Renfield Comes Across 1950s Sherrielock Shakespearian Erotic Film

November 11, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Arts, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes: Good with an axe as well as a paddle and a whip

British MP Renfield R. Renfield decided to take a break from fighting George Soros, Bill and Melinda Gates, World Economic Forum Chairman Karl Schwab, Pope Francis and the ongoing Neo-Bolshevik Revolution in the United States.

He fired off an email to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson who had just recognized Joe Biden as President-elect of the United States.

Solely on the basis that the AP Associated Press had declared so this past Saturday November 7th and numerous mainstream Marxist media outlets had followed suit.

Renfield’s email asked Boris Johnson, “How does it feel to be an idiot?”.

He then read an email from a friend of his who had sent him a link to a YouTube video.

The video was of a 1950s erotic film that had apparently starred world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Sherrielock Holmes was the twin sister of world-famous London consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

In the 1890s, she had become immortal after eating a particularly powerful Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom.

Not looking a day over 30 (even though she was in her 40s when she ate the mushroom), she had married French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who it was later dscovered was in fact the illegitimate son of Prof. James Moriarty who was her brother Sherlock’s mortal enemy).

She and Louis Rocher had several children.

Louis Rocher, who served in the RAF during World War I, was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed by a couple of Canadian pilots.

One of Sherrielock’s descendants was her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was Set Enterprises’ chief scientist.

Having both Holmes and Moriarty blood in his veins, Dr. Cadbury Rocher often alternated between good and evil during his distinguished career as a mad scientist.

The film was called Shakespearian Sherrielock and was shot in black and white as of course were many movies back in the 1950s.

The film began with this scene:

Sherrielock was busy examining an axe as the estate’s chief servant Hemlock the Dwarf stood on the house stairs looking at her.

Hemlock the Dwarf: Thou lookest like thou art about to choppeth off someone’s head.

Sherrielock: Aye, Hemlock, I am.

Hemlock the Dwarf: I hear the Lady Anne Boleyn, late Queen of England, lost her fair head on this May fair morning.

Sherrielock: Aye, that she did. Her blood now soaketh the pavement of the Tower of London where no fair flowers bloometh.

Hemlock: Who art thou thinking of beheading this morning?

(The dwarf did ask as he approached her)

Sherrielock (raising her axe above the dwarf): The one who gave the hemlock to my favourite horse Socrates.

Hemlock (terrified): Mistress, thou knowest? Let me explain. It was only because thou didst love that horse more than me.

But Hemlock had run out of explanations for his head became separated from his neck by the cutting edge of Sherrielock’s axe and it did roll on to the floor.

Sherrielock (ringing a bell): Maid, come cleaneth up this mess.

Later that night, Sherrielock sat on her bed and waited for Hans Falstaffson the Courier to show up.

Hans Falstaffson the Courier (played by actor Orson Welles) shows up.

Renfield, enjoying the movie so far as he ate his popcorn, said, “Wow, I never knew Welles ever appeared in a 1950s erotic soft porn film.”

“Hans, thou art late,” Sherrielock admonished him.

“My lady, I do apologize,” Hans Falstaffson bowed.

Sherrielock: For thy errant tardiness, I must spank thee on the bare bottom with this sturdy paddle.

Falstaffson (bowing): Very well, my lady.

(Orson as Hans Falstaffson takes off all his clothes)

“Oh God,” Renfield shields his eyes, “I’ll never be able to get that image out of my mind.”

Sherrielock sits on the bed and straightens and smooths the skirt of her dress as Welles’ Falstaffson approaches and lies across her lap waiting to receive his punishment.

Welles who had chosen to use the Stanislavski method in the making of this film would undergo the same gruelling paddling on his backside as that of his character Hans Falstaffson the Courier.

Thus Welles’ and Falstaffson’s screams merged and echoed as one as the character/actor’s buttocks turned as crimson red as a lobster flambe or the ripest of all tomatoes while Sherrielock vigourously administered the spanking.

100 of the best.

