Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

February 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in his neighbourhood food court trying to enjoy his slice of pizza when an ugly looking school girl walked by.

Goatee (who had recently recovered from tennis elbow) thought to himself, “Ugly looking girls grow up to become ugly looking women.”

He grabbed his astral laser machete and said to the little uglo, “What do they teach you in the public school system these days? Obviously no appreciation for beauty.”

He beheaded her and a group of rats then gathered around and ate her.

The rats (brought to life from the 1971 American horror film Willard) then went outside to vomit.

The uglo girl’s older brother was wearing a hockey jersey number sweater for a hockey team and a hockey player that Pan Goatee didn’t like so he beheaded him as well.

He then tried to enjoy the rest of his pizza but then a whole bunch of ugly looking school girls (who looked like they were auditioning for a remake of that horrible early 2010s sit com Ugly Betty which should have been advertised as a horror film called Night of The Aesthetically Challenged Living Dead) entered the food court.

“What the Hell is happening to our public school system?” Goatee expressed the earnest anguish of a concerned citizen and public school system taxpayer as he beheaded the hideously repulsive young uglos, “I blame John Dewey the father of so-called progressive education for this. Since he advocated throwing out the teaching of history, these uglos have no knowledge of the culture of the ancient Greeks where beauty was all important. Because beauty is certainly not important to these young degenerates.”

Rats then came and ate the uglos’ remains and vomited en masse outside.

Goatee then went outside where some idiot with horrendously lousy taste in music seemed quite anxious to share his lousy taste in music with the rest of the world by playing it at full blast on his car loud speaker.

Goatee beheaded the musical Philistine in a dramatic re-enactment of David beheading the original Philistine Goliath after the giant fell to earth over the young shepherd boy’s sling and stone throwing talents.

Goatee put the musical Philistine’s head on a sign at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through adding a surprise feature to the intercom voice that posed the question, “May I take your order please?”.

. . .

“May I take your order please?” The representative of Gilead Sciences Inc. asked the representative from the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit in Wuhan, China.

The PLA member pulled out his gun and blew the Gilead Sciences sales representative to kingdom come.

On Thursday February 6th 2020, the Wuhan Institute of Virology announced that they had applied for a Chinese patent on Gilead’s Remdesevir for treating the novel coronavirus (2019- nCoV) that originated in Wuhan China in late 2019.

Gilead Sciences is a research-based biopharmaceutical company that was started 33 years ago in 1987 and has its international headquarters in Foster City, California.

Among its major investors had been Donald Rumsfeld (who was later to serve as Secretary of Defence under U.S. President George W. Bush).

Gilead is a curious name for a biopharmaceutical company.

For in the Bible in Jeremiah Chapter 8 verse 22, the question is posed, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” and the response is in Jeremiah Chapter 46, verses 2 and 11, “This is the message of The Lord against the Pharaoh Neco… Go up to Gilead and get balm, oh Virgin Daughter of Egypt, but you multiply remedies in vain; here is no healing for you.”

Jeremiah Chapter 22 verse 6 where God calls the house of Judah by the name Gilead, He says, “yet surely I will make thee a wilderness and cities which are not inhabited.”

Today the city of Wuhan China a city of 11 million people (that’s 2 million more in population than the city of New York) looks like a virtual ghost town being in lockdown over the coronavirus.

Why would a biopharmaceutical company call itself Gilead when the Bible says, “There is no balm in Gilead. There is no healing in Gilead.” ?

There is an 1854 hymn by Washington Glass called The Sinner’s Cure which says, “There is balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole” but that was due to a misinterpretation of an earlier hymn by John Newton in 1779 which actually referred to Jesus as a healing balm not Gilead.

Biblically speaking, there is no healing balm in Gilead.

. . .

Cthulhu rises
The coronavirus comes
Death rides a pale horse

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
and a haiku 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 8th
2020.

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Cthulhu and Goat Krampus On The Feast of Stephen: A Gothic Cyberhorror Carol

December 26, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

(to be sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas the 1853 Christmastide carol written by John Mason Neale)

Cthulhu and goat Krampus on the Feast of Stephen
Donald Trump destroyed young girl’s belief in Santa dreamin’
Now Saint Nick’s dark sidekick will to Trump be cruel
And make minced meat out of the toupee wearing fool


Krampus now coming for Donald Trump

Donald Trump will wreck dreams and dreamers in effort to build a wall
to make up for the fact that his dick is really small
Into the demon goat’s bag went he with his tweets a’screamin’
he’ll be taken to a real hot place where all the walls are steamin’
No hope of escape for him you see
Francis wrong and right is Dante
while Hillary switches her broomstick for a donkey

As for Cthulhu that Great Old One, he fell in love with Riana
Indonesian ghost magician who performed for Cowell’s talent panorama
Now her country came under atack by that old Anak Krakatoa
A tsunami created when that old Anakim giant’s volcano overfloweth
Now Cthulhu is really pissed and cannot stand it much longer
He will wrestle with that anakim to see which one is stronger


Cthulhu will do battle with that evil offspring of Nephilim the Anak Krakatau in vengeance for the deaths of the Sacred Riana’s countrymen and women

So Donald Trump now roasts in Hell as old Cerberus rings a bell
and Pavlov drools expecting food in that place where dead do dwell
Hades’ realm has grown quite swell as its global warming times excel
Sacred Riana waits with her ghosts possessing
to see which giant will wind up as salad dressing

The Sacred Riana awaits the outcome of the battle between Cthulhu and the Anak Krakatau

-A Gothic Cyberhorror Carol,
Supernatural Narrative Poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
On The Feast of Stephen
Wednesday December 26th
2018.

