Reblog of Kraken Skatin’ In Tel Aviv

December 9, 2018 at 9:34 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote over 3 years ago called Kraken Skatin’ In Tel Aviv- featuring two characters who have recently come back into my vampire novel after a long absence- the Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI and Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

Dracul Van Helsing

Kraken Skatin’ In Tel Aviv

The cyborg octopus Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (he had been Italian sanity challenged scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of the cyborg/octopus he had prepared in his lab) stepped on to the shore of Tel Aviv, Israel.

Medusa (the former gorgon who had finally got rid of her snaky hairstyle thanks to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robotic barber that he had invented) walked on water and then on to the shore wearing a beautiful aquamarine blue evening dress.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted an American Southern Baptist minister who was suntanning on the beach, “do you see that beautiful woman who can walk on water?”.

As the Baptist minister wrestled with himself over the most pressing theological question on his mind at the moment- whether or not masturbation was a sin- he failed to take notice of the Kraken who…

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Kraken Skatin’ In Tel Aviv

August 18, 2015 at 7:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Kraken Skatin’ In Tel Aviv

The cyborg octopus Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (he had been Italian sanity challenged scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus prior to uploading his consciousness into the body of the cyborg/octopus he had prepared in his lab) stepped on to the shore of Tel Aviv, Israel.

Medusa (the former gorgon who had finally got rid of her snaky hairstyle thanks to Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robotic barber that he had invented) walked on water and then on to the shore wearing a beautiful aquamarine blue evening dress.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted an American Southern Baptist minister who was suntanning on the beach, “do you see that beautiful woman who can walk on water?”.

As the Baptist minister wrestled with himself over the most pressing theological question on his mind at the moment- whether or not masturbation was a sin- he failed to take notice of the Kraken who was helping himself to an 8 armsload of kosher hot dogs from a kosher hot dogs vendor on the beach.

The protesting kosher hots dog vendor found himself lifted and thrown into the water by one of the Kraken’s robotic metallic hook tentacles.

“What a pain in the ass!” The vendor shouted as the salt water licked the wounds of the spot where the metallic hooked tentacles had grabbed him.

Having eaten and then belched and then scratching his stomach (thankful that he no longer had to wear a belt), the Kraken headed off the beach and off in the direction of downtown Tel Aviv.

“Where are you going?” Medusa floated in the air alongside him.

“Finding myself a skateboard park,” said the Kraken, “I want to learn how to skateboard.”

“Okay,” said Medusa, “I hope you don’t mind if I spend some time shopping in Tel Aviv’s fashion district.”

“No, go ahead,” the Kraken shrugged his tentacles.

Unlike the former Bruce Jenner, Napoleon VI was one guy who didn’t really enjoy shopping for women’s clothing.

Napoleon VI had decided while doing the backstroke across the Mediterranean to go to Tel Aviv to learn to skateboard.

The reason? He felt compelled to go to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem for some reason.

An inner voice told him that there was a cavern underneath the Temple Mount that led to an underground sea deep under the mountain.

This underground sea stretched far and wide and connected with the currently underwater Garden of Eden at the head of the Persian Gulf where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers flow into the sea.

The Kraken resolved to go to Jerusalem, go up the Temple Mount, find the underground cavern leading to the underground sea, swim to the undersea Garden of Eden, strangle the Cherubim sentinels with his robotic metallic hooked tentacles, and use the memory of his martial arts skills to use his 8 arms to do battle with the flaming sword that turned every which way while guarding the Tree of Life.

He would then eat the fruit of the Tree of Life so that he could live forever.

A back-up plan just on the off-chance that the Transhumanist scientific theories he subscribed to that he could make himself immortal by uploading his consciousness into a cyborg/ biological creature hybrid turned out to be wrong.

Of course for a great scientific genius like himself, he knew that was virtually impossible.

Still that one question about ethics in the practice of science on his final year of Undergraduate exams at Cambridge University had really tripped him up.

It blew his chances of getting a perfect score on that test.

So he realized it was better to be safe than dead.

Hence his desire to use the Jerusalem Temple Mount underground corridor to use the underground sea to reach the underwater Garden of Eden and eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life so he could live forever.

Just as California mass murderer Charles Manson believed that the Beatles’ song Helter Skelter was a prophecy of a coming race war in the United States (which may finally be coming true in 2015 thanks to trigger happy cops), so the Kraken Napoleon VI believed that the Beatles’ song An Octopus’ Garden In The Shade was a prophecy of his (the Kraken’s) finding the Garden of Eden under the sea.

So what did any of this have to do with his desire to learn to skateboard?

Well, the thought occurred to him that when he landed on the beaches of Tel Aviv, people might become suspicious if they noticed an 8 armed octopus with robotic metallic hooks on its tentacles walk from Tel Aviv to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

They probably wouldn’t be as suspicious of Medusa now that she no longer sported snakes for curls in her hair.

Of course Medusa being a witch did have the power to glide inches above water and inches above the ground.

