Countess Draculina Beats Up Alexander Lukashenko

August 16, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko sat at his desk completely baffled.

People were actually protesting against his benevolent and beneficent rule with which he had been governing the country for the past 26 years.

Since 1994 he had been Belarus’ “Great and Beloved Leader” (his own humble description of himself).

Last Sunday he had been re-elected in a “landslide victory”.

His own handpicked Central Election Commission said he had won with 80.1% of the vote while his closest opponent Svetlana Tikhanovskaya had won a mere 10.12% of the vote.

Yet his opponent Miss Tikhanovskaya had the nerve to accuse him of cheating and rigging the results.

How dare she?

Why the ghost of the late Chicago Democratic Party Mayor Richard J. Daley had been released from Tartarus in the realm of Hades at Lukashenko’s request to oversee the distribution and counting of ballots.

Were they going to accuse a leading U.S. Democratic Party politician like Mayor Daley of vote fraud and rigging elections?

His opponent Svetlana Tikhanovskaya had fled to Lithuania this past Monday after having been detained for several hours for daring to dispute the election results.

Why to top it all off, he President Lukashenko had to pay his riot police overtime for tear gassing and cracking the heads of protestors for protesting and disputing the election results.

He had also had to pay his security forces overtime for arresting, detaining and torturing protestors (and other people who just happened to be on the street at that time).

This had been a bad week for him, Lukashenko thought as he emptied a bottle of vodka all by himself, in what should have been an otherwise celebratory occasion.

The Belarussian President turned on the television.

His satellite television dish picked up RTE which was Ireland’s national public television and radio broadcaster.

“Yesterday a cow was seen emerging from the sea at County Donegal’s Bunbeg Beach,” the RTE announcer noted as video of the incident was played in the background, “We sent our reporter Guinness O’ Murphy to investigate”.

Guinness O’ Murphy appeared with a glass of Guinness hanging from one ear and a glass of Murphy’s hanging from the other.

Said Guinness O’ Murphy, “I talked to Yaldabaoth the famous Irish leprechaun who explained the mystery of why the cow emerged from the sea.”

“Daisy was stoned out of her mind, she was,” Yaldabaoth noted as he calmly smoked his wee pipe, “She had stolen a marijuana smoking cactus plant from the estate of the U-2 singer Bono yesterday and spent three hours inhaling the smoke that the wee cactus exhaled. When she finished, she jumped into the sea. I followed her but ever since I froze my arse off swimming across the Bering Strait from Siberia to Alaska, my swimming skills are not what they used to be. She emerged from the sea startling a whole bunch of bystanders and onlookers here on Donegal’s Bunbeg Beach. So Donegal has now gone from the Fighting Prince of Donegal to the Swimming Cow of Donegal. Disney should really make a movie about this.”

“How weird can you get,” Lukashenko thought to himself as he turned off the TV and turned on his smart phone GPS app so he could find his way back to his bedroom.

Lukashenko’s GPS app led him to the Presidential Palace’s crypt instead of his bedroom and standing outside the crypt was the vampiress Countess Draculina who was the daughter of Count Dracula:

“Who are you and what are you doing?” Lukashenko demanded to know.

“I’m Countess Draculina and I’m here to beat you up,” Draculina answered.

She then beat the living daylights out of Lukashenko.

And as night fell over Lukashenko, she flew out into the night.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 16th
2020.

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Miracle On The Vistula

August 15, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Education, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Battle of Warsaw (1920) was fought from August 12th 1920 to August 25th 1920 between the Polish National Army and Leon Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army.

Poland was on the verge of defeat in the Polish-Soviet War at the start of the battle.

But somehow the Polish Army under the command of Marshal Josef Pilsudski managed to regroup, repulse and defeat the Red Army in what Russian Bolshevik leader Vladimir Lenin called “an enormous defeat” for his forces.

