Renfield, A Disembodied Head, A Missing Peace Prize and Welles’ Gatsby MacBeth

January 10, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield, A Disembodied Head, A Missing Peace Prize and Welles’ Gatsby MacBeth

It was evening and British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again on Skype talking to his friend Amadeus Emanon who was in Australia.

Amadeus was part of an international group of volunteers working to rescue koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the wildfires that were currently raging in that country.

“Some fire fighters and rescue volunteers captured some photos of an unusual sight today,” Amadeus mentioned.

“Oh, and what was that?” Renfield asked.

“It was photos of the flaming disembodied head of a Jesuit priest going around setting fire to trees,” Amadeus answered.

“That is a very unique and unusual form of arson,” Renfield used his Sherlockian powers of deductive reasoning to reach that conclusion.

“Angelique,” Amadeus referred to his girlfriend, “captured a video of it.”

Amadeus showed Renfield the video.

As flames of fire came forth from the disembodied head, the Jesuit said, “Survival of the fittest. Jump start the next evolutionary leap. Koalas and kangaroos won’t help the Cosmos evolve towards the Omega Point.”

“Makes you wonder if this Omega Point is worth evolving to,” Renfield commented as he took a swig of whisky.

. . .

The news video clip was of Donald Trump at a campaign event in Toledo, Ohio the night before.

Trump told his supporters, “I’m going to tell you about the Nobel Peace Prize, I’ll tell you about that. I made a deal, I saved a country and I just heard that the head of that country is getting the Nobel Peace Prize for saving the country. I said, ‘What, did I have something to do with it?’. Yeah, but you know, that’s the way it is. As long as we know, that’s all that matters… I saved a big war, I’ve saved a couple of them.”
Trump was stating that he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for ending the war between Ethiopia and Eritrea.

Not Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed, 43, the man who actually ended the war.

The U.S. influence in the peace talks was minimal.

And so Donald Trump was making a whopper of a claim.

Probably the biggest whopper of a claim since then Prime Minister Brian Mulroney of Canada (the biggest most pompous and most arrogant asshole that Canadian politics has ever produced) made the whopper of a claim back in 1990 that he was the man single handedly responsible for the dismantling of the Berlin Wall in Europe and the ending of apartheid in South Africa.

Totally ignoring the efforts of Mikhail Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II in the former event and the efforts of Nelson Mandela and F.W. De Klerk in the other.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with Winston Churchill’s ghost was one of two spirit advisors to Renfield R. Renfield) sat in a comfortable arm chair in the Set Estate mansion in West London sipping a glass of spectral red wine while Set’s cat Nefertiti Galore was dining on smoked oysters and vodka from her cat dish.

The ghost of Orson Welles was contemplating directing a new film- a roaring 1920s version of MacBeth in which MacBeth would appear as a Great Gatsby style figure and Lady MacBeth would come across as an even more narcissistic (than she was in Fitzgerald’s novel) version of Daisy Buchanan- one with severe psychopathic and homicidal tendencies.

Welles imagined MacBeth’s first meeting with the 3 Witches- not on a Scottish heath but in the grand drawing room of an elegant mansion on a colossal Long Island estate.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday January 10th
2020.

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A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago

January 7, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun sat reading the book The Guns of August by historian Barbara W. Tuchman as he was sitting in the lobby of the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

It was a book recommended to him by his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

He had watched an interview last night on BBC America of a BBC World News interview between anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy and his friend Renfield.

Yaldabaoth had text messaged Renfield asking if there were any good books he could read which could enlighten him to the current world situation vis-a-vis Iran and the U.S.

Renfield had replied recommending Tuchman’s book The Guns of August as it could serve as an historical antecedent to the current world situation.

Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom would soon be joining him for dinner.

Meanwhile up at the lobby desk, a very beautiful and very sexy (in Yaldabaoth’s opinion) woman who called herself Dolly Castro was talking to the resort manager.

“Yes, I sent the President a photo of yourself and also what you’re currently wearing and he says he’s very ready to meet you,” the manager said, “but before he invites you to the White House for a one-on-one meeting, he wants to know, since you have the last name of Castro, if you’re at all related to an infamous Castro. ”

The woman frowned.