Still most Israelis would probably just think she was a woman who had successfully mastered Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s Transcendental Meditation technique of yogic flying, the Kraken reflected, as the Beatles song The Fool On The Hill played from the radio of a Tel Aviv Chinese grocery store he passed on the street.

After all if a rock and roll slut like Madonna could claim to be a practitioner of Kabbalah, then surely an ex-Gorgon could be accepted as a yogic flying adept?

As for himself, the Kraken Napoleon VI figured that if he skateboarded all the way from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem’s Temple Mount, he wouldn’t be mistaken for such an oddity.

The Kraken found a Tel Aviv skateboard park.

The park was instantly cleared of hundreds of skateboarders for some reason when the 8 armed giant cyborg octopus Kraken made his appearance on the concrete.

One long haired heavy metal singer headbanger looking skateboarder who had fallen off his skateboard when the Kraken made his appearance was still lying dazed on the pavement when Napoleon VI pointed one of his cyborg hooked tentacle arms at him, “You.”

“Please,” the skateboarder pleaded, “I gave at the office.”

“And I gave at the sexually transmitted diseases clinic when I was human,” the Kraken shook his head, “I want you to teach me how to skateboard.”

One thing the skateboarder had learned in his young life was when an 8 armed octopus with metallic robotic hooks on his tentacles asks you to teach him how to skateboard, you don’t argue.

Within a couple of hours, the cyborg octopus Kraken had turned into a master skateboarder the same way an expert fisherman who spends his nights alone on a fishing boat turns into a master baiter.

Having completed his lesson, the Kraken grabbed the young headbanger’s skateboard and thanking him for both the lesson and the skateboard, he doffed his Napoleon Bonaparte style hat to him and bid him adieu.

“You’re welcome,” the young skateboarder supposed he should be grateful that he got away with his life intact but still, he reflected, that had been a darn expensive skateboard.

A Hezbollah suicide bomber (who had arrived in Tel Aviv clandestinely by sea on the orders of Barack Obama’s new bosom bum buddies the despotic mullahs of Iran) blew himself up prematurely when he saw the 8 armed cyborg octopus Kraken with metallic robotic hooks on his tentacles skate by on his skateboard that bore the image of reggae singer Bob Marley.

The Islamist terrorist was thus the only casualty of his premature detonation.

The skateboarding Kraken caught up with the beautiful Medusa just as she was leaving one of Tel Aviv’s most exclusive ladies’ fashion stores.

She was carrying dozens of shopping bags.

“Here carry these for me, will you,” she threw the shopping bags into the Kraken’s 8 arms as she started to glide above the ground.

“Me?” The Kraken almost fell off his skateboard under the weight of all those shopping bags.

“Well,” Medusa reached into her Gucci purse and brought out a compact mirror and hairbrush and started brushing her lovely snakeless hair, “you’ve got 8 arms, I’ve only got two.”

“How am I suppose to maneuver on this skateboard carrying all these bags all the way to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem?” The Kraken demanded to know.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to manage,” Medusa pressed her fingers to her lips in thoughtful contemplation, “I wonder if I should pick up a few extra pairs of pantyhose?”.

“I hope we don’t get spotted by any other Krakens on the way there,” Napoleon VI sighed, “otherwise they’re going to think I’m a real sissy.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
August 1st to 17th
2015.

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Cthulhu Reborn

July 15, 2015 at 7:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Cthulhu Reborn

“When the stars align, Cthulhu will rise again to resume his dominion over the Earth, ushering in an age of unfrenzied abandon. Humankind will be “free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and reveling and killing in joy.”

-Transhumanist Mark Dery
celebrating the rise of H.P. Lovecraft’s
Cosmic Monster

“Release the Kraken!”

-Zeus, The Clash of The Titans, 1981

“What happened to an Englishman in the South Pacific the day the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima was revealed in a poem.”

-Diablos Nocturna,
MI-6 Specialist in
investigating the role
of the occult, the paranormal
and the supernatural
in Geopolitics and International
Relations

Here is the poem:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/cthulhu-a-poem/

“All good tales have a sequel.”

-Some Hollywood movie producer counting his box office profits after the release of yet another summer blockbuster.

Cthulhu Reborn: A Poem

It was a beautiful day on the South Pacific
a day three friends thought terrific
but as they talked and sailed about
eating buns and sauerkraut
the Kraken followed Medusa who could now walk on water
much to the amazement of a totally lost sea otter
Then Medusa dived beneath the waves
having lost her snake hair, she was fair to gaze
So love-smitten Kraken followed her down
and when he couldn’t find her, he wore a frown
Then he saw a red dragon at the bottom of the sea
a dragon with buried heart at wounded knee
And the dragon approached and the two merged into one
a merger that darkened the light of the sun
Transhumanist’s dreams and humanity’s nightmare had begun.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday July 15th 2015.

