Osiris In Rome

January 31, 2015 at 5:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Osiris In Rome

The ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris had had quite an interesting time the past several millenia.

First he had been cut up into 14 pieces by his jealous brother Set.

Then he had been resurrected again by his wife and sister Isis.

But his phallus was still missing.

So then he was given a wooden phallus that with a sprinkling of a little cosmic Egyptian magic and witchcraft, he was able to use to impregnate Isis who gave birth to their son Horus.

Then the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith (who was history’s first vampire of either sex) turned the whole family into vampires.

That would have been fine if it had just been him Osiris and Isis and Horus.

Unfortunately she turned his evil brother Set into a vampire as well.

When Set staged a coup in Egypt and put one of his own disciples in as Pharaoh, Isis and Osiris fled to the kingdom of Tyre.

Osiris posed as an architect named Hiram Abiff.

While in Tyre, King Hiram sent him off to Jerusalem to build a temple for the Tyrian king’s good Israelite friend and ally King Solomon.

In the meantime, Set’s spies had discovered that Osiris was posing as a Tyrian architect named Hiram Abiff and was busy building a Temple in Jerusalem.

So Set sent three ruffians to murder Hiram Abiff.

Ostensibly to discover the secret password of a master mason- which Osiris as Hiram Abiff naturally refused to give.

Thus the three ruffians slew Hiram Abiff.

And of course once again Osiris had to be resurrected.

This time Isis resurrected Osiris using a severed lion’s paw and a magical spell used in forbidden magical practices of the ancient Israelite tribe of Dan.

She used the Lion’s Paw from the Tribe of Dan to grip the hand of Osiris’ dead body and bring his soul back from the Underworld to re-unite with his body.

The Lion’s Paw then raised Osiris up from his coffin.

“Remember one thing,” the dark arts practicing magician from the Tribe of Dan had told Isis, “the only thing that might be capable of destroying the Lion’s Paw of the Lion of the Tribe of Dan is the power of the Lion’s Paw of the Lion of Judah.”

Isis had no idea what the Danite dark arts magician was talking about and just took the Danite Lion’s Paw.

So Osiris was resurrected from the dead and went on to build the Temple of Solomon.

The Vampiress Isis slept with Solomon the night the Temple was dedicated in 953 BC.

Isis also arranged for her good friend the Phoenician Vampiress Ashtoreth to sleep with Solomon as well.

Osiris meanwhile had returned to Egypt.

He was captured by members of Set’s Imperial Bodyguard.

Set then used a black magic spell to send Osiris through a celestial gate way and portal to a planet near the star Sirius.

The black magic spell itself expired on what would be the date of December 21st 2012 on the Gregorian calendar (a fact that would affect the consciousness of the Aztec, Mayan and Hopi Indians) and Osiris could return to Earth on that date.

In the meantime, Horus plotted revenge against his uncle Set for what the evil being had done to his father.

Horus and a group of followers captured Set and, using an Egyptian black magic spell, buried Set alive in a tomb for several millenia.

The tomb was finally unsealed on November 11th, 1918 at 11:00 AM Greenwich time (the same hour the Great War Armistice came into effect).

Set escaped the tomb and eventually fled to England where he became a City of London financial and investment advisor.

He made a killing in the Wall Street markets of the 1920s.

And as a silent partner and backer of Chicago mobster Al Capone during the Prohibition era, he made even more killings.

Set acting on a tip wisely pulled his own money out of the U.S. stock market prior to the crash of October 1929.

During the 1930s, Set helped finance the rise to power of Hitler and the Nazis in Germany- a fact which led Winston Churchill to sit on opposite ends of the room from Set at their respective London clubs.

It was very fortunate for Set that, in the first post VE-Day British general election that was held in July, 1945, Clement Attlee’s Labour Party won a landslide victory.

It would have been big trouble for Set had Churchill won.

As it was, Set was one of the few big businessmen who prospered in Britain’s post-war emerging Welfare State under the leadership of Prime Minister Clement Attlee a modest man whom Churchill described as having “a lot to be modest about”.

