as she takes office.”

Meanwhile over at the G-20 summit in Osaka Japan the entity known as the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) ensured that no invisible beings (especially those who were spies and secret agents for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) were able to enter the room where Xi and Donald Trump held their closed door meeting.

So Set Enterprises were up “shit creek without a paddle” as far as details of that meeting were concerned.

The only thing known for sure about what went on behind closed doors at that meeting was Xi gave Trump a severed needle from a cactus plant to pass along to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Meanwhile in the City of Calgary, Pan Goatee was getting off a bus when he happened to notice a thin ugly gargoyle (as opposed to your usual fat ugly blimp) walking down the street.

“The Dalai Lama doesn’t want you as his successor,” Pan Goatee commented as he beheaded her.

He then walked in the direction of the Public Library where another thin ugly gargoyle had just exited.

“They must have closed the Aesthetics section of the public library today,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded her.

He then walked around to the other side of a shopping mall and entered.

There sitting in front of a Credit Union was an ugly mid sized cow woman with buck teeth bigger than that of Bugs Bunny.

“The Dalai Lama doesn’t want you as his successor either,” Pan Goatee spoke aloud his Sherlockian deduction as he beheaded the ugly creature, “We’re far past the days of Credit Unions headed by It’s A Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart film characters. Nothing good comes from credit unions anymore.”

He then went to the mall’s food court where he ordered a Vietnamese style submarine sandwich.

After buying half a dozen cans of diet Coke from the Dollar Store, he then exited the mall where he encountered the hideous spectacle of a fat ugly blimp (no doubt who had just come from the pasture where she had been feeding on large quantities of everything).

“Your mama should have told you to worry about your size,” Goatee paraphrased the lyrics of a recent pop song as he beheaded her, “you’re not going to be the successor of the Dalai Lama either.”

Meanwhile over in the City of Rome, Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Interpol agent Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were trying to stop a satanic sacrifice being performed by certain members of the Vatican College of Cardinals who were also members of a satanic cult.

But since they relied on GPS (at Whitstable’s suggestion) rather than a good old fashioned map and/or street atlas to guide them to their destination, they arrived too late to stop the sacrifice.

The satanist Cardinals had already dispersed and were going off to evening tea in Pope Francis’ apartment to discuss the upcoming Amazon Synod that would be held this October.

As Van Helsing and Whitstable walked back to their hotel, they came across the Countess Draculina (vampiress daughter of Count Dracula) kneeling in the moonlight.

“That looks like a full moon bathing Draculina in the moonlight,” Van Helsing commented, “I didn’t think there was a full moon tonight.”

Whitstable consulted his Farmer’s Almanac book (rather than his smart phone) on this topic and replied, “I guess Selene the Greek Titan goddess of the moon is drawing her chariot across the sky tonight and apparently her chariot is full moon shaped.”

Van Helsing and Draculina went to one of Rome’s hilltop gardens that night where they discussed the moon and other things.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 29th
2019.

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Panty Goatee Slays ISI Bigshot While Sherrielock Holmes and Fenrir Meet King Edward VII

February 17, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was enjoying a High Tea of Chai tea and cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches with his friend the concert pianist Amadeus Emanon and the concert pianist’s girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.

They were sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London Mansion.

“So what did the Indian and Iranian governments contact you about yesterday?” Amadeus asked as he helped himself to a dozen cucumber and creamed cheese sandwiches.

Renfield thought he was wise to ask Athelstan the butler to make 200 of those sandwiches.

“Well, the Indian government suspects the Pakistani ISI was behind the suicide bomb attack that killed 44 Indian paramilitary policemen in Kashmir this past Thursday and Iran blames the ISI for the deaths of 27 Revolutionary Guards earlier this week,” Renfield explained as he sipped his tea, “so they asked me to use my contacts to do something about it.”

Meanwhile over in Pakistan, the assistant deputy head of the ISI was off on his morning jog.

Suddenly this vision greeted him:

DARPA cotract assassiness Panty Goatee

“Excuse me, Miss,” the ISI bigshot jogged over to her with a very tiny little miniscule bulge in his jogging pants, “but that t-shirt mini dress you’re wearing is very blasphemous not to mention that your attire in general is very un-Islamic. So I’m going to have to take you in for questioning and (ahem!) other things as well.”

Panty pulled a gun out from underneath her dress and shot the man.

“Ah shit,” the man said as he fell backwards on to the ground.

