Cyborg Sophia On The Hunt For Nostradamus

January 28, 2017 at 12:23 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The red-headed cyborg Sophia had been created by the FSB’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who used to work for the East German Stasi) several years ago.

She had served as a personal bodyguard to Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Then Putin had given her as a gift to the rogue private entrepreneur intelligence officer Renfield R. Renfield of London’s Set Enterprises for services rendered to the Russian state.

A couple of years later Renfield had turned around and sold Sophia back to Putin for a substantially large sum of money.

Sophia was once again acting as a bodyguard to Putin.

Last night after she had done a major philharmonic recital on President Putin’s instrument, the Russian leader informed her that he was sending her on a secret mission to Paris.

She was to buy a painting (allegedly painted by Nostradamus) at a private art gallery in Paris. She was to get there before a couple of operatives hired by Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka got there to buy the painting.

“What’s so important about getting that painting?” The Cyborg Sophia asked as she wiped a creamy white substance off her lips.

Said Putin as he put on a new pair of white jockey briefs, “The painting allegedly gives the exact date of an Islamist attack on the Vatican in Rome that will happen this year. If we can get the painting and find out the date, an elite Russian special forces division will be there on that date to defeat the Muslim invaders.”

“Do you mean to say that when Donald Trump takes office, he’ll do nothing to stop the attacks?” Sophia looked surprised.

“No,” Putin shook his head, “he’s still pissed at the fact that Pope Francis seemed to favour Bernie Sanders in last year’s Presidential election.”

“Who are the two operatives hired by Ivanka Trump to get the Nostradamus painting?” Sophia asked.

Putin smiled, “One is Dashwood Forrest the famous London dandy and the other is Mulligan the not so famous Irish zombie.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Renfield’s Idea For The Return of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

December 31, 2014 at 5:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Idea For The Return of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

Renfield angrily threw down his copy of The U.S. Senate Report on CIA Torture In Interrogations that he had just finished reading.

“What a bunch of wimps, wusses, pussies and pansies the CIA actually are,” Renfield remarked, “it’s a wonder they found out any information at all using such namby pamby methods.”

“No wonder they eventually brought you in as a consultant for you to show them how it’s done,” Amadeus commented without looking up from the book he was reading.

“That’s very true,” Renfield grinned.

Amadeus yawned.

“I of course expect to be knighted by the Queen for my efforts in battling Islamist terrorism this year,” Renfield stuck his chest out.

“Well don’t hold your breath,” Amadeus flipped a page, “otherwise you’ll die for lack of oxygen.”

“The boss is still ticked about his top scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher now working for his archenemy and rival Isis,” Renfield decided to change the subject.

“No, Set Enterprises hasn’t been the same without Dr. Rocher,” Amadeus agreed.

“Of course what brought about the rift was the $2 billion that was slashed from Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s laboratory research budget,” Renfield noted.

“That’s right,” Amadeus helped himself to a stick of black licorice.

“But as you know I recently sold the cyborg Sophia back to Vladimir Putin (which he gave me as a gift a few years ago) for the handy sum of $7 billion U.S. thus making myself a nice $7 billion profit,” Renfield smiled.

“Yes, you’ve endlessly droned on about it for almost the past month,” Amadeus flipped another page of his book.

“Anyhow,” Renfield went on, ” in order to make the boss happy, I’ve decided to give $2 billion of that to the Set Enterprises laboratories’ research budget in order to make Dr. Cadbury Rocher happy and bring him back to work for the Boss again.”

“Your generosity exceeds that of the redeemed Ebenezer Scrooge,” Amadeus took a sip of his eggnog.

Renfield, totally obvious to the fact that Amadeus had discovered the art of sarcasm a few months ago, replied with a wide grin, “I know. Dr. Cadbury Rocher won’t be able to refuse my $2 billion offer. As Ron Jeremy once said, ‘Walk softly and carry a big stick’.”

“That wasn’t Ron Jeremy,” Amadeus looked up from his book on Lives Of The U.S. Presidents, “that was Teddy Roosevelt.”

“Teddy Roosevelt was a porn star?” Renfield sounded genuinely shocked.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 22nd
2014.

