Marxist Puppets On Strings

June 30, 2020 at 10:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee exited the grocery store where a very unusual version of an old Elvis Presley song was playing above the store aisles,

“Are you Marxist tonight?
Are you sorry you read Das Kapital?….”

While exiting the store, the genetically created satyr serial killer encountered a fat ugly blimp with a butch haircut and a streak of a very ugly looking shade of blue in her hair.

“Why don’t you wear a paper bag over your head when you go out in public, you ugly looking bull dyke freak?” Goatee commented as he lopped off her head with his astral laser machete.

“Hey, you shouldn’t call people bull dyke freaks,” snivelled a man who could have easily passed for being a member of Pope Francis’ curia if he lived at the Vatican or a hairdresser if he lived in Beverly Hills California, “especially during Pride week when we’ve got the Marxist-Leninist New Age Maitreyan occultic inverted rainbow displayed all over the place?”.

“Why don’t you turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife did?” Goatee calmly answered as he lopped off the whiner’s head.

The whiner’s head exploded in a massive burst of salt (with a dash of pepper) as it hit the ground.

Meanwhile over in Beijing, Xi Jinping was playing with some controls that managed the electric invisible puppet strings that controlled Xi’s puppet Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Ethiopian Communist who had headed the World Health Organization since 2017.

“The Covid-19 virus is still here, the Covid-19 virus is still here,” Dr. Tedros shouted in a fit of apoplexy as he rode a toy horse coloured pale green.

“Good news on the Hong Kong front,” the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon who was Xi’s spirit guide advisor smiled, “the Hong Kong Security Law is now law in Hong Kong. We can now start throwing people in jail by the millions.”

“That’s great,” Xi beamed like a beatific Buddha if Buddha had been possessed by a demon, “no doubt Democatic Party governors and Mayors in America will continue to take notes from my actions as they round up Christians and other non-Marxists in the U.S.”.

“That is if the Neo-Marxist insurrectionists and Neo-Jacobin revolutionaries don’t guillotine them all first once they finish tearing down all the statues of the old America,” the Black Dragon laughed like Mount Vesuvius erupting over Pompeii in 79 AD.

“Exactly,” Xi got one of his drag queen roosters to lay a 1000-year-old egg.

“There’s good news on the Taiwan front as well,” the Black Dragon guffawed like Krakatoa erupting in 1883.

“Really?” Xi directed one of his guards to deliver the 1000-year-old egg to the Wuhan Institute of Virology for old times’ (i.e. December 2019) sake.

“Yes, in the supernatural realm angels who had been guarding the island of Taiwan on the orders of the Archangels Saint Michael and Saint Raphael have now withdrawn from Taiwan on their angelic commanders’ orders,” the Black Dragon cackled like Mount Pinatubo in 1991.

“Why?” Xi asked.

“Because Taiwan just held a huge Pride parade honouring the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet,” the Black Dragon started brushing his teeth with a Dyson powered vaccum cleaner.

“The Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci was certainly right when he theorized that honouring Baal and Baphomet practices and introducing them into a country’s wider culture can easily pave the way for the triumph of Communism everywhere,” Xi got his drag queen rooster to lay another 1000-year-old egg, “We can probably annex Taiwan by summer’s end this year.”

Meanwhile on the White House lawn in Washington DC, Dr. Anthony Fauci wearing a Chicken Little suit (given him as a gift by Xi Jinping) started clucking, “100,000 cases a day are coming. 100,000 cases a day are coming.”

America’s leading self-proclaimed expert on viruses was then struck by a virus that turned him into a garden gnome lawn ornament.

“Where did that stupid looking lawn ornament come from?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington as he gazed out from his Oval Office window.

“No idea, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “It wasn’t there this morning when Andrew Jackson’s statue was chasing Nancy Pelosi across the lawn with a 6 foot giant Cuban cigar in his mouth.”