“I thought you people were supposed to say Allah akbar before you die,” Panty smiled as she slit the man’s throat with a knife she pulled out from under her dress.

. . .


Serena the time traveller and magician’s assistant to Thoth the Egyptian god of time and recordkeeping looked down at Dracul Van Helsing from her wall of clocks.

“What are you looking at?” Serena asked.

“Well,” said Dracul, “it was 100 years ago today on February 17th 1919 that former Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier died. It’s hard to believe that there was ever an honest Federal Liberal politician from Quebec but they still made them as late as Sir Wilfred Laurier.”

. . .

The year was 1907.

And England’s King Edward VII was walking down the street looking for a piece of tail to satisfy his lecherous royal appetite.

Suddenly he spotted Miss Sherrielock Holmes.

“Ah, there’s the delightful twin sister of consulting detective Sherlock Holmes,” Edward VII stroked his beard.

He walked in her direction.

When suddenly there emerged from behind her dress the Norse wolf Fenrir.

“Good Lord, look at the size of that hound,” Edward VII clutched on to his silver wolf’s head walking stick and turned the other direction, “I’ll have to talk to Sherrielock some other day.”

. . .

“Who was that who text messaged you?” Amadeus asked as he was on his 99th cucumber and creamed cheese sandwich.

“Countess Draculina,” Renfield answered, “She fears that her father Count Dracula has been kidnapped by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith for some nefarious purpose so she’s coming over to talk to me.”

The doorbell rang.

Renfield went to answer it.

There at the door stood Countess Draculina.

“Good God!” Renfield exclaimed.

“What’s the matter?” Amadeus asked.

“I’ve got an enormous erection,” Renfield answered.

“You always were one to boast about that,” Angelique remarked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 17th
2019.

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Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes: A Gothic Mythological Private Eye Poem

January 12, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin’ where they all disappeared…
It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane

Those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.

-Jimmy Buffett, August 1977.


The water nymph Ondine in a pre-Raphaelite painting
that Carson Cody Albion Private Eye gazed at on a wall
An immortal made immortal in stroke of brush and mixture on palette

And now he Carson Cody Albion who had been made immortal by Atargatis

Atargatis

would he too someday be immortalized in stroke of brush and mixture of palette
An immortal beyond time and space
captured on canvas in frame occupying a place on a wall
captured in paint by a particular person at a particular time and place
was this why infinity turned in on itself and formed a pair of loops
intersecting at a particular point in time and space?

And what of his painting?
Albion wondered to himself
Could his own sins and transgressions be transferred to his painted visage
As happened to Oscar Wilde’s hero of one Dorian Gray
in the Victorian dandy’s tale of gothic philosophical fiction?

In the same place California but at a different time over 75 years later
Dracul Van Helsing stumbled upon the aftermath of a child sacrifice to Baphomet
presided over by the state’s governor in an act of officially consecrating the state to the demons Baal and Baphomet
As moonbeams danced and sunflowers turned brown in the darkness of night and the crescent of a moon and the bloodbath following a baby’s screams at the hands of a World War II jerry’s insigniaed knife
Baphometa the daughter of Baphomet emerged

clutching her shoulder as if clutching a bloody wound
that was the sole remaining wound of the last vestige of whatever innocence she might have possessed
prior to participating in her first child sacrifice

Oh even daughters of demons stand wounded
when suddenly they come face to face with the dark side of their nature
when given their pedigree, surely the dark side was theirs by nature
but alas even for daughters of demons, darkness embraced and innocence lost
was not and should not be the lot of any of creation
since that dreaded day when the Light-Bearer ascended and became the Bearer of Darkness
An ascent that descended so rapidly
A light that burned so impenetrably it became the blackest of all darkness

Dracul rushed to embrace the distraught Baphometa
Leaving one to wonder could kindness and consolation drive the darkest darkness away?

