The Montague Hypothesis

August 2, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was conversing via Skype with his best friend Amadeus Emanon.

Amadeus had gone to Australia back in January to help rescue koala bears and kangaroos from the summer wildfires that were rummaging through Australia at the time.

Amadeus got trapped in Australia due to the pandemic.

Occasionally the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship visited Australia but that was to pick up important visitors like Uncle Ernie and fly him to Washington DC and important European capitals and back.

Fatal heart attacks caused by Uncle Ernie’s impromptu drag queen performances to various individuals were listed as deaths by Covid-19 by various National Health Authorities throughout the world.

“So, what has Dr. Marmalade Montague been up to lately?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

Dr. Marmalade Montague was the eccentric Parisienne ex-baker who lost his bakery business during the Covid-19 lockdown earlier this year.

He had shown up at the door of Set Enterprises’ laboratory claiming to be the Court Scientist To The Court of Louis Quatorze who had fallen into a time warp and wound up in the year 2020.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had taken pity on him and gave him a small office (and an even smaller lab) to play around in.

Dr. Montague was positive that he could come up with a cure for or an antidote to Covid-19.

He came up with various eccentric recipes for killing Covid-19.

If Dr. Marmalade Montague had had a Twitter account, his Covid recipe tweets would have probably been retweeted by one Donald Trump @realDonaldTrump .

“He’s come up with the idea that the Covid-19 virus has intelligence and that’s why it’s able to go through so many different manifestations and change itself so many times to confuse antibodies,” Renfield answered.

Amadeus laughed, “I suppose that idea got the usual short shrift from Dr. Cadbury Rocher like always happens when Dr. Marmalade Montague approaches him with one of his many weird ideas.”

“That’s the terrifying thing,” Renfield downed a 75 ounce bottle of whisky in one gulp, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher didn’t make short shrift of this particular Montague hypothesis. He just looked extremely glum and walked on. Then he phoned a WHO representative who promptly dropped dead of a heart attack (without ever having seen an Uncle Ernie drag queen show).”

“That’s a whole new game changer isn’t it?” Amadeus had actually stopped eating while he was on Skype, “A virus with intelligence and an ability to think.”

“It is,” Renfield downed another 75 ounce bottle of whisky in one gulp, “I suppose they might finally break the news to the world after a couple of months of 90% of the world’s population wearing face masks and still no stoppage in the spreading of the virus.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 2nd
2020.

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Origins of May The Fourth

May 4, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Origins of May The Fourth

Back in the mid-1970s as George Lucas was holding auditions for the voice of Darth Vader for his upcoming Star Wars motion picture, among those auditioning for the voice role were writer and actor Truman Capote.

This was the line all audition participants were to speak when auditioning for the Darth Vader voice role, “May the Force be with you.”

Then it came Truman Capote’s turn to audition.

Truman Capote (speaking with his usual fruity lisp): May the fourth be with you.

Thinking that for a galactic villain whose voice was supposed to send chills down audience spines and make their blood run cold, the makers of Star Wars settled for the deep baritone voice of James Earl Jones instead.

However back in the early 2000s, an Australian with the popular nickname of Uncle Ernie found the Truman Capote audition video tape in an old Star Wars lunch box he found in some old cupboards in his backyard unregulated and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing lab.

And a legend was born.

Since that time, May the Fourth became known as International Star Wars Day.

As May the Force Be With You became Truman Capote’s immortal May the Fourth Be With You.

. . .

“Beam me up, Scotty,” William Shatner spoke to his AI automated dispenser of his favourite brand of toilet paper as he sat on his starship throne.

. . .

Meanwhile in the catacombs of Paris, Marmalade Montague the eccentric former baker who had recently proclaimed himself Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze overheard a plot by a group of Grand Orient Lodge Freemasons to turn Notre Dame Cathedral into a New Age Freemasonic Temple.

Said the Grand Orient Lodge master, “I’ve been told by the Divine Falcon Headed Human Body Hybrid Horus himself that a world altering miracle will happen this coming May 14th.”

“That’s the same day Pope Francis told all the religions of the world to pray together isn’t it?” the Lodge secretary inquired.

“It is,” the Grand Orient Lodge master answered.

Marmalade Montague decided he better exit the catacombs before his presence was noted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 4th 
2020.


The Greek goddess Aphrodite pointing downwards at a snake slithering along the floor of one of the Vatican Museum halls.

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Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

April 21, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Folklore, Humour, News, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

In a bakery in Paris 
were posters of the mummy Kharis
Who appeared in 1940s mummy movies 
“Cause Imhotep wasn’t of the jazz Swing era groovies”

The bakery was owned by Marmalade Montague 
At the end of the street or in French “la rue”

Marmalade was an eccentric gent 
And because of the Covid-19 lockdown couldn’t pay the rent 
So into the gutter he was thrown
Getting up, he made a moan 

Inside Marmalade something snapped
opening up a genius untapped 
So into the Paris catacombs he descended 
and ran past ancient pipes all upended 
When he emerged again 
he carried a hen
and wore a silver wig
while his lips munched upon a fig

He was dressed from head to toe in Louis XIV era attire
So it was a good thing that his pants weren’t on fire 
He proclaimed to empty streets 
devoid of all and no words of greets
“I am Marmalade Montague court scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze”
“So I say to you, Paris, open your doors”

But no doors opened and Marmalade Montague went back to the catacombs 
A world of poor reception for many smart phones 
For Marmalade Montague had gone mad
If he had any friends, they might have felt sad 
But as it was Marmalade had gone from good to bad.

And on this April day a legend was born 
In a world that was by a virus torn
No Sacrifice of the Mass was being said 
Masons hoped to make of Notre Dame a temple of lead
And in Rome, the ex-Vicar of Christ was flaming Bolshevik red 

Marmalade Montague had ceased to be a baker 
In his mind he had become a Louis Quatorze court alchemist faker 
And the world would never again be the same
Although the mainstream media would continue to be lame.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 21st 2020.

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