The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat In Washington DC

January 27, 2021 at 11:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was out shoveling the sidewalks in front of the house where he rented a room because it had snowed overnight.

“Just wait until I get my hands on those bloody frost giants of the old Norse pantheon,” Pan Goatee seethed, “They won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

The satyr pushed some more snow away.

“Just wait until I get my hands on Loki the Norse trickster god,” Goatee vowed, “He won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

Just then to Pan Goatee’s horror, a repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp came walking down the sidewalk.

She was walking down the sidewalk walking her dog.

“Bloody Hell,” Goatee noted, “That’s all I need to ruin my day is having to look at some fat ugly blimp. A two-legged dog (who are all ugly) out walking her four legged dog (who are generally cute).”

“Well, it would look pretty stupid the other way around,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse remarked as he clomped by dragging an old milk wagon behind him, “If it was a four legged dog out walking a two legged dog.”

Mr. Ed stopped in front of a house down the street as Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman reached for a couple of jugs of fresh milk.

“Shit, the milk has frozen!” Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman called out.

“Well, I told you not to deliver milk in a milk wagon in the middle of a snowstorm,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse pointed out as he smoked his Cuban cigar, “But did you listen? NO! What do I know you probably figured? I’m just a horse! Even though I won first prize in a Latin poetry writing competition a couple of years ago. Beating out 2018 humans I might add.”

Meanwhile Pan Goatee had by this time beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“And not only are you fat and ugly,” Goatee gave his aesthetic adjudication, “but you’re guilty of cruelty to animals as well. How do you think this poor dog feels having to walk around the neighbourhood with a fat ugly blimp such as yourself?”.

Indeed the dog was already running down the street enjoying his new found glorious freedom.

Krampus the goat demon hybrid arrived on the scene to gather up the 999 trillion pieces of the fat ugly blimp, put them in his sack and carry them down to Hades.

After crossing the River Styx, Cerberus the 3-headed dog peed and crapped all over the fat ugly blimp’s remains when he heard about her gargantuan cruelty to animals.

Meanwhile Loki the Norse trickster god made the mistake of walking by Pan Goatee.

Loki immediately found himself being beheaded by Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete.

“I hate it when that happens,” Loki’s head remarked as it rolled down the street.

. . .

“I see priests in the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington DC are lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate a bagel, “I wonder why they’re lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession?”.

“Beelzebub knows,” Uncle Ernie remarked as he fed a spoonful of crack cocaine to an Australian house fly, “Several Catholic priests in this diocese are trying to talk me into converting from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism for some reason.”

“That’s strange,” Amadeus admitted.

“It is,” Uncle Ernie nodded, “It probably means I’ll have to reglue my foreskin to my Jolly Roger if I want to covert from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism.”

Uncle Ernie held up the small glass bottle that had once been used to store a plastic contact lens but which was now home to Uncle Ernie’s foreskin which had been separated on and off from Uncle Ernie’s Jolly Roger all these many years.

“I wonder if that’s what the Canadian folk music band Captain Tractor meant by their song lyrics… When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores?,” Amadeus mused aloud.

“I don’t remember Regina,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie reflected on his past trips to Canada and Saskatchewan in particular, “I do remember I got my Jolly Roger caught in Moose Jaw down in the Al Capone Prohibition Booze era tunnels.”

. . .

“As we all know, Donald Trump incited an erection.”
-New York Sen. Chuck Schumer
coming out of the closet
on the U.S. Senate floor

. . .

A Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat was walking the streets of Washington DC.

The metal rat built by Havana Cuba based sanity challenged scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan for Huawei Technologies of China had the skull of a demon buffalo put on its head by the Norse trickster god Loki prior to South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo restoring the skull to life turning it into a full fledged Demon Buffalo Head.

Ironically enough, Loki’s head was now missing from his body.

The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat had been given the ability to detect and analyze thoughts.

It could tell those people who thought like Communists from those who didn’t think like Communists.

Those people who didn’t think like Communists the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat gored to death with his demon buffalo horns.