“So,” the manager asked, paraphrasing Sen. Joe McCarthy, “Are you now or have you ever been related to Julian Castro?”.

Julian Castro was a former candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination who had recently withdrawn from the race. 

He had also served in Barack Obama’s cabinet as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

“No,” Dolly Castro smiled, “I’m not. Nor have I ever been.”

“All right,” the manager smiled, “he’s officially invited you to the White House then. I understand you have a gift you’re bringing him?”.

“Yes,” Dolly smiled, “It’s a new type of Australian harmonica. Invented by a notable Australian eccentric named Uncle Ernie.”

. . .

In the resort’s main dining room, Sophia was discussing with Yaldabaoth a woman named Bella Dodd whom she had met in the U.S. back in the 1950s.

Bella Dodd had been a member of the American Communist Party back in the 1930s and 1940s.

She had converted back to Roman Catholicism in the early 1950s (she had been Catholic in her childhood and her youth) after taking classes from then Monsignor Fulton J. Sheen (a notable Roman Catholic preacher on both radio and television).

Bella Dodd had told Sheen about how she had been given an assignment by Joseph Stalin himself back in the 1930s.

Stalin had a plan to destroy the Catholic Church by getting Communists to infiltrate their seminaries and becoming priests and eventually bishops and hopefully even Cardinals.

Dodd was asked to recruit Communist men for Catholic seminaries in the U.S.

She was told by her Soviet handler to get men who were not only Communist but homosexual as well since men with those sexual proclivities had been found to be very useful to the Communist cause in terms of infiltration and espionage.

Seeing as how Bella Dodd was an extremely attractive woman when she was younger, she should have no trouble determining which potential recruits were indeed homosexual.

A lot of Dodd’s recruits were ordained by Francis Spellman who was Archbishop of New York from 1939 until his death in 1967.

Spellman who was homosexual himself (although not a Communist) needless to say showed a surprising affection for Dodd’s recruits (although he did not know they were Dodd’s recruits).

From Spellman’s patronage, a lot of these homosexual recruits formed a sort of Spellman Apostolic Succession in the U.S. Catholic Church becoming leading priests, bishops and cardinals.

The successors of Spellman’s pink affections for closet reds make up a large proportion of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops today.

A lot of these original Dodd recruits and the men they recruited had sexual proclivities not only gay but in particular a hankering for altar boys and young seminarians.

The most notorious of which was the Communist homosexual Theodore (ex-Cardinal) McCarrick who negotiated the pact signed between the Vatican and Xi’s Communist China that sold out the Underground Catholic Church in China telling those worshippers to place themselves under Xi’s state controlled church.

In addition to selling out China’s underground Catholics, McCarrick also buggered several altar boys and seminarians during the course of his long undistinguished ecclesiastical career.

McCarrick, who had been under Pope Francis’ personal protection, was only finally reprimanded and laicized when his crimes became public.

Of course if you’re a devout Chinese Catholic woman, you’ll earn yourself a very violent slap on the hand from Pope Francis right in public if you wish to discuss the persecution (that Catholics in China are still facing) with the pontiff while you’re waiting in a public audience line.

The next day the so-called Successor of Peter would mention how abhorrent violence against women is.

Yet another example of the Neo-Bolshevik Francis’ “do as I say not as I do” attitude.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday January 7th
2020.


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom had many men ogling her when she visited New York City in the early 1950s.
Save of course for New York’s Francis Cardinal Spellman who was ogling the man directly behind her.

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On Sherlock Holmes’ Birthday: Renfield Discusses Donald Trump, Neo-Bolshevik Cultural Marxism and Soleimani’s Death

January 6, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

On Sherlock Holmes’ Birthday: Renfield Discusses Donald Trump, Neo-Bolshevik Cultural Marxism and Soleimani’s Death

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy on the issues facing the start of the new year.

Seeing as how today January 6th was Sherlock Holmes’ birthday, the MP was wearing a deerstalker cap, a grey and cream coloured plaid raincoat and chewing a curved Dutch style wooden pipe.

Geeta Guru-Murthy: Before we get started on discussing geopolitics, Mr. Renfield, what is your take on last night’s Golden Globe Awards?

