Michelangelo and Harvey, Vladimir and Kim Jong-un

April 25, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was taking a holiday lying face downwards on a water bed.

He had genetically created the fire breathing venomous basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone who had escaped from his prison barn and set fire to Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral.

As luck would have it, Dr. Rocher’s quite literally immortal great-grandmother Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) is a great admirer of Notre Dame Cathedral as well as a world-famous dominatrix.

Which explains why Dr. Rocher is currently lying face downwards.

So Set Enterprises’ Executive Secretary Miranda Singh was currently writing down the notes of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s visions at Set Enterprises’ laboratories in London.

Dr. Rocher had recently created an astral realm companion for Michelangelo’s remote viewing abilities.

The astral realm companion was named Harvey and was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit named after the identical character of the same name in the 1950 film Harvey that starred Jimmy Stewart.

The astral realm companion’s full name was Harvey Tallbanger since being so tall, he often banged his head on the ceiling of every room he entered.

Harvey Tallbanger had been sent to the Russian city of Vladivostok to spy on the summit meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

Since Harvey Tallbanger spoke and understood 153 languages (including Russian and Korean), there was no need to bring along an astral realm translator for the ride.

Harvey Tallbanger entered the summit room just as Vladimir and Kim were toasting one another.

“Jesus Christ!” The 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit said as he hit his head on the ceiling upon entering.

“What was that?” A startled Kim asked.

“Well,” Putin noted, “whatever invisible entity it is, it can’t be demonically possessed since it’s able to utter the name Jesus Christ. The same cannot be said for most U.S. politicians and major media outlets.”

“So, what is this good news you have to tell me?” Kim asked.

“Well, this past April 23rd, Russia launched the world’s longest submarine The Belgorod. The Belgorod is capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones (each one of which has the power of the Greek god Poseidon’s original trident that was stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis and given to us by her for scientific examination and evaluation). Those drones can produce 1500 foot tsunamis capable of wiping out whole coasts,” Putin smiled as he sipped his ice water.

“I don’t think Trump would really weep if a tsunami wiped out California,” Kim pointed out.

“Yes, but he’d weep if a tsunami wiped out Florida and the Mar-a-Lago resort,” Putin smiled.

“That’s very true,” Kim grinned beatifically like the Smiling Buddha when he heard this bit of news.

And as U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was busy watching the 1959 film version of The Last Days of Pompeii at his home in the U.S., Harvey Tallbanger used his rabbit ears to telepathically transmit the message to Michelangelo’s lobster antennae of the launch of The Belgorod submarine capable of carrying the Poseidon AI torpedo submersible drones with a possible target being Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort.

Michelangelo used his lobster claws to type the message on the keyboard of his waterproof iPad.

Miranda Singh wrote the message down in her FOR THE VAMPIRE SET’S EYES ONLY notebook when it came up on her computer screen.

Before delivering the message verbatim from Harvey Tallbanger, Michelangelo ordered the Neptune Seafood Submarine Sandwich (with strict orders to hold the lobster) from Subway and also cancelled his summer vacation to Florida this year and booked a round of golf at the Saint Andrew’s Golf Resort in Scotland instead.

Miranda Singh put in the appropriate order to the nearest Subway restaurant and also telephoned Michelangelo’s travel agent with the appropriate changes to the lobster’s summer travel plans.

Then she headed off to tell Set the big news about the Putin-Kim summit in Vladivostok.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 25th
2019.


Miranda Singh: Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set

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Renfield Discusses Day of Fires

April 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”

“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.

“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.

“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”

“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”

“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.

. . .

The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”

“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.

“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”

. . .

Today’s date.

Holy Saturday.

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.

April 20th.

Der Fuhrer’s birthday.

It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.

Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.

Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.

This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.

Kohler’s cigarette went out.

He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.

And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.


Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon

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The Basilisk and The Fire At Notre Dame Cathedral

April 15, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Set Enterprises’ resident sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s office with a face whiter than a ghost.

“Your face is whiter than I am,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked.

“And me as well,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who was still in a state of shock over the fact that someone commenting on Dracul Van Helsing’s blog had never heard of him Orson Welles.

“And whiter than I am,” added the ghost of the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who had dropped into Renfield’s office just for the Hell of it.