When the British Conservatives under Sir Winston Churchill returned to power after the 1951 general election in the UK, Set by then was too powerful a figure in the British financial establishment for Churchill to mess with.

As for Osiris, he did return to Earth in a spaceship on December 21st 2012.

The interdimensional portal he entered through was located at Vancouver’s English Bay on Canada’s West Coast.

Unfortunately for him, the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl was trying to use the same interdimensional portal at the same time to land on Earth.

The two spaceships Osiris One (carrying Osiris from a planet near the star Sirius) and Quetzalcoatl Too (carrying Quetzalcoatl from Saturn’s Moon Titan) had a major mid-air collision just above Vancouver’s English Bay on the night of December 21st 2012.

A Russian nuclear submarine in the waters of English Bay at the time fired a laser death ray at the two spacecraft vaporizing both craft and their occupants.

Captain Nikolai Soloviev the commander of the submarine who had fired the laser death ray later left the Russian Naval service.

Captain Soloviev (a dead ringer for the late Russian Czar Nicholas II) then got a job appearing in TV commercials for Hotels.com an on-line hotel booking agency.

Captain Soloviev played a wise-cracking smart ass captain named Captain Obvious who had a “brilliant grasp of the obvious” as Sherlock Holmes might put it and made totally obvious wise-cracking smart ass remarks in the commercials.

Now it so happened at the time of the Russian sub laser death ray attack on the two spacecraft that a Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay along with his small-scale replica working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider.

Dr. Celsius used his replica Hadron Collider to gather up the particles and atoms of the two disintegrated spaceships and their celebrity deity extraterrestrial occupants.

The Collider container and its contents of particles and atoms were then shipped to the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in the City of Lights.

Dr. Celsius was invited to oversee a team of scientists working day and night to put the particles and atoms back together again.

After working for almost 2 years with no results to show for it, Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius was finally pushed to his death from the top of Notre Dame’s bell tower by the Vampiress Isis this past October 1st as a pre-Christmas bonus for his efforts.

Isis then hired the noted British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to oversee the team and see if he could put her husband Osiris’ sub-atomic particles back together again.

Dr. Rocher had been working as the chief scientist for her rival and arch-enemy the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

But the two had a falling out when Set suddenly slashed a vast sum of money from Dr. Rocher’s laboratory research budget in order to maintain a high profit margin for Set Enterprises for the fiscal quarter.

Isis used the falling out to hire Dr. Rocher to work for her.

Dr. Rocher was able to successfully put Osiris’ sub-atomic particles back together and resurrect the vampiric deity this past Halloween.

Unfortunately for poor Osiris, he was once again resurrected sans phallus.

This naturally put a strain on Isis and Osiris’ cosmic re-union.

The two were now living separately again (though not light years apart as they had been for the past 3 millenia).

She continued to live in her luxurious penthouse apartment in Paris.

Osiris had found himself a nice little apartment in Rome, Italy with a good view of the Colosseum.

Osiris greeted the night as he flung open the tapestry curtains of his Rome apartment.

He had been told by various people when he announced that he was moving to Rome to “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

He thought though that maybe watching the sun rise above the Aventine Hill might prove somewhat hazardous to his health.

So he grabbed his brochure of Rome and wondered if there were any nighttime tours of the Sistine Chapel.

He would see for himself just what this Last Judgement of Michelangelo’s was that people were raving about.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
January 8th
to
January 28th
2015.

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Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

September 12, 2014 at 7:47 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

The NATO Summit in Newport Wales was winding down.

Most of the world leaders had left.

And MI-6 agent Diablos Nocturna who had overseen security operations at the summit was watching the shutting down of the summit.

He saw Monica Dhaliwal his liaison with CSIS (the Canadian Security Intelligence Service) approach looking very attractive and stylish in her white blouse, blue jacket, tight blue skirt, black silk pantyhose and striking cerulean blue spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.

She was definitely the reason he had enjoyed working this summit so much.

She flashed a warm smile as she stood face-to-face with him.