Renfield: Well, I didn’t really watch it.
I just saw a few clips of the ceremony. But it does look like Ricky Gervais was letting the bozos and zombies who are the Hollywood celebrities of today have it. Good for him.

Geeta: Anything that particularly caught your attention?

Renfield: Well I notice some airheaded Hollywood bimbo said her career would never have been successful as it was if she hadn’t been allowed to bump off her child. A statement that was met with vigorous applause and cheering by most of the audience.
Gervais noted that he wished the winners would stop talking politics since they really didn’t have anything to contribute to the subject seeing as how most of them have had even less schooling than Greta Thunberg.
Probably a truer statement hasn’t been uttered at a Hollywood awards ceremony in the past 60 years.

Geeta: I notice there was some in the world news media who weren’t comfortable with Gervais’ take. For example Canada’s Toronto Star newspaper had a headline that read Here’s What’s Wrong With Ricky Gervais’ Sneering Golden Globes Monologue.

(Renfield took off his coat, pulled his pants down and picking up a copy of the Toronto Star newspaper put it down the back of his boxer shorts and began scratching)

When he had finished, Renfield remarked, “Here’s what wrong with Canada’s most pre-eminent leftist rag The Toronto Star. It’s not as comfortable as toilet paper.”

Renfield threw the newspaper away.

Geeta (shocked) : Well, that was an interesting insight.

Renfield (pulling his pants up and putting his raincoat back on) : It’s cultural Marxism and what I call Neo-Bolshevism at its worst. The attitudes exemplified by modern Hollywood and the music and entertainment industries as well as most of the news media in the western world. Early 20th Century Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci theorized that the way to victory for world Marxism was in making humanity depraved. Gramsci said, “If you can make a man depraved, then you can make him a slave.” And Hollywood and the modern music, culture, entertainment and media industries have certainly succeeded in making multitudes of men and women depraved throughout the western world. ”

Geeta: So what happens now?

Renfield: Well of course Communism collapsed in the countries of Central and Eastern Europe back in the early 1990s. And some people thought this was the end of Communism. Nothing could have been further from the truth. While the Communists were no longer in control of Central and Eastern European governments, they were quickly taking control of the Roman Catholic Church and the United Nations. In 2013, they finally succeeded in putting a Neo-Bolshevik Jorge Mario Bergoglio in as Pope. Pope Francis.
And the Neo-Bolshevik Francis has been busy signing up other world religions to get behind his one world religion which will be behind the one-world government that the Neo-Bolshevik United Nations hopes to have in place by 2030. ”

“Has not Donald Trump upset their plans?” Geeta asked.

“Yes, it seems to be like the 1930s all over again. The only thing that stood in the way of Communism taking control of all of Europe back then were the rise of Fascists like Hitler and Mussolini. You could call Trump a Neo-Fascist but Trumpian Neo-Fascism is not quite like the Fascism of the 1930s. Trump is not an anti-Semite like Hitler was as can be seen by the fact he has a Jewish son-in-law Jared Kushner and his daughter Ivanka is a convert to Judaism. But one thing Trump does have in common with Hitler and Mussolini is he views himself as an Emperor. Mussolini saw himself as rebuilding the Roman Empire (using the symbol of the Roman Fasces) and Hitler saw himself as a new Germanic Emperor Frederick Barbarossa. Trump is like some of the major bigwigs in the last days of the Roman Republic. A Pompey or a Julius Caesar. Sees himself as divine or a god and feels he should forever be the ruler.”

Geeta: What about taking out Iranian Major-General Qasem Soleimani?

Renfield: He did it solely to save his own political skin. Nancy Pelosi was withholding the articles of impeachment from the Senate so he could have a speedy trial and get acquitted. Thus he needed a distraction. What better distraction than a war? So he ordered the targeted killing of Soleimani.
Interestingly enough he ordered the killing this past January 2nd which happened to be the 865th anniversary of Hitler’s idol Frederick Barbarossa becoming Holy Roman Emperor. Fascinating how important historical dates seem to intertwine with one another.”

Geeta’s bosses who were degenerate Neo-Bolshevik cultural Marxists at the BBC were gesturing for her to end the interview with the politically incorrect Renfield.