Back 75 years, the real Ondine stood in front of Carson Cody Albion

Her hair colour had changed since the Pre-Raphaelite artist
had painted her picture in England in the 19th Century
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
What a change that can bring
Switch the time, switch the place
Switch the hair

By a stream of water, the hero in the Pre-Raphaelite painting
had lost the water nymph Ondine
By a fountain of water, Carson Cody Albion had found her

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Even H2O wasn’t the same everywhere
as ice and snow fell into the ocean
Below the cascading castles of clouds

Against a snowy backdrop, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora
stood with her two mastiffs in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania

Facing Interpol agent Peter Whitstable
Whitstable had heard the urban myths and legends and tales of mysterious black eyed children
and now he stood face to face with black eyed dogs
And they stood staring at him
If eyes be the mirror of the soul, then souls these two black eyed mastiffs did not have
But fortunately for Whitstable, he was not their target
The Russian Orthodox monk behind him was
Sent by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow
As an emissary to the Romanian Orthodox Church
to advise them to break communion with Constantinople
But such was not Theodora’s plan
And foolish mortals should not interfere with the best laid plans of vampiresses
Particularly one with black eyed mastiffs at her beck and call

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
From the mountain heights of Romania to the desert sands of Arabia
The Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula

strolling by the stream of the oasis palace of
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman
And she saw the Prince walk by
Book in hand
But the book he carried was not the Quran
But the Zohar
Most pre-eminent text in the Kabbalah

Tantric sex with Baphometa was called for
As Marvin Gaye sang Sexual Healing in the background
Dracul Van Helsing healed her
And Persephone the Queen of the Underworld waited for Dracul at sunset
at an Episcopal monastery in Santa Barbara

From the depths of Hades her husband’s realm
To the heights of Santa Barbara
Definitely changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
As Dracul and the Queen of the Underworld had tantric sex
And the Canadian vampire hunter made a cuckold of Zeus’ infernal brother
A pomegranate was crushed beneath the feet of the pair
And Persephone laughed, “Oh, Dracul,
if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”

-A vampire novel chapter
and gothic mythological
private eye poem
written by Christopher
Saturday January 12th
2019.

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Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

June 24, 2018 at 11:51 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Orson Welles, Atargatis and Athena

Orson Welles ordered his 4th glass of wine 🍷 of the evening.

As he sampled it, he hoped he wasn’t turning into a lush.

Being a lush might be good enough for Sir John Falstaff but it wasn’t good enough for him Orson Welles.

He had too much he wanted to tell the world.

As Welles took another sip of the wine 🍷, he reflected on his failed marriage to Rita Hayworth whom he had formally divorced on November 10th of last year (the current evening in which he sat drinking wine in The Mermaid Wine Bistro and Lounge was June 24th 1948).

What had happened that caused his marriage to go wrong?

Probably many factors Welles thought as he gazed at his reflection in the blood red liquid of the glass.

He reflected back to the time he had considered making his own film version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula – one that he thought would be vastly superior to the 1931 Universal Pictures film version with Bela Lugosi.

Financing for the project had fell through but he had done several screen tests for it.

Including one with a beautiful Romanian brunette woman who interestingly enough called herself Draculina.

During the screen test, Welles who had been reading the role of Jonathan Harker to her playing the role of one of Dracula’s wives was very impressed by her extremely authentic vampiress like performance.

During the test, Draculina had gotten so into character (she must have been an avid student of Russian theatre practitioner Konstantin Stanislavsky), she had leaned over and given Welles a very passionate bite and hickey on the neck.

Unfortunately, Draculina did this just as Rita entered the studio.

That certainly didn’t help the relationship between husband and wife, Welles thought as he finished his glass and ordered a fifth.

The director turned his attention to other matters.

He thought about the peculiar dream he had had last night in which a lobster had appeared to him and communicated with him telepathically.

The lobster explained that his name was Michelangelo and he was a psychic lobster who was communicating with him from London in the year 2018.

Michelangelo explained to him that the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the 1st Babylonian Queen) was intending to destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱 in that year of 2018.

It was at that moment that the phone rang waking Welles from his deep sleep.

It was a wrong number.

“No, this isn’t Floppety’s Flop House,” Welles slammed the receiver down angrily.

Welles finished his 5th glass of wine 🍷 and decided not to order another.

Otherwise he might really turn into a Sir John Falstaff.

He reached for his overcoat and hat.

He then stumbled out into the night and waved down a taxi that would drive him home.

When he arrived and fumbled around in his pocket for the keys to his room, Welles thought about the strange dream.

If this Atargatis woman of the sea was going to try to destroy Israel in 2018, that meant the nation would survive at least another 70 years.

Israeli independence had only been declared by Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion last month and already it was locked into a war of survival with its Arab neighbours.

Why had this psychic crustacean contacted him anyways, Welles wondered?

What could he a man of the theatre do about a Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess planned invasion 70 years down the road?

“Oh Lord, send me wisdom,” Welles prayed aloud as he opened the door to his room.

Standing there waiting for him was Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 24th
2018.

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Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

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