“It’s this fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Rocher sat down and helped himself to a bottle of Renfield’s whiskey.

“A devastating tragedy for all of humanity,” Renfield agreed.

And the ghosts of Churchill, Amin and Welles nodded their assent.

Within seconds, Amin’s ghost was chased back to the Underworld by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus since it was Underworld policy that dictators and despots inclined to ethnic genocide should not be allowed to leave the place.

Amin returned to his spit alongside King Leopold II of Belgium down in Tartarus.

“Look at these photos someone text messaged me an hour ago,” Dr. Rocher showed Renfield his phone.

“Unholy smoke, Batman!” Renfield exclaimed, “They show a Jesuit priest (wearing his Jesuit robes and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Aleister Crowley) riding a medieval basilisk and setting fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with the basilisk’s fiery venom.”

“But I thought basilisks died out with the end of the Middle Ages,” Churchill bit the end of his spectral cigar, “so the Renaissance pope Julius II wrote in his diary when he hired Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in celebration of the death of the last basilisk.”

“Undoubtedly one of those evil 21st Century Transhumanist scientists has genetically re-created a basilisk again just to show the world they could do it,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of red wine.

“That would be me,” Dr. Rocher did a bad impersonation of American comic Bob Newhart whenever the comedian was caught with his pants down- metaphorically speaking (unlike Bill Clinton).

“You recreated a basilisk?” Renfield was shocked (and resolved never to screw in a lightbulb on his own again).

“I did,” Dr. Rocher held his head in shame, “just to show the world I could do it.”

“What did I tell you?” Welles’ ghost finished his wine and thought back to a radio commercial he once did about frozen peas growing in the ground in Norway in mid-July.

“Oh, shut up, Orson,” Churchill’s ghost was getting irritated.

“And you let this Jesuit have it?” Renfield wiped his spectacles, “Don’t you know that a great multitude of Jesuits are a bunch of satanic perverts?”.

“This Jesuit stole it from the barn where it was being held for safekeeping,” Dr. Rocher blubbered, “along with a Nazi vampire who’s the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.”

“These Nazis never get up to any good,” Renfield fumed over his glass of whiskey.

“Agreed,” Chuchill’s ghost affirmed as he fumed over his glass of brandy.

“Most Jesuits never get up to any good either,” Welles poured himself another spectral glass of red wine and recalled a conversation he once had with film director Alfred Hitchcock on the subject.

On the television in Renfield’s office, the Kraken Napoleon VI addressed the world media with the fire smouldering Notre Dame in the background.

“My wife Medusa and I were married in that cathedral,” the Kraken wept octopus (as opposed to crocodile) tears, “we had ourselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in that Cathedral even though most French citizens never recognized the coronation. The Egyptian vampiress Isis pushed world-famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death from the bell tower of Notre Dame. And Dr. Cadbury Rocher used the vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame (which isn’t so secret anymore now that I just blabbed about it) to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of the vampire Osiris after he had been disintegrated by a Russian laser death ray.”

“I didn’t know you had done that?” Renfield looked at Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Does Set know you did that?”.

“He does now,” Dr. Rocher sighed.

Putting on a tartan kilt and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Mel Gibson as Braveheart William Wallace, the Kraken swore to the world media that he would destroy whoever and whatever was responsible for the fire that engulfed Notre Dame.

“Wait until my great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes finds out I was the one responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame,” Dr. Rocher continued to snivel, “I’ll be unable to sit down comfortably for the next decade.”

“With all due respect, Dr. Rocher,” Renfield admonished, “with this devastation of a great French, European and world cultural landmark, the prospect that your buttocks will be in the upmost suffering and agony for the next 10 years seems the least pressing of all the major problems afflicting the world at the present moment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 15th
2019.


The immortal world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes:
Will get to the bottom of whoever was responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame

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The Basilisk Freed

April 13, 2019 at 9:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was furious that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had beaten him to a meeting with Semiramis back in the year 1948.

The meeting led Set Enterprises rather than the Ahnenerbe to discover the whereabouts of the tomb of Alexander the Great.

Kohler was anxious for vengeance.

He had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to genetically re-create a medieval basilisk – a creature that was a hybrid of a serpent and a rooster.