Geeta: I see my producer says we’re out of time. Coming up next… (Geeta looked at the teleprompter and gasped) … a special news documentary on the sex life of a raccoon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 6th
2020.


“And the deadly wound of the Beast was healed. And the whole world wondered after the Beast.”

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A Cuban Vampiress At The Mar-a-Lago Resort In Florida

January 5, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Cuban Vampiress At The Mar-a-Lago Resort In Florida

… targeted 52 Iranian sites (representing the 52 American hostages taken by Iran many years ago), some at a very high level & important to Iran & the Iranian culture, and those targets, and Iran itself, WILL BE HIT VERY FAST AND VERY HARD. The USA wants no more threats! 

-Donald J. Trump

This is a war crime. Threatening to target and kill innocent families, women and children- which is what you’re doing by targeting cultural sites- does not make you a “tough guy”. It does not make you “strategic”. It makes you a monster.

-Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Any resemblance between the rants of Adolf Hitler, the Ministry of Propaganda statements of Joseph Goebbels and the tweets of Donald Trump is purely coincidental.

-Renfield R. Renfield MP, British House of Commons

Representatives of the Russian, Chinese, Iranian, North Korean, Venezuelan and Cuban Intelligence services were meeting in Moscow to discuss what those representatives were currently referring to as the “Trump Doctrine”.

The Trump Doctrine in their opinion was this: Anyone whom the U.S. President decided he didn’t like was to be designated a terrorist and would give the American President the legal and moral authority (in the divine Caesar like narcissist’s own opinion) to take him/her out through a targeted killing by any means.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, looking tanned and fit from his recent Costa Rican vacation and waiting for his new marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Magical Mystery Tour to show up from Set Enterprises, did not know that even someone as out to lunch as he was could easily show up on the Trump Doctrine list.

Russia, China, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela and Cuba decided that they had now better act pre-emptively before the Donald’s next pre-emptive action.

And with that in mind a Cuban Intelligence agent the Cuban vampiress Dolly Castro (a vampiress cousin of the Castro brothers Fidel and Raul) was currently waiting in the lobby of the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 5th
2020.

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Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a lounge in a London hotel and discussing the day’s NATO Summit events with his friends Mei-ling Manchu, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“So I see Donald Trump, while he was in a press conference meeting with Angela Merkel this morning,” Amadeus bit into his nut spread and sauerkraut sandwich, “said that Justin Trudeau was “two-faced”. What do you think of that description of the Canadian Prime Minister?”.

“Well, I suppose, since Justin Trudeau occasionally wears blackface,” Renfield answered, “Being “two-faced” might be an accurate description.”

“Doesn’t he also wear brown face and a turban when he’s pretending to be Aladdin’s genie?” Angelique Dumont inquired.

“And a green face when he’s pretending to be a Martian to impress giggling teen-aged pot smoking desert cactus girls?” Mei-ling Manchu added.

“I think Trump was angry because Justin Trudeau made fun of him in what the Canadian Prime Minister thought was a private conversation between himself, Boris Johnson, Emmanuel Macron and the Dutch Prime Minister at last night’s NATO banquet reception hosted by Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, wasn’t he?” Amadeus downed his Earl Grey tea.

“Could be,” Renfield nodded, “although Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger reports that a man wearing blackface and a turban was seen walking on the terrace outside Melania Trump’s bedroom last night. And Harvey said Melania this morning left her room smiling like the Mona Lisa.”

“Like a moth to a flame eh?” Mei-ling quipped in reference to the U.S. First Lady’s fashion faux-pas at the Buckingham Palace reception last night.

“Speaking of flames, is the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever going to be returned to Justin Trudeau?” Amadeus asked.

“Apparently not,” Renfield shook his head, “Set Enterprises is still worried about the threat posed to Strawberry Fields Forever’s life by Xi Jinping’s death edict written in medieval Imperial Mandaran – a scroll that Sydney Australia based billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was able to translate. And security on the Trudeau estate in Ottawa is pretty lax seeing as how it’s overseen by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the pot-smoking sheriff of the mystical hippy commune village of Calypso’s Bosom. Therefore Set Enterprises is moving Strawberry Fields Forever to the safety of a jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. They don’t think that PRC Ministry of State Security operatives will want to freeze their asses off on an assassination mission in Spitsbergen.”