100 of the worst.

It was the best of times.

It was the worst of times.

When the spanking was over, Sherrielock held Welles/Falstaffson’s head against her most ample and delightful bosom and comforted him.

Sherrielock (gently stroking his hair): Art thou happy that I spanked thee?

Welles/Falstaffson (nodding): Aye, my lady. My bottom stingeth like the scorpion in the noonday sun.

And as everybody knows who was on YouTube today, the system crashed at 7:13 PM U.S. Eastern Standard Time Wednesday November 11th 2020.

“Shit,” Renfield exclaimed as the video konked out at this most dramatic moment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 11th
2020.

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Renfield Discusses Lukashenko and U.S. Democratic Party Convention

August 17, 2020 at 11:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a video conversation via Skype with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently in Australia.

Behind Renfield and a little to the left was a London police bobby who was struggling in an Egyptian mummy style plastic bondage suit (that Renfield had borrowed from world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

The bobby had made the mistake of asking Renfield why he wasn’t wearing a mandatory face mask (like the rest of the UK’s slave population) and was about to write him a ticket for it.

Now the bobby’s most pressing concern was how to get out of the Egyptian mummy style plastic bondage suit.

“I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have hired the Countess Draculina to beat the Hell out of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukashenko,” Renfield ate a tuna fish sandwich.

“Why’s that?” Amadeus ate his teriyaki fried rice.

“Well a friend of mine who’s a writer of romance novels commented on the blog of a friend of mine who’s a geopolitical analyst that maybe Lukashenko enjoyed being beaten up by Countess Draculina,” Renfield sipped his sage tea, “I never considered that possibility.”

“Your London bobby friend doesn’t seem to be enjoying that bondage suit he’s wrapped up in,” Amadeus pointed.

“No, he doesn’t,” Renfield briefly glanced over at the bobby before adding a little gin to his sage tea, “You know what the really interesting thing is that back in the 1990s and early 2000s, the Western news media used to refer to Aleksandr Lukashenko as Eastern Europe’s last Stalinist style leader and dictator. Then in the 2010s, they stopped doing that. And now as Lukashenko stands on the precipice of being overthrown by his own people, there’s no mention in the Western news media of how Lukashenko is Eastern Europe’s last Stalinist totalitarian leader.”

“I wonder why that is,” Amadeus started eating his lime sherbet dessert.

“I suspect it’s because the Western news media has become so infected by the virus of Cultural Marxism that they’ve come down with a bad case of Neo-Stalinist pneumonia themselves and are too stupid to realize it,” Renfield answered.

“Wow,” Amadeus opened up his fortune cookie.

“There’s a Belarusian state TV presenter Tatyana Borodkina who hosted the morning show Breakfast For 3 where she would prepare breakfast recipes helped out by her two daughters. But last week she announced her resignation from the program on Facebook because she could “no longer smile out from the TV screen” after this blatantly rigged election. She has since had to flee the country along with her children after receiving threats,” Renfield noted.

Belarusian TV presenter Tatyana Borodkina with her two daughters

“That’s very sad,” Amadeus put down his fortune cookie message that told him to beware of elderly Australian drag queens who wanted to be called Uncle as you sat on his knee.

“Apparently after posting her feelings on social media, an old acquaintance showed up at the popular STV presenter’s door and threatened her. He told Tatyana that Belarus was a wonderful country to live in and asked what she thought she was doing. He told Tatyana that he was warning her nicely but that other people would be coming to her house tomorrow. She then received anonymous threatening messages on her phone that night. So the next day, she packed up and fled to Kiev Ukraine with her children,” Renfield explained.

“That’s awful,” Amadeus put aside the 1000 Year Old Egg that the restaurant proprieter Mr. Inn Lu had brought him.

