Syrian Presidential Election Announced

April 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Syrian Presidential Election Announced

British Prime Minister David Cameron sat wondering what the Hell on earth had happened to the parliamentary envoy he had sent to Russia last week- Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley (although Cameron didn’t know that the man was a werewolf) who had been sent over to Moscow for secret diplomatic talks with Russian President Vladimir Putin on the Ukraine crisis.

The man Magog had just vanished on the streets of Moscow a week ago and hadn’t been seen since.

. . .

It was announced at a meeting of the Syrian Parliament in Damascus that a Presidential election in Syria would be held on June 3rd of this year.

As the announcement was made, the Syro-Phoenician Vampiress Astarte sat in Parliament and listened.

She immediately checked the messages on her smart phone and noticed that the U.S. was already condemning the election as a “parody of democracy”.

She smiled.

The Russian government had already been saying the same thing for weeks about the planned Ukrainian Presidential election set for May 25th of this year.

She licked her lips and her vampiric fangs delicately and exquisitely.

All was going according to plan.

. . .

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont was in her exclusive London apartment.

The Vampiress who was a songstress and an actress now made her career performing live on stage in theatrical productions and musicals in the theatre district of West London.

She held in her hand a message delivered by courier that was from a Park Avenue billionaire in New York City.

The billionaire had offered her $500,000 U. S. if she would sing for him at a private recital for him and a group of friends in his Park Avenue penthouse apartment next week.

Despite the high fee he was offering, she felt an extreme queasiness and unease at accepting.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 21st
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Werewolf On The Road To Damascus Part 2

November 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Magog Rhys Petley was meeting with Syrian President Bashar Assad in the Presidential Palace in Damascus.

“Mr. President,” Rhys Petley pulled a letter from out of his pocket, “I’m here to give you a highly confidential message from the British government…”

“First, I must tell you there are no human rights violations or mass killings going on in Syria,” Bashar Assad wagged his finger at Magog Rhys Petley.

Outside could be heard the sounds of machine gun fire and the voices of men, women and children screaming in unison, “I’ve been shot… I’ve just been shot…”

Suddenly the Syro-Phoenician vampiress Astarte appeared from behind the curtains wearing only a see-through black silk lingerie nightie and did a quiet dance for Magog Rhys Petley’s viewing pleasure.

Magog Rhys Petley felt a huge erection coming on.

Not to mention the fact that whenever he was sexually aroused, he turned into a werewolf.

Within seconds, Rhys Petley had grown fur and was crawling around on all fours and snarling and growling.

“A werewolf,” President Assad screamed, “the British government has sent a werewolf to kill me.”

Quickly Assad’s Presidential bodyguard formed a circle around him to protect him from said werewolf.

*      *    *

BBC News Announcer: This just in.  The Arab news service al-Jazeera is reporting that the Syrian government is making the bizarre claim that British Intelligence sent a werewolf to kill Syrian President Bashar Assad.

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Lunar Vampire In Iran and Werewolf On The Road To Damascus

November 16, 2011 at 9:39 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Interpol’s paranormal investigator Peter Whitstable was having a glass of wine with vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a Paris cafe.

“So Dracul, did you hear about Renfield R. Renfield stealing a classified document from CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia?” Whitstable asked.

“I did,” Van Helsing nodded.

“And are you aware of the contents of that document?” Whitstable inquired.

“It relates how the Apollo 11 astronauts found a vampire in suspended animation in a coffin on the moon and were ordered by NASA to bring the coffin and vampire back to Earth,” Van Helsing answered.

“Do you know what ever became of that vampire?” Whitstable wanted to know, “no one seems to know.”

“Well it was aroused from its state of suspended animation and escaped and fled to Iran,” Van Helsing replied.

“Iran?” Whitstable’s ears perked up, “what happened to it there?”.

“It or he if you prefer now serves as an advisor to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,” Van Helsing stated.

“To Ahmadinejad?” Whistable’s jaw dropped.

“Yes, Ahmadinejad believes this vampire is the Imam Mahdi,” Van Helsing sipped his wine and gazed through the cafe window at the Eiffel Tower.

“The Twelfth Imam of Shia prophecy?” Whitstable blinked.

“That’s right,” Van Helsing noticed the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec standing in a red dress on the Eiffel Tower.

“And what does this vampire posing as the Imam Mahdi want?” Whitstable downed the rest of his wine in a single gulp.

“Nuclear war against Israel and the U.S.,” Van Helsing answered.

“Good Lord,” Whitstable whispered.

* * *

Welsh werewolf Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was attending an art show at an exclusive art gallery in London.

Rhys Petley often attended these functions- as an MP he was of course immediately let in- but he did not attend because he was an art connoisseur.

Rather he attended because of the free wine and cheese served at these functions.

Magog Rhys Petley loved wine and cheese.

But he didn’t like paying for them.

As Rhys Petley entered the gallery’s exclusive entrance he passed a lone Occupy London protestor holding up a sign outside the gallery saying “We are the 1%.”

Inside the gallery, Rhys Petley felt an arm on his shoulder.

He turned and was surprised to see that it was Charles Prince of Wales holding a glass of wine and a slice of cheese.

What was Prince Charles doing greeting him?

He Magog Rhys Petley was a staunch republican and rabid anti-monarchist.

“Magog,” the Prince smiled.

“Er… your Highness,” Rhys Petley blurted, “congratulations on your 63rd birthday.”

Prince Charles had just turned 63 this past Monday November 14th.

“Don’t remind me of my age,” the Prince shook his head, “if I was a common man, I could look forward to retirement in another couple of years.”

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown-in-waiting,” Rhys Petley nodded sympathetically.

“I’ve kept abreast of your activities this year, you know,” Charles helped himself to a smoked oyster on a cracker, “your meeting with Silvio Berlusconi on a British trade mission to Italy, your going to Cairo to ask then Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak to immediately step down before any protestors were killed and your going to Libya to ask Col. Muammar Gaddafi to step down and leave Libya to prevent civil war.”

“All those missions were failures,” noted Magog Rhys Petley who failed to grab an oyster on a cracker before the French maid looking waitress carrying the tray walked away.

“But to succeed at failure,” Prince Charles smiled, “surely that’s a success of sorts?”.

“I suppose if you put it that way it is,” Rhys Petley agreed.

“Anyways I was wondering if you’d undertake a mission for me on behalf of the British government,” Charles reached for a strawberry underneath the small statue of Diana of the Ephesians, “a mission where I hope you’ll succeed. I want you to go to Damascus and ask Syrian President Bashar Assad to step down before any more of his countrymen are killed. Tell him to go into exile in Iran.”

“Um….” Magog Rhys Petley didn’t know what to say so he finally said, “Okay.”

He looked at the prince and then noticed the curious juxtaposition of the statue of Diana of the Ephesians against the background of an oil painting of a Paris tunnel.

He noticed Diana’s statue seemed to be urinating champagne on the prince just as Camilla came over to greet the duo.

To be continued.

Permalink Leave a Comment