Kohler thought that if this basilisk was released on the world, this would generate tremendous bad publicity for Set Enterprises.

Even worse than that of Monsanto for its GMOs.

Still someone would have to control the Basilisk and allow the Ahnenerbe to use the creature to its advantage.

Kohler knew the Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai who worked in the Antiquities Section of the Vatican Museum.

Father bar Yochai was both a Jesuit and a practicing occultist.

Father Caiaphas had also injected himself with basilisk venom which was to be found in a secret closet in the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

This made him immune to both the basilisk’s venomous bite and venomous gaze.

Father Caiaphas was taken by Kohler to the British farm where Dr. Rocher had kept the basilisk hidden from prying eyes.

There Father Caiaphas freed the basilisk and flew the strange creature to France.

Kohler intended to have the basilisk released on the French countryside thereby creating bad relations between the British and French just as Britain was trying to peacefully leave the European Union in an orderly Brexit.

The basilisk attacked lovely churches in the French countryside and destroyed them doing what the Vatican II modernists had so far not managed to do.

The chaos and the fire blanketed the skies of rural France.

“This does not look good,” the Kraken Napoleon VI remarked to his wife Medusa as he saw the rural parish church of Saint Bernadette’s destroyed by the basilisk’s venomous fire.

The Kraken had come to the Church to confess his sin of having briefly been a Scientologist to the parish priest there.

The poor Kraken would have to seek absolution elsewhere.

The basilisk meanwhile was burning down the Saint Bernadette Church’s parish priest’s library which had a large collection of books written by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger.

“Splendid,” Father Caiaphas bar Yochai laughed as he rode the basilisk.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 13th
2019.

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Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th
2019.

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Basil and The Basilisk: A Poem

March 26, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Basil was a farmer about his business
He milked the cows
fed the pigs
and gathered eggs of the chickens
But he did not enter the green barn
For the green barn contained a creature
he would have no dealings with.

The green barn was leased by Set Enterprises in London
Whatever experiments in that barn went beyond that sanctioned
by both God and man
Dr. Cadbury Rocher who showed up in a black Jaguar car one day
And then a red Jaguar car the next
And went around saying “The devil is in the details”
Gave Basil the farmer both a medieval bestiary
and the Naturalis Historia of Pliny the Elder
And marked pages saying, “Read, should you feel the inclination
to enter the green barn”

Now Basil’s Latin wasn’t exactly up to snuff
(his wife had cured him of the irritating habit of sticking
tobacco up his nose and then sneezing when they were first married)
but J.K. Rowling occasionally came to the Farmers’ Market in a nearby town to shop
So he asked her to translate from the original Latin

What he heard from Rowling turned his hair on end
He told his wife what he had heard
And both agreed they should never enter the green barn

Not of course they had any inkling to do so before
For a giant rooster in a cage had been taken into the barn
and then a giant snake in a cage
Then the sound of two different species but same genders co-mingling
in the night
While the Baphomet stood outside the barn saying,
“Everything is all right,
We need to open our minds
And cast aside old prejudices”
Pope Francis gave his apostolic blessing
via satellite transmission
and the Mayor of San Francisco said
This was bringing tears to his eyes

One night a man came to the farmhouse door
claiming to be a traveling guru
And asking food and shelter for the night
Basil and Bella agreed.

“There is no God”, the guru assured them with the solemnity of a Richard Dawkins
And then smiled,
“For God is within”
He took some Rolaids tablets for his heartburn
“There is no Devil either,” the guru smiled, “We create our own gods and devils. Good and evil are within us.”
He chewed some Exlax tablets
“And then project those outwards on to our surroundings”
“Where is your washroom?” The guru asked Farmer Basil
for the aftereffects of the externally applied medication
turned out to be fast acting.

“And there are times we are called upon to run like the wind”
The traveling guru remarked as he ran up the stairs

When he came back, he asked, “Where should I sleep?”
“I hope you don’t mind the kitchen floor,” Farmer Basil replied,
“For we only have the one bedroom and my wife and I
just bought the Dracul Van Helsing Guide To Tantric Sex and are looking forward to applying it tonight”
“We just watched MP Renfield R. Renfield on the telly tonight,” Bella smiled, “he was complaining about the fact that Van Helsing had tantric sex with the current heiress to the Queen of Sheba’s throne in Jerusalem last Saturday and then had tantric sex with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec during a raging sea storm on the Isle of Patmos last night”

“Such astounding declarations make me wonder whether it was right for me to take the path of celibacy,” the guru had temporarily lost his beatific Buddha like smile
“What about the green barn over there?” The guru pointed outside,
“It seems very large. I could sleep there.”

“That is the habitat of the Basilisk,” Basil replied, “a creature of legend and mythology that has been resurrected in the modern world
thanks to the Transhumanist experiments of one Dr. Cadbury Rocher of
Set Enterprises”
“Basilisk?” The guru blinked.
“A serpent king that is a hybrid of a rooster and a serpent” Basil answered
“And like Empire actor Jussie Smollett,” Bella added, “is immune to criminal prosecution since it’s considered politically incorrect to do so.”
Basil went on, “The Basilisk is so venomous, it leaves a wide trail of deadly venom in its wake. And its gaze is likewise lethal.”
“The sort of entity that Bill Clinton would marry but not have an extramarital affair with,” Bella pointed out.

“Well, I ain’t afraid of no Basilisk,” the guru paraphrased a lyric from the theme song to the original 1984 Ghostbusters movie.
Basil and Bella looked at him.
“Like I’ve been trying to tell you, we create our own reality,” the guru said, “Like attracts like. Positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. I shall enter the green barn with positive thoughts and no harm shall come to me.”
The guru entered the barn.
There was no noise.

Basil and Bella went back into the farmhouse.
The next morning a Set Enterprises team came out like they did every morning
Dressed like Star Wars Imperial Stormtroopers in their protective suits
They carried out the body of the guru
who had turned to stone
Under the Basilisk’s venemous gaze
(As did creatures under Medusa’s gaze of old)

The Basilisk was obviously not subject to whatever reality
The guru thought he could create
with his own mind.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 26th
2019.


Bella has gazed on many things but will not gaze on the Basilisk

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Putin, Maduro, Vampire Set and Miranda Singh

February 12, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was reading Russian language copies of The New York Times and The Washington Post.

“How stupid these people be,” Putin pushed the copies of both papers into the waste paper basket where they were removed by the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) for him to use as toilet paper.

“I’m almost inspired to manipulate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election,” Putin mused aloud, “to make up for the false accusations that I manipulated the results of the 2016 election. Because the New York Times and The Washington Post can’t bring themselves to admit that the past 50 years of the dumbed down liberal progressive education system (that they approved of and applauded) has resulted in a dumbed down electorate who would actually rather vote for someone like Trump rather than the Establishment’s anointed female messiah Hellcat from Hell. So they have to blame us- the Russians- rather than the Frankenstein monster of an electorate that their liberal progressive educational ideas have created.”

“It is rough, Comrade President,” the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had to admit as she smoothed her Red Army brown skirt.

“What really pisses me off is that if we wanted someone as a Manchurian candidate puppet to be President and our elite team of hackers could put that individual into office, what makes them think we’d choose Trump?” Putin gazed out the Kremlin window, “Total nutcases are so unpredictable and don’t make very good puppets. And these jerks in the liberal U.S. media don’t think Russian Intelligence is good enough to spot a nutcase when we see one? We have a lot more intelligence in spotting one than do the American electorate.”

“America’s biggest mistake in the long run will be to underestimate Russian intelligence,” Svetlana crossed her legs and crushed a miniature American flag under her spiked stiletto.

. . .

“Who does this Donald Trump think he is anyways?” Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro raged to his companion, “Telling me that I’m not the legitimate President of Venezuela.”

“This Trump has a massive ego,” Maduro’s companion played with his moustache and threw the Gillette shaving kit into the garbage as real men don’t use Gillette.

“Anything Donald Trump can do, I can do better,” Maduro pounded his fists on the desk, “He thinks he can shut the U.S. government down for 35 days and not pay his government workers just to get a wall built? Well I can hold food and medical aid up at the Venezuelan border for far longer than that and starve my entire people into submission to me so that everyone in this entire country gives me the love and respect and honour and adoration I so richly deserve.”

“You da man,” the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (recently granted dispensational temporary leave from Tartarus by Hades) smiled as he continued to play with his moustache and ate a plate of perogies as he fondly recalled memories of the Soviet government enforced famine on Ukrainians back in 1932-33.

. . .

Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set received a call from her boss on her mobile.

There would be an unexpected and univited visitor at the Set Enterprises laboratory tonight, Set said.

He told Miranda to give the man what he wanted.

. . .

Italian Intelligence secret agent Luigi Linguini was on a mission for the Italian government.

The current Italian government was in a cold war (which might turn hot at any moment) with French President Emmanuel Macron.

The Italian government wanted to bring Macron down and they had heard that Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher had conducted an extensive DNA analysis of Macron’s DNA.

The Italian government needed to see that file.

Luigi was about to use his screwdriver to open the door to the room of the Rocher Secret Archives.

When suddenly the door opened on its own and there stood Miranda Singh:

“This way to the Macron File,” she smiled at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 12th
2019.

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Baphomet, Baal and Santa Muerte In The Congressional Cafeteria

February 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to see if he could enhance the psychic powers of his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo by getting him to stare at a marble bust of the Greek nature satyr god Pan.

Michelangelo was only able to stare at Pan’s bust for 10 seconds before he brought up his dinner of a seaweed burger.

“He’s able to stare at the busts and other assets of the leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes a lot longer,” remarked Miss Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to Set Enterprises’ owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“Yes, but we don’t want any more lobster tank explosions,” Dr. Rocher didn’t want any more lab floodings that happened whenever his immortal and eternally young looking great-grandmother the professional dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) entered the lab.

Sherrielock Holmes playing Cathy in a stage production of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights back in the 1930s.

However just the sight of looking at the marble bust of Pan was enough to send Michelangelo into a terrifying vision of the present.

. . .

The demon Baphomet was walking through the Congressional cafeteria on Capitol Hill with his good friend and devilish godfather/godmother Santa Muerte (who was worshipped by drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico as their patron saint – he/she had originally been the fallen Archangel Samael but 85 years ago had become transgendered while living in Mexico and had undergone an extremely long transitioning process ever since- it was much longer for fallen angels like Samael than it was for mortal humans like Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner).

The two walked by House speaker Nancy Pelosi who was sitting there drinking Samuel Adams GOAT Beer (supposedly named after Tom Brady but really named after the Baphomet) and eating the cafeteria special of barbecued baby fingers and barbecued baby toes alongside the demon Baal.

“Well, the good thing is,” Santa Muerte/Samael slapped the Baphomet on the back, “is Pope Francis has now said that all religions are part of God’s plan in the joint statement that he signed on Human Fraternity with Sheikh Ahmad al-Tayyib the Grand Imam of Cairo’s al-Azhar University. So I guess that includes religions that worship us as well. This Pope Francis is certainly a lot more open minded than that Jesus Christ fellow ever was.”

They passed by a TV set in the cafeteria showing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo doing a TV commercial for new Buffalo New York style Buffalo Baby Fingers and Buffalo Baby Toes.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was thinking about the dreams he had been having every night since the start of this year.

He dreamt that he was visited each night by the Baphomet appearing to him as a combined incubus/succubus who had sexual relations with him.

He stopped to rub the fur of Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (a regular fixture around the Vatican since October 13th of 2017) as he pondered his dreams.


And in one of the Vatican greenhouses, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal performed a ceremony using Pope Francis’s Baphomet stang that he carried at the Vatican Synod On Youth last autumn.

. . .

After having had these frightening visions of the Congressional Cafeteria on Capitol Hill and of the Vatican, Michelangelo had a more pleasant vision.

A vision of the billionaire vampire Set’s personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon being married to the New Orleans vampiress/songstress Angelique Dumont in a beachside wedding on a tropical island a few years hence.

Wearing an extremely extremely powerful sunblock in addition to her wedding dress, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont is married to Amadeus Emanon in a beachside ceremony on a tropical island.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday

January 6, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.

And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.

Twins.

A boy and a girl.

The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.

The girl would remain in the shadows.

One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.

And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.

She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.

She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.

By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.

Quite literally.

For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.

Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.

A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.

His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.

Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.


Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.


Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.

Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.

Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.

Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.

German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.

So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.

His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.

Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.

There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.

That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.

Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.

Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).

Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield

As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.

She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.

And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.

And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:

Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany

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Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

December 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…

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