The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google as well as the CEO of United Airlines were all safe from death at the horns of the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat.

As were all the editors and reporters at the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, BBC, Global News Canada and Fox News.

To say nothing of the entire Democratic Congressional and Senate caucuses and 2/3 of the Republican Congressional and Senate caucuses.

As well as all the members of the Biden-Harris Administration.

“I failed, I failed,” the ghost of Sen. Joe McCarthy sobbed as he walked down the streets of Washington DC.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Hunter Biden commented as he sat at the gates of the White House smoking a pipe of crack cocaine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 27th
2021

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Reblog of Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

January 23, 2021 at 11:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote last year which ties in with the theme of some recent chapters I wrote.

Dracul Van Helsing

Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

The Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting in an old general store in Stettler, Alberta, Canada reading about Buffalo Lake and the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo not far from the skull of the Demon Buffalo above the store’s back door

Last week, Huawei Technologies in China had unveiled the Metal Rat (a giant robotic metal rat) for this Chinese New Year of the Metal Rat.

Strangely enough, the Metal Rat had the head of a demon buffalo and not the head of a rat.

How this came to be- therein hangs a tail (whether a rat tail or a buffalo tail no one can say for sure).

Huawei Technologies had outsourced the building of the Metal Rat to a freelance sanity challenged scientist who had a laboratory in Havana, Cuba.

The name of the sanity challenged…

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Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

February 28, 2020 at 11:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

The demon Mephistopheles had had a busy week.

He had accompanied Donald Trump on his visit to India to meet Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

As the Donald was busy bombing at an audition to appear in a Bollywood musical dance number routine, Mephistopheles went to New Delhi, where, as the patron demon in charge of promoting racism and ethnic hatred and violence, he succeeded in arousing extreme Hindu nationalists into killing Muslims in New Delhi in days of rioting (at which the current death toll sat at 38).

Mephistopheles was now in Canada arousing racist attacks against indigenous people due to the fact that indigenous self-proclaimed Warrior Societies (really criminal gangs giving themselves a pleasant sounding name and title) were blockading various roads and railways throughout Canada.

. . .

Meanwhile at the White House in Washington DC, Donald Trump approached his medical mask wearing British butler and valet Lexington and posed the question, “Hey, Lexington, what’s up with all these people in hazmat suits carrying all these dead bodies out of the White House?”.

“Well, it can’t possibly be the Coronavirus, sir,” Lexington commented sardonically, “since just days ago, you assured the American people in a press conference that your Administration has got the Coronavirus totally under control. And as you yourself said, “Maybe one or two deaths at most. Not much more.” So presumably all these folks have keeled over from contracting something else.”

“I think that’s safe to say, Lexington,” Trump nodded, “And speaking of keeping the Coronavirus under control, have you seen my Vice-President Mike Pence?”.

“He’s currently in a military hospital on life support,” Lexington answered.

“What?” Trump’s resulting anger blew his ridiculous looking toupee off his head, “Why wasn’t I informed?”.

“Officials were afraid of getting fired in one of your tweets,” Lexington explained, “if word got out among the American public that the man you had put in charge of containing the Coronavirus namely Vice-President Mike Pence had himself just died from the Coronavirus. They’re currently contacting a Havana based research scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan into building an identical robot that looks like Vice-President Pence to appear in public and reassure voters. They’re also contacting Set Enterprises’ chief research scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can bring Mike Pence back from the dead as he was successful at bringing an Israeli Mossad agent back from the dead as well as the Greek god Apollo.”

“How do they determine what constitutes being dead these days anyways?” Trump helped himself to a candy zombie man from a candy jar full of candy zombie men, “Is it being brain dead and showing lack of brain waves? That’s what allows doctors to determine death?”.

“I think there are other determining factors, ” Lexington replied, “for example I understand there’s someone who currently works in the Oval Office who’s been brain dead for years and yet shows other signs of animation.”

“Really? And who might that be?” Trump asked as he bit the head off a candy zombie man.

“If you please, sir,” Lexington stepped over a dead body, “I’d rather not say.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 28th
2020.