Permalink 4 Comments

Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg

November 27, 2014 at 8:21 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg

Amdeus Emanon was in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

Renfield R. Renfield was in the mansion’s broadcast and recording studio and satellite and computer monitoring room.

Amadeus was on his iPad.

He was watching a web cast show that Renfield was doing live from the broadcast room.

After Renfield discovered that actor Alec Baldwin was doing his own web cast show from the back of a New York City taxicab giving relationship advice to unsuspecting couples, Renfield decided to do his own web cast show in which he interviewed the spouses of well known celebrities.

Amadeus looked at the time.

It looked like Renfield’s very first web cast show with his very first guest was about to start.

. . .

“So,” Renfield beamed at the camera as his guest appeared on the satellite TV screen in the studio, “we’re proud to have as our first guest… Mrs. Bill Cosby. Nice to have you with us today, Camille.”

“Good to be here, Mr. Renfield,” Mrs. Cosby smiled.

“So,” Renfield asked his first question, “what’s it like being the wife of a serial rapist?”.

The interview came to an abrupt end far far sooner than Renfield had anticipated.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin getting a blow job from his bodyguard the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.

Putin had been missing his blow jobs for quite a long time recently.

After all being a despotic ruler was quite a strenuous and stressful job.

He used to get good blow jobs from his former bodyguard the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.

But back in August of this year, Svetlana Kireeva had been abducted by persons unknown in Munich, Bavaria.

She was now being held in an MI-6 interrogation center in London.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Vladimir Putin received a call on his personal phone from Renfield R. Renfield.

Several years ago, Renfield had been given the Russian built cyborg Sophia as a gift from Vladimir Putin.

Sophia had originally been created back in September 2010 by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.

(For background on the creation of the red headed female cyborg Sophia please read:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/doing-molochs-work.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sex-and-cyborgs-and-politics.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/renfield-finds-interesting-photo.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/tea-with-renfield-and-dr-nicht.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/amadeus-meets-sophia.html?m=1

)

In the phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, Renfield said he’d sell back the cyborg Sophia to Putin for the sum of $7 billion U. S.

Putin sighed.

Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was never able to create another cyborg as sexually pleasurable as the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.

And Putin also missed Svetlana Kireeva’s breathtakingly ecstatic Midnight Serenades played so lovingly on his instrument by her delicately sensual and exquisitely luscious red lips.

Putin was also tiring of using a saxophone as a substitute sex doll on his own personal instrument (which he had been doing since August).

So Putin seized the property of some poor snook Russian oligarch whom he suddenly accused of treason and then using the back-door money laundering operations of several major Western banks (to avoid the sanctions the West had imposed on Russia over the war in Ukraine), he
paid the $7 billion to Renfield.

In doing so, Putin was totally oblivious to the fact that it had been Renfield R. Renfield who had abducted Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from an antique store in Munich, Bavaria in the first place.

And that it had also been Renfield who was the anonymous seller on eBay who had sold Putin some antique Bavarian beer mugs (that the Russian leader had been looking for) back in August.

Renfield had stolen the antique beer mugs from Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva in the first place (she had purchased them for her boss Putin) when he had abducted her from the antique store in Munich Bavaria.

Read all about it here:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2014/08/renfield-puts-ad-on-ebay.html?m=1

It was quite a relief to Putin when Sophia arrived in Moscow.

(Renfield had sent Putin the cyborg within 24 hours of receiving the $7 billion U.S. in his personal numbered Swiss bank account).

Putin had positively gorged himself on receiving Sophia’s blow jobs.

Plus Sophia had also saved Putin’s life from a CIA trained koala bear assassin who had tried to assassinate him at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane Australia on the evening of November 15th to 16th of this year (a preliminary investigation of the incident by the Russian FSB had determined that the assassin was a koala bear personally trained by American CIA agent Bob Belfor).

For more on the cyborg Sophia’s saving of Vladimir Putin’s life, read here:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/of-androids-and-koalas/

Putin decided to add to his pleasure by putting on a video as Sophia blew him.

The video he put on was an exclusive FSB filmed video (for Putin’s eyes only) of professional Russian Army soldiers serving as “volunteers” in eastern Ukraine using a BUK surface-to-air missile to shoot down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 back on July 17th 2014.

As the video showed debris falling from the sky and bodies dropping to the ground, Putin came with the full force of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD.