“So,” she flicked her hair back as she spoke, “how ever did you come up with the code name Diablos Nocturna – Devil of the Night?”.

“From medieval legends of the incubus,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“The male demon who slept with beautiful women in the night?” Monica Dhaliwal smiled again.

“The same,” Diablos Nocturna nodded.

“Say who was that woman who looked like the singer Rihanna and was dressed in a Dior red evening gown and hob nobbed with all the world leaders at all the summit dinners?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“That’s the Paris-based billionairess and Egyptian Vampiress Isis,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“Vampiress?” The female CSIS agent was shocked.

“Yes her brother, brother-in-law and arch-enemy the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set lives in London,” the MI-6 operative answered.

“So you mean there really are such things as vampires and vampiresses?” Monica Dhaliwal adjusted her skirt.

“There are indeed,” the MI-6 agent replied.

“In my university days,” Monica Dhaliwal began stroking her hair, “I’d heard talk of a legendary Canadian vampire hunter by the name of Dracul Van Helsing. Does he actually exist?”.

“He does,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “I’ve heard of him.”

“This London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set,” the CSIS operative inquired, “does he have anything to do with Set Enterprises the British research and development firm that’s said to be engaged in secret and very controversial genetics experiments?”.

“Yes, he owns it,” Diablos Nocturna took note of a news channel helicopter in the distance, “you might also have heard of his controversial corporate Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering the notorious Renfield R. Renfield. He has quite the reputation in international espionage circles.”

“Renfield R. Renfield works for Set?” The CSIS agent had indeed heard of the ruthless and totally psychotic individual that Western intelligence agencies turned to as a last resort when it came to dealing with the vilest scum of the Earth.

There were rumours that The Blacklist TV series’ character of Raymond Red Reddington was actually modeled on Renfield R. Renfield.

“Yes he works for Set,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

The MI-6 agent invited the CSIS agent for a drink in a nearby Welsh pub.

As they approached the pub entrance from the street, Welsh werewolf (although most people didn’t know that he was a werewolf) British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley came rushing out of the pub.

“They don’t have any buttermilk in this pub,” Magog Rhys Petley gasped, “in fact, they don’t seem to have buttermilk anywhere in town.”

He went running down the street shouting, “Buttermilk. I need buttermilk.”

“Quite the eccentric character,” Monica Dhaliwal looked down the street after him.

“That was Magog Rhys Petley a Welsh Member of Parliament at Westminster,” Diablos Nocturna stated, “Obviously a man who enjoys his buttermilk.”

They entered the pub.

. . .

“So what was this Vampiress Isis doing talking to all those world leaders?” Monica Dhaliwal asked Diablos Nocturna after they sat down.

“She’s hoping to use NATO to destroy Vladimir Putin’s Russia,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal looked puzzled, “and why does she want to do that?”.

“Because it was a Russian nuclear submarine that used a laser death ray to disintegrate the spaceship that was returning her brother, husband and lover Osiris to Earth from the star system of Sirius back on December 21st 2012 and she’s vowed vengeance ever since,” the MI-6 operative replied.

“I see,” the CSIS operative felt she was in a dream.

“All part of a long-standing family feud that originated in Egypt millenia ago,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “when their brother Set cut up Osiris into 14 pieces and scattered the body parts throughout Egypt. Isis who was married to Osiris managed to find all the parts save one and put them back together again and using Egyptian magic managed to resurrect Osiris. But then Set managed to cast a Black Magic spell on Osiris transporting him and exiling him to a planet in the star system of Sirius. So Horus the son of Isis and Osiris who was also Set’s nephew buried Set alive in a tomb. Set’s tomb was then discovered and opened on November 11th 1918 at ironically enough exactly 1100 hours Greenwich time when the Armistice ending the First World War came into effect. Set fled the tomb after his sarcophagus lid was taken off and he’s been wreaking his havoc on the world ever since.”

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal sipped her Chai tea (which she was surprised to see offered in a Welsh pub), “and how was it that Osiris returned to Earth on December 21st 2012?”.