The goddesses Demeter and Persephone await the arrival of more souls in the Underworld.

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Trotskyite Anarchists Throw Burning Debris Against Canadian Trains

February 26, 2020 at 11:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Trotskyite Anarchists Throw Burning Debris Against Canadian Trains

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again giving a news editorial on a very very independent Ottawa radio station.

“Well, my dear Canadian friends,” Renfield began, “maybe you should just all move down to the U.S. of A. since according to Donald Trump’s press conference earlier today, the U.S. has the Coronavirus totally under control.”

“Of course, as we all know,” Renfield went on as he downed a bottle of gin, “such an announcement from such a personage is probably the strongest indication yet that the U.S. is about to experience a very severe outbreak of the Coronavirus.”

“As for Canada,” Renfield started on his second bottle of gin, “the Marxist Trotskyite insurrection continues as Prime Minister Justin says that he is very very upset with Tyendinaga Mohawk warriors throwing burning signs and burning tires at trains on railway tracks. If that isn’t enough to send the Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors quaking in their Made In Communist China moccasins, nothing will.”

Renfield started on his third bottle of gin, “Former astronaut and currently spaced out Canadian Federal Minister of Transport Marc Garneau says that throwing burning debris at trains is recklessness.”

The British MP bit into a tuna fish sandwich and continued, “Throwing burning debris at trains isn’t recklessness.”

“It’s terrorism,” Renfield pounded his fist on the table, “still when you’ve got a wimp for your leader, wimpyness is sure to follow all around the cabinet table.”

Out on the streets of Ottawa, federal Liberal cabinet ministers were approaching people and saying, “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”

Unless of course they were vegans in which case they’d ask for money for plant based burgers.

“I notice,” Renfield continued, “that Quebec Premier Francois Legault is astutely pointing out that the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors are smuggling in arms including AK-47 assault rifles onto their blockades of various roads in Quebec as the Federal Liberals continue to do the lotus position upside down on their environmentally friendly eco-recyclable yoga mats, chant
“ommmm” and get in touch with their inner sugarplum fairy.

“Although some pot-smoking Kanesatake elder says it’s sheer hysteria to say that the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors have AK-47s or any other type of heavy weaponry. Anybody with brains knows the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors own AK-47s and other heavy weapons. Which they purchased following years of smuggling cheaper U.S. cigarettes into Canada and selling them to Canadians at still lower prices than Canadian cigarettes with their various federal and provincial taxes. Something which the Brian Bulroney government of the day turned a blind eye to. They didn’t even seize the weapons when the Mohawk blockade of Oka, Quebec ended in 1990.”

. . .

Down in Havana, Cuba, the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike who rented a condo in the city was meeting with Dr. Ja Oui Khan a sanity challenged scientist who rented laboratories in the city (and who also taught science in a government run literacy program recently praised by Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders).

“Dr. Khan,” Pike remarked as he smoked a Cuban cigar, “since the Trotskyite Communist 4th International are using a small group of Wet’ suwet’en hereditary chiefs’ land dispute with a natural gas company to try to disrupt the Canadian economy and destabilize the Canadian nation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I in the Neo-Nazi Fourth Reich Global Outreach can use these indigenous warriors’ blockades to start a race war which is always to my organization’s advantage. I thought it might be cool if I could drop a test tube of the Coronavirus at one of these blockades. The Trotskyites can then scream genocide and say the RCMP are behind it. Do you have access to such a test tube?”.

“I do,” Dr. Khan answered, “A metal rat I created which has the head of a demon buffalo on it is currently the Walmart style greeter at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan, China. I can send him to either a Tyendinaga blockade in Ontario or a Kanesatake blockade in Quebec. Interestingly enough the metal rat demon buffalo head’s headless buffalo body is currently wandering the provinces of Ontario and Quebec having recently been brought back to life by a necromancer or shaman of unknown origin. The metal rat with the demon buffalo head can go looking for it as he dumps test tubes of Coronavirus.”

“Splendid,” Pike threw his Cuban cigar stub at the foot of a statue of an old Chicago cigar store Indian he had recently bought at a community organizing fundraising event in Chicago.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 26th
2020.