“From what I know of PRC Ministry of State Security operatives, that assessment is probably correct,” Mei-ling Manchu nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 4th
2019.

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NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

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Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

November 29, 2019 at 11:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

“I wonder why Trump spent Thanksgiving in Afghanistan?” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“It was apparently decided at a meeting of the U.S. National Security Council this past Wednesday night,” Renfield explained, “They thought it would be safer for Trump to be in Afghanistan than for him to be dropping turkeys from a dirigible on to the heads of innocent passers-by who were visiting the Lincoln Memorial.”

“Why would hurling turkeys from a dirigible be a problem?” Amadeus asked as he ate his turkey sandwich and drank his Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail.

“You do know turkeys can’t fly, don’t you?” Renfield with a raised eyebrow asked Amadeus.

“They can’t?” Amadeus stopped eating his turkey sandwich momentarily.

“No,” Renfield snarled.

“Oh,” Amadeus answered with his usual brilliant grasp of the situation that would have sent legendary detective Sherlock Holmes hurling himself in exasperation from the 2nd floor window of 221B Baker Street had Amadeus lived with Holmes rather than Watson.

Renfield’s smart phone went off.

The MP talked and then said, “That’s very good news, Dr. Rocher. Thanks for calling.”

“What was Dr. Cadbury Rocher phoning about?” Amadeus asked as he spilled Cranberry Cocktail all over his white shirt.

“Dr. Rocher has been talking to a Sydney Australia based billionaire named Inn Lu the past week,” Renfield said, “According to Inn Lu, yesterday was an auspicious time mathematically speaking for time travellers to travel back in time and time travel back to Xinjiang China a few months ago and save the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered on Xi Jinping’s orders. Unfortunately our two volunteer time travellers the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing couldn’t use the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland because that’s currently undergoing maintenance repairs as a result of the Hindu god Shiva taking disco dance lessons in the tunnel from John Travolta while William Shatner and those members of the Bee Gees who are still alive sang Saturday Night Fever songs backwards. Fortunately Set Enterprises owns a small working time tunnel in the Austrian Alps – the same locale used in the filming of The Sound of Music where ice glaciers and snow fields melted at the melodious voice of Julie Andrews as Maria dancing in the meadows. Dracul and Qonzilqointec had taken a small cactus from the Joshua Tree National Park north of Palm Springs California and substituted it for Strawberry Fields Forever in his holding cell in the re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang only hours after the pot smoking cactus had told his PRC captors “Better dead than red” and Xi Jinping had given the orders for Strawberry Fields Forever’s wish to come true. So it was actually a Palm Springs north socialite cactus who was butchered by Mei-ling Manchu while Ho Babylon Minh video recorded it for Justin Trudeau. Strawberry Fields Forever is now back in the present and currently alive and well while a slice of a wealthy Palm Springs north socialite cactus is now in the possession of Xi Jinping’s gardener.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Amadeus took off his cranberry cocktail laced white shirt just as the matronly middle aged woman who ran the Tewkesbury Bed and Breakfast entered the room.

The sight of Amadeus with his shirt off caused the woman to swoon like a school girl and buckle at the knees and then collapse on to the floor.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Renfield cried out to Amadeus.

“Does this mean we’re not going to get scones and biscuits for high tea?” Amadeus asked.

Meanwhile a Set Enterprises pterodactyl drone flew to Australia to deliver the news to the pot smoking cacti twins Material Girl and Mellow Yellow that their father Strawberry Fields Forever was in fact still alive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 29th
2019.

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Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 27, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

The reclusive Sydney Australia billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was being interviewed by a reporter for America’s Sci-Fi Channel.

“Well, Mr. Lu,” the reporter said, “I don’t know if our audience will believe that you are in fact a time traveler who was once a scientist, inventor and palace court official serving a Ming Dynasty Emperor in Beijing who got caught up in a time warp brought about when scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland had one too many martinis on the job before they started firing up the old inter-dimensional time tunnel and you suddenly found yourself in Sydney Australia in the year 1900. Or that you had developed a potion of immortality before you got caught in the time warp. But the story should be right up their Sci-Fi alley.”