The politician and diplomat Edgar Vincent regards the 1920 Battle of Warsaw as one of the most important battles in world history on his expanded list of history’s most decisive battles since the Polish victory over the Soviets halted the spread of Communism further westwards into Europe.

Had the Soviets taken Poland, nothing would have stopped their march into Germany (which had a shattered economy and a thorougly routed and demoralized army) and then France (whose army was wartorn and weary from 4 gruelling and bloody years of trench warfare in the First World War).

All of Western Europe would have probably fallen to Communism and then Lenin and Trotsky would have set their eyes across the English Channel towards Britain.

And the only one on the British isles who would have sounded the alarm about imminent danger would have been Winston Churchill while most of Britain’s stodgy old politicians doted along and would have proposed a Royal Commission task force to study the subject.

At the start of the Soviet-Polish War, the Bolshevik Lenin’s speeches asserted that the Bolshevik Revolution would be carried to Western Europe on the bayonets of Russian soldiers and that the shortest route to Berlin and Paris lay through Warsaw.

The battle turned for the Poles when Marshal Pilsudski launched a counteroffensive on Soviet forces from the south of Warsaw moving north and then trapping the Soviet forces in an encirclement.

However some have cited supernatural intervention as the reason for the victory.

Diaries from many present at the battle reported that the Virgin Mary appeared to Polish troops on the banks of the Vistula River on August 15th which is the Feast of the Assumption Into Heaven of the Blessed Virgin Mary and spoke words of encouragement.

August 15th 1920.

100 years ago today.

. . .

Pope Francis was in a video conference call with George Soros, Bill Gates, U-2 singer Bono (who sat at his desk immensely pleased with the very unusual cactus plant he had just received in the mail from Australia) and American economist Jeffrey Sachs to discuss their continuing plans for a Marxist One World Government.

Pope Francis noted, “One hundred years ago today the cause of global Marxism suffered a serious setback. And many other setbacks as well over the years. Today, we’ll finally push the cause of global Marxism forward with the Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus helping us.”

“Jesus Christ!” Bono shouted.

“This is a private meeting not a public audience,” Pope Francis admonished as he wagged his finger at the Irish singer via video, “There’s no need to mention that name here.”

“No, a cow just jumped in through my study window and ran off with my cactus plant between her teeth!” Bono exclaimed in a great state of agitation.

“Daisy! Daisy!” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun briefly appeared on video and ran after the cow as she headed down the road off the Bono estate.

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump was speaking to his British butler and valet, “I was just reading in the Monthly Moon which is the monthly newspaper in the small town of Smallville, Kansas… speaking of which I wonder why Clark Kent who lives in Kansas City, Kansas (shouldn’t that be called Metropolis?) hasn’t answered any of the thousands of emails I’ve sent him hour by hour inviting him to have dinner with me?.”

“I have no idea, sir,” Lexington answered.

“The NSA tells me he’s forwarded a few of them to the Irish-Jewish science-fiction writer George Finneganburg for some reason,” Trump scratched his head and yellow artificial dandruff fell out, “Anyways getting back to the Monthly Moon article, they were quoting British MP Renfield R. Renfield… I wonder why the Monthly Moon and other smaller independent news outlets are the only ones to quote Renfield. None of the big mainstream news media does. Not even Fox News. And Fox News is ostensibly supposed to be anti-Communist unlike the other big news outlets.”

“I have no idea again, sir,” Lexington sighed.

“Anyways, Renfield said in the article, “It’s rather frightening to think that the only person standing in the way of a Communist Neo-Bolshevik takeover of America is a non-altruistic non-empathetic narcissist who fancies himself a 21st Century Caesar and a Neo-Roman Emperor.” Now Lexington,” Trump scratched his head again leading to further golden artificial dandruff falling on the Rubicon Rubik’s Cube on Trump’s desk, “who is he talking about? Do you know any individual who fits that description?”.

“Of course not, sir,” Lexington replied as he helped Trump on with his toga and his laurel leaf crown.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 15th
2020.

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Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama GrassesĀ 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the landĀ 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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