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Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

February 2, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Aphrodite, Dr. Ja Oui Khan, The Demon Buffalo Head and The Metal Rat

The Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting in an old general store in Stettler, Alberta, Canada reading about Buffalo Lake and the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo not far from the skull of the Demon Buffalo above the store’s back door

Last week, Huawei Technologies in China had unveiled the Metal Rat (a giant robotic metal rat) for this Chinese New Year of the Metal Rat.

Strangely enough, the Metal Rat had the head of a demon buffalo and not the head of a rat.

How this came to be- therein hangs a tail (whether a rat tail or a buffalo tail no one can say for sure).

Huawei Technologies had outsourced the building of the Metal Rat to a freelance sanity challenged scientist who had a laboratory in Havana, Cuba.

The name of the sanity challenged scientist was Dr. Ja Oui Khan (a scientist of German, French and Mongolian ethnic origin).

Dr. Ja Oui Khan had once held a non-scientific job back in 2008 in the U.S. where he had served as an advertising slogan advisor to the Presidential campaign of one Barack Obama.

Dr. Ja Oui Khan was quite successful in building the Metal Rat robot.

He even originally had a metallic rat’s head for the metallic rat.

Sadly for Dr. Khan however, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently visited the island for high level discussions on business and commerce with the Cuban President.

And Set had brought along his pet cat the fierce Nefertiti Galore.

Nefertiti Galore had been prowling about just when the Metal Rat was practicing his Chinese New Year Lion Dance and Dragon Dance routine with a member of the Chinese Embassy.

Nefertiti Galore had ripped the rat’s head off and after almost breaking a tooth trying to bite into it had thrown it into the Caribbean where it was eaten by the Caribbean Sea’s resident giant kraken.

Dr. Ja Oui Khan was in a state to find a replacement for the Metal Rat’s head.

It just so happened that Dr. Khan’s friend the Norse trickster god Loki was in Havana so he asked Loki for help.

Loki said that he would keep an eye open for a replacement for the Metal Rat’s head.

In the meantime, Loki went up to the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where he had a date with the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

What was Aphrodite doing in Stettler?

Well last year Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom had called Aphrodite an airhead.

Aphrodite resented that so she enrolled to take a course at Oxford University.

She figured that if she could pass a course at Oxford, no one would have the grounds to call her an airhead.

She started out by taking a course in World Mythology and Folklore.

For her term paper, Aphrodite decided to write about the mythological origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.

The Plains Buffalo were said to have originated from the waters of Buffalo Lake (a lake that was actually in the shape of a buffalo).

According to Cree and Blackfoot tribal folklore, it was Napi (the Old Man) who had called forth the first buffalo out of Buffalo Lake.

Napi had been a Cree and Blackfoot equivalent of the old Demi-Urge of Plato and Neo-Platonism.

Napi had been created by Gitche Manitou (the Great Spirit) at the beginning of time and Napi then went around creating other creatures.

Aphrodite was reading about Napi and the origins of the first Buffalo as she sat in an old country store in the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada which was just south of Buffalo Lake.

Not far from where she was sitting was the skull of a Demon Buffalo who had emerged from Buffalo Lake the night Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on the evening of April 14th 1865.

The demonically possessed Demon Buffalo was shot and killed by Gabriel Dumont (December 1st 1837- May 19th 1906) the great Métis leader and general and buffalo hunter (considered by Canadian historian George Milner to have been along with Napoleon Bonaparte one of the two greatest military geniuses of the 19th Century) in July 1869.

The Demon Buffalo’s skull eventually wound up in this old country store in Stettler, Alberta.

The date between Loki and Aphrodite came to an end after Aphrodite poured an ice cold cup of Dr. Pepper down the front of Loki’s pants.

After Loki did an impromptu rain dance (which caused a massive snow storm in the area), the Norse trickster god grabbed the Demon Buffalo skull and took it back with him to Havana where it wound up as the head of the Metal Rat robot.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday February 2nd
2020.

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