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Medusa and The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

June 24, 2015 at 8:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Medusa And The Cyborg Octopus

In his London lab
as he bandaged his scab
Dr. Cadbury Rocher had heard of the death of a friend
It seemed that Rome’s Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had met his end
or so the Italian tabloids claimed
of his death no one blamed
He just simply disappeared
but in Rome no one cheered
or for that matter even cried
over the fact he may have died.
For the Romans by nature are an apathetic lot
and they’re like this without even smoking pot.

Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had gone down to his lab on the Isle of Capri
there by the shores of the Tyrrhenian Sea
over a spot where Emperor Tiberius once practiced sodomy
His departing words, from a big bottle I’ll unleash the genie.

And then he was never heard from again
though truth be told, tentacles were coming from his rear end.
A large bottle with a ship inside was found floating near a nearby shore
and a brave Capri fisherman said, I’ll open this door.

He uncorked the top off the bottle
and found himself in a deadly throttle
for a Kraken had emerged from inside the ship
and with a hooked tentacle pierced the fisherman’s lip.

(For more on the origins of this Cyborg Octopus Kraken, please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/the-cyborg-octopus-a-poem/

)

Then the talking cyborg octopus Kraken
found the hot Capri sun a trifle bakin’
and so he headed deeper out to sea
where cool ocean breeze caressed him tenderly.

O Isle of Capri!
So much history!
Ancient and modern!
Much is forgotten!

Napoleon conquered you in September 1806
But the British played an oceanic game of pick-up sticks
They ousted the French from you the following May
and no replaced non as an expression for nay!

The French reconquered Capri in 1808
and Napoleon’s ego became insufferably great
They remained there until 1815 when Napoleon met his Waterloo
and Bonaparte rule of Europe was finally through.

So on that Capri day there went out to sea
on a day that will be remembered in future history
the Kraken who called himself Napoleon the Sixth
a Kraken who had once been confined to the mists of myth.

Meanwhile Dr. Cadbury Rocher had in his lab Medusa’s body and head
A long lab table was now the lamented ex-Gorgon’s bed
She had been retrieved from her burial place by a metallic robot
who answered to the long forgotten Biblical name of Tobit
for you see robots do not turn to stone
plus they have a built-in smart phone
so Tobit found Medusa and brought her here to Dr. Rocher’s London lab
calling the doctor who left the restaurant leaving Renfield with the tab.

Rocher called in his robot he called Edward Scissorhands
named after the Johnny Depp character with scissors for hands
The robotic barber cut Medusa’s hair of snakes
plus removed from her scalp a few dandruff flakes

He added to the scalp Rocher’s Instant Hair Growth Formula
whose sale was scheduled for marketing in California
And lovely flowing red lockets appeared
Her body was reattached to her head once feared.

He then brought in a fashion designer from House of Chanel
because he thought Medusa should give up clothing from Hell
And the Chanel designer fitted her with a Phoenician purple dress
A Vidal Sassoon stylist made sure her hair wasn’t a mess.

And thus a new Medusa was born
one whose heart was no longer forlorn
For she was now a great raving beauty
no longer a feminazi whose face resembled her booty.

And then Rocher sailed the red haired slit skirted purple dress fair Medusa to Normandy’s shore
which was the start of Der Fuhrer Hitler’s downfall Churchill had swore.

And as the lovely Medusa stood there on the beach
she soon found hooked tentacles within her reach
but no harm would come to her
for the Kraken adored her
He had found true love at last
too bad his many arms had hooks of brass.

And so on this Nativity of Saint John The Baptist
Greek myth and Napoleon’s legacy met and kissed
for the Corsican name Napoleon
was Italian equivalent of Greek Apollyon
His name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon
infinitely more powerful than the genie of Aladdin.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel
chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 24th
2015.

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The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

June 18, 2015 at 7:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

It was an octopus
with metallic hooks for tentacles
and could squeeze the life out of you
and puncture you at the same time
a stitch in time does not save nine
as it had killed 9 people today
as it slithered and made its way.

It had been an octopus once caught
in a net coldly fraught
cast by a mind
not hard to find
a mind thoroughly pragmatic and calculating
scientific progress at all cost was for him the thing
for him to achieve this, he’d stop at nothing.

He caught the octopus and went to the lab
for him beetles four were just not fab
he fed the radioactive Egyptian scarabs to the octopus
and let cosmic nature take its course for this.

The octopus became stronger
yes, not much longer
Then he filled the lab with temperatures cold
so this octopus would not be growing old
Then attached the robotic hooks to the tentacles
while silently laughed a god of pentacles.

And the dying from a fatal disease mad doctor then uploaded his consciousness into the beast
and then emerged from the tank prowling to see on whom he could feast.

Napoleon VI the talking cyborg octopus called himself
A name he chose having helped himself to bits of the Little Corporal’s brains on the shelf.

And so on this 200th Anniversary of Waterloo
the state of the human race will soon be through
As Napoleon VI rises from the depths of the very deep and encircles the globe
not having read the encyclical on Climate Change written by Rome’s bishop in white robe.

-A horror poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 18th
2015 on
The 200th Anniversary
of Napoleon’s defeat
at the Battle of Waterloo.

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