“It was because of the Black Magic spell that Set cast on Osiris,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “for ancient Egyptian witchcraft Black Magic spells like most modern food and dairy products had an expiration date on it. And the expiration date for the spell exiling Osiris to the star system of Sirius ended December 21st 2012 on our calendar. It was an expiration date of which the Mayans, the Aztecs and the Hopi Indians were aware. Their prophecies about this event gave the History Channel a lot to talk about on its programs throughout most of the first 12 years of the 21st Century. For all intensive public purposes since nothing appeared to happen on December 21st 2012, they’ve scrambled to try to find a replacement and think that endless reruns of American Pickers will somehow capture the imagination of the television viewing public. If, like Isis, subscribers to the History Channel knew what really happened on December 21st 2012, they too would be calling for Vladimir Putin’s head on a silver platter.”

“So for Isis, all hopes of Osiris’ return have vanished into thin air like disintegrated particles from the after effects of a laser death ray?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Yes, having one’s anatomical body parts reduced to the sub-atomic level is certainly more of a challenge to put back together again than just being cut up into 14 pieces,” Diablos Nocturna admitted, “but it so happened that leading Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius happened to be in the area of Vancouver’s English Bay at the time and happened to use a mirror and the sounds of the sea from a large sea shell he was holding to collect the disintegrated particles from the laser death ray explosion and put them into a working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider he had in his rowboat with him at the time.”

“So the particles of Osiris’ sub-atomic structure were gathered into Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Along with the sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl who was arriving in a space ship from Saturn’s moon Titan in the same vicinity at the same time and was likewise disintegrated from the laser death ray fired by the Russian nuclear submarine that was illegally trespassing in Canadian coastal waters at the time,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

“Wow, I never heard about that in my History of War and Conflict Class at UBC,” said Monica Dhaliwal who was a recent graduate of the University of British Columbia prior to her recruitment by CSIS.

“Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper covered up the whole incident to prevent a possible war with Russia,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “and Harper’s NATO ally U.S. President Barack Obama is still working on a strategy to respond to the whole incident. He may come up with such a working strategy at the same time he finally comes up with a strategy against ISIS- that is the Islamist terrorist caliphate not the Paris-based billionairess Egyptian Vampiress.”

“So whatever became of the particles that were placed inside Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” the CSIS agent asked.

“They’re now in the Vampiress Isis’ secret subterranean laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Diablos Nocturna replied, “although it’s not as secret as she thinks it is since MI-6 knows all about it. There Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius and a number of other of the world’s leading scientists are working to put the particles of Osiris back together again.”

“Why is the Vampiress Isis’ laboratory located beneath Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris?” Monica Dhaliwal inquired.

“It’s my understanding that Isis is a big fan of the late great British actor Charles Laughton,” the MI-6 agent answered, “and particularly enjoyed his 1939 film The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

“So are they having any success putting the particles of Osiris back together again?” The CSIS agent looked at the pattern in her cup of chai tea.

“Well according to a theoretical research paper written by a professor of particle physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,” Diablos Nocturna put a little pepper on his dish of Welsh rarebit, “an ET gray’s laser death ray gun fired in reverse into the surrounding atmosphere might be able to put the particles back together again.”

“So all Isis has to do then is to get her hands on an ET gray’s laser death ray gun,” Monica Dhaliwal picked up her fork to sample her own dish of Welsh rarebit.

“That’s right,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “and there may be a bit of a problem getting that.”

On the radio in the Welsh pub was playing the latest release from the American music group Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers with their lead vocalist Sekhmet singing the lyrics that were also the title of the song, “Mr. ET Gray, I’m So Sorry I Lost Your Laser Death Ray Gun.”

In the distance outside the pub could be heard the melancholy haunting sound of what sounded like a werewolf howling.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 6th
2014

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Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

September 9, 2014 at 4:04 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

The vampire novel chapter I wrote back on December 21st 2012 when something of cosmic significance was supposed to happen on Earth on that date according to Mayan, Aztec and Hopi Indian prophecies.

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2012/12/dec-21st-2012-tempest-or-much-ado-about.html?m=1

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