“It’s rather interesting that the way Lukashenko’s Stalinist state thugs are threatening opponents is being conducted in much the same manner as the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa and BLM are threatening and intimidating anyone they fancy disagrees with them. Prior to the death of George Floyd, most people thought that BLM stands for Black Lives Matter. Now after the death of George Floyd, the intelligent observer now notes that BLM really stands for Burn Loot Murder as they riot and vandalize and commit acts of arson and murder people in what the mainstream U.S. media unashamedly call “peaceful protests”. The combination of severely acute Cultural Marxist virus infection and subsequent Neo-Stalinist pneumonia on the part of the U.S. news media has produced a condition that most forensic coroners call “rigor mortis of the brain”. Sadly there is no known cure.”

“Awful,” Amadeus started to sip his chocolate milkshake.

“I want you to look at an ad Joe Biden is currently running at the U.S. Democratic Virtual Presidential Convention,” Renfield put the video on the screen.

The ad concludes with the words “In Joe Biden’s America, this is your new normal… forced testing, forced masking, forced unemployment, forced vaccinations.”

Amadeus was shocked, “This is the ad that Joe Biden’s team is putting out? As if all that was something positive and worth voting for?”.

“I was informed there was an ad that the Joe Biden Campaign Team had put out that Donald Trump could also use and show on TV for his own advantage,” Renfield explained, “I assume this is the ad unless there’s a worse one than this one out there. I think Biden’s campaign team has spent too much time down in Joe’s basement inhaling smoke from Uncle Joe’s pot smoking desert cactus plant.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 17th
2020.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town

March 7, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town 

Immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (twin sister of the not so-literally immortal detective Sherlock Holmes who is dead and the immortal but extremely young looking great grandmother of Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was sending out quite the positive vibe in the London nightclub lounge she was sitting in.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had already accidentally knocked over the table he was sitting at due to the positive vibe he was getting.

Boyfriends were getting into trouble with their girlfriends and husbands were getting into trouble with their wives due to the vibe they were getting.

“No sign of the Coronavirus here,” a British NHS worker remarked as he stuck his head into the nightclub lounge.

“But never have I seen such a wide spread of satyriasis since the days of the great god Pan,” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson (who had majored in Classics at Oxford) remarked to his NHS guide who was giving him a nighttime tour of how Britain’s NHS was coping with the Coronavirus in London.

Renfield R. Renfield had meanwhile taken a picture of Sherrielock Holmes with his smartphone.

He immediately text messaged Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie with the pic.

Uncle Ernie who was in the shower and checking text messages on his (hopefully for him – water proof!) smartphone immediately broke into a chorus of “I’m having the time of my life, I’ve never felt this way before…”.

“Uncle Ernie is sounding even more exuberant in the shower than his usual exuberant self,” the Australian poet David Redpath’s wife remarked to David.

“He is,” David had to admit.

The sound of one of the bathroom walls coming down around the shower could be heard.

“It looks like we may have to call in carpenters to replace one of the bathroom walls,” David’s wife commented.

David was trying to think to himself what Bob Dylan would write when confronted with such a situation.

Meanwhile back in London, Renfield was approaching Sherrielock Holmes’ table.

“I see you’re happy to see me,” Sherrielock remarked wryly.

“As always,” Renfield commented as he sat down.

“I hear my great grandson Cadbury had to bring back U.S. Vice-President Mike Pence from the brink of death,” Sherrielock sipped her drink.

“Yes, one of the City of London’s leading public relations firms was brought in to cover up that whole Coronavirus hitting the White House fiasco as the Trump Administration doesn’t seem to be doing such a good job of covering up such things themselves,” Renfield ordered a gin and tonic from the waiter.

“I hear Pope Francis has asked Hades to release Asclepius from the Underworld to help the Pontiff recover from Coronavirus,” Sherrielock licked a cherry from her drink which caused many men in the lounge to faint.

“That’s what I’ve heard,” Renfield nodded, “And an ET starship has apparently arrived from the constellation Ophiuchus (“the Serpent Holder”) as well since the Jesuit archivists in the Vatican Library aren’t sure which version of the Asclepius myth is true. Although they universally agree that nothing in the Bible is true.”