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Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem

August 22, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Celebrities, Entertainment, Folklore, Ghost Story, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, Television, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , )

Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem

It was the city proud to be oh so happy and gay
not so the creature now dwelling in the Bay
San Francisco felt a shaking
and it wasn’t earthquaking
It was Cthulhu as mad as Hell
but not at Mel B. or Simon Cowell
Howie Mandel was likewise all right
but Heidi Klum got a fright in the night
A tentacle 🐙 grabbed her leg
and it wasn’t Trump taken down a peg

For Cthulhu was in love with the Sacred Riana
like King King showing Fay Wray his big banana
He was expecting his favourite magician to go all the way
not burnt to ashes like a voodoo doll on a hot summer day

For America had voted Riana out
as Heidi complained of leg pain worse than gout
And now America would pay a very high price
and it wouldn’t be tariffs on chicken fried rice 🍚

A creature from the Lovecraftian Mythos
was with the land of the free extremely cross
No need to worry about Putin, Iran or Kim
For America, Cthulhu now has it in
It will drown in blood
like a raging flood
Fake news or not
but tentacles 🦑 of death shall hit the spot
and of making the land great again, it shall all come to not.

-A comic horror poem
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 22nd
2018.

The Sacred Riana is Cthulhu’s queen
She ascended a fiery wall before commercial break scene
She was crawling up to be crowned the Queen of Hell
from the Beast like creature who at the bottom of the sea 🌊 does dwell

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The Reason Cthulhu Is In California and Trump Gets Advice From Gen. Pinochet’s Ghost On Military Coup

August 7, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Reason Cthulhu Is In California and Trump Gets Advice From Gen. Pinochet’s Ghost On Military Coup

The Times of London sent their top ghostly spectral reporter Belvedere the ghost of the ghost white salamander to San Francisco to interview the Lovecraftian Great Old One god monster Cthulhu who had recently showed up in San Francisco Bay.

Other reporters had tried to interview the beast from the sea 🌊 but they ended up being eaten by the Creature from R’ lyeh (an underwater city in the South Pacific).

On hearing of the number of American mainstream reporters who were eaten by Cthulhu, Donald Trump tweeted, “See even Cthulhu thinks that the media is the enemy of the American people. And he can probably shoot through a hoop a lot better than Lebron James.”

An hour later Melania Trump tweeted, “Cthulhu is an inhuman monster.”

A leading American divorce lawyer then tweeted, “Who wants to grab me first? The Donald or Melania? Call me as Blondie once said.”

Since Belvedere was already a ghost, he didn’t have to worry about being eaten by Cthulhu although that didn’t stop Cthulhu from trying.

Finally in order to shut the pesky ghostly ghost white salamander Belvedere with his annoying questions up, Cthulhu finally broke down and revealed the reason for his trip to California.

“I want to see the Sacred Riana in the quarterfinals of the 2018 America’s Got Talent competition,” Cthulhu explained, “I watched her win the 2017 Asia’s Got Talent competition last year via underwater satellite TV in my cage in R’lyeh. Never have I been so turned on by anyone in hundreds of millions of millennia. I thought all this time I had become totally celibate. Which is why Lovecraft called me the High Priest of the Great Old Ones. He thought I was a Great Old One equivalent of Pope Hildebrand (aka Pope Gregory VII who reigned from April 22nd 1073-May 25th 1085) and thought that since celibacy was good enough for him, it was good enough for all the clergy in the West. I must confess I really didn’t have any sexual feelings until I watched the Sacred Riana in the 2017 Asia’s Got Talent competition.”

“I think you told me way more information than what I actually wanted to know,” Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander turned even whiter than his usual ghostly white self.

The Sacred Riana terrifies Mel B. On America’s Got Talent 2018.

. . .

“Who are you?” Donald Trump asked the ghostly spectral figure of the General who only seemed to speak Spanish, “This is why we need to build a wall. Are you the fellow who put all those Mexican drug dealers’ heads on those spikes in the White House Rose Garden recently? I must admit they helped my morning bowel movement considerably but still I don’t really relish having the crap scared out of me.”

“I am the ghost of Gen. Augusto Pinochet,” the spectre explained in Shakespearean English finally, “confined both day and night to fast in fires 🔥 until the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purged away. Unfortunately for me, that’s going to last from here until eternity.”

“So what are you doing here in the Oval Office then?” Trump asked.

“Hades the Greek god and guardian of the Underworld released me temporarily,” Gen. Pinochet’s ghost explained, “Pope Francis seems to get on Hades’ nerves with all his claims about Hellish Tartarus not existing. Many in the celestial council of small-g gods are starting to think that Hades is falling down on the job. So since Hades dislikes Pope Francis and Pope Francis happens to dislike you, Hades released me to give you advice.”

“Advice on what?” Trump looked in the mirror and wondered if the Chilean military dictator might be able to recommend a good hair product for more natural looking hair colour.

“On how to organize a military coup d’état and seize power just on the off chance the Robert Mueller probe does turn up something and Congress decides to impeach you,” Gen. Pinochet’s ghost explained.

“Beg your pardon, sir,” Lexington the Presidential butler and valet opened the Oval Office door, “but former Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger is on line 1. He has just had a dream about a 1950s Mamie Van Doren 3-D motion picture that he’d like to discuss with you.”

“Is that the one where the movie announcer in the ad trailer for it says She’ll knock both your eyes out?” Trump helped himself to some left over Mexican spicy 🌶 breasts that Lexington had prepared for him this past weekend.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 7th
2018.

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