“Strange,” Trump wondered where Jackson got the Cuban cigar.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 30th
2020.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of No More Xi

May 3, 2020 at 9:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of No More Xi

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a bubble bath and playing with his rubber ducky when suddenly he picked up a news bulletin from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

BBC News Announcer: What we know so far is that Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was killed in an attack on Xi’s palace by an American plane.
This is probably the most dangerous international geopolitical tinderbox since the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962.
Our London reporter Ernstwhile Humphreys is reporting on the British public’s reaction to the possibility of a nuclear World War III.
Ernstwhile, can you hear me?

Ernstwhile: Yes, I can, Terence.
Stores all across the United Kingdom are reporting the biggest run on toilet paper since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

The camera breaks away as masked spectators in the background start singing, “Rule Britannia. Britannia rules the rolls.”

BBC News Announcer: Thank you, Ernstwhile.
We’ve just received word from our BBC Beijing correspondent Babel Ling Brooks as to what led to this major geopolitical incident.

Babel Ling Brooks (looking resplendent in her scarlet red evening dress): Thank you, Terence.
Surprisingly what hawks in the Chinese Communist Party are calling a U.S. directed airplane assassination on Xi had actually started out as a peaceful diplomatic overture from Washington DC to Beijing.
In a special White House ceremony, Donald Trump had just named actor Harrison Ford (of Han Solo and Indiana Jones fame) as U.S. Goodwill Ambassador to China and had asked the septuagenarian actor to fly to China in his own private plane (which Ford always pilots himself) to Beijing to deliver a personal message of peace and goodwill to Xi.
According to my sources in Beijing Air Traffic Control, Ford, while piloting his plane, overshot the Beijing airport by an unbelievably large number of kilometres and ended up crashing into Xi’s palace right into the paramount leader’s bedroom where Xi was apparently paramounting one of his many female concubines.
Xi was killed instantly- his head being severed by one of the plane’s rotating propeller blades and ending up on a silver platter below an Italian Renaissance artist’s painting of Salome Doing The Dance of The Seven Veils that Xi had apparently been given as a gift from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.
The concubine has fortunately survived unharmed and is currently entertaining bids from both CNN and Fox News as to which U.S network she’ll grant an exclusive interview with first.”

The vision ended with the concubine holding a Siamese cat being invited to the White House by Donald Trump.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 3rd 
2020.

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Cardinal Zen, The WHO and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

April 3, 2020 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Cardinal Zen, The WHO and The Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli

Athelstan the butler and valet used a 6 foot long stick to help the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set take off his coat after he returned from his exercise walk.

“Social distancing rules, eh, Athelstan?” Set asked.

“Indeed, sir,” Athelstan nodded.

“I see Joseph Cardinal Zen the bishop emeritus of Hong Kong who criticized Pope Francis for selling out the underground Catholic Church in mainland China is now questioning the credibility of the WHO (World Health Organization) and their close ties to and support of the Beijing Communist regime. When the close ties between WHO Assistant-General Bruce Aylward (a Canadian) and China’s government became apparent in a press conference exchange between Aylward and a Hong Kong reporter this past Monday, days later Aylward’s name has suddenly vanished from being tied to the WHO and his information has been scrubbed off the Internet. And the Council on Foreign Relations (which is a Freemasonic Illuminati style organization) even says that WHO’s Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus seems to hold too close ties to the PRC government even for the CFR’s liking. So all these WHO guidelines that are assimilated and taken at face value across the world stripping common liberties and rights alike as entire nations go under lockdown, Cardinal Zen asks the question, “Has the People’s Republic of China successfully staged a global coup on the world stage?”. And of course if they have, Athelstan, they couldn’t have done so without the help of Pope Francis whose appointed head and Chancellor of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences the Argentine Bishop Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo said back in 2018 that the Chinese Communists were the best at bringing Catholic Church social teaching into practical action and application. Maybe Francis’ social teaching but not that of his papal predecessors.”

. . .

U. S. President Donald Trump who had just ordered the company 3M to stop selling N95 face masks to Canada had a dream where he was standing on the Canada-U.S. border and shouting at Canada, “A plague on all your houses. A plague on all your houses.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was skyping with a friend of his the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists.

“I see Pope Francis is no longer calling himself by the title Vicar of Christ,” Father Aidan remarked to Renfield.

“Well, at least that’s honest of him,” Renfield noted.

“In the 2020 edition of the Vatican yearbook,” Father Aidan went on, “the Annuario Pontificio, Vicar of Christ is no longer listed as one of his titles. He is simply called Jorge Maria Bergoglio. Other titles other Popes have been called in the past such as “Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of The Vatican City-State” are now all listed at the bottom of the page identified only as “historical” titles of the past.”

“I guess being the Chief Prophet of the New World Order is more important than any of those,” Renfield was devouring his tuna fish sandwich with no hint of social distancing between him and what he was eating, “The UN, the WHO and the People’s Republic of China undoubtedly approve. This past February, a geopolitical analyst friend of mine started calling Francis the Vicar of Cthulhu and Mitlantecuhtli.”

“That title may appear in the next edition of the Vatican yearbook Annuario Pontificio,” Father Aidan commented.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday April 3rd
2020.

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Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

March 21, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

NBC News White House correspondent Peter Alexander had asked Donald Trump the question regarding the Coronavirus crisis, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump replied, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

Both British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set felt that Trump should be given a come uppance for this stupid ass remark.

Especially since Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had a vision in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises yesterday morning that Trump would soon declare martial law and say that this fall’s Presidential election would be postponed indefinitely because of the Coronavirus which the racist bozo in the Oval Office kept calling the “Chinese virus”.

All that was needed for Trump to act was if he fell behind either Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in the opinion polls.

Thus Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 ft. 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was invisible most of the time) went over to America along with Renfield and Dracul Van Helsing’s friend Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London.

They flew across the ocean in Set’s high speed environmentally friendly dirigible airship that had been invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The high flying supersonic eco-friendly airship was powered by legalized Canadian cannabis.

Thus it flew quite high and quite fast.

Although munchies’ snacks had to be fed constantly to the airship’s underbelly.

Tallbanger (who had shapeshifted into a human being news journalist who was visible) bearing press media credentials from TCM (Turner Classic Movies) went to the next White House press conference accompanied by Miss Lepardia Marango.

Tallbanger posed the same question to Trump that Peter Alexander had, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump’s snitty response was the same, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

To which Tallbanger responded, “And I’d say you are a terrible President, you limpwristed jackass.”

Trump foamed at the mouth, “What, how dare you talk that way to me, the greatest world leader in world history?! Secret Service, arrest this man and charge him with high treason.”

Tallbanger then took a cream pie out from under his jacket and went up and threw it in the Donald’s face.

As Trump lay on the floor with his face and toupee covered in a combination of banana cream, coconut cream and shaving cream, he screamed, “Did you see what that insidiously evil individual did to me? Shoot him on the spot.”

Tallbanger shapeshifted into tall invisible bunny rabbit form and sneaked away.

Lepardia Marango met up with him in the Washington DC parking lot where Set’s eco-friendly cannabis pot fuelled dirigible was parked.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2020

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Great Caesar’s Ghost and Not So Great Josef Stalin’s Ghost On The Ides of March

March 15, 2020 at 10:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Great Caesar’s Ghost and Not So Great Josef Stalin’s Ghost On The Ides of March

The Norse trickster god Loki was up to his old tricks again.

He had arranged for the ghosts of Julius Caesar, Brutus and Cassius to be released from Hades and stand on the steps of the U.S. Capitol in Washington DC not far from the entrance to the U.S. Senate to re-enact the assassination of Julius Caesar for this Ides of March in 2020.

Donald Trump was in his limousine, on his way back to the White House from his toupee maker in DC, being driven by the steps of the U.S. Capitol when he saw the ghostly re-enactment of Caesar’s assassination.

“Okayyyyy,” was the Donald’s profoundly stupid statement.

The same statement he made when his Oval Office address on the Coronavirus was finished and he didn’t realize the cameras were still rolling.

. . .

Josef Stalin’s ghost had been continuously roasting away on his barbecue spit down in Tartarus ever since he kicked the bucket back in 1953.

However Loki convinced the Greek underworld god Hades to give Stalin a temporary dispensational release from Tartarus for about an hour or two.

Acting like the ghost of Christmas Present escorting Scrooge over London, Loki took Stalin to the U.S. where he took him to a COSTCO store parking lot and showed the late Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary the multitudinously vast long line ups of people waiting to get into the store.

Next he teleported Stalin to the toilet paper aisles of the COSTCO where there was absolutely nothing on the shelves.

“Wow,” Stalin was impressed, “Long line ups of people waiting to get into the store and then once inside, there’s nothing on the shelves for them to buy.”

Stalin looked at Loki with tears in his eyes, “It’s just like the old Soviet Union.”

He grabbed a roll of toilet paper that had apparently rolled under a bottom shelf invisible to mortals and tried to wipe his teary eyes.

“Soviet style Socialism has finally triumphed in America,” Stalin smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 15th
2020.

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Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

March 6, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

“For those people who always wondered what it was like to live in the 14th Century, you’re about to find out. We’ve got two living Popes (one of whom is most likely an Antipope) and a mass epidemic going on.”

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again being interviewed on a British news program.

BBC Interviewer: So going across the Pond (a goldfish leapt from one pond to another directly behind the interviewer) and taking a look at U.S. politics, what is your take on the past week?

Renfield: Well it appears that most of the Democratic Party establishment has come to the conclusion that the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump is senile Joe Biden. The Centre For Disease Control in Atlanta should really start examining the possibility that Joe Biden’s senility is contagious as it seems to have spread to the rest of the Democratic Party.

Interviewer (clearing his throat): What about the claim now being made that America is not yet ready for a female President? As the three leading contenders for President all seem to be white straight males in their 70s?

Renfield: Yes, every asshole and his shit licking dog seems to be making the claim that America is not yet ready for a female President and are whining and snivelling about it on social media whether it’s their blog posts, Twitter or Facebook. With the exception of Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, every woman who ran for the Democratic Party nomination this time around isn’t really worth writing home about. Never mind electing them President.

Interviewer: So you’re saying that most of the women candidates who were running for President this year just aren’t worth it?

Renfield: Brilliant deduction as my friend the ghost of Sherlock Holmes would say. There’s a new American TV show out called Tommy whose premise is about the first woman to be appointed Chief of the Los Angeles Police Force. In one of the trailer commercials for the episode, Chief Tommy tells an associate, “If I don’t do my job exceptionally well , it will be another 30 years before another woman is named Chief of Police for LA.” If any of the bimbos running for President (Tulsi Gabbard is the only woman candidate who isn’t a bimbo) had won the Presidency this year, it would have been another 60 years before another woman is elected President of the U.S. And if a certain spirit cooking witch and sampler of Roman Polanski and Jeffrey Epstein style pizza toppings had been elected President in 2016, it would have been another 200 years before another woman was elected President of the United States. That is if she hadn’t destroyed the planet in an exchange of nuclear weapons with Russia’s Vladimir Putin first. Which is probably what would have happened if the Trump Failed To Lock Her Up Witch had won the 2016 election.

Interviewer (shifting uncomfortably in his arm chair): So making another brilliant deduction, I take it you’d support Tulsi Gabbard if you lived in the U.S.

Renfield: Yes, as further proof that great minds think alike, my friend the vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and I only thought highly of 3 candidates running for the Democratic Party nomination – John Hickenlooper, Andrew Yang and Tulsi Gabbard.
Two of those have dropped out. And only Tulsi remains. And the Democratic Party establishment will certainly ensure that she doesn’t get the nomination since she wants to put an end to America’s insane policy of endless regime change wars – which is supported by both major parties – Republican and Democrat.

Interviewer: So what about this argument that in America in 2020, you have to be white, male, straight and septuagenarian to be President.

Renfield: Just further proof that most media commentators in the mainstream media and pompous pontificators on social media have the same amount of knowledge of history. Which is to say- nil. If these people had ever bothered studying the extremely unusual mentor/protege relationship that went on between mentor Roy Cohn (former chief legal counsel to Sen. Joe McCarthy in the 1950s) and his young protege Donald Trump back in the 1970s, they wouldn’t label Trump with the epithet “straight”.
It would be more appropriate to have that old country/western song “This Door Swings Both Ways” playing in the background.
And I’ll wager that if Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie “came a Waltzing Matilda” through the doors of the Oval Office wearing only his pink sequined g-string, Trump would be putting on a Celine Dion Vegas show style evening dress and breaking into a chorus of one of Celine’s old hits, “It’s all coming back to me now… ”
Then what will probably happen is that Trump’s evangelical church prayer group will walk into the Oval Office just as Trump and Uncle Ernie are in the heights of Apollo-Hyacinth like passion and get the shock of their lives.
They will be followed seconds later by the ghost of Salvador Dali who will walk in and likewise get the shock of his afterlife.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 6th
2020.

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Edgar Allan Poe’s Ghost, Prince Prospero, Lady Death and A Vietnamese Vampiress Lady MacBeth

February 29, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Edgar Allan Poe’s Ghost, Prince Prospero, Lady Death and A Vietnamese Vampiress Lady MacBeth

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was at Toronto Pearson International Airport to fly back to the United Kingdom from Canada after spending a brief time in the land of beavers, the maple leaf and legalized marijuana to examine for himself how a Trotskyite Marxist insurrection fared against an incompetent government.

As Marxist Trotskyite agitators and self-proclaimed indigenous warriors blockaded roads and railways and set fires all over the place, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stood in front of his pot smoking antique mirror modelling one of Australian Uncle Ernie’s sequinned pink g-strings and wondered what the self-proclaimed Wet’ suwet’en hereditary chiefs would think if he showed up at a meeting with them wearing only this.

Before boarding the plane, Renfield told members of the Canadian media assembled there at the airport,

“Under the amazingly incompetent leadership of Justin Trudeau, I have seen Canada’s future…”

“… And it is Nicolas Maduro’s Venezuela,” he added before boarding the plane.

. . .

While lying in his bed, Donald Trump was visited by an entity identifying itself as the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe.

Poe’s ghost saluted Trump and said, “Hail Prince Prospero.”

“Who the Hell is Prince Prospero?” Trump asked as he struggled to put his toupee on.

“You are,” Poe’s ghost answered.

Outside in the White House Rose Garden, Lady Death strolled about.

. . .

Meanwhile inside the library of an exclusive gentlemen’s club in the City of London, Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh), who had recently defected from Beijing to the Republic of Taiwan, was waiting for the People’s Republic of China Ambassador to the UK to show up.

Ho Babylon Minh had just come from a West London theatre where she had been playing Lady MacBeth carrying the real dagger that had been used to non-medically euthanize a leading London stage actor playing the role of Scotland’s King Duncan in what would be that leading stage actor’s last ever performance (where he would also be unavailable for a final curtain call).

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 29th
2020.

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Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

February 28, 2020 at 11:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

The demon Mephistopheles had had a busy week.

He had accompanied Donald Trump on his visit to India to meet Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

As the Donald was busy bombing at an audition to appear in a Bollywood musical dance number routine, Mephistopheles went to New Delhi, where, as the patron demon in charge of promoting racism and ethnic hatred and violence, he succeeded in arousing extreme Hindu nationalists into killing Muslims in New Delhi in days of rioting (at which the current death toll sat at 38).

Mephistopheles was now in Canada arousing racist attacks against indigenous people due to the fact that indigenous self-proclaimed Warrior Societies (really criminal gangs giving themselves a pleasant sounding name and title) were blockading various roads and railways throughout Canada.

. . .

Meanwhile at the White House in Washington DC, Donald Trump approached his medical mask wearing British butler and valet Lexington and posed the question, “Hey, Lexington, what’s up with all these people in hazmat suits carrying all these dead bodies out of the White House?”.

“Well, it can’t possibly be the Coronavirus, sir,” Lexington commented sardonically, “since just days ago, you assured the American people in a press conference that your Administration has got the Coronavirus totally under control. And as you yourself said, “Maybe one or two deaths at most. Not much more.” So presumably all these folks have keeled over from contracting something else.”

“I think that’s safe to say, Lexington,” Trump nodded, “And speaking of keeping the Coronavirus under control, have you seen my Vice-President Mike Pence?”.

“He’s currently in a military hospital on life support,” Lexington answered.

“What?” Trump’s resulting anger blew his ridiculous looking toupee off his head, “Why wasn’t I informed?”.

“Officials were afraid of getting fired in one of your tweets,” Lexington explained, “if word got out among the American public that the man you had put in charge of containing the Coronavirus namely Vice-President Mike Pence had himself just died from the Coronavirus. They’re currently contacting a Havana based research scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan into building an identical robot that looks like Vice-President Pence to appear in public and reassure voters. They’re also contacting Set Enterprises’ chief research scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can bring Mike Pence back from the dead as he was successful at bringing an Israeli Mossad agent back from the dead as well as the Greek god Apollo.”

“How do they determine what constitutes being dead these days anyways?” Trump helped himself to a candy zombie man from a candy jar full of candy zombie men, “Is it being brain dead and showing lack of brain waves? That’s what allows doctors to determine death?”.

“I think there are other determining factors, ” Lexington replied, “for example I understand there’s someone who currently works in the Oval Office who’s been brain dead for years and yet shows other signs of animation.”

“Really? And who might that be?” Trump asked as he bit the head off a candy zombie man.

“If you please, sir,” Lexington stepped over a dead body, “I’d rather not say.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 28th
2020.


The goddesses Demeter and Persephone await the arrival of more souls in the Underworld.

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The Summoning Forth of The Beelzekraken

February 15, 2020 at 11:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Sorcery, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Summoning Forth of The Beelzekraken 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed at a London radio station on the subject of a possible UK Free Trade Agreement with the U.S.

“As long as Donald Trump is the President, we’d just be leaping from the frying pan into the fire if we went ahead with this trade agreement,” Renfield stated, “not of course that we’d be better off if any of the freaks who are currently front runners for the U.S. Democratic Party nomination became President either.”

Renfield finally finished the interview with the following statement about Donald Trump, “What can we say about the man who was (Joe McCarthy’s chief legal counsel and later Mafioso mobster defending lawyer) Roy Cohn’s personal bitch and boy toy back in the 1970s? Whose mentor-protege relationship consisted of Cohn breaking Trump in (via the rear end) and showing him the ropes (in a gay BDSM sense of that expression).”

Within seconds, a very irate and profanity laced phone call was made from the White House to the Pentagon.

As Renfield left the radio station and walked down the street, he was followed by a Trotskyite anarchist agitator who was very upset by a speech that Renfield had delivered to the Canada Club in London last night.

The British MP happened to notice a £5 note lying on the ground.

As he bent over to pick it up, a drone bearing the inscription IN TRUMP WE TRUST flew right over his head.

The drone blew the Trotskyite anarchist agitator (who was walking just behind Renfield) to kingdom come.

. . .

An ugly looking female freak with pink and purple hair (that made her look even uglier) really pissed genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee off.

So he beheaded the ugly looking freak and then cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion (rather than his usual just 999 trillion) pieces.

The rats recently released from a showing of the 1971 American horror film Willard could not bring themselves to eat the minuscule pieces of the revolting facially aesthetically challenged crime against humanity.

Neither could the 3 blind mice who flew a drone called Albatross 2.0

After an emergency council of all the gods and goddesses, Shiva the Destroyer arrived with his trident of destruction to totally melt and disintegrate the pieces into total non-existence so that the hideous particles would not exist in any of the multiverses.

Shiva then returned to the CERN Large Hadron Collider tunnel in Switzerland where he was being taught the Irish river dance by Irish dancer Michael Flatley.

. . .

From Lake Michigan on the shoreline of Chicago a Kraken emerged.

But this was no ordinary Kraken.

For while it had the body, tentacles and arms of an Octopus, its head was that of a giant fly.

The name of the creature was the Beelzekraken – a combination of Beelzebub (The Lord of the Flies) and a Kraken.

The unwashed ANTIFA member on the beach (who was already angry about being hit by waves from the lake) dirtied his already dirty jockstrap upon seeing the Beelzekraken.

He very much regretted having used the POSSIBLY ENGLISH LANGUAGE HIP HOP EDITION OF THE NECRONOMICON to summon the creature.

Even more so after the Beelzekraken swallowed and ate him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 15th
2020.

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Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

February 5, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Clarence Darrow’s Ghost, Trump’s Acquittal, Madonna’s Cream Pie and Uncle Ernie

The U.S. Senate voted to acquit Donald Trump 52-48 on charges of abuse of power and 53-47 on charges of obstruction of Congress.

The ghost of Clarence Darrow (who had been released from the Underworld of Hades on the Norse trickster god Loki’s recommendation) never got a chance to shine during Trump’s trial in the Senate.

His particular talent for the Trump defence would have been to question witnesses and the Republican majority in the Senate had voted not to allow witnesses.

Nevertheless Darrow’s ghost did do a final summing up for the Trump defence at the Senate trial with these words,

“The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things,
of sailing ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings,
of why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.”

Darrow’s ghost then sat down.

The famed defence lawyer’s closing argument was totally lost on members on both sides of the aisle.

By using this piece of Jabberwockian poetic prose by Lewis Carroll as his closing argument for Trump’s defence, the great courtroom orator was implying that his closing argument made about as much sense as the rest of the trial.

But the nuances to be found by this brief speech was totally lost on the politicians and political pundits of 21st Century America on all sides.

Both CNN and Fox News totally ignored Darrow’s address.

As did The Washington Post and The New York Times.

Meanwhile on this day of Senate acquittal of Trump, as the clock ticked down towards midnight in Washington DC, the ghost of Gen. Qassem Soleimani appeared to Utah Sen. Mitt Romney and warned the Republican Senator that there was now a drone with his name on it.

Meanwhile allegations were now surfacing from the Underworld of Hades that the residents of the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, during coffee and lunch breaks from their time roasting away on barbecue spits, had hacked the Iowa Democratic caucus app and had tilted the results towards their own favourite son Pete Buttigieg.

However it was unlikely that Bernie Sanders who did not have the paranoid conspiratorial hysterics of one Hillary Rodham Clinton (who had many years ago tried to imagine the possibility of her husband’s marital infidelity was not real but was rather the result of a vast right wing conspiracy) would cry “Sodom and Gomorrah collusion!”.

Nor was it likely that Robert Mueller would be sent down to Hades to investigate.

On another front, the rock music legend Madonna had had a cream pie thrown in her face.

Her bodyguards (who were sobriety challenged at the time because they had been drinking way too many Harvey Wallbangers) claimed the cream pie assailant was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

The cream pie assault had taken place only hours after Madonna said Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should trade “boring old Canada” for New York City.

Madonna wanted the couple to rent her New York City apartment from her.

How exciting a place New York City is could be seen from the fact that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was currently burning several pinches of incense in front of statues of Baal and Moloch in the New York City penthouse apartment of a globalist billionaire.

Meanwhile in a jail in London England, an Australian named Uncle Ernie, who was awaiting a courtroom appearance at the Old Bailey, was currently looking at photos of rock star Madonna that he had snapped on his smart phone a while ago.

As he looked at the photos of Madonna and what she was showing, Uncle Ernie recited his own paraphrased version of lines from Edward Lear’s 19th Century poem The Owl and The Pussy-cat, “What a horrible pussy you are, you are, what a horrible pussy you are.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 5th
2020.

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