“Always glad to help people find what’s up their alley,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled.

“And is your name really Inn Lu?” The reporter asked, “None of the professors of Medieval Chinese History we talked to found any record of a court official serving in a Ming Dynasty palace court who had the name Inn Lu.”

“My real name is a cosmic top secret,” Mr. Inn Lu continued to smile, “I have not told any Australian Security Intelligence Organization (ASIO) official what my real name is. Otherwise the whole world would know my real name by the next morning since ASIO operatives are such blabber mouths.”

“So how did you get the name Inn Lu?” The Sci-Fi Channel Reporter asked.

“Well when I suddenly found myself transported through time and place from the Ming Dynasty palace court in Beijing to Sydney Australia in the year 1900,” Inn Lu explained, “the first place I wound up was in a washroom in a beer parlour in Sydney. The first person who came through the washroom door at the time I made my cosmic arrival was someone whose name I later discovered was Goliath Rougechemin. When he saw me dressed in my resplendent Ming Dynasty court robes standing in the midst of the beer parlour washroom, he said to me, “How did a person like you come to be in the loo?”. Since I didn’t know English at the time, the only words I caught was “in” and “loo”. That suddenly became my name although I changed it to Inn Lu.”

“And we understand that the recent PRC Ministry of State Security official who defected from Communist China to Australia is hiding in one of your safe houses? The intelligence operative code named Wang Ho?” The Sci-Fi Channel reporter asked.

“That’s right,” Inn Lu nodded, “Although his code name was recently changed from Wang Ho to Wang Chung “for security reasons” or so the memo said. Actually the whole thing was supposed to be a top secret operation although ASIO operatives have been blabbing about the whole operation in the Comments sections of WordPress blogs all over the world so it isn’t so top secret anymore.”

“Well, we thank you for granting us this interview,” the Sci-Fi reporter smiled.

“Always a pleasure talking to members of the Press,” Inn Lu smiled back.

Inn Lu’s Samsung Galaxy smart phone went off.

A text message.

“Should I go?” The reporter asked, “Is the message top secret?”.

“Oh no,” Inn Lu shook his head, “It’s from a friend of mine. A rather eccentric character who calls himself Uncle Ernie. He’s worried because it suddenly occurred to him that a package of his special fruit gummy bears he sent out containing his 72 special and secret ingredients he might have inadvertently mailed to the wrong address. He may have sent it to the person’s place of work rather than his home address.”

. . .

Donald Trump entered the Oval Office of the White House.

He suddenly noticed something on his desk that he didn’t recall seeing before.

“Hm,” said Trump who just loved grabbing things, “Nice of one of my secret service agents to leave this bag of gummy bears lying around.”

Trump started eating the gummy bears.

Half an hour later, one of the Secret Service agents entered the Oval Office just as the Donald was standing on top of his desk flapping his arms as if they were bird’s wings and shouting, “Woo! Hoo! I can fly!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” Said the Secret Service agent, “Did you happen to see a bag of fruit gummy bears lying around? I accidentally left them behind.”

“They were on my desk,” the Donald smiled, “I ate them all.”

The Donald starts to sing in Stanley Holloway Alfred P. Doolittle fashion from My Fair Lady, “I’m getting impeached in the morning. Ding! Dong! The bells are going to chime! …. Pull out the stopper! Let’s have a whopper! But get me to the House on time!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” The Secret Service agent pointed outside the Oval Office window, “What’s a large dirigible airship doing landing on the White House lawn?”.

“I ordered it,” the Donald replied, “as part of an impromptu Thanksgiving Day parade in Washington DC tomorrow. I’m going to fly in it along with a whole bunch of turkeys tomorrow. Then 50 feet above the Lincoln Memorial, the turkeys and I will jump out of the dirigible and fly towards the ground.”

The Secret Service agent held in his hands an old magazine from the 1980s (he had been visiting a dentist’s office that afternoon).

And in the magazine was an interview with Donald Trump who said that one of his favourite TV shows of all time was WKRP In Cincinnati.

He told the magazine interviewer that he had watched every single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati except one.

The secret service agent said to himself, “What the Democrats so far have failed to do, missing a single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati may succeed.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 27th
2019. 

Permalink 18 Comments

Donald Trump and The Tobacco Chewing Man

November 13, 2019 at 11:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Donald Trump and The Tobacco Chewing Man

Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office and wondering who this Voldemort guy was that some writer called J.K. Rowling just compared him to.

In walked a man in a long raincoat and hat and who was busy chewing tobacco.

The man spit the tobacco into Trump’s garbage can and then stuck another piece of chewing tobacco in his mouth.

“Who the Hell are you?” Trump asked.

“I’m the deep state operative they call the Tobacco Chewing Man,” the tobacco chewing man replied.

“How the Hell did you get a name like Tobacco Chewing Man?” Trump inquired as the deep state operative spit chewing tobacco into the Donald’s gold coloured toupee.

“Well remember that deep state operative on that ’90s TV show The X-Files they called the Cigarette Smoking Man?” The operative took another wad of chewing tobacco and put it in his mouth, “That inspired my colleagues to call me the Tobacco Chewing Man.”

“Deep state operative eh?” Trump was suspicious, “Are you one of those trying to overthrow me?”.

“I’ve got better things to do with my time,” the deep state operative spit chewing tobacco all over Trump’s Rolex watch.

“Such as?” Trump inquired.

“Bringing the entire world under U.S. domination,” the Tobacco Chewing Man answered.

“You sound like my type of guy,” Trump smiled as his smart phone started playing the melody to Deutschland Deutschland Uber Alles as it rang.

Trump ignored the call.

“So what have you been up to?” Trump asked.

“I’ve been supporting rioters in Hong Kong and rioters everywhere else in the world,” the Tobacco Chewing Man spit tobacco all over Trump’s smart phone.

“Is this a good thing as far as the United States is concerned?” Trump asked.

“It is,” the Tobacco Chewing Man nodded.

“That’s good to know,” Trump wiped the tobacco off his smart phone.

The deep state operative then spoke, “I think we can steal a piece of territory from Canada.”

“We can?” Trump was curious.

“Yes, Yves-Francois Blanchet the leader of the separatist Bloc Québécois in the Canadian Federal Parliament today met with Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the Tobacco Chewing Man switched over to chewing gum since his doctor was concerned about his overuse of tobacco products, “and according to the Canadian news media, both men found they had a lot in common in their political beliefs.”

“How does this concern the United States?” Trump moved over his pen and pencil stand that was Made In China.

“Blanchet says he doesn’t support making Alberta and Western Canada feel more at home in the Canadian Federation or giving them more power,” said the Tobacco Chewing Man.

“That would have probably gone over like a lead balloon in the province of Alberta,” Trump noted in a rare intelligent observation on his part.

“Exactly,” the Tobacco Chewing Man smiled, “Alberta Premier Jason Kenney noted that the province of Quebec doesn’t mind taking billions of dollars in equalization payments from Alberta’s oil coffers so they can fund their secularist Jacobin French Revolutionary state that stomps on the rights of Muslims and Christians alike but they won’t lift a finger to help Alberta overcome its current economic malaise.”

“Sounds like a recipe for disaster,” Trump admitted.

“There was a growing call for Alberta independence in the wake of last month’s Canadian Federal election which saw Justin Trudeau returned to power,” the Tobacco Chewing Man explained, “I say we infiltrate that movement and get them to join the U.S. instead. Then we’ll definitely have a major supply of the world’s oil with the Athabasca oil sands now being on American soil.”

“That sounds like a brilliant idea,” Trump admitted.

“Of course it is,” the Tobacco Chewing Man smiled, “I was the man who came up with it.”

“I wonder why Melania gave Justin Trudeau such a smile and a glint in her eye the night they said good-bye at the G-7 Summit,” Trump mused aloud.

“Maybe because he was banging her the night before,” said the Tobacco Chewing Man.

“What?” Trump’s face turned fiery red.

“Deep state operatives spotted a man with white arms but black face and wearing a turban and singing Al Jolson minstrel songs entering Melania’s bedroom the night before,” the Tobacco Chewing Man noted.

“Fuck!” Trump pounded his desk angrily.

The Tobacco Chewing Man smiled.

He had Trump where he wanted him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 13th
2019.

Permalink 28 Comments

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