“Oh, what sweet and joyful ecstasy!” Putin screamed.

Sophia started choking.

That was quite a mouthful for her to swallow.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Friday November 21st
to
Wednesday November 26th
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

The Coppertop Were-Zomb-ire

October 10, 2011 at 9:13 pm (TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

As Renfield sat looking depressed over the dead body of his most recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire, the redheaded cyborg Sophia entered the Set Enterprises lab wearing a tight fitting red mini dress, red silk nylons and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

She was followed by Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. as well as a TV camera crew.

“What are you doing here?” Renfield asked the sexy and sultry cyborg.

“I’m here to shoot a TV commercial about your dead creation the Were-Zomb-ire,” Sophia answered, “my recording manager Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell figures it will help my music career.”

“Oh great,” Renfield threw up his hands, “first someone posted a blog entry about my creation the Were-Zomb-ire’s death at Xanga a site no one cares about (except for C.S. Lewis wannabes with a fetish for boobs and non-butterfly little read unpopular Malaysian bloggers who don’t have a fetish for boobs) and now you’re going to broadcast my failure to the entire world.”

“That’s right,” Sophia adjusted her nylons and then smiled for the camera.

“Hit it,” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave her the thumbs up.

“I’m sitting here with colossal failure Renfield R, Renfield,” Sophia smiled engagingly, “whose recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire a creature part werewolf, part zombie and part vampire was killed shortly after it was created. Mr. Renfield, what are your plans for the future?”.

“Well, I’ve been offered the position of Secretary of State in a second Obama Administration for after the next U.S. election….” Renfield tried to smile.

“Let’s try fitting your Were-Zomb-ire with a Duracell battery shall we?” Sophia cuts open the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach with a butcher knife and then inserts a Duracell battery and then stitches together the incision with thread and then delivers an electrical charge to the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach.

The Were-Zomb-ire then rises to life again.

“Duracell the Coppertop Battery,” Sophia smiles at the camera, “the battery recommended and used by most professional mad scientists.”

The Were-Zomb-ire then tears the door off the Set Enterprises lab and sets off to terrorize the City of London.

Amadeus Emanon enters through the now non-existent door of the Set Enterprises lab licking a maple walnut chocolate ice cream cone and remarking, “Hey Renfield, I noticed your Were-Zomb-ire came back to life and just stepped on the Energizer Bunny. It’s no longer going and going…”

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Cyborg Goes Beserk Over Cupcakes

July 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield picked up the phone when it rang.

“Colossal London mansion of billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set,” Renfield answered, “This is Renfield R. Renfield Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises speaking.”

“Is Mr. Set in?” an exasperated voice asked.

“I’m sorry,” Renfield replied, “seeing as how it is still daylight, Mr. Set is currently napping in his sarcophagus.”

“Are you the one in charge then?” the exasperated voice asked.

“I am,” Renfield answered.

“Well, this is the Blue Bell Bakery calling,” said the exasperated voice, “just to let you know that Mr. Set’s cyborg Sophia is going beserk with the cupcakes in this place. She’s eating them all and the more she eats the more she goes on a sugar high and the crazier she becomes.”

“I’ll be right there,” Renfield put the phone down, “hm. Eating that many cupcakes is surely the sign of an addiction. And an addiction is a weakness in my opinion.” He finished eating his 99th tuna fish sandwich of the morning and ran to the door.

Amadeus Emanon followed him- eating his 50th bag of potato chips for the day.

* * *

Later in the Blue Bell Bakery, the short skirted redhead Cyborg Sophia was dancing on top of the counter in her spiked stiletto heels and singing, “Friday. Friday. Gotta get down on Friday.”

“But it’s Monday,” Amadeus pointed at the calendar.

“Just another manic Monday,” Sophia kicked up her heels and did a juggling routine with the few remaining cupcakes in the Blue Bell Bakery.

Renfield fired a tranquilizer dart at the Cyborg.

She collapsed on the counter.

“Who’s going to pay for the damages?” the Blue Bell Bakery owner demanded to know.

Renfield fired a tranquilizer dart at him as well.

“Okay,” Renfield threw the short skirted Cyborg over his shoulder, “let’s get out of here.”

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment