Exposed: Krampus’ Christmas Eve 2020 Kidnapping of Santa
As everyone knows Santa Claus lives at the North Pole.
Of course Santa Claus isn’t his original name.
The original name of the extremely tall and very fat elf was Caerthalian.
However Caerthalian was so impressed with the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas of Myra (March 15th 270 AD to December 6th 343 AD) and his beautiful habit of giving gifts at Christmas, that, after the good Saint died, Caerthalian and some of his smaller and shorter elf acquaintances moved up to the North Pole and built a small toy workshop where they made gifts for good little girls and boys that they then delivered around the world by Christmas morn.
As the Middle Ages started to drift into the era of the Renaissance, three little boys Martin Luther, John Calvin and Ulrich Zwingli never received any gifts at Christmas from Caerthalian (who had since changed his name to Santa Claus a variant of the Dutch Sinter Klaas which was the Dutch nickname for Saint Nicholas) because they were consistently naughty throughout the year.
As such when grown men, all 3 consistently argued for justification by faith.
Thus from Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ penchant for only giving gifts to good little girls and boys, the seeds of the Protestant Reformation were born.
Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ discriminatory policy of not giving gifts to the ethically challenged would be thoroughly repudiated by Jorge Mario Bergoglio in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century.
Turning to the point where the second and third decades of the 21st Century would merge- Christmas Eve 2020- after a meeting of demons and fallen angels in the newly formed Council For Inclusive Debauchery, it was agreed that the half-demon half-goat Krampus (who was the most unholy creature at December in the territory of the old Holy Roman Empire) should kidnap Santa Claus on the night of December 24th and commandeer his gift laden one horse open sleigh that was driven by eight reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen) plus Rudolph (who had been putting in a special cameo appearance every Christmas Eve since 1939).
Olive the other reindeer would stay home and get plastered drinking Mrs. Claus’ rum laced eggnog.
This year Krampus would be carrying a special gift that was made by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Bill Gates was already rubbing his hands with glee as visions of the next vaccine danced in his head.
Dr. Anthony Fauci and the Xi Jinping Commie loving idiots at WHO had already told the children of the world that Santa was immune from Covid and they should not be afraid to hug the jolly old elf if they see him.
Any change in Santa’s appearance from previous Christmasses (i.e. looking like Krampus) could be explained by an allergic skin reaction to a teen elf acne medication he was taking.
With the blessings of Dr. Anthony Fauci and the WHO, Krampus as the Santa imposter set out on his Christmas Eve mission.
It was agreed by all involved with the Council For Inclusive Debauchery that Rudolph plus the original 8 reindeer plus Olive the other reindeer should be held under quarantine so that reports of the Krampus posing as Santa story would not get out to the world and give the mainstream Marxist media in the West a chance to think up a cockinbull story knocking any honest reports of the incident.
Rudolph however managed to escape and got to the Set Estate in London where he told British MP Renfield R. Renfield the story.
Renfield went in and informed his former employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set of what had happened.
“What reindeer relayed this info?” Set asked.
“Rudolph,” Renfield replied.
“How do you know it was Rudolph?” Set inquired.
“Because of his red shiny nose,” Renfield answered.
Set lit himself a cigar and asked, “What is the cause of his red shiny nose?”.
“Could it be Oom-Pah-Pah?” The woman playing the female character of Nancy sang on the old LP record belonging to Set which contained songs from the 1960 musical Oliver! a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic 1838 novel Oliver Twist.
Renfield, looking back into the living room where he noticed Rudolph hitting the bottles of gin, remarked, “The lady on the record says it all.”
-A Christmas children’s story
for adults
and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 26th
2020.
Renfield’s Sunday Night Podcast On Covid Communism
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a conversation via Skype with his friend Amadeus Emanon who resides in Australia prior to Renfield going live on air via a livestream video podcast on YouTube.
Renfield: Amadeus, you know of my close friendship with the Kraken Napoleon VI who’s the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party?
Amadeus: Yes, I do.
Renfield: How would you react if I told you I was a card-carrying member of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party?
Amadeus: Well, I’d find it rather strange since you’re not a French citizen.
Renfield (nodding): Exactly. Don’t worry I’m not a member of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party. Similarly the Kraken who’s a French citizen, would you not find it strange if he was a card-carrying member of the British Transhumanist Party of which I’m the leader?
Amadeus (nodding): I would. Since he’s a French citizen and not a British subject.
Renfield: That’s right. Neither would you expect the Mayor of Sydney, Australia to be a card-carrying member of the Federal Liberal Party of Canada?
Amadeus: Of course not.
Renfield: Or Britain’s Conservative Party Prime Minister Boris Johnson to be a card-carrying member of the Scottish Nationalist Party?
Amadeus: Most definitely not.
Renfield: Let’s turn now to people across the world who share the same ideology- Marxism. You wouldn’t expect Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro to be a card-carrying member of Kim Jong-un’s Workers’ Party of Korea would you? Or vice-versa? North Korea’s Kim Jong-un to be a card carrying member of Nicolas Maduro’s United Socialist Party of Venezuela?
Amadeus: No.
Renfield: Similarly you wouldn’t expect Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders to be a card-carrying member of former Bolivian President Evo Morales’ Movement For Socialism Party of Bolivia? Or vice-versa? Former Bolivian President Evo Morales to be a card-carrying member of the U.S. Democratic Party?
Amadeus: Most definitely not.
Amadeus was starting to wonder where Renfield was going with this but he knew Renfield well enough to know there was reason to his friend’s madness.
Renfield: Looking back at history, you wouldn’t expect Adolf Hitler to be a card-carrying member of the Fascist Party of Italy would you? Or Benito Mussolini to be a card-carrying member of the German National Socialist Workers’ Party?
Amadeus (looking more and more perplexed): Of course not.
Renfield: Or let’s look at history’s greatest Communist tyrants. You wouldn’t expect Chairman Mao Tse-tung to be a card-carrying member of the Soviet Communist Party would you? Or Soviet dictator Josef Stalin to be a card-carrying member of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)?
Amadeus (exasperated): No, Renfield, where the Hell are you going with this?
Renfield (grinning): I’m glad you asked, Amadeus. Because the Set Enterprises’ Intelligence Unit has discovered that Dr. Anthony Fauci the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases is actually a card-carrying member of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
Amadeus (spitting out his red wine and sweet and sour scallops all over his good trousers): What the fuck? Are you serious?
Renfield: Yes. Someone in our intelligence unit came up with that idea a couple of days ago. And asked some Chinese friends who could read Chinese to check the CCP on-line membership lists. He wasn’t expecting to hear anything back. And got the shock of his life when they got back to him that Dr. Fauci was indeed on that list as a member in good standing of the CCP. I suppose no one in Xi Jinping’s government had thought that anyone in the West would bother checking to see if Dr. Fauci’s name was on the list or even imagine or come up with the idea that Dr. Fauci might be a card-carrying member of the CCP.
Amadeus: This puts a whole new perspective on the pandemic.
Renfield: Plandemic, Amadeus, plandemic. The CDC (Center For Disease Control) in Atlanta, Georgia in its own data says that only over 13,000 in the U.S. have actually died from Covid-19 as the sole cause of death alone. The others in the 200,000 to 300,000 that the mainstream Marxist media in North America are always yacking about have had other pre-existing conditions. And how does one know if it wasn’t pre-existing conditions that actually caused the deaths?
Amadeus: Wow.
Renfield: The CDC’s own data on Covid-19 shows that the recovery rate from Covid-19 is 98 to 99% recovery.
Amadeus: Brother, what would Sherlock Holmes have to say about this?
Renfield: That the pandemic was in fact a plandemic planned and conceived by the CCP in Beijing and carried out by agents in the West. You’ve got America’s Dr. Anthony Fauci as a card-carrying member of the CCP. You’ve got WHO’s Director-General Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus who’s a member of a Marxist-Leninist Ethiopian political party with a corrupt past and terrorist ties. You’ve heard the expression Monkey See, Monkey Do. It was the CCP government in China who first started locking down Wuhan and other Chinese cities in draconian fashion. The brainless political leadership in Italy and Spain started following suit with their own cities. Other western governments followed suit. The only exception was Sweden with its brilliant chief epidemiologist Dr. Anders Tegnell. Today in this second wave you have Covid cases on the rise yes but at the same time you have Covid deaths on the decrease. I imagine if you actually tested people for other stuff besides Covid, you’d find all sorts of viruses, bacteria and micro-organisms being passed from person to person all the time with no major harmful side effects among the general populace. It’s only because everyone is constantly looking and testing for Covid that you’re finding Covid. Maybe Microorganism XYZ is passing back and forth between people on the planet all the time and because no one is constantly searching or testing for Microorganism XYZ, the brainless mainstream Marxist media is not constantly yacking about it.
Amadeus: I wonder what Sean Connery’s character of James Bond would have to say about all this?
Renfield: Connery’s Bond was always on the lookout for evil governments and evil billionaires. And speaking of evil billionaires, Bill Gates and his evil wife Melinda (who makes even the wicked Hillary Clinton look like Mother Teresa by comparison) gave an interview recently. And Bill Gates, smiling with an intense 1930s and ’40s horror movie mad scientist look, said grinning, “Covid-21 is on the way.” How the Hell does he know Covid-21 is on the way? Unless Xi Jinping told him. After all both Bill Gates and Dr. Anthony Fauci have worked closely with the Wuhan Institute of Virology over the years. I can see Sean Connery in Paradise holding a shaken not stirred martini in his hands saying, “It’s time for people in the Western world to wake up and smell the coffee.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 1st
2020.
Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu advises people to beware of Italian-American physicians carrying CCP government prescriptions for Covid-19 and Bill Gates’ eagerly anticipated Covid-21.
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!
The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.
Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.
He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.
Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.
Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.
However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.
All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.
ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.
The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.
Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.
Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).
Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.
When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.
The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”
An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.
Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.
Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.
Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.
Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.
Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).
They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.
As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.
Yaldabaoth began to sing,
The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.
The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.
They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.
As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,
I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.
With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.
And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.
When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.
The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.
“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.
U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.
He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.
The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.