“I’ve heard that Pope Francis has cancelled his May 14th date for his Vatican Global Compact On Education Event and moved it to October 15th of this year due to his fears over the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock ordered another drink from the waiter.

“Yes his announcement of the New Humanism (which is really his proclamation that henceforth the belief of the Catholic Church is to be 17th Century Puritan Neo-Arianism and 18th Century Deist Unitarianism) will have to wait a few months,” Renfield sipped his gin and tonic.

“I understand a lot of celebrations of the Mass in the Catholic Church have been cancelled due to the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock took her drink from the waiter.

“And they probably won’t be brought back once Pope Francis proclaims the New Humanism,” Renfield nodded, “In fulfillment of Daniel 12:11 “From the time that the Daily Sacrifice is abolished and the Abomination that causes Desolation is set up, there will be 1290 days.” I ran into Amadeus’ friend Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading exorcist this evening and in his opinion he says that it’s the Daily Sacrifice of the Mass is what restrains the Coming of the Antichrist according to Father Aidan’s interpretation of 2nd Thessalonians 2:6.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Saturday March 7th
2020.

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Dracul Van Helsing and Sherrielock Holmes: The Nymph of The Blue Moon: A Poem

January 9, 2017 at 1:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing Canadian vampire hunter walked the streets of London
Dressed in his Philip Marlowe Private Eye style trenchcoat and fedora hat
that he always wore when he was feeling melancholy and reflective
A fan of 1940s horror, mystery, detective and film noir films
Dressing like Marlowe helped him battle his depression
The knight of Raymond Chandler’s stories
who wore not a suit of shining armour
but a private eye trenchcoat and fedora hat
when rescuing damsels in distress and battling evil and corruption
A 1940s southern California equivalent of the Spanish Don Quixote
representing knightly chivalry and ideas in ages that had long forgotten them

Now it was early January 2017
Donald Trump was about to be inaugurated President
Hillary Clinton was blaming the Russians for her electoral defeat
and satyr serial killing contract assassin Pan Goatee
was putting in excessively long hours of overtime
in his chosen vocation of making the world a more beautiful place to live
The only females who seemed to radiate any class or good taste these days
(and nights) were vampiresses
which made Dracul Van Helsing Vampire Hunter
glad that he didn’t slay vampiresses

Dracul recalled his New Year’s Eve this past stroke of midnight and year change
when he watched beautiful Assyrian women dancing
and so wished he could join them

The day after New Year’s he visited Dulcinea Lucia a gypsy fortune teller in London
to hear his future
“You shall meet an immortal,” Dulcinea Lucia told Dracul, “and you shall fall in love.”

“An immortal?” Dracul asked her, “A vampiress?”
“Not a vampiress,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“One of the goddesses of the ancient world returned to Earth perhaps?’ Dracul asked again.
“Not one of those goddesses,” Dulcinea shook her head.
“Then what sort of immortal?” Dracul asked a third question.
“I’m not sure,” Dulcinea looked puzzled and her crystal ball clouded up with the Cosmic Operator asking for more money.

Dracul declined to pay more and walked out into the wintery London night
He passed the window of a used book store
which had The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes in the window
Dracul loved Sherlock Holmes stories
The great immortal detective
Too bad that immortal didn’t have a sister who was both beautiful and brainy

Then this past evening of January 6th, Dracul had been invited to a masquerade ball
celebrating the 12th Day of Christmas
He decided to dress up as the Phantom of the Opera Erik
since these days and nights he felt as unloved as that poor creature

As he walked down the street in the falling snow, he happened to pass
Alexis Tsipras the Prime Minister of Greece
who was busy rubbing his rear end and screaming,
“My buns! Poor tomatoed buns! Will they ever lose their red rosy colour
in the light of day or the darkness of night?”

“Well, he’s been drinking too much Ouzo this evening,” Dracul thought to himself
Dracul then entered the place where the masquerade ball was being held
He wandered aimlessly through the house
until he entered a room where he saw the nymph of the Blue Moon

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 8th
2016

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